Chapter 10
She had just wanted to throw him a birthday party, first with his family, later with his friends, a celebration to welcome him back. Of course since he didn't remember her, practically hated her, most definitely wished she were out of his life, had a way of making the whole party mood a little hard for Mercedes to catch, but she had been trying, with the encouragement of Kurt, and Sue, Puck and now Finn. She had been trying to ignore the knots in her stomach, her internal radar that warned her of impending doom ahead. She took depth breaths, tried to focus on the positive, faked happy grins, just so she could make it through this. With enough positivity anything was possible, or so she had been told. Mercedes had been chugging away at the positive juice, despite the fact that every part of her feared the party would be a failure. So she was barely shocked when she had arrived. Like an angel of death, a harbinger of the disaster to come, Rachel had appeared, unexpected and unwanted.
"Get out. Leave now or I will have you escorted out, and trust me it won't be pretty," said Mercedes as she twisted her dark hair into a knot at the base of her head. "The guards like it rough."
"You can't throw me out. I'm an invited guest," said Rachel as she removed her gold hoops from her ears.
"Like hell. I never invited you."
"It's not all about you. Kurt invited me. He knows I care about Sam, and unlike you, Sam can actually remember me."
Kurt was going to get it. She didn't care if Rachel was his roommate, Kurt knew better than to let this she-beast loose near her.
"Uncool. That was pretty low Rachel," said Finn as he stood on the sidelines watching the conversation unfold.
"Low is Rachel's middle name. She'll smile in your face, but turn your back on her and she'll cut you." Mercedes took off her diamond bracelet and handed it behind her to Finn.
"This coming from the girl that played two guys on her wedding day. One at the altar the other waiting out front." Rachel shook off her coat, revealing her very low cut and seriously short royal blue dress. "You wanted the doctor next door but you couldn't give up your multi-million dollar insurance policy. Isn't that right Mercedes?" She tossed the coat aside, not caring where it fell. As if she had aimed for her target, the coat landed on the console table in the foyer, knocking down the lone photo on display, a wedding photo of Sam and Mercedes.
Mercedes gritted her teeth as she looked over at the fallen photo, not surprised when Rachel made no moves to pick it up. "Why are we talking about this still, a year later? Sounds like someone needs to get a life."
"I'd love to move on and never have to deal with you again but I can't," said Rachel, as she fluffed out her long brown hair. It fell perfectly about her shoulders, as if she were in a shampoo commercial.
"Sure you can. It's easy, just stay out of my business."
"And let you jerk Sam around all over again? No way. I didn't speak up the first time, but I won't make that mistake again." Rachel pointed her finger emphatically at Mercedes. "Sam's finally going to see you for the lying slut you truly are."
"Okay ladies," said Finn stepping in between them. "Did you know we are right by the front door?" He pointed to the door a few feet away. "Anyone can come in and hear you."
"I say open the door and let them in Finn. Time to expose Mercedes' true nature to the world. I'm sure everyone would love to hear about the affair you had with a doctor while your poor husband was in a coma."
"You know I never slept with Shane."
Twice they had gotten to that point, where sex could have been a possibility, and each time had been about Sam. The first time was while they were dating, she had turned up the heat on Shane hoping that by pushing them to the next level she could somehow push Sam out of her mind. Her brain had other plans that night, and every kiss Shane gave her she imagined it was Sam instead. The second time she had been in pain, after the accident, discovering Beth was Sam's daughter, she had set out to use Shane, to finally let herself give in to all those feelings for him she had suppressed. Again fate had other plans, and it turned out she hadn't really been suppressing much, nothing she felt for Shane was big enough to make her want him over Sam.
"Do you mean Shane Tinsley? The McKinley football legend?" asked Finn looking a bit confused.
"Don't tell me you hadn't heard the stories Finn. Mercedes used to date Shane right before she married Sam, like immediately before, like she jumped from Shane's bed to Sam's in a blink of an eye."
"It didn't happen like that and you know it. Sam and I have always had something special." She couldn't put a name to it but it was always there, even when they didn't want it to be.
"So special that you had to let the world know all about it in your seedy little sex tape."
"Whoa, whoa, wow. You have a sex tape?" asked Finn leaning in front of Mercedes's face with a look that was a cross between shock and titillation.
Mercedes pushed past Finn to get a full view of Rachel again. "Rachel as much as I would love to stroll down memory lane with you all night, I have a party to attend with my husband," said Mercedes, twirling her wedding ring on her finger.
Rachel rolled her eyes. "You just love throwing that word around – husband – as if it gives you some sort of power or entitlement."
"It does. It makes me entitled to spend my life with Sam and that just burns you up doesn't it? Are you wishing you hadn't dumped him so cruelly last year?"
There were times when she envied Rachel's strength, she was able to walk away and let Sam go so completely. Mercedes had never been able to accomplish that feat, though she had tried numerous times. Maybe she was too weak, maybe she was scared to be alone, or perhaps it was that she didn't want to let go of the only man that made her feel so completely whole.
Rachel shrugged, trying to appear casual, but her tear filled eyes gave her away. "Sam and I would've worked things out. We would've been married living in Nashville if you hadn't seduced him."
She had always tried to be sensitive back then when she actually cared about Rachel's feelings, when she had stupidly thought they were friends. She never rubbed it in Rachel's face that she was the one wearing Sam's ring now, when not so long ago their roles had been reversed. Despite Rachel's consistent assurances that she was over Sam and didn't care he moved on, Mercedes believed that some part of Rachel was still mourning the loss of her relationship.
"You think I had to seduce him? Sam has wanted me since almost the moment we met."
If she had just wanted sex she could have been with Sam so many times while he was dating Rachel. He would have done it and claimed it was a stupid mistake, convincing everyone, even himself, that attraction had no part in it, but Mercedes had always wanted more from him, she wanted what Rachel had and then some. She wanted Sam to be hers completely.
"He loved me. We were in a committed relationship."
"Maybe so, but that doesn't change the fact that he was attracted to me. There was something between us the whole time you were in your supposed committed relationship."
Mercedes paused on that statement, her words hitting so close to home now with her current situation. Maybe Sam had always felt something for Quinn as well, he could have had a special connection with her too, and that was why he wanted to be with her now. Perhaps she wasn't the one after all, and Quinn was.
"You think I didn't know that? I knew he wanted to sleep with you, and you tried to play on his weakness every chance you got."
Mercedes couldn't deny it. She had tried to use Sam's obvious attraction for her to ruin his relationship with Rachel, but then they got engaged and Mercedes was left alone on the outside and suddenly it was clear just how unimportant all those games had been. Life was too short to try to trap a man that didn't really want her, so she let go and tried to move on.
"I'm not proud of some of things I did while you two were together, but I grew up and overcame that. Ultimately I just wanted him happy and I knew you would never be able to pull that off."
That was the thread that kept her bound to Sam, that small sliver of hope that one day he'd finally see that she was the better choice for him. Knowing that he would never be truly happy with Rachel kept her hanging on, even while she desperately tried to pour her interest into another man.
"Maybe Sam and I weren't meant to be. I am at peace with that now."
"I can sense the peace all over you," Mercedes commented almost under her breath.
"My peace comes from knowing that you and Sam don't have a prayer of staying married. This train wreck of a relationship is finally going to come to an end."
"Sam and I are committed to making things work despite the challenges, for better or worse."
So that wasn't exactly true. Mercedes was pretty sure working things out was the last thing that Sam really wanted to do. She just didn't believe he was particularly interested even with his request earlier that afternoon to move back home. It just didn't ring true, his words didn't match his actions.
"This picture of you and Finn really showcases that commitment."
"It was just a hug, she barely touched me. I've gotten more body contact from Sue than that," said Finn speaking up from his spot on the stairs.
"Let's see what Sam has to say. I sent that little photo bomb not too long ago, so we should be hearing from your husband soon."
"Nice try Rachel." Mercedes smirked. "But Sam doesn't have a cell phone."
At least not yet, she had bought him a new one for when he was cleared by his doctors. She had kept his phone number active while he was in a coma, and his assistant had supplied her with a list of all the contact numbers he would need for work, so once Sam was cleared all he would have to do was start dialing.
"I know, but Kurt does. He's with Sam right now isn't he? At least that was what he told me when I talked to him earlier." Rachel looked down at her phone, tapping on the screen. "On Sam patrol," she said turning the phone toward them to reveal the text message.
Finn stood behind Mercedes, putting his hand on her bare shoulder. "Kurt would never rat me and Cede out," he said.
"Sam is Kurt's family. And I know just how seriously Kurt takes that bond. I don't think he'll let his cousin be played by his piece of trash wife." Rachel crossed her arms with a smug look on her face.
"I'm not worried at all," said Mercedes, crossing her arms, mimicking Rachel's pose. "Kurt knows how much I love Sam."
"You're probably right," she said tossing her long brown hair over her shoulder. "Kurt is too far up your butt to see the truth. We'll just have to wait hear what the Lima newspaper has to say about this."
"You sent the pic to the newspaper?" asked Finn stepping in front of Mercedes, his usual relaxed stance growing tense.
"Of course," Rachel said tapping her long pink nails on the back of her phone. "The public has the right to know that the woman they have been feeling sorry for all these months as she took care of her poor sick husband and his illegitimate baby, is really a sneaky little witch that has been conning us all."
"I can't believe this. You crossed the line. You're messing with people's lives here," said Finn roughly dragging his fingers through his hair.
"Are you worried your good Hudson name will get tarnished?" asked Rachel leaning back against the wall, fiddling with her phone.
Finn stood up taller, his posture erect like a cobra ready to strike. "I don't think you want to go there. You don't want my family against you."
Rachel didn't even look up, her focus still on her phone as she spoke. "You think I care about your ambulance chasing stepfather and your trashy mother? You guys own a dive bar in Lima, Ohio, who gives a crap?"
"What the hell? Is this chick crazy? Did she really just call my mom trash?" asked Finn turning to face Mercedes. He was starting to shake, the usually laid back guy was ready to break something.
She decided to intervene. Mercedes put her hand on Finn's arm. "It's okay Finn. I can handle her. Why are you doing this Rachel? Don't you think we've been through enough? Can't you leave us alone?"
This was such bullshit. Rachel had been out to get her for years, acting like her friend one minute then trashing her the next, and Mercedes never could figure out why.
"Sam's been through enough. You, not so much," she said stepping closer, condescension dripping from every word.
"What did I ever do to you to make you hate me?" Mercedes asked trying not to react to Rachel being so close to her face. She ran her hands down her green dress and tried to stand taller in her high heels.
"Hello! Sam and Shane – every time you messed things up for me. You keep stealing my happiness, so now I'm going to return the favor," said Rachel poking a finger hard into Mercedes' chest.
Mercedes shoved her back, causing Rachel to teeter a bit on her heels. "Instead of blaming me for your failed relationships, maybe you should take a long hard look at yourself, and face the fact that you just really suck as a person and that's why you always end up alone."
"Oh so it was all me and your meddling and petty tricks had nothing to do with my break ups?"
"That's stuff was in the past. We both made mistakes can't you just let it go?"
"It's not the past for me!" Rachel yelled her face red from tears. "I went to North Carolina last weekend, Shane invited me down, and I thought just maybe there was still a chance for us. I get there and everything seems great and I just let it slip about Sam's memory loss and that's all it took. He spent the rest of the weekend obsessing about you and how you're dealing," she said wiping her face with the back of her hand. "He couldn't stop talking about what this means for your marriage, about what it means for you and him."
"So Shane has the sense enough not to want you and it's my fault? Rachel, I'm sorry if Shane hurt your feelings but I had nothing to do with any of that."
"Yes you did. You wrecked him somehow, he can't seem to move on from you. He keeps hoping that you two will find a way back together."
"That's never going to happen," Mercedes said sadly, sniffling.
It hurt to think about Shane, everything between them caused so much pain, to him, to her, to so many others. They had only dated a few months, danced around each other for a few months before that, and then after her wedding she tried to run from his searching, eager eyes, filled with hope and longing, all because of a message he never even received. She never would've been happy with Shane, she knew that now, as much as she cared about him and enjoyed his company, something was always missing, a spark, like the one she had with Sam.
Sam would enter a room and all her senses would go on high alert, her heart would pound, her skin would tingle, she was so aware of him, always knowing his position in a room, even when she was trying desperately to ignore him. Once when she was out on a date with Shane and Sam had appeared, almost out of nowhere, right in the middle of it. He was cordial and low key, not saying much, his face betraying none of his emotions, but his eyes, they tracked her and held her there, locked to him, and she couldn't look away. His eyes penetrating and deepening green, shielded behind a thick fringe of eyelashes told his truth and issued his warning. There was no running from what was between them they were going to have each other. That powerful electricity had thrown Mercedes off center that day, reminding her of feelings she had worked hard to bury. If she had been honest with herself then, she would have saved everyone so much pain, because the truth was, Shane couldn't compare with the man she truly wanted.
"Don't you think I know that? I've told him over and over that a gold digger like you would never settle for a lowly intern, especially not when you have all that Evans money and power in your tight little fists."
She blinked back the tears that were stinging in her eyes. She didn't want to give Rachel the satisfaction of seeing her cry. "It's not about money. It's never been about money."
"Right and you just want Sam for his kind loving heart and his killer abs. No one believes that Mercedes, everyone knows the real reason you married him."
He had married her, took their love all the way, putting up with him collapsing on their wedding day, a hospital honeymoon, and a move to the suburbs. He continued to love her in spite of her constant need to ramble, her inability to sleep without touching him, and he handled her nightmares without complaint. He had dealt with every one of her insecurities, trying to reassure her and boost her confidence at every turn, and Shane, he even dealt with him, and those lingering feelings. Sam had taken it all and never left her. So how could she just turn away and give up on him now? It felt like she would be letting him down somehow if she didn't fight for him, even if she had no hope of winning.
"I'm done with this conversation I don't have to explain anything about how I feel to you. If you ever truly loved Sam you'd never be saying any of this to me. You'd already know why I married him."
"I loved Sam. I just couldn't handle his way of life. Things are different now. He changed for you. Why couldn't he have quit D&E when we were together? Why didn't he live in the suburbs when he was with me?"
It must have been a bitter pill for Rachel to swallow, knowing that Mercedes got the version of Sam she had wanted. Sam had tempered in their marriage, taking the closest he would probably ever get to a 9 to 5 job, when he started consulting instead of running his family business. They lived together in a quiet subdivision littered with minivans and picket fences. He cooked instead of jetting to 5-star restaurants, he laughed more, yelled less, and he spent all of his free time with her, never letting D&E come between them. Mercedes had everything Rachel ever wanted from Sam, and the funny thing was she never asked for any of it. She would have been just as content being married to him when he was the CEO of D&E and living a fancy high powered life. It just didn't matter as long as she could be with him.
"I don't know. I didn't ask Sam to do any of it. He could have done anything he wanted, I would've loved him anyway."
"Oh that's clear. You would've taken him any way you could. You didn't even care that he was engaged to me at the time."
Mercedes choked out a laugh, biting back the urge to call her delusional and pathetic. "Are we back to that again? You guys were broken up. He was free to be with anyone he chose."
"You know what Mercedes, you're right. I need to let this go. We weren't together at the time, so he was free to screw any classless skank he could get his hands on."
"I think it's time for you to go. I'm not going to let you talk to me like that in my husband's home."
"Can't stand to hear the truth? I admitted I was wrong to blame you for sleeping with Sam, but you can't admit that you're nothing but a cheap whore that makes sex tapes and strips for money on the internet."
"You shut up!" yelled Mercedes grabbing for Rachel, but catching only air as she was lifted off the floor by Finn. He held her up against his chest, his one arm around her waist, as she fought to get away from him.
"Though how anyone could pay to see your fat ass is beyond my comprehension. Not to mention you look about 12. Oh wait, right. Chubby chasers and pedophiles."
Reaching down she grabbed her shoe from her foot and threw it at Rachel, hitting the girl in the arm.
Rachel screamed and charged at Mercedes, hair flying, her long nails looking like claws. Finn was ready for the attack, catching Rachel around the waist before she could make contact, putting his body between them so no punches could be thrown.
"Rachel, I think you need to just ease up," said Finn as he wrangled a girl in each arm.
"Aww Mercedes he's a cutie coming to your defense like that." Rachel struggled in Finn's arms, leaning around him trying to reach Mercedes. "Clearly he has no idea about the real you. Maybe I should get him up to speed, let him know what he's in for." Rachel stomped on Finn's foot, causing him to let her go as he grunted in pain. She managed to grab a handful of Mercedes'hair, yanking it hard, before Finn recovered and positioned himself between them again.
He held Rachel back with his outstretched arm. "You stay over there!" he yelled toward Rachel. He tightened his hold on Mercedes as she continued to squirm in his arms. "And you," he said looking down at Mercedes. "You need to calm down."
"I'm going to put my fist down your throat!" she yelled, ignoring Finn's call for peace. Kicking out her leg in Rachel's direction her shoe went flying. Rachel ducked to avoid being hit again.
"Look the baby's throwing a tantrum. Maybe Sam should think twice about buying you $1000 shoes, when this is how you treat them," said Rachel smirking.
"Finn, let me go so I can knock that smile off her face," she said scratching at Finn's arm.
"Ever wonder what Sam saw in you? Do you think he had a thing for little girls too?"
"You twisted sick bitch. How can you even say these things to me?"
"Any sympathy I had for you and your terrible childhood ended when you stole my fiancé and led Shane on. I'm starting to think you liked everything you got back in LA," said Rachel her mouth somewhere between a snarl and a smile.
Elbowing Finn below the waist, freeing herself from his grasp, she rushed forward, faster than Rachel could react and slapped her hard across the cheek leaving her handprint, red and almost glowing, on her face.
Thirteen years old, the last summer she had any hope that things could get better. Money was tight, so tight that her mom had contemplated finding herself a real job. But before that could happen, her luck changed, and she came breezing into their suite with a smile on her face and shopping bags in her hands. Her mom had taken her to Beverly Hill and left her at a bungalow with a French man with graying dark hair and a deceptive smile. The first night she endured, her eyes squeezed shut, her mind safe in her white castle. She barely knew the man had touched her at all.
The next day she wasn't so lucky, he demanded attention, responses to his acts, he wouldn't let her flee to her safe place inside herself. He made sure she felt every touch, only relenting when her screams brought a neighbor to the door.
It was a woman with golden hair, startling blue eyes, unforgettable and bright, eyes Mercedes would see in her mind for years afterward. This woman came in like an angel, pulling her away from the man, taking her into the bathroom, wiping her clean. Mercedes clung to the woman's waist, pleading with her to help her escape. The woman stroked her hair, whispered soothing words, those blue eyes sparkling with compassion. With a soft touch and even softer voice she had agreed to help make things better.
More relaxed, confident that her ordeal would be soon over, Mercedes went back to face the man, holding fast to the green eyed woman's hand. The woman had said it in French, when before all her words had been English, but Mercedes understood. "I think she liked it and she wants you to do it all again, but this time I'll watch." she had said in sweetly spoken French. Those blue eyes darkened as she let go of Mercedes and shoved her into the man's waiting arms.
As if she had somehow been transported back to that awful time and place, just for a moment, Mercedes saw those eyes again on Rachel's face. Blinded by her tears and a building rage, she lunged forward toward Rachel, her right hand balled into a tight fist.