They went after Kakashi-sensei first. They wrapped him in their chain and tore him to bits in little under a second.
"One down," the demonic-looking shinobi droned.
The demon twins went after Naruto next, on him in the blink of an eye.
"Two down," they growled, the satisfaction of certain victory sneaking into their voices.
The blond just turned his head, his goggles gleaming in the sunlight.
"Two down? Please."
As the enemy ninja struck, he disappeared in a puff of smoke, replaced by a log.
"That's my line."
Naruto's voice issued from behind the twins the instant before his hammerfists swung into either unguarded temple of the gobsmacked enemies, sending them in opposing directions.
Taking advantage of his opening, Naruto aimed for the bigger one, putting the man in a Full Nelson lock, kicking the man's legs out from under him and standing on his ankles, shouting "Eh, Sasuke! On Two-Horns!"
The Uchiha didn't need much of an invitation, charging the still-reeling second half of the enemy team, taking him down with a mighty flying knee to the face. Something went crunch on the way down- likely the poor sucker's nose.
In prompt succession, Naruto put his own opponent in a sleeper hold, the foreign nin passing out just as Kakashi stepped out of the bushes without a scratch on him.
"Yare, yare," he sighed, scratching the back of his head, "my plan didn't work out."
Shaking his head, he added, "But at least for once it's because it was my team outperformed my expectations, rather than the enemy…"
Sakura took the initiative to finally respond, having tackled Tazuna to the ground and made do with looking dangerous during the fight.
"What the fuck, sensei?!"
At this point everyone blinked, surprised the usually level, proper Sakura would react like this. Then again, considering the situation, irony and all…
"Calm down, Sakura," the man said, holding his hands up in front of him in the universal 'man placating angry woman' pose, "It all worked out. Everything's fine-"
"What if it hadn't been fine, huh?! What if somebody had gotten killed? What if you'd actually gotten ripped to pieces? What if we all died?!"
"Now, Sakura-"
"Now, sensei! How could you do this to me- to us! If you hadn't switched out, if-"
"Sakura. Shut your idiot mouth for a second."
The girl flinched, obviously not prepared for Naruto to say something, too busy being pissed-off at the supposed role model of the group.
"N-Naruto…"
The blond sighed, his taut expression softening a bit.
"Just calm down, okay? We're all a little jazzed-up because of this. Let's be happy that nobody's hurt, alright? Kakashi's still here, I'm still here, and your future husband's okay. Plus, our client hasn't been killed, 'accidentally' or otherwise."
Sasuke, having remained silent up to this point, cuffed Naruto on the back of the head on his way over to the nearest tree to tie up his captive.
"Jackass…"
"Love you, too, sweetheart."
~xxx
Kakashi hummed, leafing through his book as the party continued on up the road. Things were getting murkier by the second, but, despite that, he'd given the green light to press on.
The two nin that'd ambushed them didn't give up any information, reputedly dedicated as those from the Bloody Mist were. They preferred to ask questions of their own. Although annoyed that they were uncooperative, the Jōnin saw no harm in smugly notifying them of how he'd caught on to their trap. Which reminded him…
"Eh- Naruto?"
"Yeah, sensei?"
"How come you were so prepared for the attack?"
"Neh~ sensei," the boy chuckled, tapping his nose, "A good ninja never tells his secrets."
Kakashi noticeably leveled a particularly wounding look on Naruto.
"You know, I still rank above you. Perhaps I should arrange for you a solo mission when we get back, where you can scrub the entirety of the ANBU headquarter's latrines, seeing as you're such an exemplary ninja, after all-"
Conspicuously choosing the exact moment that Kakashi threatened him, Naruto snapped his fingers, exclaiming.
"Ah! I think I dropped something out of my pack in all the excitement back there! I'll have to go check!"
"Whatever makes you happy, Naruto," the Jōnin said, waving the boy off, "Just be quick about it- we're not gonna stop or slow down the mission so you can be comfy."
Naruto had already turned around, jogging lightly back where they'd come.
"Yeah, yeah, sensei. You don't need to wait up for me-"
"Remember, the longer you make us wait, the more ideas I can come up with for your super special elite missions-"
"Nin-nin, sensei~3" the blond called back, picking up the pace some, laughing as he passed out of earshot.
"…Crazy kid," Tazuna remarked once Naruto was out of range.
"You've no idea," Sakura replied, taking the time to self-consciously sort through her pack, now that Naruto's own situation had lit the spark of doubt in her mind.
"Hmn," Sasuke grunted.
"Good one, Sasuke."
The boy's head spun around, staring at Sakura in evident surprise.
Kakashi blinked.
"…It's contagious!"
~xxx
Naruto had caught up with the group just as they met up with one of Tazuna's friends, who was apparently supposed to sneak them into the Land of Waves via boat. They all clambered in without incident, and had spent most of the ride in silence, minus the initial ruckus Naruto made as he reorganized his pack, ensuring everything stayed put this time.
Sakura broke the tense silence at long last with a sigh.
"What thick mist…I can't see anything beyond the boat."
Tazuna's friend spoke up in response, unease palpable in his voice.
"We should be seeing the bridge soon; you'll find Wave country at the other end of it."
The team took note of this, the genins' eyes straining in the soupy thickness to sight the rumored bridge first. Kakashi nodded to himself, reminded of his earlier hypotheses.
Naruto was the first to see it, being at the front of the boat, commenting near immediately.
"It's a big one," he said, head craning a bit to take it all in as best he could.
"Quiet now," the boatman said, "There's a reason we're not using the engine and sneaking through the mist. We're fucked if Gatō catches us out here…"
Tazuna swallowed nervously, the team he'd hired taking quick notice of his reaction to the name. Kakashi hummed, drumming his fingers gently on the side of the boat. This mission was beginning to really concern him…
"We'll be there soon," the boatman said, doing his best to keep his voice sotto voce, "Tazuna, it looks like we've avoided being caught so far, but I'm gonna make sure it stays that way- we'll take the route with the vegetation. It should make it that much harder to get spotted."
"My thanks," Tazuna said, giving a nod to his friend before taking another hearty swig of his bottle.
Soon what looked to be an aqueduct loomed overhead as the boat passed through, hugging the shady cover of some stubborn trees growing in the middle of the great expanse of water. When the boat got beyond the all-too-brief cover the man made a nervous beeline for a shanty town just beyond, docking at the side of a house on the outermost rim.
The bridgebuilder's friend bid them farewell as the party disembarked, saying "This is it for me. Goodbye and good luck."
"Yeah," Tazuna said, visibly brightening now that they were back in home territory, "Super thanks."
"Okay! Now you guys get me home safe," he added, speaking to the team with a boldness he hadn't shown before.
"Yes, yes," Kakashi said, weariness edging into his own voice.
Shortly into the last leg of the journey, Naruto commented "Guy says 'super' a lot, doesn't he?"
"Super shut up, Naruto."
"Hey now, Sakura. Be nice to your teammate."
"Yeah Sakura- nice. Come on, get with the program."
"Ugh…"
A moment later, Kakashi and Naruto both caught some sort of movement just up the path, behind the brush bordering the road. In the following split instant, the younger had whipped a weapon into the brush.
As the instructor for the team cautiously approached the now-silent brush, Sakura exuberantly slapped Naruto upside the head.
"Don't fricking do that, Naruto!"
"Ah, Sakura, have mercy!"
Pulling back the cover of leaves, the Jōnin found what had apparently made the noise, beckoning his students to look his way with a sedate "ahem".
"Oh…"
Pinned to a tree was a specialized kunai…along with the white rabbit the weapon had skewered through the throat. Sakura re-commenced beating on her teammate.
"Naruto, you sick, twisted, evil-"
"Oy, Sakura-chaaan," the boy cooed placatingly, "you look like you've never seen dinner before."
"This isn't the time for joking about something so tragic, you psycho," Sakura growled, kicking her coy friend in the shins.
Kakashi, however, was immediately on guard. This didn't bode well…a white snow rabbit in summer. It seemed that the game was afoot, and his team wouldn't be the ones to make the first move. Sasuke, uninvolved in the hubbub, caught on to the sudden change in his sensei's demeanor and edged closer to the client, reaching into his shuriken pouch as he did.
Then came a rustling of leaves behind them, likely the expected sign before the situation devolved.
"Everyone!" Kakashi called, glancing up into the trees, "Get down!"
As a blur of grey shuddered through the clearing, Naruto had pounced Sakura, and Sasuke Tazuna, Kakashi already low to the ground, watching as the huge something passed overhead.
As the instructor of the team straightened up, the sight that greeted him sent an invisible stone to sink into his stomach. The blade…and the man standing upon it's implausibly huge handle…
Behind him the group reoriented itself, Sasuke easily helping the bridgebuilder to his feet. Naruto had a harder time disentangling himself and Sakura from the awkward position they'd landed in- particularly their faces- but he managed all the same.
"Naruto~3," Sakura gasped, but Naruto waved her into silence with a serious set in his jaw, sharply pointing to the new arrival, taking the young kunoichi's hand gently and pulling her up with restrained urgency.
Five stared up at one, tense in the silence.
"Everybody, get back," Kakashi said, putting a hand behind him, "This one's on a whole `nother level."
Sasuke swallowed, arming himself with a kunai in either hand as he forced himself to case the situation, tearing his gaze away from the grim intruder.
"Momochi Zabuza, formerly of the Hidden Mist…"
"It'll be a little tough," the Jōnin commented, reaching for his headband, "-unless I do this."
He straightened his forehead protector, revealing his long-hidden eye- not an empty eye socket, as presumed by the genin and Tazuna, but a living, functional eye. Burning red, blotted with inky blackness.
Sasuke immediately saw it for what it was- the Sharingan!
"You appear to be 'Sharingan Kakashi'," the strange visitor remarked, turning his head as he looked back at the group below him, "My apologies, but the old man is mine."
Kakashi frowned at that. This confirmed what his gut had been telling him. Granted that they all got out alive from this, he'd have to have a sorting-out with the good bridgebuilder.
"Surround and protect the client," the mysterious sensei advised, his voice soft, but his intent clear, "Do not enter the fight. That's the teamwork here."
A chill passed down the spines of the rookie ninja, realizing their stake in this fight. This wasn't their world anymore- it was now the world of real ninja…real killers…
"First, Zabuza," Kakashi said, coolly falling into a familiar form and mindset of readiness, "fight me."
The strange nin opposing Kakashi made a noise of amusement, turning to face the Leaf shinobi with his whole body.
"I already get to see the famous Sharingan- I'm honored."
Naruto hummed, becoming strangely distant from the atmosphere permeating the area.
"Sharingan, huh?"
"It's said that some have the ability in their eyes to read and defeat all manner of techniques," said Sasuke, finding his voice despite the situation, "The Sharingan is one of the eyes- the sights- that gives you that power."
The Uchiha shifted his stance, closing the distance between him and the client.
"But that's not the only ability the Sharingan has…"
"Zabuza" chuckled, a smile seeming to crease the bandages covering his face.
"Exactly, that's not all. What's even scarier is that you can copy your opponent's techniques once you see them."
Staring back at Kakashi, the strange shinobi continued.
"When I was a member of the Hidden Mist's assassination team, I kept a handbook. It included information on you."
Dread continued to fill the Leaf Jōnin, the end to how much worse this situation could get from here nowhere in sight. A ninja's greatest weapon was secrecy, and it seemed like he was pretty much disarmed by his undesired reputation.
"This is what it said-
"The man who copied over a thousand techniques…'Copy Ninja Kakashi'"
Sakura looked stunned- probably by the revelation of her sensei being this secret badass, but it was anyone's guess.
Sasuke was on edge and ready to call shenanigans, seeing as he knew all about that eye- and Kakashi shouldn't be one of those people. Unless…could he be…?
Naruto was getting calmer by the second. Tazuna was starting to get the willies from the freaky blond kid, even starting to edge away out of instinct.
"Now let's end all the talking," Zabuza said, crouching on the handle of his ridiculous blade, "I have to kill that old man."
The ronin shinobi's eyes took on an eerie cast.
"But, Kakashi…it seems I have to beat you first!"
And with that, the intruder disappeared.
"On the water," Naruto announced, his words spoken in a careless drawl, his stance open and without sign of fear.
Forming a hand seal, the air around Zabuza began to fog, and the air nearer the group followed suit, imitating the mist that they had tried to hide in on the way here. Come to think of it…the implications were disturbing…
"Ninpō: Hidden Mist Technique…"
And then he was gone, a leaf drifting down to lazily touch on the water where the ninja had just recently stood, defying all logic of physics.
"He'll come after me first," Kakashi announced, grimly sure of his prediction, "Momochi Zabuza- as a member of the Hidden Mist, he was known as an expert of silent killing. You wouldn't notice until you're already dead…
"It's not like I can use the Sharingan perfectly; you guys had best be careful…"
Naruto scoffed.
"God, sweet words of confidence, you doomsaying fuckass."
Despite this, the blond swept his gaze around, sinking into a posture less open to attack, his goggles starting to fog.
"Shit's getting thick enough to taste, guys. Eyes open."
The boy cleared his lenses with two fingers, the kunai from before in hand.
Then a voice sounded from somewhere in the now virtually opaque whiteness, seeming to come from all sides.
"Eight choices…"
Sakura blinked, bringing up her weapon of choice, a simple standard kunai, and glancing quickly around. Sasuke gritted his teeth, tightening his hands on his own weapons.
"Liver…lungs…spine…clavicle vein…neck vein…brain…kidneys…heart…
"Which one should I go after?"
With no eyes on him, Naruto's lips parted wide, a disturbed grin shamelessly adorning his face.
Kakashi suddenly brought up his hands in an abrupt seal, and somehow the oppressive feeling seemed to be pushed far away. The group's mood lightened slightly, no longer held down by what felt like death breathing on the back of their necks.
Sasuke was having trouble adjusting, though, the pressure beginning to get to him. Even with such reassuring people around him, he was unsure, and ready to just have this madness over with.
"Don't worry," his Jōnin-sensei said, his voice somehow comforting now that the strange feeling was gone, "I'll protect you guys even if it kills me."
And he meant it. Kakashi turned his head, the scar over his secret eye evidence of the danger the man he'd overcome- and thus, the prospect of this danger being overcome.
"I don't let my comrades die."
Then, with nary a sound, the enemy was among them. Zabuza, between the genin and the client, had appeared in but an instant.
Startled, the team turned on the man, ready to attack and defend in equal measures.
"It's over," Zabuza announced.
As the strange assassin said that, however, Kakashi had taken advantage of his theatrics and knocked everybody else out of the way, taking the man by surprise with a ninja's take on a bum rush and stabbing him right through the heart. Zabuza grunted weakly, something cold and wet leaking onto Kakashi's hand.
"Behind you, sensei," Naruto called, eyes on a new Zabuza behind the Jōnin.
The newest arrival swung its massive blade, cleaving the Copy Nin in two.
Sakura shrieked, eyes wide in shock- only to find out, once again, that her sensei was up to the same mischief as before, the bisected 'corpse' dissolving into innocuous water. The remaining Zabuza- as the other seemed to have joined the fake Kakashi in its amorphous fate- looked appropriately surprised.
And then came what was presumably the real Kakashi, placing the touch of cold, sharp steel on the enemy shinobi's throat.
"Don't move," the Leaf nin said, "it's over."
Oddly enough, the man relaxed under the knife, even having the nerve to laugh softly, as if there was some kind of secret joke to the situation.
"It's over? You don't get it."
Self-righteous mirth leaked into Zabuza's gravelly voice, setting everybody else on edge.
"There's no way you can defeat me with such monkey-like imitations."
He chuckled, standing still as stone. The mist had fallen away in all the action, leaving the area bare of all but the six in the clearing.
"But that was impressive of you…"
The eyebrowless man looked back at Kakashi out of the corner of his eye.
"At that time," he said, referring to when the Jōnin had spoken to reassure his team, "You had already copied my Water Clone Technique…
"You had your clone say those words to attract my attention while the real you hid in the mist and watched me."
Zabuza snorted.
"Nice plan, but…"
Kakashi felt the touch of cold steel in turn, and with it the icy fingers of dread traced down the nape of his neck.
"I'm also not that easy," came the voice of his foe, having played him at his own game.
Naruto, forgetting the seriousness of the situation, slapped himself on the side of the head, moaning "Good God, could we stop with all the fakes? I'm getting a headache from all the gotcha moments."
Kakashi ducked the expected swipe with the ridiculously humongous sword. Unexpectedly, Zabuza planted the tip of his weapon deep in the ground, pivoting. He contorted his entire body in the fraction of a second, planting the heel of his palm on the pommel of his weapon and sending one foot back, catching his opponent in the gut, the end result of the motion sending the Copy Ninja flying across the clearing to land in the water.
Attempting to capitalize on his advantage, the rogue nin dislodged his sword, sprinting to catch up with the fallen Jōnin. He passed the target of his mission on the way, ignoring the bridgebuilder in favor of the satisfaction of taking down a reputable foe such as Kakashi the Copy Ninja, but stopped short of his enemy due to the "materialized" caltrops blocking his way.
"Foolish," he remarked, disappearing again.
The genin reacted in different ways. Sakura was shocked that her seemingly invincible sensei seemed to be actually losing now. Sasuke noted yet another aspect of this enemy, apparently being as strong in physical combat as he was in nin techniques.
As Kakashi began to drag himself to shore, startled at how difficult the process seemed, Zabuza once again appeared, his hands formed in another seal. The formidable enemy chuckled.
"Fool," he growled.
To his astonishment, the very water formed around Kakashi, entrapping him in a sphere of dense liquid.
"You may have been trying to escape to the water, but that was a big slip on your part."
The bandaged rogue chuckled again.
"Now I have you in my inescapable prison. Makes things tougher if you're free to move around, you know…"
Zabuza kept a hand planted in the sphere-prison, forming another seal with his free hand.
"We'll finish things later. First, I'll take care of them."
From the water rose the shape of a man, quickly coloring and molding to perfectly mimic Zabuza, the figure lurching from the water, strangely stooped in a bizarre pose. The real Zabuza chuckled.
"Wearing hitai-ate and acting like ninjas- but you know what? A real ninja is someone who has survived many brushes with death-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Naruto interrupted, waving his hand in an arrogant fashion, "In which case every starved dog, weak infant, and wretched piece of filthy shit on this ball of rock is a ninja."
The blond swaggered forward, his movements jilted and confident.
"Guy likes to hear himself talk, I guess. Hey, mate, I've had enough of your braggadocio, so me and mine are gonna shut you up now, okay?"
Naruto lazily dodged the incoming kick of the Water Clone, forming his own hand seal as he spun- and then there were Narutos everywhere, crowded around the Water Clone, near blotting out all sight of it for all the flitting, running, jumping, shouting Narutos.
"Oh, God, not this again," Kakashi groaned.
Zabuza's gaze darted from the nin at his mercy to the sea of muted colors and yellow hair synchronistically bobbing and merging around his lost duplicate.
It was just a bunch of insubstantial, Academy-grade clones! But the illusion was perfectly executed- and terribly confusing.
And then they began to chant.
"Goodness, two half-naked freaks!"
"One eyebrow, for every head!"
"That big ass weapon…somebody's compensating for sure~"
"You know what pisses me off?"
"What?"
"Boys with their tits out, man."
"Language!"
"Oh, the humanity!"
"Sensei, we're getting bored."
"Sensei, we're getting hungry."
"Why'd you get stuck, sensei?"
"Sensei?"
"Sensei~"
"Oh sensei~"
"Stuck in a bubble~"
"Helpless as a little bouncing baby~"
"He's not having fun~"
"Poor sensei~"
"Backbenching's no good for sensei~"
"Sensei~"
"Stuck with Meester Pantalones"
"Good God, Meester Pantalones! Have you no shame?!"
"There are children here!"
"Oy! Oy! Pantalones~"
"Take that big sword an' shove it!"
Zabuza gritted his teeth, willing his clone to movement, swinging the head cleaver through the crowd to no avail. No choked cries of pain, no disappearance of clones, nothing…nothing but a living maelstrom of insanity.
Then he felt the familiar tug on his control of the clone, signifying its destruction. Without any other warning, the Demon Brothers sprang from the center of the fray, charging in their usual formation, Meizu utilizing his brother's size, springing off from his brother's poised arm to maneuver around the target- in this case, their former leader.
"Gozu! Meizu! Traitorous dogs!"
All he got back was the simulataneous, droning laugh of the pair, and then their dreaded catchphrase:
"One down."
~~xxx
I promised, didn't I?