Chapter 54

"Quinn you look so gorgeous. That dress is perfect," Santana said beaming when Quinn emerged from the bathroom in the hotel suite. "Sam is going to swallow his tongue when he sees you."

Quinn looked down at herself and smiled. The red silk dress hit her mid thigh, exposing her long legs. The plunging neckline showed just the right amount of skin without being too daring. It simply was the perfect dress. Quinn had known it the moment she spotted it in the hotel boutique.

"Let's hope not. I don't want our encounter to end in the ER." If she never saw another hospital again, it would be fine by her. The harsh lighting, the persistent scent of Lysol, the shuffle of crocs against the tile floors, all of those things made Quinn cringe whenever she thought about them.

"True, you both have spent more than enough time in hospitals. I'm so excited for you Quinn," Santana squealed as she flopped down on the couch. "Finally you and Sam are going to be together."

"Slow down Santana, I just want to tell him how I feel about him, nothing more. He's still very married and I respect that."

She had to hold on to the values that once were second nature. Getting involved with a married man was not the right choice for her, even if that man didn't want to stay in his marriage. Quinn had to resist Sam's charm and sexy lips and hold fast to her convictions.

"That marriage is a temporary condition," scoffed Santana. "Once you tell Sam those three little words, he will be running to divorce court. Trust me."

"No he can't do that." Thanks to Dwight, Sam was trapped. They all were.

"Yes he can. Don't go getting all soft again. Remember Mercedes helped put you in the mental hospital."

"Mercedes is not the enemy."

Quinn actually felt a little bad for her. Dwight's sick deal would unknowingly force Mercedes to live a lie with Sam. No woman deserved to feel like an obligation to her husband, Quinn knew the pain of that first hand, after living with Puck during her pregnancy. She had never felt more alone than she did during that time period. Puck wasn't able to hide his contempt or pain very well, and his lack of attention and affection made it clear he was only there for the baby.

"Yes she is. She has what you want, your man, your baby, that scandalously big diamond. She must be eliminated."

When Quinn looked at things that way, Mercedes did seem to have everything Quinn wanted, even if it was based on a lie. Most days Quinn would give anything just to be able to be the one raising Beth with Sam. She had dreamed of that life for so long, even before Beth was born when she still thought Puck was her father, Quinn had wished for a miraculous twist of fate that would let her and Sam become a family. Now the miracle seemed to have happened, but the strings attached were almost too much, choking their chance at happiness and pushing Quinn's dreams aside so that Mercedes could have the life Quinn wanted. Mercedes may not be the enemy, but she sure seemed to be getting the better end of the deal.

"I'm just going to focus on Sam. Where is it exactly that we're going? Look at us, all dressed up, we even got our hair done," said Quinn pushing past her darkening thoughts. She didn't want jealousy to get her down. There were too many months ahead in the deal for her to dwell on things she couldn't have right now.

"You needed that haircut," said Santana pointing at Quinn's head. "You were looking like a hippie."

Quinn ran her fingers through her now shoulder length hair. "Not much opportunity for spa trips upstate."

"I could tell. Your nails were atrocious, not to mention those split ends," chuckled Santana.

"I do feel more confident now that I look better," Quinn admitted standing in front of the full length mirror that hung on one side of the closet door. "I just need to figure out what I'm going to say."

"Think quick, you have about an hour," said Santana from the couch putting on yet another coat of lip gloss.

Quinn looked over at Santana, her suspicions building. "That is the third time you mentioned the time. Are we on a schedule?"

"We just need to get there at the perfect moment. Timing is key."

"Uh huh. What's the deal Santana? Something is up."

"What do you mean? We're going to see Sam," said Santana staring into her small round gold compact still glossing her lips. She must have had five coats on by now. Her mouth looked shellacked.

"You are hiding something. Why can't you look me in the eye?"

"I hate this." Santana sighed dramatically dropping her gloss and compact on the coffee table in front of her.

"What?" Quinn asked, taking a seat in the blue upholstered high back chair across from the couch.

"These attacks of conscience I've been having lately. I think spending more time with Brittany is doing it. She has this way of making me want to be a better person. I can't keep this from you."

"Keep what from me?"

"Okay, well tonight there is a surprise party for Sam." Santana paused. "At the mansion," she added not meeting Quinn's eyes.

"You're taking me to a party? With Dwight?" asked Quinn, starting to hyperventilate a little. The last thing she wanted was to spend the night with Dwight Evans.

"Oh I would never do that to you honey." Santana quickly assured her. "Dwight is not even home. He's off romancing his lady love, Shannon Beiste."

"I told you no one can know I'm back yet. Attending a party just might give that info away. Don't you think?"

"Look Quinn, I know you want to do the right thing and make amends and all that. I get it, but sometimes you need to be a little bit selfish too. You and Sam have been through a lot and you can't keep him hanging. You've got to tell him you love him, tonight, or you just might lose him for good."

"What makes tonight so special? He'll be at a party, I can talk to him later when he's alone." When he's not in a room full of people that hated her.

She needed to work up to things. She couldn't run up to Sam and lay something like this on him. The timing had to be right. Although, if she were being completely honest with herself, she could admit she was slightly nervous about it all. This was new territory with Sam, the first time she was ever going to say 'I love you' to him, seemed too special to say in a rush at a party she wasn't even invited to. Anyone could walk in and disturb them or worse yet overhear. If word of that conversation ever got back to Dwight, she would be shipped back upstate.

"Mercedes is throwing the party, Mr. and Mrs. Evans at their first social event since the accident." Santana rolled her eyes. "That will make quite the statement. I'm sure it will be on page six tomorrow."

"Does the Lima newspaper even have a page six?" Quinn asked sarcastically trying to downplay her rising dread.

The idea of Sam acting like the doting husband in front of everyone they knew made her nauseated, which was completely irrational because Sam had been married to Mercedes since last year and Quinn had dealt with that just fine. Even before Mercedes, Sam had dated Rachel Berry and Quinn had managed to watch them put on PDAs all around town without even batting an eye. Yet now it hurt her, whenever she thought about Sam being with Mercedes, things had changed so much since last year, something had changed inside of her. She didn't want Sam to spend time with someone else, to get to know someone else, she wanted him to be with her, but it wasn't possible.

"Page 6 or page 32, doesn't matter where the story lands in the paper, the problem is it will be printed. Mercedes is going to be painted as the perfect wife and get another notch ahead of you in the minds of the public. Soon everyone will be team Sam and Mercedes, and we don't want that," said Santana.

"There's a Sam and Quinn Facebook page. Not everyone is rooting for Mercedes."

Iley had told her that not everyone viewed her as a villain, as some crazed unfit mother, that destroyed a marriage and almost killed her own daughter. There were people out there that understood that she had lost control, but didn't mean to do any intentional harm. The idea that she had some anonymous supporters somewhere out there in the great unknown was a small comfort for Quinn, a sign that there was a chance that one day maybe others would understand as well.

"I don't care how many fans your page has, you have to face the facts. You are the Angelina in this scenario."

"Angelina got Brad though. That's not so bad." Brad and Angelina had a family and successful careers, the way they came together was less than ideal, but sometimes love crept in inappropriately and unexpectedly, sometimes passion eclipsed sanity and feelings couldn't be ignored.

"She may have the man, but even all these years later half the world thinks she is a man stealing slut for taking poor Jennifer's husband. Do we really want to hear about poor Mercedes for the rest of our days?"

"I can't change the fact he married her Santana."

Things would be so much easier now if he had just signed those divorce papers before the accident, if he hadn't tried to hang on to Mercedes and fight for what seemed like such a lost cause. Quinn stopped herself, realizing that everything happened as it should. One of the most wonderful things about Sam was how he loved with every part of himself and how he stayed committed until the bitter end. Quinn loved that about Sam, his devotion, the steadfastness of his heart. She never wanted him to lose that, not even if it meant they could be together now. She just had to learn to be more patient. They'd get their chance in time.

Santana got up from the couch and went to stand in front of the mirror, examining her short black cocktail dress. "All of his family and friends are invited. They will probably be filling his head with stories about how wonderful his life used to be with Mercedes."

"He was happy with her," Quinn said softly, feeling the sting of tears in her eyes. The fact that he was happily married once shouldn't be making her sad. Quinn hated how her jealousy was bringing up so many selfish feelings within her.

"Come on Quinn. You know that's bull. She hurt him and humiliated him with another man. That marriage was dead in the water. If it weren't for that crash, they would be divorced. The way I see it, Sam is fair game now, time for you to step up and go for what you want."

"I don't even know what I want," Quinn sighed, throwing her head back against the chair.

Her life was so uncertain. She had to think about finding a job, a real place to live, all the basic necessities of life so she could provide for her child. Quinn wasn't quite sure where to begin in this process of getting her life back. She felt like she didn't really know what it meant to be a functioning adult, to have a life truly her own. Quinn had gone from relationship to relationship never having to support herself, never even having her own apartment.

"Yes you do. You're just too afraid to admit it, probably because you think you don't deserve it after what happened with Beth. I know. I've felt the same way. After all the crazy and terrible things I've done in my life, I sometimes feel like I don't deserve anything good, that this is how I am paying for my crimes."

Quinn went over to her friend and hugged her. "That's not true Santana. Everyone deserves a second chance, and you deserve to be happy and loved just like anyone else."

"And so do you Quinn," said Santana, giving Quinn another quick hug, before letting go. "Take your own advice."

"I'm not backing down. I'm not," she added when Santana gave her a skeptical look. "I am going to tell him how I feel."

"Great let's go," said Santana handing Quinn the black hooded evening coat she had purchased earlier at the boutique.

"Just not tonight. I don't want to cause a scene." Quinn reluctantly put on the coat and covered her head with the hood.

"So what if you cause a scene?" asked Santana as she opened the door and peered out into the hallway. "We can just walk into that house, shock the hell out of everyone, and we can announce your return in a big way. Everyone will find out in one swoop."

"I don't know if Sam has told Mercedes I'm home yet. I at least need to touch base with Sam and check on that." Quinn grabbed her sparkly evening bag and gave the room a quick once over, before hitting the lights.

"Screw Mercedes and her feelings. Either she knows or she doesn't. I'm so tired of that self-important little bitch. Did you know she told Puck that he couldn't bring me to the party tonight? She said she didn't want any drama," said Santana in a hushed tone as they walked down the hotel corridor toward the elevators.

"How can she even make a decision like that? You've known Sam longer than she has."

That was another thing she couldn't stand about Mercedes, how she barged in making demands and changing stuff. She'd only been in town for a few years, yet she had managed to cause so much chaos.

"Exactly. But Puck wouldn't go against her. He took her side."

They waited for the elevator to arrive, both glancing around for other guests approaching. So far no one had appeared.

"Well Puck is mesmerized by her. I don't get it," said Quinn as they stepped inside the elevator. She put on her dark glasses and adjusted her hood.

Puck loved Mercedes like family. How had Mercedes managed to ingratiate herself right in the middle of one of the richest families in town? It had to be her experience as a con artist at work.

"Neither do I. He acts like she's some delicate flower, she has him and everyone else fooled."

"Yeah, she has that act down. Behind closed doors she lets her claws out. I've seen them."

Mercedes had hit her once, after the cheating was exposed. Quinn had come to see her to try to explain her side, as if there really was any way to explain sleeping with another woman's husband, but she wanted to try. Mercedes as expected had been less than receptive and had verbally attacked her calling Quinn every variation of the word whore. Things became heated when Quinn defended herself, pointing out Mercedes' less than stellar actions in the situation. Mercedes's verbal assault then turned physical when she slapped Quinn across the face, scratching her cheek with her diamond ring. Quinn hadn't retaliated that day, though she had wanted to rip the hair from Mercedes' scalp, but she didn't want news of a big fight to get back to Puck or Julian, so she kept her temper in check and left.

"See this why we are going to that party tonight. You pull Sam aside and say what you gotta say. I'll distract the little Mrs."

The lobby was bustling with people, so Quinn and Santana quickened their pace as they made their way to the side door that led to a parking lot.

"This is such a bad idea," said Quinn as she stepped outside into the cold night air.

No cameras, no strange men lurking about, the area seemed clear of paparazzi for a change. The news of her return to Lima must not have gotten out yet.

"Come on. I know you want to," said Santana grabbing Quinn's arm and dragging her toward the car. "I can see it in your eyes."

They climbed inside Santana's white Mercedes, beige leather seats, filled with new car smell. Quinn would have to ask Santana how she got her hands on a new car when she didn't even have a job.

"You're right I do want to. Mercedes is in the way of so many things in my life right now, but this she's not. I'm not going to let her be. I'm going to tell Sam how I feel, and to hell with her. She might be the one he has to be with, but I'm going to let Sam know he has options, I'll be waiting for him when he's free."

What would be the harm in telling Sam how she felt? It wasn't cheating or going against Dwight's deal. This was something just between them, nothing she would act on, but something she needed him to know nevertheless.

"That's what I like to hear," Santana said excitedly, as she started the car. "Let's give Sam a birthday he'll never forget." Santana pulled out of the parking lot.

"Actually his birthday's not until tomorrow," said Quinn almost to herself as she leaned back into her seat.

She had been with Sam on his last birthday, not that they actually took the time to celebrate, no one was in the party mood. Sam was still in the hospital recovering from a bad systemic infection, Mercedes had been practically living with him in his hospital room, only going home periodically to shower. Sam had passed out on his wedding day, in true dramatic fashion, so emotions were running high, and all focus was on him. No one had time to notice that Quinn was slowly dying from a loss she felt forced to hide.

Puck was never around, spending most of his time with Sam and Mercedes, so Quinn was left alone to grieve the loss of her baby, the one she had conceived with Puck, the one she miscarried so quickly that she never even had the chance to share the news with Puck. Her mind couldn't handle that according to Dr. Hill, so she had kept the pregnancy going in order to cope. The clinical term might have been hysterical pregnancy, a phantom baby created by her brain, but to Quinn the baby had felt very real. Quinn had even told Puck a couple of weeks prior, and together they had celebrated the happy news, and agreed not to make any announcements until after Sam's wedding. So when she'd gone in for a checkup and was told she wasn't pregnant, all her delusions came crashing down, and she was devastated. She felt like she lost a part of herself, when she was told there was no heartbeat, that her womb was empty. Empty that was the only way to describe it, she felt hollow and worthless, and at the time nothing seemed like it would ever be able to fill her again. Embarrassed, she had started to pull away from Puck, not wanting to tell him that the baby she was supposed to be carrying didn't even exist.

She had been wandering through the halls of the hospital that night, hoping to run into Puck, instead she wandered into him, Sam, surprisingly alone in his hospital room. Julian and Puck had taken Mercedes to get some food, and Sam was not so patiently waiting for his wife to return. Quinn stood back for a bit, just observing him, unsure whether she'd go in to see him. She was pretty bad company in her current mental state, but then Sam had looked up, his eyes bright green against the dark navy of his pajama top, and Quinn couldn't help but smile, probably her first genuine smile in days.

So they sat together, exiled from their loves, still shut out, but no longer alone. As always, they managed to find each other. He held her hand that night, as she sat by his bedside. It had started with a tight squeeze, a physical confirmation of his support and understanding, but instead of releasing her hand, he had held it, intertwining her fingers with his, letting their joined hands fall on his knee. They remained that way, connected, close, as they talked, not realizing the minutes had faded into hours. Then it was midnight, a bell clanged somewhere in the distance, perhaps someone's watch, or an alarm set to alert the nurses of passing time.

It was then Quinn had remembered, staring into his eyes, longing to brush his hair from his face, that it was his birthday, officially with the 12 o'clock hour. Something about being with him at that exact moment, made Quinn stir, perhaps it was nostalgia, maybe her loneliness during Puck's current state of preoccupation, or it could have been something more, that little something that was always there, despite her best efforts to ignore it. Feeling a bit like Cinderella, sitting in the presence of her prince, content and at ease, Quinn let go of his hand, and caressed his cheek. If Sam was startled by her action, he didn't let it show, instead he smiled and leaned into her palm.

"Happy Birthday," she said, only loud enough for him to hear.

He smiled wider at her words, the dimples and creases on his face appearing prominently, the first real smile she had seen from him since the wedding. So taken with that smile, she leaned over and kissed him, soft and sweet, on his faintly stubbled cheek.

"Don't forget to make a wish," she said as she pulled away and settled back into her own seat.

Sam looked down at his lap, saying nothing, but his smile remained. Again something within Quinn stirred, making her pause in an attempt to decipher the feeling. There was something changing inside her, and for the first time since she had found out there was no baby, she felt a step closer to whole, a little less empty. Sam grabbed her hand again, jarring Quinn's focus back to him. He was alerting her to the door opening, and Puck and Mercedes hovering in the doorway of Sam's room, their attention on each other and no on the two of them sitting in the room.

Sam perked up, eager to see his wife, and Quinn's heart inexplicably sank just a little. It had been so nice, just being alone with him, she wasn't quite ready for it to end, for the painful reality of her life to resume. Quinn got up from in her chair, watching Sam as he primped and smoothed down his hair, slowly trying to pull herself together before Puck and Mercedes came in. Then Sam stopped her, grabbing her hand.

"Quinn. Thank you for tonight. I really needed this." He looked down hesitating. "I really needed you," he added when he finally looked up to connect with her eyes.

Quinn searched for the words to convey what she was feeling, to let him know what he had just given her in a few short hours in his hospital room, but as it often happened in her life, especially with him, she couldn't quite articulate her thoughts, all she could do was continue to stare, letting herself fall into those very familiar green eyes. Sam leaned toward her, and Quinn bent closer to his level, anticipating something, though she didn't know what. Things had shifted somewhere in the midst of midnight and sweet kisses. Quinn could tell there was something more about to fall from his lips. But then the door behind them shut and Mercedes and Puck finally entered the room, breaking their spell. Sam dropped her hand, and turned his attention to his wife, leaving Quinn feeling on the brink of empty again.

"Quinn! Quinn!"

"Why are you yelling Santana?" asked Quinn. For a moment she had forgotten where she was.

"I've been calling your name for like five minutes."

"Sorry I was lost in thought."

Outside the window streetlights glowed like torches along the darkened highway, only the shadows of trees were visible. Quinn smiled as she stared out the window, happy to be back in Lima, the one place that ever truly felt like home.

"Oh yeah?" asked Santana quickly looking in Quinn's direction. "Working out your approach with Sam for tonight?"

"Not really. I'm thinking it will just flow naturally."

It had taken years for her to get there, to finally see the amazing person that had been in her life for so long. She couldn't prepare a speech or rehearse fate. All she had to do was be brave and follow her heart, and hope the magic of birthday wishes would do the rest.

(This concludes Tailspin2 - anticlimatic huh? That's because T3 just flows directly from this...so really is more like a volume 2...T2 and T3 work together to form a whole. Now when you get to the end of T3 - you'll feel that closure to this part of the story. Everyone still with me? Tailspin3 will continue right in this same story)