Christmas Dream
They headed for a Christmas dream
The one that changed it all for me
The one that somehow made me see
That I'd become what I should be
Rachel turns in the bed for what seems like the hundredth time that night. She's struggling to sleep and she's not sure why. Usually she only has this problem when she has got something heavy weighing on her mind but that's just not the case. It's Christmas day in the morning so if anything she's happy and just a little bit excited but that doesn't usually keep her awake.
There is a creaking sound in the corner of the room so she quietly and slowly peeks her head over in that direction. She notices that there is a shadow there but for some reason she doesn't feel scared like she knows she should be.
"Who's there?" she calls.
"Do not be afraid, Rachel" a gentle voice replies.
"How do you know my name?"
"I am your guardian angel. I'm here to give you an opportunity" the angel says stepping out the shadows to reveal himself to Rachel. He's tall but Rachel can't really see his face as it's covered by the white robe he is wearing.
"Guardian angel? Okay that's good, now I know that I'm dreaming."
"I can pinch you if you'd like" the angel says.
"That won't be necessary thank you."
"As I said, I am here to give you an opportunity. There will be a time not too long from now that will require you to make a choice, a decision regarding your future. We can not change the past Rachel but we can shape our futures."
"What kind of choice?" Rachel asks sitting up in the bed, feeling safe in the angel's presence.
"A life changing choice. The reason I'm here is to show you two paths that your future can take you. This will then help you when you have to make your choice. Would you like to see these visions?"
"I can decline?" Rachel asks.
"Of course you can, not all of us want to know the future."
"I do. I'm want to see the possibilities of what my future can hold."
"Very well. I need you to take my hand."
Rachel reaches for the angel's hand and grasps it gently. In just a few seconds she leaves the familiar surroundings of her room and finds herself outside standing outside a large house.
"Do you recognise where we are?" the angel asks.
"Yes, we're a few blocks away from where I grew up. So we're in Lima."
"Correct. We are at your home, let's enter" the angel says gesturing towards the house they were standing in front of.
The guardian angel takes Rachel's hand and guides her as they walk through the closed front door. The house is beautiful inside, it's decorated perfectly to Rachel's taste. Rachel follows the angel into the equally impressive kitchen where she see's herself across the room.
"You will be able to watch the scenes unfold in front of you but you will not be able to interact or affect what is happening. We are mere witnesses to these visions which means that the people in them will not be able to see us either. Let's watch" the angel explains.
Rachel is in the kitchen sweeping the floor when a young girl runs in, her little brother in toe.
"Mommy can we go outside and play?" the little girl asks.
"Not yet sweetie, your Aunt is coming soon."
As if one cue the doorbell rings.
"That'll be her now, why don't you two go and wait in the living room."
Rachel and her guardian follow the other Rachel as she goes to answer the door.
Rachel opens the door to find a very familiar face on the other side.
"Hey Berry."
"Santana, it's great to see you again" Rachel says pulling the other girl into a hug.
"Likewise. So where are the mini Berries?"
"They're in the living room. Please come on through."
Rachel closes the door and leads Santana into the living room, where her children are sitting on the couch watching television.
"Aunt San!" James cries when he sees Santana enter the room.
He jumps off the couch and runs into the woman's arm who picks him up and places him on her hip.
"Did you miss me?" Santana asks.
"Yes but I saw you on the tv."
"You did?"
"You were singing. You looked pretty."
"Why thank you Jamie. Flattery will get you everywhere" Santana smiles at the little boy.
Santana places James back on the floor and seconds later she has Ashley clinging to her legs in a hug.
"Hi Aunt San!"
"Merry Christmas Ash, you're getting tall. You'll be taller than mommy soon" Santana says hugging the girl back.
"Very funny Santana" Rachel says with a hint of a smile on her face.
"What's all this excitement about?" a voice calls as a tall figure enters the room.
"Daddy, Aunt San is here" James explains.
"I can see that. Hello Santana."
"Finn."
"I'm married to Finn" Rachel says to her guardian angel.
"Yes. This is the choice you have to make. He will propose, quite soon actually."
"Soon? But we're in high school."
"This is your future if you say yes and marry Finn. There could be decisions that you might make that can change the path of how you get here but your destination will always be the same" the angel explains.
"So up to now I know that I'm living in Lima, married to Finn with two children."
"Yes. Shall we continue?"
The scene in front of Rachel changes to what looks like later in the night. The children and Santana are sat on the floor playing a board game as Rachel and Finn sit on opposite couches watching them.
"So when will you be in Lima again?" Rachel asks Santana.
"In March probably, it's my mom's birthday then but if I get time off before that then I'll come and see my favourite little people" Santana says tickling both James and Ashley.
"That includes you too Rach" Santana teases.
"What about me?" Finn asks.
"Please you neither little nor one of my favourite people" Santana replies.
"Very funny."
"Aunt San, it's your turn" Ashley says not noticing the slight tension between her father and her aunt.
However, she does successfully draw Santana's attention back to the board game, who then rolls the dice and moves her token four spaces.
"Rachel can I speak to you for a moment?" Finn asks.
"Sure. Kids keep an eye on your Aunt for me" Rachel jokes as she follows her husband out of the living room and into the kitchen.
"What's do you want Finn?"
"I've tried to play nice Rachel but I think that it's time that Santana leaves. I don't know what she's even doing here in the first place."
"It's Christmas Finn and she's my friend. She's here to see the children too, you know how much they adore her."
"Yes I do and I'm still not comfortable with them calling her their Aunt. They're not even related."
"I'm aware of that Finn but Santana is very important to me and I want her to be a part of our children's lives. I don't want to argue about this."
"Yeah because that's all we ever do. Ever since you left Broadway and New York to come back to Lima."
"I was on Broadway?" Rachel asks her angel.
"Yes, you were quite successful but then you and Finn decided to start a family and he wanted to raise it here in Lima. You reluctantly agreed, I don't think you ever quite forgave Finn for making you leave New York."
"Then why did I agree?"
"I can't give you all the answers Rachel. Let's continue watching the scene" the angel says gesturing towards an irritated looking Rachel and Finn.
"I'm aware of our problems Finn but it's Christmas and our children are in the next room. I don't think that this is the time to do this."
"Fine."
"Sorry to interrupt" Santana says as she enters the room.
"You're not interrupting. Is everything okay?" Rachel asks.
"Everything is fine. I just think that it's time that I get back to my parents house."
"I'll walk you to the door" Rachel says.
She leaves Finn in the kitchen and leads Santana over to the front door.
"Are you sure you have to leave?"
"I'm sure" Santana says giving Rachel a sad smile.
"Kids, come and say goodbye to your Aunt" Rachel calls.
The two children come running into the hallway. Santana bends down and opens her arms to allow both children to hug her at the same time.
"Do you have to go?" James asks.
"Sorry buddy but I have to go back to my parents."
"Will we see you again?" Ashley questions.
"Hopefully soon. You know that I'm always on the other side of the phone if you want to talk to me though."
"I know" Ashley replies.
"You too Jamie."
Santana lets go of the two children and stands up to face her friend.
"Goodbye Santana" Rachel says pulling the older woman in for a hug.
"Bye Rachel" Santana replies, placing a kiss on Rachel's cheek.
The scene ends and once again Rachel is left standing alone with her guardian angel.
"I can't believe that Santana and I become such good friends" Rachel says.
"There was always an opportunity there but both of you were struggling with your own issues, once you got over those then it paved the way for you two to become friends. I have one last scene to show you. Take my hand."
Rachel takes the guardian's hand and is transported back to the Hudson's living room.
Finn is sat on the couch drinking a beer and watching tv when Rachel enters the room.
"Finn. Santana has forgotten her cell phone so I'm going to take it to her. The kids are already in bed."
"Okay" Finn replies, his eyes not moving from the television. Rachel doubts he even heard what she said.
She leaves the living room and grabs her coat from the rack next to the door. She picks up her car keys and slips Santana's phone in her pocket.
Rachel gets into her car but instead of heading to the Lopez household she turns and drives towards an expensive looking hotel.
Rachel parks the car in the parking lot and heads into the hotel. She manages to find the elevator and hits the button for the third floor. Once she exits the elevator she checks her phone for the room number just to be sure.
She's looking for number thirty six and luckily, it doesn't take her long to find it. She knocks on the door twice and waits for it to be answered.
It's opened mere seconds later, the person opposite the door just as eager to see her as she is them.
"Hey."
Santana doesn't reply, she just pulls Rachel in for a kiss and into the room, closing the door with her foot behind her.
"It was so hard not being able to touch you today" Santana says as she finally releases Rachel's mouth from her own.
"I know but I'm here now."
"Yes you are" Santana replies.
She removes Rachel's jacket before guiding her over to the bed and pushing her down on it. Santana climbs on to the bed herself before moving to straddle Rachel.
"I think we should skip this part, it gets a little x rated" the guardian angel says to a shock stricken Rachel.
"I'm having an affair with Santana?"
"Yes, for a few years actually."
"What about Finn and I?" Rachel asks.
"You and Finn had been having problems for a while. You confided in Santana, looking for advice but instead you found much more."
"I'm finding this hard to process."
"Then we shall move on" the angel says before clicking his fingers.
A new scene appears but it's still set inside the hotel room. However now instead of being on top of the bed, Rachel and Santana were now facing each other under the covers, unclothed.
Santana runs her fingers through the soft curls of Rachel's hair.
"What are you thinking about?" Rachel asks.
"You."
"Really?"
"I'm thinking about how much I love you and how much that it hurts that I can't have you."
"Santana, please not now. We only have a short amount of time, please don't ruin it by speaking like this."
"What if we didn't have a small amount of time? You don't love Finn, not anymore. You told me yourself. Why don't you just leave him so you and I can start our life together before it's too late."
"I have my children to think of Santana" Rachel says moving slightly so that she's out of Santana's reach.
"I love Ashley and James too Rach. It's not like we'd stop Finn from seeing them."
"You want me to leave Finn, take my children away from their father so we can move in with you. Then what Santana? You're a singer, you go away for months touring. I hardly get to see you as it is."
"I'll cut back on the touring, maybe I'll try my hand at acting or something that will keep me in the same place for most of the year."
"I appreciate the offer Santana but you're asking a lot. You live in another state, my children have lives here. They have school, friends and grandparents, I can't just up root them" Rachel explains.
"I get that you want the best for your children but what about you, don't we get the chance to have our happiness?"
"Santana please, can we not talk about this anymore."
"I love the time we spend together but each time you leave to go back to your life, it hurts me more and more each time" Santana admits.
"I know and I love you too but I'm sorry, I can't do what you're asking."
"I love you Rachel but I'm not sure if I can keep doing this."
"Please don't say that. I need you in my life Santana, apart from my children you're the only piece of real happiness I have" Rachel says tears starting to form in her eyes.
"I need time to think about everything, maybe you should go" Santana says, as she tries to hold her own tears back.
"It's time for us to leave" the guardian says.
"What? I need to know what happens. You can't just leave it like that."
"I'm sorry, you have seen all you are permitted to."
The scene slowly disappears and Rachel find herself back in her bedroom.
"So Rachel what have you learnt?" the angel asks.
"If I marry Finn, I will achieve my dream of being on Broadway but will eventually give it up to raise a family in Lima. However my marriage seems on the rocks and I'm having an affair with Santana Lopez of all people."
"Good."
"So that's what happens if I say yes but what happens if I don't marry Finn?" Rachel asks.
"That is the next part of your journey. If you're ready then please take my hand."
Rachel takes hold of the angel's hand and within seconds she finds herself in a small bedroom watching herself sleep in a double bed on her own. Already it's not a good start if she's alone.
Rachel starts to stir in the empty bed, stretching out her arms and legs to rid some of the sleepiness in her body. She eventually gets out of the bed and puts on her robe. She leaves the bedroom and heads down the quiet hallway and into the kitchen.
"Merry Christmas baby!" Santana says and greets her wife with a kiss before getting back to what she was cooking.
"Christmas pancakes?" Rachel asks, although she knows the answer as Santana cooks them every year on Christmas morning.
"Of course" Santana beams.
"You get just as excited as the children I teach and they're six!"
"It's Christmas, you can't grow out of Christmas!"
"I'm a teacher?" Rachel asks her guardian angel, turning her attention away from the scene for a moment.
"Yes. Unfortunately your Broadway career didn't pan out the way you wanted. You decided to go back to school and study teaching instead. It's how you reconnected with Santana, you both went to the same college. Santana went to study law as her own dreams of fame also slipped away from her" the angel explains.
"If you're excited now then I can't wait for Christmas with our child, you're going to go overboard" Rachel says with a soft smile as she strokes her barely noticeable baby bump.
Santana flips the pancake in the pan before turning in the direction of her wife.
"I'm going to spoil the crap out of this kid" Santana says placing her hand over Rachel's before bending down and kissing her wife's stomach.
"You hear that baby berry?"
"I'm sure that if he or she was big enough to communicate then they would" Rachel says before pulling her wife up so she can give her another kiss.
"You sit at the table and I'll bring you your pancakes" Santana says with one last peck on the lips.
"I can't believe that I'm married to Santana and that we are expecting our first child. Where are we living?"
"In New York."
"So even though I don't have Broadway, I still have New York" Rachel muses.
"So have you finished packing yet?" Santana asks as she places the plate of pancakes on the table on front of Rachel complete with a cup of coffee.
"Mostly. I just have to pack the gifts. I can't wait to go back to Lima and see everyone."
"I can't wait to tell our family about the baby, it's going to be the best Christmas ever. Just watch out for my mom crying. I can't wait for my parents to open up the framed photo of your sonogram, your fathers too" Santana says with a smile.
"You came up with a great way to tell them, I'm sure they'll love it."
"I can't wait to see your reaction to your present either" Santana says.
"I thought we weren't buying gifts this year. We agreed to save money for the baby."
"Just wait until you see it."
"Can I at least eat my pancakes first?" Rachel asks.
"If you must."
The scene changes, it's an hour or so later according to the clock on the wall. Rachel notices that she is now dressed and is being led over to a door by Santana.
"Are you sure that you have your eyes close?" Santana asks.
"They're closed, I promise."
Santana leads Rachel into the room and guides her where she wants her to stand.
"Okay, you can open them."
Rachel opens her eyes in an instant to find that she's standing in front of a light wooden crib with a star carved into the headboard.
"Merry Christmas" Santana says.
"A crib? I thought we weren't buying anything for the baby yet?"
"I know but when I saw it I knew that it was perfect."
"It is perfect. I love it. I love you."
"I love you too and you too baby berry" Santana says wrapping her arms around her wife from behind, her hands resting on Rachel's stomach.
"It's time for us to leave Rachel."
"Already?"
"I think you've seen enough to gauge what this future possibility is like" the guardian angel explains.
The angle clicks his finger and once again Rachel finds herself transported back into her childhood bedroom. She takes a seat on her bed as the guardian angel stands in front of her.
"You have seen the two possibilities of what your future can be, this will help you when you have to make your choice."
"So if I say yes to marrying Finn, I will have a career on Broadway before having two children with him. However that marriage will break down and I will have an affair with Santana, and even though we both love each other it'll hurts us both emotionally knowing that we can't actually be together."
"Correct."
"If I reject Finn's proposal then I will fail in my quest to be on Broadway. However Santana and I will be married and are expecting our first child. So whichever I choose I will always be with Santana?" Rachel asks.
"In some form or another. That's one part of the future that will never change, you're souls are destined to be together."
"You said that parts of the future can still change so is it possible that Finn and I could get divorce and Santana and I can be together anyway?"
"That could be a possibility."
"So there is a chance that I could be on Broadway and have my happy ending but then I would have to wait years for that to happen and then there are still the children to think about. Broadway is the thing that I have always wanted and now I know that if I want to have that life with Santana then I have to give it up."
"We can't always have everything we want Rachel."
"I know but it's hard for me to imagine being with Santana. I know that I just witnessed it but just yesterday she insulted my shirt and called me a name."
"These things are never easy Rachel, but life isn't easy. You just have to make the right decision for you. The sun is nearly up, it's nearly Christmas day. I'll let you into a little secret and tell you that you have time to think it over" the angel says with a small smile.
"Thank you."
"Just remember Rachel, there is no wrong choice. My mission here is done. Good bye."
The guardian angel disappears right in front of Rachel's eyes. She was eager to have this experience earlier on in the night but now she's not so sure. There were positives and negatives to both of futures she had seen, she's just glad that she has some time to think it over.
It's a few weeks after the new year when Rachel finds herself on the stage in the auditorium with Finn down on one knee.
"Will you marry me?"
If she says yes then she'll become a Broadway starlet, unhappily married to Finn but with two gorgeous children and still gets to be with Santana even if it is via secret relationship. If she says no then she'll be married to Santana and planning a family but both of them will lose their dreams of becoming stars. Is she really willing to give up her childhood dream of Broadway for a chance of real love with Santana?
Rachel looks down at Finn on bended knee and decides her future with just one word.
"No."
Song: Christmas Dream by Neil Diamond.