Chapter 2

Fingertips trailing the edge of the shelves as she made her way down the aisle, fluorescent lights blared down on her and the piped in music was extra loud, the store was comfortable, not quite cold, not quite warm, a tolerable mixture of the two that often happens when air conditioning and heat meet. The store was fairly empty for almost 7pm on a Friday night, everyone must have been enroute to the start of the weekend or already cozy at home with family.

Quinn was envious of those people with plans and a home. She had no place to be, no real destination, besides her hand me down hotel room that Sam had let her use. It was embarrassing how unable she was to take care of herself. If it weren't for Sam she would have been forced to call her parents and ask for help. Things shouldn't be like this at her age, and definitely not now that she was a mother. What if Beth had been in her custody right now? Where would they have lived? How would she have afforded to feed her or take care of her? A voice in the back of her head reminded her that she didn't really have to ever worry about money when it came to Beth, Sam had the means to provide a great life for her, but that responsibility shouldn't have to be solely on Sam's shoulders. She needed to be able to stand on her own and provide for her daughter without having to rely on Sam. What if Sam decided to turn his back on her, push them aside to focus on his other family? Sam wanted a family with his wife, what if he decided to give her up in order to be with Mercedes? Just as he told Mercedes he would the night of the car crash.

Although after last night, Quinn had no reason to think such things. Sam had made it clear where his heart was, that he wanted a future with her and Beth. It had been Quinn that had ultimately pushed him away, encouraging him to go home and get to know Mercedes. She still was confident that was the right choice, she didn't want to start a relationship with Sam based on secrets and lies. They had to just abide by the terms of Dwight's deal for the specified duration and then after it was over, they could start something real, but Santana had started to fill her with doubts, scaring her with the idea that Sam was probably feeling rejected and off licking his wounds with his nurse. That did seem like Sam, impulsive, reckless, he tended to mask the pain with something else, or someone else, rather than deal with it. That's not what Quinn wanted for Sam. She wanted him to understand that she felt like what they had was strong enough to endure anything, and that was why she wanted to do the right thing for once, Quinn knew they could withstand the wait, but if Sam hadn't taken her words that way and if he was thinking that she didn't really care, well the thought of that was unbearable.

After all these months waiting for him to come back, she couldn't let him believe that she didn't want him. She had to make it clear to him, she had to explain what she felt inside. Easier said than done. Quinn had never been great with expressing her emotions, especially not with Sam. He had always been so open with her, so quick to spill his heart, staring at her with his deep green eyes, it had always made Quinn feel flustered and uneasy, that pressure to be the person he wanted, to say the right words. To this day, she hadn't conquered this hurdle with him. She had never actually told him all the things she felt about him, all the ways she cared. That all would change tonight. Quinn was finally forcing herself to be brave.

How long had she been in the store daydreaming? Santana was outside waiting in the car, the gas running in case they needed to make a fast getaway. Santana had feared the paparazzi would spot Quinn and surround her with their mics and cameras. Quinn wasn't as concerned. No one knew she was out of the hospital, so there would be no reason for the media to be following Santana's car to small supermarket on the edge of downtown. Not that they really needed to stop at all. Quinn just wanted a moment to catch her breath away from Santana's constant chatter about destined love and bearing of souls. She needed to regain her composure to keep herself from leaping from the car and running back to the hotel. So she had made up an excuse that she wanted to get Sam a birthday present, even though Santana had insisted that it was a gift free event.

Once inside the store, Quinn slowly walked each aisle just enjoying the fact that she could do so without orderlies following at her heels, without the fear of someone coming to drag her back to her room, a little piece of freedom, hers to savor. She couldn't stay in the store forever, no matter how tempted she was, she had to find something to pass off as a birthday present. A box of Hershey bars? Sam loved chocolate. A simple card with a handwritten note? No, too personal in case it fell into Mercedes' hands. A scented candle and a picture frame? Three strikes, all of those choices were bad. Then it hit her, the perfect gift, if the store actually managed to have it in stock.

Quinn spun on her heels with a smile in the middle of the aisle, rushing toward the back of the store, her open black coat breezing behind her. Past the candy, racing by the chips, through the cereal and breakfast foods, to the left of the toiletries and then – She stopped dead in her tracks, still, almost holding her breath as she stared at the shelves. Rows of baby items, diapers, formula, baby food, and toys, stuffed bears snuggled against rattles and teething rings, all lined up in silent condemnation. These were things she didn't need to buy, not now, no knowledge of when. It slapped her in the face, hard and abrupt, like an open palm, she wasn't really a mother, not really, not beyond the biology.

She picked up a can of formula, reading the label. Quinn didn't even know if this was the kind Beth drank. Was she allergic to it? Did she only drink soy? And what size diapers did she wear? She was so much bigger when she last saw her, she could only imagine how big she must be now. Quinn closed her eyes after setting the can back on the shelf imagining the weight of her baby in her arms, the feel of her head against her shoulder, struggling to remember her sweet baby scent. She was fading from her, she was losing her, her Beth was becoming nothing more than a two-dimensional photograph flashed on the screen of a phone, she was becoming less real to her and soon she would be gone.

"Can I help you find something miss?" A voice asked from behind her.

Quinn pulled herself to the present and focused in on the brown haired store clerk next to her. He was young, probably in his teens, skinny, with braces.

Quinn whipped off her dark glasses, feeling foolish for still having them on inside. "No thank you. I'm finding everything I need."

"Okay. Let me know if you need any help," said the boy, already walking away from her down the aisle.

Quinn turned her head back toward the shelves again, letting her mind drift, the labels swirling in front of her, like a rainbow, the colors running together like tears. She'd been to this store before, one night last year. Beth was barely 2 months old, so young and defenseless, small, her face often an angry pink whenever she looked at her. She never would stop crying, if she came near her, touched her, spoke to her, her little body would squirm and she'd scream. She couldn't console her, she wasn't who Beth wanted.

A pillow over her head muffled Beth's screams from the small crib next to her bed. Coach B had set up the room so she would have easier access to Beth, so she would have to climb the stairs less, to make things better. Instead Quinn had felt trapped, stuck in a room with a screaming baby that hated her. Coach B could get her to calm down, she would coo contently, fall asleep in her arms. And Mercedes, Beth always liked her better, she gave her first smile to her, as if she knew she was the one that helped bring her into the world. But she was her mother, so that bond should have been the strongest of all, and it wasn't.

Quinn had tried to breastfeed, wanting to give her baby the best nutritional start, and Beth had rejected her milk, she didn't even want that from her own mother, as if she knew somehow that nothing good could come from inside her. Feeding with the bottles went better, she'd let her hold her and feed her, but once the bottle was empty, the crying would resume. Coach B implored her to relax, told her it was just new mother nerves, but why had it all come so easily for Mercedes? Mercedes had eased into the role of mother without hesitation or flaw. Nerves weren't the problem, Quinn was. So one night, the sky filled with flurries, she drove thirty minutes from Coach B's house to the store, to stand in the very spot she was in right now, to stare dry eyed at the baby products. Quinn hadn't known how much time had elapsed, until an alarm sounded on her phone alerting her to Beth's next feeding time. It was then she realized, two hours had passed, and Beth was alone, at the house.

Quinn sped like a NASCAR driver back to the house, running every light, ignoring stop signs. She could hear his screams from the driveway. No one had come home and the next door neighbor Mrs. Calloway was at the door. She'd heard the cries for over an hour, and was concerned, was about to call for help. Colic, Quinn had told her calmly, assuring her she had it under control before letting herself inside and leaving Mrs. Calloway on the stoop.

Beth was red, she'd thrown up all over himself, and her diaper had leaked all over the crib. She quieted down when she lifted her, holding her in her arms, but not too close. She didn't like her, she didn't want to upset her even more. Clean and fed Beth fell asleep as she rocked her in the chair, holding her as far from her body as she could. The solution was not to touch her, she had determined that day. She wouldn't cry if she kept her distance, so she did from then on. It was only after therapy and medication that she realized how flawed her thinking was, and that she had done her baby so much harm during that awful time. She didn't hate her, she needed her, she was searching for the same bond, the same connection she was, and by being distant she had left her feeling abandoned and unloved. She was back now to make that right, but how was she going to do that when a part of her still felt like Beth might be better off without her? The medicine hadn't cured her of those feelings, and she was starting to fear nothing would.

Tonight was about Sam. If she could get the courage to tell him how she felt, maybe then she could tell him all the rest too. Tell him about her fears, and her pain, and about what it all caused her to do. Maybe if Sam knew, he could help her find a way to get closer to Beth, help her find a way to make her baby love her again. In the next aisle she found Sam's gift, unbelievably in stock, just one, as if it were meant for her to buy. She smiled, cradling it in her arms, the way she wanted to hold Beth and Sam. Soon, she assured herself. Soon she would find her way back to both of them.

On her way to the front of the store, walking swiftly, her excitement about seeing Sam building, a familiar voice made her falter, and trip over her feet slightly.

"Here they are sir," a female voice said. Quinn leaned against the display at the end of the aisle, gripping the cardboard sign of the instant soup mix display.

"Is this all the protein shakes you have? Do you have the organic ones?" the customer asked.

It was Julian. Quinn didn't even have to look to make sure, she knew his voice anywhere. Hoping she was somehow mistaken, she peeked down the aisle anyway, to spot Julian in green scrubs and his brown leather jacket, running his hand over the top of his head as he spoke to the store clerk.

"Sorry sir. You might try our bigger store on the north side, or online."

"Thanks. I'll just take these two cases for now. I'm sure I can order what I need through the hospital." Quinn continued to watch as Julian picked up one case and balanced it in his arms, before grabbing another.

"Are you a doctor?" asked the clerk. She was clearly flirting, sticking out her chest, hoping to make herself more attractive through her brown store smock.

"Did the scrubs give me away?" Julian was being friendly. Quinn could detect a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

"I hope you're not tryin' to bulk up. From what I can tell you got a hot bod for your frame," giggled the clerk as she reached out and squeezed one of Julian's forearms.

Quinn's mouth dropped in shock. That woman actually was fondling Julian in the aisle. She was on duty. Whatever happened to professionalism?

"Uh..thanks. They are not for me."

Quinn couldn't tear her eyes away, moving a bit more into the aisle so she could hear them better.

"For your wife?" asked the clerk stroking her dirty blond ponytail.

"No. Not married. Look I'm on call so better get to the register." Julian started walking down the aisle, the clerk right behind him. Quinn eased back out of sight as they approached.

"Single doctor buying protein shakes. I'm intrigued. What's your story? Care to enlighten me over drinks?"

This woman won't give up. Quinn banged her hand on the shelf beside her in annoyance. Two cans of soup teetered before falling off the edge. Quinn scrambled to catch them, but she wasn't fast enough, and they both hit the floor with a metallic thud.

"What was that?" asked Julian.

"Something fell at the end of the aisle. I better go check."

Oh God! Quinn panicked in her mind, she scurried to the next aisle praying that Julian wouldn't spot her. No such luck. Quinn saw Julian and the store clerk turning down the aisle she had retreated to. She picked up speed, running to the end of the aisle, hoping they only saw the black blur of her coat, when she collided into something hard. A muscular chest and a pair of strong arms became her fortress.

"What's the rush? Big sale in the next aisle?" he asked, laughing lightly.

She shoved him in front of her, using his body to block her from sight.

"Don't move," she whispered, peeking around his large frame to see if Julian and the clerk had spotted her. They were still at the end of the aisle, perhaps she was in the clear.

He looked over his shoulder, toward Julian and the clerk. "Oh I get it now. Trying to keep a low profile."

"It's fine now. I'm sorry I accosted you like that."

"I'm not complaining," he said checking over his shoulder again. "But don't you think I deserve a better greeting?"

Quinn looked up at him confused by his question. She started to respond but before she could get the words out, he pulled her against him and captured her mouth in a kiss.

"So how are you and Beth doing? All settled in for the night?" asked Kurt, leaning back against the door he just closed.

"Why did you rush Marcel out of here just now?" asked Sam ignoring Kurt's questions.

"What?" Kurt ran his hand through his brown hair, turning his back on Sam as he put the garment bag on the bed, before fiddling with some toys on a wall mounted shelf. "Marcel had to go. He had an emergency."

"He didn't seem in a hurry to me." Marcel had actually seemed like he was lingering, like he wanted to tell Sam something more. Then Kurt appeared and the nurse's demeanor changed. He couldn't escape the room fast enough.

"I'm sure he didn't want to be rude. You know how Europeans are. All about the manners," Kurt chuckled, still refusing to face Sam.

"You're hiding something." Sam shifted his attention to Beth for a moment, he was still playing in his chair, making sounds and drooling, lost in the blissful oblivion of childhood.

"Me?" he laughed nervously. "No way. I've got nothing to hide. If I were a book, I'd be a tell all."

"How about saying that to my face?" Sam tried to control the edge that had crept into his voice. Remaining calm was his best hope of getting anywhere with Kurt. Easier said than done, however, Sam couldn't shake the feeling that Kurt was being evasive.

Kurt slowly turned around, and leaned against the shelf. His eyes narrowed, and his body tensed. "Okay you got me. There's something I need to say."

"And that is?" asked Sam, taking one last look down at Beth before turning himself on the bed so he could face Kurt completely.

"It's about you and Mercedes and what I walked in on tonight."

Sam took a deep breath. Is that what he wanted to talk about? Sam had hoped Kurt was going to explain to him about the significance of snow. "That was nothing Kurt."

"Didn't seem that way to me. Your hand was up her dress and you were inches away from kissing her."

So graphic. Did he take a photo? So Kurt caught him and Mercedes in a close moment, it was no big deal. It wasn't like they were naked.

"It wasn't what you think," Sam said almost dismissively. He didn't want to be rude, but he had more important things going on his mind than this.

"Oh so you weren't trying to get some easy ass from a girl that you know worships you?"

"Kurt! You're completely out of line." Sam couldn't believe that Kurt was even going there. They had managed not to bring it up the whole car ride. It had to be written up in the guy code somewhere that comments about mistakenly witnessed intimate events are strictly prohibited. If it wasn't, it should be.

"We're both adults here. Let's keep it real."

"I don't have to explain what I do with my wife to you."

All of this was seriously starting to tick him off. He got blasted by Mike about Quinn and now his little cousin was giving him hell about Mercedes. He had been doing what they all wanted, spending time with Mercedes, but somehow even that was wrong. There was no winning with his family, if he didn't react exactly as they wanted him to, he was defective somehow.

Kurt shook his head, his face with a smile that held no joy. "So you're claiming her as your wife now? Interesting. Just last week you told me you were feeling things for Quinn."

"Things changed. Mercedes and I have found some common ground." Sam wished he had kept his mouth shut about Quinn and his feelings, too many people knew now and they were clearly holding it against him. He was a complete idiot to believe that his family would understand about his confusion and about the feelings within him he couldn't control.

"In your lap?"

Sam started to squirm feeling suddenly warm. Kurt's rush of questions and his unrelenting stare were starting to unnerve him. Sam wasn't used to Kurt being so forceful and direct. Kurt was the fun loving one, always with a smile and a kind word. Tonight his cousin was showing an entirely different side, something Sam had never seen before. Yet another thing he must have missed in the time he lost.

"She was upset. I was comforting her. Okay?"

That's all it ever was with Mercedes, ever since he was in the hospital. She'd come to him with big brown tear filled eyes and he would find himself inexplicably scrambling to make things better for her, even when he had no clue what was wrong. Now he knew with absolute certainty that the pain displayed in her eyes, that kicked him so completely whenever he saw it, was there because of him. How else could he respond to something like that? He had to make her feel better, take her in his arms, offer her some relief. What choice did he have?

"Not okay," Kurt said, finally moving away from his perch against the shelf. "I think you're full of shit." He lowered his voice when he said the word "shit", looking over at Beth who was still playing in her little seat making low pitched baby sounds. "I don't think you care about Mercedes at all."

"Of course I care. I told you before I didn't want to hurt her."

He'd been over this before with Kurt. He wasn't out to get Mercedes, things were just screwed up. Sam hadn't asked to be married to someone he didn't know, he woke up stuck in that predicament. He was just trying to deal with it all the best way he could. He had thought Kurt had understood that after their last conversation.

"And I told you to let her go so that wouldn't happen, but it seems to me you didn't take my advice seriously."

"Why don't you say what you really mean Kurt?" asked Sam. His cousin was accusing him of something but was hesitating about saying the actual words, holding back, his face turning a shade of red.

"What exactly did I walk in on today?" Kurt asked through his teeth, his anger evident as he paced the length of the room, the fabric of his dark gray trousers swishing with each pass.

"Mercedes was just showing me around the house." What did he expect a play by play? It was just going to be a kiss. Nothing more.

"And the tour ended in the bedroom?" asked Kurt, pausing to survey him with one raised eyebrow.

God! It was a moment of weakness. No one was supposed to see it. All he wanted was one moment with her, a quick indulgence, and then he would have returned to a respectable distance. He should have known it was a bad idea, nothing ever worked out simply in his world. Now he had a witness to it all. What if it got back to Quinn? How would he explain being alone in the bedroom with Mercedes? Not that he really had to explain, Quinn had wanted him to go to the house and talk to Mercedes, so really Quinn had made this all happen. Ok that was complete bull, and Sam knew it. Quinn would be hurt by this, even if she did want to be just his friend. Sam remembered the tears in Quinn's eyes when she had discovered the wedding band around his neck. How would she react when she saw the ring on his finger?

"Back off Kurt it's between me and Mercedes." Anger started to build inside of Sam. Kurt's meddling was making something fairly innocent seem like some seedy crime. He didn't have to explain himself when it came to his actions with his wife. Even if their marriage felt like nothing more than a sham, they still had a right to privacy.

"I'll back off as soon as you look me in the eye and promise you're not screwing around with her head. Tell me you aren't only pretending to feel something for her when you really don't."

"I'm not getting into this with you." He didn't owe Kurt any explanations. Anyone else he would have told to fuck off by now, followed by a punch to the jaw, but with Kurt it was different, he knew this was all coming from a good place. His cousin cared about Mercedes, that was clear, but it didn't change the fact that this was none of his business

"Just be straight with me. I know how you feel about Quinn, so what were you doing with Mercedes? Were you just using her or what?"

"Yes I was." Sam spat out at Kurt, his eyes narrowing, a smirk on his face. "Mercedes was there and willing and throwing herself at me, her body squeezed into those tight little shorts and that barely there shirt, so how could I say no?" Sam crossed his arms over his chest, watching Kurt's reaction.

Kurt looked up, his surprise shifting to a frown when he realized Sam was mocking him. "I'm being dead serious with you Sam and you're playing around."

"Come on Kurt," said Sam, his voice softening. "I wouldn't just use Mercedes. You know me better than that."

"I thought I did. But now…"

"I'm still the same guy," said Sam, cutting him off.

"I think you might have changed." Kurt bit his lip, hesitating before he spoke. "The Sam I knew wouldn't be making moves on one woman after spending the night before with another."

"What are you talking about? I didn't spend the night with anyone." Deflect and deny, those were his only choices at this point. He had to find a way to save this sinking ship he was on.

Kurt held up his hand, halting the excuses Sam had planned to spill, on the tip of his tongue. "Don't bother lying. I know you spent the night with Quinn."

Sam's eyes widened in shock. He was completely stunned. "How the hell do you know about that?"

"So what's the plan Sam? Do them both and the one that's best between the sheets wins?

Sam opened his mouth to speak, but then quickly closed it. There were no words in the English language that could save him. His mind started searching for explanations in French or Gaelic, even Navi, but he was drawing a blank. If only he had paid more attention during his lessons with his tutor as a kid, he would know how to say 'totally screwed' in French right now.

"What makes you think I spent the night with Quinn?" asked Sam slowly.

"Mike. He called me and asked me how Cede was doing after hearing about Quinn. Of course, I had no idea what he was talking about. So he filled me in on everything."

Damn Mike and his big mouth. His brother had been itching to rat him out the whole time. All that crap about being on his side, all lies, he had called Mercedes earlier probably to blast him and when he couldn't get through to her he went to Kurt.

"Mike had no right to say anything to you. He doesn't even know what happened last night."

Kurt just shook his head, clearly not believing anything Sam said. "How can you do this to her? She's devoted her life to you. And Quinn? You two have been friends for so long. She trusts you. Does she know that you got out of bed with her and ran straight to Mercedes?"

"Hold up Kurt. You're getting things all wrong. You don't know the whole story."

"I know enough. You were so desperate to see Quinn that you threw your money around and got a conjugal visit with her."

So this is what it felt like to fall off a pedestal, Sam could actually see the disappointment and disgust in Kurt's eyes. His whole life only one person looked up to him, saw him as a worthwhile human being, and now thanks to his father's deal he was about to lose that.

"Did Mike tell you that?" It would be just like his brother to jump to some x-rated conclusion about how he spent his time in the hotel with Quinn. Although after giving her that major kiss in the back of Mike's car, Sam could hardly blame his brother for filling in the blanks so explicitly.

"He didn't have to," said Kurt coldly. "I know how to read between lines really well."

"Did you tell Mercedes any of this?" Everything would be ruined if Mercedes found out about this. No way would she stay married to him if she knew he was alone in a hotel room with Quinn all night.

Kurt took a deep breath, and ran his hand through his dark hair. "Not yet. I'm not really in a rush to tell my friend that her husband slept with another woman last night."

"I didn't sleep with Quinn and you've got to keep this to yourself." Sam looked down at Beth before getting up from the bed to stand in front of Kurt. He had to find a way to make his cousin understand that his discretion was imperative. "I need to be the one to tell her. I swear I'll handle it as soon as I can."

Kurt wasn't budging. He pulled his phone from his pants pocket and started tapping the screen. "I think you've had your chance to do right by her and you failed. She needs to find out from someone that cares."

"Why are you turning on me Kurt? We're family," said Sam grabbing Kurt's arm to get him to stop trying to contact Mercedes.

"I defended you to her," Kurt said loudly pulling his arm away. Sam stepped back, a bit stunned by Kurt's outburst. His cousin rarely raised his voice for any reason. "Kept assuring her that you were a faithful guy, that your night with Quinn was a fluke, but I guess I had you all wrong." Kurt's eyes darted over to Beth, as if he had momentarily forgotten the baby was in the room. "Barely back a month and you're already cheating on her again," he said now in a quieter tone.

Sam sighed, running hands through his cropped hair, tugging on chunks roughly, somehow praying that pulling his hair would make the situation better. "Things are complicated right now. Everything is hanging in this delicate balance. I've got to take care of Beth, Quinn's depending on me, then there's Mercedes expecting so much, and I can't do it all Kurt. They're all looking at me for answers, to make things right, to give them back their lives. How the hell am I supposed to be the hero? I don't know what the hell is going on in my own head half the time. One wrong step and I could mess things up for everyone."

It all came down to him, an immense pressure on his shoulders weighing him down, trapping him in a place of indecision and confusion. His father's twisted little plot had changed everything, causing him to make decisions that he probably wouldn't have made otherwise. Yet as sadistic as it was, there were also positives, not that he'd ever admit that to his father, but the deal he made had created a few interesting developments.

Quinn had been genuinely happy when he'd gotten her released from the hospital. Her smile illuminated her face, casting her in gold, making her skin seem like it shimmered in the light. She had wound her fingers so tightly with his that it felt like they shared one hand. It hadn't escaped Sam's attention that Quinn was so comfortable with him, touching him, sitting close and of course the kissing. Her beautiful green eyes sparkled as they tracked him across the room, her cheeks flushed pink every time he had said her name, she shivered when he drew her close, and held her in his arms. Quinn was plenty happy to see him, and even though she hadn't responded when he told her he loved her, her actions were pretty clear, since after that, the night had taken a sexy turn. Until she saw the wedding band around his neck and he had been forced to tell her about the deal, but before all of that she was happy, with him, Sam would bet his life on it.

The other side of this was Mercedes, the woman everyone thought he was supposed to be with, the one he didn't really know. Her sadness continued to haunt him, even as he actively tried to block her out. There was no escape from her, from how she looked at him, her sweet face, her wide eyes, filled with eager hope and love. Open and unabashed, that love in her eyes, she never tried to shield it from him, despite the tears, or the pain. He'd seen it in her eyes since he came out of the coma. He didn't understand it then, tried to dismiss it, but deep down he knew what he was seeing. Something he had searched for his whole life, someone that loved him completely. Now it seemed like he finally found it, in the brown eyes of a stranger.

With his father playing God with his life, forcing him to choose between Quinn's freedom and Mercedes's pain, he'd unearthed something he never thought possible, within this crazy reality he woke up in with secrets, missing time, a new baby, and a wife, that there was also something more. A chance to finally renew the deep connection he shared with Quinn when they were in high school, the possibility that she wanted to finally be with him, to be a part of his life in every way. Hope for that future he'd always wanted with her. He'd glimpsed it last night in the hotel with Quinn, for a moment they were both there, hearts in the same place. It was an amazing gift, almost too good to believe, if it weren't for the fact he already had a wife.

A wife that truly loved him, she was his dream fully realized, in the flesh, actual and present. She was more than his fantasies of being with Quinn, she was solid, complete, not featherweight and fleeting like hope. She was real. Mercedes had taken care of him, loved him, and waited for him all of these months, even after all he'd done to hurt her, still she remained. Her face held no recollection, every smile, every expression, was a new wonder, another answer to her mystery. He didn't know her, this little chubby cheeked, doe eyed woman he had married, but he wanted to. The need to figure her out was starting to build inside him, a slow smolder that was getting increasingly hard to ignore. She was creeping into places he had tried to block, breaking through his walls, and permeating his defenses. How could he convince Quinn to start a life with him when his mind was being clouded by thoughts of this other woman?

"Hey take it easy Sam. What's going on?" asked Kurt, moving closer, concerned.

Guess it was obvious he was freaking out. He didn't want to make Kurt any more suspicious, so he turned his back, giving himself time to regain his composure. Sam pulled the baby bag on the bed closer to him, pulling out a slip of paper from an outside pocket.

"It's nothing," Sam mumbled, trying to seem preoccupied with the paper in his hand. "I'm fine. I have to do tummy time."

"Tummy time?" Is that some code word you and Quinn worked out?"

"No. It's on the list," said Sam holding up the note Mercedes had written him so Kurt could see.
"Bonding with your daughter – tummy time," Sam read out loud. "What's that?"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Oh God. Cede and her lists."

"So I take it she's given you one of these before?" Sam asked folding up the yellow piece of paper.

"She gives them to everyone. She always insists on writing stuff down. I think 'tummy time' is her cute little name for when you put Beth on a blanket on the floor and play with her, like kiddie aerobics. I'm sure Marcel did this with her earlier, I don't know why Mercedes would tell you to do it now."

"She doesn't think I'm spending enough time with Beth." That jab she had thrown earlier hadn't missed its mark. Mercedes was judging him as a parent and a Sam had nothing to offer up in his defense.

"She's over here every day," said Kurt, picking Beth up out of her chair and settling on the floor with the baby in his lap.

"Yeah but I've been preoccupied. I've been trying to make arrangements for Quinn, to help her. Maybe I should have found more time for her."

Marcel and Figgins had spent more time with his daughter than he had. One overnight sleepover and a morning feeding was the bulk of his time with Beth since waking up. A kiss here, a few moments of play time there, was all he'd managed to give his child.

"Mercedes is my girl and I love her but I don't think she has the right to accuse you of neglect."

"She expects more from me. I can tell. I think she wanted me to wake up and be some model father."

Maybe Kurt wasn't the only one that looked up to him, saw something special within him. Mercedes seemed to know all of his flaws and yet still thought he was a good person. She acted like he was the best thing that happened to Beth, to her. It didn't make sense with all the pain he'd caused. Even if he didn't want to, he had essentially abandoned them both when he was in the coma, and now he was recovered, but still not really back, not truly.

"Mercedes has parental issues," said Kurt with a sigh.

"Julian seems like a decent guy."

Sam remembered a few unsettling comments about a hard childhood while they were in the hospital, but Mercedes seemed well adjusted to him. If she hadn't said anything, he would never have thought Mercedes wasn't raised by Julian. There was that sadness that she exuded, he assumed that was solely about him and the accident, but maybe something else was bothering her, causing that pain in her eyes.

"Not Julian, he's great to her. It was her mom, the one that raised her. She doesn't talk about it much and I don't know all the details, but something was up there, and she overcompensates with Beth because of it."

Overprotective, overcompensating, maybe this was why Quinn didn't like Mercedes being responsible for Beth, she loved her too much. Once Quinn stepped back into Beth's life all of this would even out. Mercedes won't have to feel so responsible, be so attached. She could be free to live her life as she wanted, like a normal person her age.

"We'll have to adjust but I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances. Beth's mother was locked up and no one around here seemed to give a damn," he said clenching his fists at his side.

"We care," said Kurt shrugging his shoulders. "Just we care about Beth more. "

"Quinn is his mother. That should mean something."

It hurt to see how little sympathy his family had for Quinn. He couldn't shake the feeling that they almost wished she had drowned in the river. Of course, he was being dramatic, no one but maybe his parents would ever wish that, but still there was a serious lack of concern about Quinn's well being.

"It definitely should mean something and I think in most cases it does, but with Quinn, not so much."

"Not you too. I get why my parents are indifferent, they've always hated Quinn. And Mercedes, well, I get that too, she's been hurt by all of this. But you? You knew Quinn for years, she never did anything to you."

Kurt had only been around in the summers, staying with them at the house. When Sam got older, started dating Quinn, he worried if things would change with Kurt. Sam didn't want to make the boy feel left out or cast aside, he'd felt like that most of his life because of his parents, he didn't want to make Kurt feel like that too, but girlfriends tended not to like having a kid tag along on dates. However, his concerns were needless, Quinn was very cool about Kurt spending time with them, she thought it was nice, and even came up with activities that they all could do together. Quinn had been so amazing then, accepting all the pieces of his life.

"Quinn seemed sweet enough from what I remember, a little quiet, never treated me like some annoying little kid. I liked that. We're all grown up now though and things change, people change. Quinn is not the same person I remember."

"You were ten." Sam pictured Kurt as a boy following him around during the summers with his dark curls falling into his eyes, tripping over his too big feet, so different than the man in front of him now, in a royal blue button down and expensive gray pants.

"I didn't grow up in a bubble. I heard all the stories about what she did to you, to Puck and…" He paused mid sentence, looking down at his shoes. He seemed uncomfortable, perhaps even nervous. "That's a bit too much damage from one woman on my family," he added quickly.

"You can't let the things my father says poison you. He's not rational when it comes to Quinn. He will do anything to destroy her. Look at what he's done to her now, putting her in the mental hospital."

Sam had always thought his father's disapproval of Quinn was a lot of hot air. Sure he'd try to turn him against her, but never would his father turn his power on her. Quinn hadn't done anything to warrant that. Apparently something had changed, his father was treating Quinn like he did his sworn enemies.

"Quinn is in the mental hospital because she endangered Beth. Your father didn't set that up. Quinn did that all herself."

Everyone kept telling him that but Sam wasn't convinced. It couldn't have been a coincidence that Quinn was sent to a hospital where his father was a major donor.

"I know Beth wasn't at the river with Quinn that night. Where was she? Was she with Mercedes? Did she concoct this whole story of Beth being in danger to get Quinn sent away?" asked Sam taking a seat on the bed.

From what he learned so far about Mercedes, he wouldn't put it past her. She thought fast on her feet and seemed pretty adept at lies and manipulations. Combine that with her obvious love of his baby, and yeah, definitely she could have lied to get Quinn locked up.

Kurt adjusted Beth in his lap, as he reached up from the floor for the stuffed star that was on the bed. "If only Quinn had left Beth with Mercedes, things would have been so much better. Maybe Mercedes would be able to relax more, not stress about every little thing, stop writing those stupid lists."

Sam tried to choose his words carefully, not wanting to risk Kurt clamming up like Marcel had earlier that evening. "Marcel said Mercedes was scared of Quinn being around Beth. Can you tell me why?"

Kurt looked uneasy. "Uncle Dwight doesn't want any of us to tell you about that. He doesn't think you can handle it."

"Screw my father. You fucking tell me what happened to my daughter!" He had been trying to keep his head, but the very idea that his father was coddling him, trying to manage his emotions, set Sam off. He was a grown man, he didn't need to be protected. Not from this. Whatever this might be.

"Okay and judging by that outburst Uncle Dwight was right. You're going to break something in your head if you keep yelling like that. Not to mention you are going to scare Beth."

Sam looked down at his baby in Kurt's arms. Her eyes were wide, but she wasn't crying, she just watched Sam's every move. He stroked Beth's head, letting the girl know things were fine.

"Just talk to me Kurt," said Sam lowering his voice to a normal level, willing himself to calm down. "I can't take any more of this. I need to know."

"Next time you see Quinn, you ask her about all of this, and if she doesn't tell you the truth. I will. I promise."

"Is it bad Kurt?" asked Sam sliding down to the floor next to them. Sam was trembling, the fears he had managed to stifle were slowly surfacing. "Tell me that much."

"I think you and Quinn should talk first. It really is something you should hear from her," said Kurt softly.

He felt desperate to make the younger man understand. He needed to know what was going on, why he was having these terrible thoughts. Sam was starting to fear that something was wrong, and maybe his recovery wasn't as miraculous as it seemed. Maybe his mind was impacted far worse in the crash than just a few lost years, perhaps these thoughts were indications of some greater damage, something that would forever alter his life.

"Kurt please. I keep having these visions like premonitions in my mind of Beth floating in the icy river with Quinn right beside her. Now I know that didn't happen, but I still can't shake this bad feeling. I need that image out of my head. You've got to help me."

"It's not real Sam. Look at her." Kurt held the baby up in front of Sam. "Beth is healthy and happy. She's growing so big."

"She's blue in my mind, in the thoughts I keep having, so cold and blue," said Sam quietly, as he took Beth in his arms. He kissed the top of her head and hugged her close, reminding himself that what was in his head was just a bad dream, that Beth was here, safe in his arms. "Why would I imagine something so vividly like that?"

"It's not like we know a whole lot about comas. Maybe you were aware of things on a different level than the rest of us while you were unconscious, like psychically linked to the universe or something."

Sam looked at Kurt, stunned by the possibility. Were his dreams real, had he witnessed something within his mind that actually happened? "Are you saying what I keep seeing really happened? That Beth was in the river like that?"

Kurt shook his head, staring down at his lap. Sam could see Kurt was hesitant. Sam feared Kurt would stop talking, not answer his question, but after a moment he responded. "Beth was never in the river, but…"

"Beth almost died, didn't she?" asked Sam, before Kurt could finish his sentence.