This chapter is way too late, and I'm sorry. I knew what I wanted to write but for some reason I just couldn't write it. I blame it on the teachers who decide to plan 4 presentation in 1 day, and on top of that 5 essay's and 3 tests in the same week. The next four weeks will be pretty busy for me, with test week and all those presentations/tests etc. but after that I'll be free for a long time, so just bear with me these weeks.
TMNT
I was unfamiliar with the feeling, I knew I had experienced it before but it was a memory that was being suppressed by fear. The feeling let me disorientated, confused. I couldn't remember a time when I had felt like that. I knew I had felt it before but I could simply not recall a time when I had actually enjoyed getting a bath. A moment when I could truly relax and close my eyes.
Don led me to the bathroom and did as he promised. He was gentle, he didn't push me, or try to rush me. He was patient with me even though I was taking way too long. I could feel his eyes burning, drilling into my shell but I ignored him. I knew he just wanted to help but I just… couldn't. He offered me, and I would've accepted his help without a doubt, if it wasn't for those people, if it hadn't been for that year.
They strapped me down, made me useless, they were in control. No matter how hard I tried, I wasn't the one in control, they were. Not anymore, I wasn't there anymore but at the same time I wasn't in control. I couldn't walk myself, and yet again I needed to be carried around the lair. I always hated it, but I accepted it because I knew I was too injured to walk through the lair. I knew I was too injured right now, but I didn't care, all that was going through my head was the feeling of finally being in control.
Don was still standing in the door opening, watching my every move. My hands were firmly grasping the sink, trying to get some weight off of my legs, which wasn't much. They never fed me more than necessary and my stomach had shrunk during the year. Leaving me with my own ribs poking at my skin, but not thin enough to be unhealthy. And yet it was clear Donnie was worried about my condition. Even Raph and Leo noticed it.
"Mikey?" Don softly called out, again. My legs were trembling beneath me and my arms were doing everything they could to keep me on my feet. I knew I was being ridiculous, the whole point of me needing to be cleaned was because I walked, tearing my stitched in the meantime, but I just couldn't give up so easily. I needed the control. Raph carried me before when we got here, it was the same situation.
I was too weak to walk but I needed to be moved, and right now I was in the same position. And yet it was different. Maybe it was the dried blood on my leg, maybe it was the water in the tub that made my heart race and maybe it were the exposed wounds on my legs that freaked me out, made me remember them. I let Raph carry, so why couldn't I allow Donnie to help me? I didn't know, I only knew that I had to do this alone. I needed the control.
"I can help you Mikey, you don't need to be ashamed" Don tried to offer but before the words even properly left his mouth I was facing him, my lips curling upwards and another hiss escaping my lips. He didn't show it, he didn't visibly showed the fear but I saw it in his eyes, the change in his stance. He was afraid of me. Tears brimmed in my eyes, my own brother was afraid of me. Because of my actions. Because of what they made me into.
"Just leave me" I whispered and turned around again, taking another stubborn step. Of course he wouldn't leave me alone. My eyes landed on my wrist, that is what happened the last time he left me alone. He wouldn't do it again any time soon. My legs buckled again and before I knew what was happening my leg gave out beneath me, sending me crashing to the floor.
I heard Don cry out my name and rushing over to me but I paid no attention to him. I just had to get up again, I could make it. It was only a few more meters, I could… make it. My arms were the only thing holding me up right now but even those were trembling beneath the little weight I still carried around. My muscles tensed as I felt Donnie nearing me, and I knew what he was going to do. Help me, take away my only control. I wouldn't let him. I hissed again. I didn't want to, I didn't want to be the animal they forced me to be, I wouldn't let them win but only the fact that I had hissed at my older brother made me realize they already succeeded.
"Mikey?" The name felt unfamiliar, almost weird. I slowly gazed towards him, looking at him with anger lacing in my eyes. "You're safe otouto" Don whispered to me and looked at me with big auburn eyes. I couldn't take my eyes off of them. I could see fear in his eyes but still he never left my side. Before I could stop myself tears were once again brimming in my eyes.
"Don't take it away… please" I was vague and I was sure Donnie wouldn't understand what I was referring to, but of course I'd forget how smart he actually was. "I need it" A simple nod came from him and he carefully reached out for me, almost like I would be afraid of my older brother. I could never be afraid of him, I loved him. It were the memories that was messing up my brain at times.
Don muttered something under his breath before he carefully slid his arm behind my shell so he could help me up. I gave him a firm nod, convincing him it was okay and he carefully helped me up, supporting me but not carrying me. A sharp pain shot right through my leg but I ignored it. All that mattered was the control.
TMNT
My brothers never left me alone, they didn't dare to anymore. I wasn't even sure why they didn't want to leave me alone. I knew it had to do with my .. previous action. The one where I had a blade against my wrist, and even though I convinced Leo I wouldn't do it anymore, it was clear he still didn't trust me enough to be left alone. I didn't understand, they left me alone that first time I woke up.
It was an emergency they said, there were people around her house, who were possibly about to hurt April, or her dad. That wasn't the thing that scared me, of course I was scared for April and her dad. I didn't really know her dad apart from the little time he stayed with us at the lair but I was really close with April, almost like a sister, I didn't want her, or her dad, to get hurt but that wasn't my first concern. No, the thing that scared me the most were the people that were sneaking around.
I heard them talk a few hours ago. They thought I wasn't around but even after a year of having been there, I was still a ninja. I had gone to the bathroom, the only reason Raph had left me alone for a few minutes, and I caught their conversation on my way to the bathroom. Leo and Raph had found me a pair of crutches so I could walk around the lair myself, at least without tearing my stitches, or with too much pain for that matter.
But the pain still lingered. My legs trembling beneath me but I wouldn't give in. Leo, Don and Casey were talking with April in the dojo and it sounded serious. It only took a few seconds for me to realize that they were talking about the creeps around April's house. Don had told me about those, and why they had left me alone a few hours back, but he hadn't told me who they were. And apparently he didn't know either.
They hadn't seen who they were, but April had, and had recognized them. And apparently the reason why they hadn't told me was because I knew them too, I had been with them for a full year. They knew April had set me free and they knew her address. They knew where she lived, who her family was, everything about her. And they wanted me back. They came looking for me, they wanted to recapture me, take me away again. And they would hurt April to do so.
Raph found me half an hour later, completely frozen. I didn't know what to do honestly. The only sound I was hearing was the sound of Leo and Don sparring, and Casey occasionally joining them, April had already gone home long ago. I didn't feel like moving, I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't know what to do. Somewhere I already knew they would want me back, I was their most precious experiment as they kindly told me countless of times.
I was going to be the scientific breakthrough. Of course they would want me back but still the thought hit me. They were actually looking for me, tracking down April because they knew she set me free. Casey was with her too, but he wasn't the one who worked at that lab, he wasn't the one they knew. And it wasn't like they could go to the police to get that information, they kept me a secret. They wanted to keep me for themselves. They wanted to take all the credits for discovered god knows what because of me.
I wanted to move, honestly, I just didn't know where to. The lair felt strange, it was my home. The place where I grew up together with my brothers, the place where I had lived for 15 years now. And yet the year of absence made the lair … different. It wasn't my place anymore, not really. My stuff was gone, it wasn't my home anymore. It was their lair. I had nothing to do, what could I do? I didn't know.
Nothing made sense anymore. My usual hot-headed brother wasn't the one I remembered. He didn't have his usual temper anymore, and even sitting in my own room felt weird, strange. My shell was resting against a pillow, keeping me in a half-sitting position. My legs were being supported by soft pillows as well, they eased the burning slightly but it never fully disappeared.
The bed was basically the only thing that was still in its rightful place. The rest of my stuff had been packed in large boxes and all shoved to one side of the room, it was a mess and the room suddenly felt really small. My Bradford cupboard was gone as well, but Raph had told me that one was gone permanently, I didn't care. He was a jerk, and I don't know if I could stand looking at him right now, he looked too much alike.
"Ya doing okay over there?" Raph's voice suddenly cut through my thoughts. I huffed slightly and fought the urge to roll with my eyes. He had spent around 10 minutes to make me comfortable and not even minutes afterwards he starts asking me how I was doing. Can't lie, my legs were burning like hell but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. Besides I didn't want to take the risk of Donnie having to ease my pain with even more drugs. I was already hating on the small dose he gave me while stitching my leg back up.
I gave my older brother a nod but didn't open my mouth. Raph didn't seem convinced but returned to the stacked boxes nevertheless. My small TV was already back in place, including a few posters on the wall but my room still felt like a stranger to me. The boxes stacked in my room needed to be unpacked again, if I wanted to sleep in my room properly. I was just glad Raph had offered to help because I wouldn't have been able to do so myself.
"Raph?" I softly called out when he moved towards my bed, placing on of the boxes on top of it. He glanced up to me for a second before opening the box and reaching in. "Why did you pack my stuff?" Raph seized his moments for a moments, staring at the photo in his hands. He sighed and threw the photo towards me. I picked the photo up with confusion, looking at it. I knew this picture, this one used to be in Raph's room.
I felt my chest tighten slightly, it was a picture of Leo, Don and me, before that faithful night. I was at the right bottom of the picture, with my face very close to the camera and a bright smile on my face. Don and Leo were a little more behind. Don had his right arm over Leo's shoulders and was waving at the camera with the older, wearing a smile as well while Leo was smirking at the camera, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Imagine seeing the person you have lost everywhere around the lair. Everywhere you go you see the smile of the one you loved." Raph stopped for a second and looked at me. "None of us handled your death very well Mikey, and while we didn't want to throw these away, we couldn't stand looking at them, so we all stacked it in your room" Raph explained to me and while he wasn't tearing up or crying I could see he was hurting by saying those words.
"M'Sorry" I mumble, not really knowing what else to say. It was my fault after all they had suffered all these months. Because of my foolish behavior that night. If I had just gone to my room, or had done something else instead I wouldn't have bugged Leo, and he wouldn't be angry, angry enough to allow me topside alone. It was an unspoken rule never to go topside alone, something we'd broken often, but that night it proved fatal.
"Ya have nothin' to be sorry for" Raph said with a distant voice and reached for the box once more, taking out a stack of photo's. Some were still in their photo frame but others were without. He placed them next to me and picked the first one. Unconsciously I reached for another framed photo and swallowed when I saw which one it was.
It was a large frame including two pictures underneath each other. The upper one was us as tots. We were around 6 years old I guess and dad found us some paint. Of course we weren't about to paint the paper, instead we turned to each other. Leo and Raph soon started to wrestle with each other, trying to paint each other as much as possible, and while they did so I secretly pained pink hearts on Raph's shell, while Donnie stood by laughing.
The next photo was us in the tub. Leo sitting at the end and Raph's shell facing his plastron, Leo was trying to rub off the paint from Raph's shell and smiling while Raph was glaring at me. Donnie was helping me with getting the paint of and I was holding a small yellow duck. It was mine, I could still remember him but I was offering it to Raph because I knew he was angry with me.
He eventually accepted it and forgave me, but of course he got me back the next day. It was dad's favorite picture and he always had it in his room. He loved the picture but he had stacked it in the box.
"He still tried y'know? Keeping the picture" Raph said, not taking his eyes off his own pictures. "It was a week after we stacked everything here when he too gave the picture away. He didn't want to show but I could hear him sobbing in yer room, at first I didn't know what he was doing but the next day he hadn't come out to train us and I checked on him, only to see that the picture was gone"
With shaky hands I returned the frame, and Raph accepted gratefully, putting it at the other side of my bed. We continued to unpack all the boxed in my room. He did the carrying while I unpacked the things inside the boxes. They had been really careful with everything. All the stuff that had come from my room was all packed in separate boxes from the things that weren't from my room.
It took us a few hours to set everything back in my room on the rightful place, apart from the Bradford cupboard, that was gone forever. We made separate stacks of pictures and stuff that needed to go somewhere else. One stack for Raph's room, one for Leo's, one for Don's, one for dad and of course things that used to be around the common room. I smiled when I was done, my room was finally looking like my room again.
It was around 9 in the evening when we were both done but none of us felt like moving. I was still on my bed with my old T-pod currently in use. Donnie had upgraded it while I was gone, in fact he had done it that night. And music was currently sounding through my whole room. I didn't feel like doing anything at all so I just lay there, humming along with the song slightly while Raph was sitting against the wall. My legs were placed on top of his lap and he was reading a comic book, but I could see him looking from time to time.
I looked up in surprise when Raph's phone suddenly rang. My older brother seemed as surprised as I am and picked up his t-phone. He frowned slightly and pressed his hand against his other ear, like he was trying to block out the noise in this room. Immediately I turned off the music and looked with horror as Raph's face paled. I wanted to open my mouth to ask who it was when a terrified scream came from the other end of the line.
ApriI.
TMNT
Sweat was trickling down my face, streaming down onto the ground. My chest was heaving, trying to take in my precious oxygen but my body was refusing to do so. My eyes were narrowed, and my stance ready to attack if my opponent would attack. I was watching him, waiting for him to do something but what happened next was something I didn't expect. The swords lowered and he stood up, tension leaving his body.
"That's enough for now Don" He told me, not exactly in a leader-tone but it wasn't something that was supposed to be argued with, and yet I did. I kept my bo-staff pointed at him, my eyes narrowing even more.
"I'm not tired, attack me" I retorted, trying to hide the continuous heaving of my chest. He however didn't attack me, he just stood there, watching me with the same narrowed eyes I was giving him at the moment. From the corner of my eyes I could see Casey looking at me with a confused look on his face but I ignored him, I wasn't tired. And if Leo wasn't going to attack, I would.
Leo's eyes went wide when I suddenly started running towards him, my staff pointed towards him and ready to attack him. My legs felt heavy but I ignored the feeling. I wasn't tired, I could still continue. I twirled my staff around, trying to hit him but to my surprise he wasn't there anymore, I didn't even saw him moving. I blinked and turned around, only to see Leo standing behind me with a worried look on his face.
"Attack me I said!" I growled and raised my staff above my head, Leo took this as an advantage and used the hilt of his sword to hit me in my plastron. I doubled over and dropped my staff on the ground, clutching my pounding plastron and started wheezing. Leo then did a round kick, taking away my legs and making me land on the ground with a hard thud. Before I could stand up again a sword was pointed at my face, and a worried looking Leo glancing down at me.
"What were you thinking Don? I said training was over" He said but there wasn't any anger in his voice, just concern and yet he kept his sword pointing at me. It wasn't until tears appeared that he lowered his sword. "Casey could you leave us alone for a second?" Leo calmly asked but not taking his eyes off of me. I did the same, never taking my eyes off of him as I listened to Casey's disappearing footsteps.
The swords of Leo clattered on the ground and he walked over to me, sitting down next to me. My little fight only made my breathing worse. I was wheezing and every breath left me unsatisfied. I needed more, I couldn't get enough. My plastron was rising and falling and I started to feel light-headed due to the oxygen loss. Leo put a gentle hand on my shell, softly rubbing it to help me.
"What happened Don?" Leo whispered, still rubbing my shell. I moaned slightly and leaned into his touch, letting my head rest against his plastron. He immediately understood and put his arm around my shoulder, bringing me even closer and trying to sooth me by rubbing his arm up and down my arm. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to get rid of the tears that were brimming in my eyes, but the only thing is did was force the tears down my cheeks.
He nudged me slightly as he noticed I wasn't answering. I couldn't tell him, could I? I needed it, I needed the distraction. Every moment I wasn't distracted memories of Mikey flashed through my head. He would never hurt me, I knew he wouldn't but he terrified me. The look in his eyes when I approached him.. it wasn't Mikey, it was a wild animal. They turned him into an animal, there was an animal in his body, which Mikey was trying to suppress but was failing miserably.
"I'm … so happy Mikey's back L-Leo.. I just can't stand seeing him like this. They turned him into a wild animal" I spoke with a distant voice. "He's fading right under our noses, even if he doesn't notices himself, he w-won't be the same ever again. They tortured him too much L-Leo. He's already gone" Tears were now leaking down my face while Leo had me tightly pressed against his body.
"They'll pay Don, they won't live. And Mikey will be okay, you'll see" He sounded so sure, so confident. Like he knew everything was going to be okay. Almost like he knew that Mikey would be bouncing around the lair within a few days. He would be laughing and pranking us again like he would always do, like it was before he got kidnapped, truth was, this wasn't going to happen. I choked on a sob and reached for the bandages around my left arm, slowly unwrapping them.
Leo shifted slightly and looked at me while I was carefully unwrapping the bandages around my arm. I was honestly surprised he hadn't noticed them before. We all wore them, but never this long, or this much. I hesitated for a second before taking off the last layer. Leo gasped next to me, putting his hand on top of his mouth. I looked away and showed him my arm.
"He bit me Leo"