The Moon

Jan. 16th, 1994

"Curse those Rangers!" Rita exclaimed, watching the teens through her enchanted telescope. They had just managed to defeat yet another one of her monsters (and, if she weren't mistaken, the blasted teens were making their Megazord do a victory dance over the monster's charred remained). "Why can't they do the decent thing and just die so I can take over their planet? Is that so much to ask?"

"They are so inconsiderate," Squatt stated.

Baboo nodded quickly. "Some heroes they are, refusing to help us out by standing out of your way. Its almost enough to make me return my Power Ranger Action figures!"

"Don't do that!" Squat complained. "I had to fight off the Red Ranger to get those, remember? He even dented the box!"

"It just makes me so mad!" Rita complained, stomping away from her balcony. "Stupid Rangers and their stupid zords defeating my even more stupid monsters!" She went over to her rocking chair and collapsed in it, her head lulling to one side. "Oh, it just gives me such a headache."

"I will get you some Tylenol!" Goldar proclaimed.

"Please don't get so down, Emperess," Scorpina said, kneeling down before Rita (she'd just come back from her 2 week cruise around Orions Belt and was still trying to get caught up on her paperwork). "The Rangers will soon be dust beneath our feet and the world will tremble when it hears your name."

"Oh, I don't know," Rita said with a dramatic sigh. "Sometimes I think it is just time to give up. Maybe find some nice asteroid and rule that instead."

"You mustn't let yourself get depressed!" Goldar declared, having returned with the bottle of Tylenol and a glass of water. "Why don't you create a new monster to terrorize those Rangers? That always perks you up!"

Rita sat up, a grin forming on her lips. "You're right! That will be just the thing to cheer me up. FINSTER!"

"Yes my Queen?" Finster said, shuffling out of his workshop. "What is it that I can do for you?"

"I need you to make me a monster!" Rita declared. "Something that will ruin those Rangers and their fun!"

"Of course, oh great one," Finster said, going over to his Big Book O' Monsters (which had, strangely, been put out by Penguin Publishing) and flipped through the pages. "What about a nice rock golem? Something big and strong and durable might just be what you need."

"Yes, something big and rock hard will ease your aches and pains!" Goldar proclaimed.

Rita shook her head, however. "No no… I need something better than that!" Her eyes shut slightly and she began to sway back and forth.

"Do you think she fell asleep?" Baboo asked.

"I heard that happens to people when they reach her age," Squat stated.

"I'm thinking, you empty headed buffoons!" Rita roared, causing her two silly minions to cower. Turning back to Finster Rita complained, "We need to come up with something new and interesting! Something with a connection to the Rangers! Whenever we send down a random monster they defeat him with ease… but when it is connected to their lives they always have difficulties with it. No… we need something that will hurt the Rangers not only physically but in their hearts as well!"

"They appear to be excited because they have the day off, Empress," Scorpina said, having snuck a peak at Earth via the telescope. "They said something about a holiday…"

"Of course!" Rita exclaimed with glee. "Those humans and their holidays… they place so much emotional attachment on them and their myths and superstitions always offer such wonderful inspirations! Fools… the only holiday that matters is Frieza Day!" She cackled in delight. "Oh, the Rangers believe that tomorrow will be filled with fun and relaxation? Well, I'll see to it that all they know is defeat and destruction! Quick, what holiday is it?"

"I'll consult the calendar!" Goldar declared, hurrying over the wall where he'd hung an Earth calendar he'd stolen during one of his most recent trips to earth. He'd claimed that he'd just grabbed it at random when Rita had pressed him on it, but most of them didn't believe him… especially when they saw that each month featured a chimp dressed in garter belts and pushup bras. "Let us see…"

"Yes… yes, this will be perfect! A monster based on their precious Earth holiday! Even if it loses we'll taint the memory of that day, making it forever a day of tragedy and mourning-"

"Here it is!" Goldar called out. "Tomorrow is Martin Luther King Day!"

Rita froze, her mouth still hanging open, her hand raised in the air.

"Martin Luther King Day, hmmm?" Finster said. "Perhaps I could find a statue of him and turn it into a monster…"

"No, no," Rita said softly, slowly walking away from her monster-maker. "I… I don't think that is a good idea."

Scorpina frowned. "Why not, mistress? I'm sure that a terrible, violent-"

"No, I think not," Rita said, going over to her rocking chair and sitting down. "Maybe we should… take the day off ourselves. The Rangers get a chance to relax and we can too. I'll work on my knitting, Goldar can stare at his calendar-"

"I picked it out at random!" Goldar whined.

"-and we can try again the next day. Yes… that sounds good. Good plan."

Finster walked over to Rita, the old monster-maker concerned. "My queen, what is wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Rita snapped. "What's wrong? Martin Luther King Day! That's what's wrong!" Her eyes went wide. "Not… not that I am saying having such a day is bad! No! Not at all. Its just... there is no way I'm going near that landmine!"

"But why not, my mistress?" Goldar asked, hiding the calendar behind his back.

Rita stared at him, a look of utter terror in her eyes. "Don't you remember the last time we did a holiday monster and it ended badly?"

~TALES~TALES~TALES~

Several Months Back…

Kimberly, Zack, and Billy glared at Rita's newest monster while ignoring the snickers Jason and Trini were trying to hold in. It was the day before Thanksgiving and they had all volunteered to help a soup kitchen prepare for their massive Feed the Homeless Event. Tommy had just left to go pick up some more eggs (as Bulk and Skull, who'd showed up to do something, the Rangers honestly weren't sure what, ended up breaking them all) when Rita's newest monster, The Puckish Pilgrim, had stormed in and begun wrecking the place with a troop of Putties.

The Rangers, rather than simply standing back and letting the attack happen, had gone on the offensive, driving Puckish Pilgrim out and into a nearby park. Once they'd morphed the monster had revealed his special ability, firing off a beam of energy that struck Kim, Zack and Billy. Within seconds the rangers found feathers sprouting from their bodies and suits, their feet turned into turkey legs, and beaks appearing on their masks.

"We've GOOBLE got to GOOBLE stop him!" Kimberly declared. She whipped around when Trini began to cackle. "AND STOP LAUGHING!"

"Sorry… sorry…" Trini said, taking a deep breath. "Could you please say 'I feel like chicken tonight'?"

Billy merely stared at her. "But we aren't GOOBLE chickens. We are a different type of avian-"

"She's making fun of us, man," Zack complained, flapping his arms.

"Ah."

Jason, finally managing to get control of himself and his laughter, stepped forward and called forth his Power Sword. "Alright, sorry guys. Let's send this Pilgrim back onto the Mayflower!"

"Oh, ye be welcomed to try!" Puckish Pilgrim declared, letting out a laugh. The monster looked like a cartoonish Pilgrim with a huge head and monstrous face. Jason rushed at him, trading a few blows before he was shoved away, forcing him to deal with the Putties.

"Keep talking," Kim growled, rushing at the monster, her blaster blade in her hand. "When I'm GOOBLE done with you-" Before she could swing she let out a cry, her arms turning into wings and causing her to drop her weapon. Puckish Pilgram kicked her away and let out a bold laugh.

"Ye be unable to match me." He turned towards Zack and gestured at him. "Well, I have hadth some white, let us try some dark meat!"

"…what did you just say?" Zack said, his voice trembling with fury.

Puckish Pilgrim stared at him, confused. "I-"

"Did you just call me 'dark meat'?"

"I think he was referring to your GOOBLE suit…" Billy began, only for Zack to hold up a feathered hand.

"You stay out of this! This is between me and the racist Pilgrim."

"Racist?" the monster said, startled. "No, I'm more Puckish than Racist. And I wasn't saying you are dark… I was just… well…" Zack called forward his Power Ax and the monster began to stammer. "Listen, I was trying to quip and it didn't work out well. Let's start again… uh… did you know peanut butter was made by a black man?"

Zack merely raced forward and, spinning his axe so the blade was facing away from the monster, began to bludgeon Puckish Pilgrim over and over again.

"Wow," Trini said in shock as Zack brutally murdered the racist monster.

"Eesh," Billy said.

"Blublublu," a Putty said, which roughly translated to 'Holy crap, someone has anger issues!'.

"Hey guys, I got the eggs!" Tommy called out, wearing his Green Ranger outfit, two bags clutched in his hands. He looked around, staring at the scene before him: Jason and a bunch of Putties were watching as Zack brutally beat a pilgrim to death, Kimberly and Billy were turkeys, and Trini was alternating between being horrified and laughing. "Uh… did I miss something?"

~TALES~TALES~TALES~

"That was a weird week," Scorpina said.

"Uh huh," Goldar said, not paying attention as he looked at the calendar, a grin on his face.

Finster nodded. "Yes, it was horrible. That deranged Black Ranger-"

"African American Ranger," Rita said, looking about as if she expected Zack to suddenly leap out swinging his Ax O' Doom.

"-scared all our monsters. Took us 11 days to convince another one to go down and attack the Rangers."

"And when they did it didn't end well either…" Scorpina pointed out. "Tried to steal the Yellow one's coffee… she almost came up here to kill us all just to get it back."

Rita nodded. "So I'm not going to risk it! No evil Martin Luther Kings or anything like that!"

Finster considered this. "What if we created a monster that attacked on the holiday but had nothing to do with it?"

"I… suppose," Rita said slowly. "But only if we're really careful about it."

"Understood." The old monster-maker ambled back to his book and began to look through it. "Hmm, let us see… oh, what about this! Motorhead! Very strong and fast."

"Hmmm," Rita said. "Sounds good."

"Yes, I think so too," Finster said. "He is based on a public bus and he can force people into his bus-like head… but when new ones get on they have to move to the back…"

"No, Finster," Rita said coldly.

"We have an idea!" Squat cried out.

Baboo nodded as he rubbed his hands together. "Oh yes, a brilliant idea, mistress!"

"It would be a minotaur monster! We call him Bull Connor…"

"Uh oh," Scorpina said.

"And he'd have fire-hoses for arms!" Baboo said excitedly.

"eeesh," Scorpina stated.

"And he even comes with his own monstrous dogs that he can sic on the rangers!" Squat said.

"And there it is," Scorpina said. "Well, looks like we have the day off. I'm going to go sharpen my sword." The Scorpion Warrioress marched away, shaking her head.

"Me too," Goldar proclaimed.

"Your sword is over there," Baboo pointed out. "Uh Goldar?" he called out as the gold-armored monster hurried off to his room, the calendar clutched in his hand. "Goldar? You're sword?"

"I have such a headache," Rita complained.

~TALES~TALES~TALES~

Author's Notes: God, this one was fun. I so enjoy playing with the villains of the series and showing they are just as screwed up as the Rangers. The idea to have Rita stubble onto race relations just came to me suddenly. Scorpina might be my new favorite character, since she is now the voice of reason.

Next time we deal with Trini having issues about her costume. After that we have Tommy and Kimberly deciding to help better the Green Ranger image by taking part, as Rangers, in a Big Brothers/Sisters program with four 6 year olds… who happen to be named Connor, Kira, Ethan and Trent.