Chapter 18 – Not a Damn Damsel in Distress
The guard shoved Dean into the honeymoon suite after Anna. "Have fun." He snickered, before he shut the door and locked it behind him.
Dean turned to growl at him when Anna pounced. She shoved him against the wall and laid a kiss on his lips. "Finally." She smiled as she pulled back. "We can do it."
The hunter gently shoved her away. "No, we're not." He walked over to the window and opened it. Looking down, he tried to figure out how far it was to the ground.
"Oh, come on, Dean." Anna tugged his arm, trying to pull him away from the window. She really wasn't strong enough to do that, but he did turn towards her. "You kept saying we couldn't because we weren't married! Now we are, so there's no excuse!"
"Excuse?" Dean stared at her incredulously. "You want to hear an excuse? I don't love you!" She blinked and took a step back. "I told you I didn't want to marry you! I told you I love someone else! I don't want you, Anna!" He shook her off and began to pace.
She watched him for a few seconds, her expression turning darker. "Well, too bad." She said. "I want you."
"Well, you can't always get what you want." He tapped the wall a bit. After all, there were always secret passages out in stories. He may have failed in finding one in his own room, but this room was a bit more important than that one.
"I do." She said, crossing her arms. "Besides, stop looking for a way out. There's only the main door and the chambermaid's door. All of the servants are loyal to us, so they won't help you."
"I will get out of here." Dean vowed. "I'm not a damn damsel in distress waiting to be rescued. If I have to, I'll eventually find a way out." He kicked the wall in frustration.
Anna's body language shifted, becoming more seductive. "Dean." She purred, walking up to him and touching his arm. "Whether you like it or not, we're married and that won't change even if you do escape. You heard it yourself," she leaned into his personal space, "the old man said, 'man and wife.'"
"Just because someone says man and wife doesn't mean you're married." A familiar, deep, gravelly voice drew both of their attentions. "After all, I just said it and it doesn't make you any more married than when he said it."
"Cas!" Dean left Anna's arms and went over to his love, who was sitting in a chair next to the chambermaid's door and holding a sword in his right hand. Castiel smiled at him as the hunter drew him into a kiss.
"Gently." He said quietly, as the hunter tried to deepen it. Luckily, the hunter realized who else was in the room and sheepishly stepped back, though he stayed next to his love.
Anna was furious, and she stood there with her hands curled into fists. "How are you alive?" She growled.
"A miracle." Cas answered simply his eyes never leaving hers.
Her lips lifted into a smirk. "Well, you're too late. We're married."
Castiel lifted his eyebrows. "Consent is considered a part of marriage, and you skipped the 'I do's.'" He said. "For the particular religion of the officiator, you required a canopy and breaking a glass to end the ceremony, both of which you skipped. You didn't even have Dean kiss the bride." His normal monotone held a slight bit of disbelief. "And somehow, you've deluded yourself into thinking you're married?"
"We're not." Dean realized at Cas's words. "Oh, thank God."
"Besides, I believe in royal circles it's essential for a princess to retain her purity before marriage." Castiel's eyes drifted to the main door. "Isn't that correct, your Highness?"
Michael scowled at him from the doorway. "All of theses are technicalities that will soon be rectified."
Dean frowned at him. "Even if all of this wasn't going on, why would you come to the honeymoon chamber?"
"Reasons." Michael ground out.
"Perhaps killing Dean?" Castiel asked matter-of-factly. He ignored the blood draining from the siblings' faces and Dean's disbelieving look. "My sources tell me that right before the wedding began, they found documents that made it clear that you hired Crowley to kill Dean. It stands to reason that you would kill him after Anna was through with him, so that you could frame the Kingdom of Hell and start another war." Anger burned in his eyes. "How many people do you intend to sacrifice for a childish grudge?"
Michael stepped forward, pushing Anna behind him, and drew his sword. "I'm afraid you know too much." He said. "And whoever your source is does too. Therefore, to the death!" He raised his sword into a fighting stance.
"No, to the pain." Castiel lifted his chin in a challenging glance.
All other occupants of the room blinked blankly. Michael's eyes went from Dean over to Anna, trying to see if they understood what he was talking about. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that phrase." He admitted.
"I'll explain." Cas offered helpfully, but there was power and contempt behind his words. "And I'll keep it simple so you can understand, assbutt."
"Assbutt?" Dean shot Cas a questioning glance that was ignored.
Still, Michael's offended expression was worth it. "That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me."
"What, me calling you a coward doesn't count?" Dean shot the prince a weird look.
"Second time." He amended.
"It probably won't be the last." Castiel concluded. "To the pain means that first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at your wrist; next, your nose."
"Then my tongue, I suppose." Michael rolled his eyes as he quickly caught the pattern. "I should have made sure you were really dead after Anna killed you. I will not make that mistake again." He began to move forward to finish things.
Dean tensed by his side, but the pirate simply continued. "I wasn't finished." Something in his voice made the prince stop. "The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right."
Michael sighed. "And then my ears. I understand, so let's get on with it." He was clearly beginning to get jittery from all of this inaction.
"Wrong." Castiel contradicted him. "Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why: so that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, ever woman who cries out 'Dear God, what is that thing?' will echo in your perfect ears." His dark voice made a chill run down everyone's spin. He lifted a dominant eyebrow. "That is what 'to the pain' means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever, as it suits one who treats his own people like pawns in a chess game."
Silence rang through the room as his words settled in.
Michael managed to gather himself together though. "I think you're bluffing." He said a lot more confidently than he was. Anna nodded in agreement from behind him.
"It's possible." Castiel tilted his head. "I might be bluffing. It's conceivable that I am only sitting here because I lack the strength to stand." He said all of this matter-of-factly. "Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all." He stood up from the chair and raised his blade, his eyes never leaving Michael. "Drop. Your. Sword."
There was a loud clanging as the sword instantly dropped from Michael's hand. Anna stared at her brother, aghast at his actions.
"Have a seat, both of you." Cas gestured with his sword at the two chairs before the fireplace. Michael quickly took a chair, but Anna just stood there in shock.
The prince turned to her. "Anna, take a seat." He hissed.
The princess jumped for a second and then did as she was told. She sunk into the other chair, looking somewhat confused.
Cas turned towards Dean. "Tie him up." He glanced at the door. "Charlie, would you assist him by doing the princess?"
The redheaded maid poked her head from the door with a smile. "Roger!" She held out a length of rope to Dean and went to her own task.
"Tie it as tight as you like." Dean told his friend with a smile as they tied up the two royals.
As he finished up the knots, the hunter went over to Cas, who was starting to lean on his sword a bit. "You know, you didn't have to come rescue me. Like I said, I'm not a damsel in distress." Still, a smile crept onto his face as he looked at his love, alive before his eyes.
Castiel gave him that small smile of his right back. "Dean, I know that. But I'll always be here to help regardless."
The two of them kissed, ignoring the excited squee that came from Charlie.
AN: Ah, this is such a great scene in the movie. "To the pain" is such a great concept for people who deserve something more than death. I would vote for Metatron getting the "to the pain" treatment, except he would probably still be a nuisance. Death is better than him. Maybe he'll finally kick the bucket in 11x06.
On Saturday, I'm going to post the final two chapters one after the other. It's mostly because the final chapter is just like an extra epilogue type chapter, so I might as well post it all at once. See you then!