Chapter 5

I continued to lean my back against the tree that was behind me.

I stayed there for a long time.

The sun had set and it was dark. I peered outside to see if anyone was still around. No one was around, but the lamp posts were now lit.

There was no one.

For some reason my interpretation of "there was no one" turned into one that meant "I was alone."

I had been alone for a while.

I didn't count my clones being my companions, since in a way, they were me.

But now there was a very, very significant problem.

I couldn't think.

My mind was fuzzy.

My knees were weak. I could barely stand.

And there was that obnoxious tightening on my chest again.

I felt incredibly irritated.

Nothing was comfortable.

Wanting to change my situation, I slowly walked out into the open area of the high ground park.

I walked to where Shido-san and Tohka-san had spoken, and also where they had yelled those ridiculous words.

They were annoying.

It seems I would have to dispose of them once I was done with them.

"Is that really the only answer you can come up with?"

I heard a voice come from behind me. I wasn't being aware of my surroundings.

This was becoming very problematic.

I turned around to see my clone standing with a smile on her face.

"You don't quit, do you?"

"Of course not, I'm you."

"If you were me, you would be giving this topic a rest."

"Oh? But I can't recall mentioning any specific topic."

Her smile widened.

I stared daggers at her, the person who was my largest obstacle.

"How did you get out?"

"I wonder. Maybe I never left."

I quickly brought my right hand forward and called forth my musket again.

I pointed it at her head. Once again, she didn't even flinch. That stubbornness was certainly getting on my nerves.

"Do you really think something will change by rejecting yourself?"

"I'm not rejecting me, you are."

I changed my aim to her left leg and fired. Just like that she fell forward.

I walked up to my clone with the gun still pointed at her. A trail of blood was coming from her left leg.

"I was thinking of killing you again, but I think I'll torture you instead."

My thought process was that I would make her afraid of me so that she wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore.

A clone that won't do her job is useless, even if the consequence of doing this was that there was going to be one less person to help out.

My other self tried to lift herself back up with her arms, but in response I shot her right one.

Blood splattered and she fell back down. Her breathing was now getting heavier.

"I hope you know that you brought this on yourself. Honestly, I'm getting tired of having to kill myself. Who does something like this three times in a row?"

Yes, the kill count, if you only included the number of times I've had to do it to myself, was up to three.

There was the time on the school roof when Shido-san had tried to sweet talk me.

And then there was the time during the Tanabata festival where my clone had to disappear to spend time with Shido-san.

And now this would be the third.

As I was reminiscing the times I had to kill myself, the clone lying in front of me tried getting up again, albeit she was doing it slower than last time.

I shot her other arm.

She fell again.

There was a pool of blood forming now.

I shot the other leg of my clone just in case she wanted to get up again.

I wasn't sure when she was going to give up, but I was expecting it to happen eventually.

And that's when I started to enjoy it.

I was trying to hold in my laughter at this pitiful display of resistance, but I was at my limit.

I had burst into maniacal laughter.

It was amusing.

I was amusing myself.

And as I was laughing in amusement, I heard a splash. It was from the puddle of blood in front of me.

Weakly, my clone had decided to pull herself up again.

I'm not even sure how that was possible. Her limbs were most likely as sensitive as twigs at the moment. And they were.

Not long after she got herself standing, her legs buckled, and she collapsed again.

Seeing my other self try so hard was beginning to make me want to end this, but I still hadn't made myself clear.

I pointed my musket at her back where the stomach would be. Soon I'd run out of places to shoot, and I would have to start aiming for the more vital spots. Then again, I could fire on the same spots that I'd already shot. But another problem was that she was also running out of blood. And I couldn't let her die just yet.

My clone was coughing blood now. Somehow not much of it had gotten to her face. You could barely notice it.

I gave an exhausted sigh.

"Do you not understand the position you're in?"

My clone remained silent.

"Why are you insisting on something that you know isn't my priority?"

The dying person in front of me suddenly moved a little, but she didn't get up. Then she laughed. That laughter was annoying.

"Because…someone said he loved me…"

That suddenly made the finger above my trigger twitch. And then I decided to shoot again. I'm not even sure where I had shot her this time.

I saw my clone wince in pain and try to suppress a scream. At least we were finally getting results.

"Shido-san…said…he loved me…"

I remained silent. My clone had started to pick herself up yet again.

I think this was far enough.

I pointed the musket at my clone's head and was about to pull the trigger, however…

The sun had set a while ago, but despite how dark it was, I noticed a shadow that was darker than the others expand underneath my feet and my clone's body.

Several hands emerged, but the most surprising part was when they had started grabbing at me instead of my clone. I hadn't intended to make those hands do such a thing.

The hands clung to my shoulders and arms and suddenly pulled me straight down. I was now on my knees with my arms involuntarily held behind my back. I had dropped my musket. Even if I could call it back to my hands, firing from this position wouldn't be very effective, and it wouldn't loosen the grip of the hands that were holding me well enough.

"What's the meaning of this?"

I didn't expect all of my other clones to rebel against me also. Things were now getting very inconvenient. I squirmed and struggled as often as I could, but my clones had strength in numbers, which made the fact that they were weaker as individuals virtually insignificant.

What was worse was that I still didn't have all of my senses.

My mind was still fuzzy.

And the tightness in my chest hadn't gone away.

Kneeling in this position actually made it easier on my legs.

It was pitiful. I was as bad as the ruined body that was trying to stand in front of me.

Except the clone that I had shot several times in front of me had succeeded in getting up again.

She was swaying side to side as if she was barely conscious.

She walked to me slowly.

I tried to break free from the hands that were holding me, but I couldn't. I desperately wanted to leave.

"Let go!"

I tried to assert my authority by sounding intimidating, but no one listened. It's humiliating when you won't even listen to yourself.

"Let go!"

I continued to yell and struggle until my clone was now standing right in front of me and looking down on me from above. Her face was still mostly clean, but the bottom half of her dress was soaked with blood.

I looked up at her, and had to look at the truth in the face.

Tears had fallen down her cheeks, and then they landed on mine and started to roll down. For a moment, I didn't know what to say.

"I want to see him."

"Stop."

I broke eye contact from my clone and looked down.

"I want to hold him."

"Stop…"

My voice was growing more irritated.

"…I want to be with him…"

"Stop!"

"Why won't you let me see him?"

"That's enough!"

"Why won't…you see him?"

As she asked those words, my clone fell forward and landed onto me. Her arms were wrapped around my neck, and her face was next to mine.

"I think…I'd love him…too…"

And with those words, my clone fell onto her side. As if responding to her collapse, another group of hands appeared and dragged her into the shadow that was still underneath me.

"Well, that was quite the scene."

I could hear a voice coming from in front of me. I raised my head to see another clone of myself. I was starting to think that perhaps there was too much of me.

Unlike the previous clone, this one wasn't full of holes, and her dress was completely free of any blood stains.

"What do you want?"

The new clone chuckled at my question.

"You should know as well as I do."

I hung my head in disbelief. This was becoming too much.

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

"…"

"I'm sure it was worse than any gunshot wound you would have given yourself."

I suppose that was meant to be a joke.

"It's like a virus."

I shuddered a little at that comment.

"It's a disease that won't go away."

My clone walked closer to me.

"And it's infected nearly all of us."

She said it so casually. I gave a sad chuckle.

"So that's how it turned out like this."

Of course that was how it turned out. I had known from the very beginning.

"I can't believe how stubborn I am."

By traveling this path, I would be giving up many things that I worked for. Perhaps I would even be giving up everything that I worked for.

But it may also be possible that none of that was what I really wanted most.

He made me uneasy. He was pure and I was corrupt. I was a killer, and he hadn't taken a single life. We were opposites. We're hardly around each other compared to the other people he spends his time with, and he has the nerve to keep chasing after me. His adopted sister nearly killed me, and he tries to put everyone before himself.

It was touching.

But…

"…It's not that simple…"

I gritted my teeth a little as I said that. It wasn't intending to say such a thing, but I did.

"Then, let's make it simple for you."

My clone crouched down to look at me, but I was still staring at the floor that was shrouded in darkness.

"What does Kurumi Tokisaki want to do?"

My entire mind and body was in disarray, but even so…

"Nothing."

I mumbled the answer, causing my other self to sigh.

"That's not true."

I remained silent. I certainly didn't want to say what I really wanted to do.

"If you aren't going to admit it, then I will. I hardly see the difference."

My clone stood up. I continued to look down.

"I'm in lo-"

Trying to interrupt what she was going to say, I furiously struggled to break free from the hands that were holding me. I wasn't actually free, but it did stop her from saying what she was about to say.

She seemed as if she were very puzzled now.

"Why is it so hard for you to admit it?"

"That's not important."

"Then, do you hate him?"

"…"

I couldn't answer that, which may have been my biggest mistake yet. My lack of a reply left a long silence, and that had given my clone enough time to come up with another idea. Her expression lit up and an evil smile formed across her face.

"In that case…"

I looked at her now with skepticism.

"Let's admit something else."

I furrowed my eyebrows at that suggestion.

"You're right, I'm not in love with Shido-san."

As quickly as the statement came, the tightness around my chest grew tighter.

"He's despicable."

It tightened even more.

"I absolutely loathe him. He's not even worth my time. Honestly, what have I been doing?"

For some reason I was getting angry.

"Risking his life just so he can kiss a few girls? Is he an idiot?"

I was trying to break from my bondage again.

"To me that just means he's irresponsible. I don't want to be with someone like that."

"Stop!"

There was more silence.

"First you get upset for hearing the truth and now you're upset for hearing lies?"

I had had enough of myself.

"Do you not understand!?"

I had snapped.

"I'm a murderer!"

I stared right into the eyes of the clone in front of me.

"It's like he said, I make a sport out of killing people!"

At this point I was wondering if I could just leave.

"I've already given up human values for something else! Why can't you let me commit to it?"

At this point I was wondering why I didn't stop time.

"A murderer falling in love…"

My voice trembled a little.

"…doesn't get a happy ending."

I was now hanging my head in shame.

I was feeling the very two emotions I wanted to completely reject.

I was guilty of taking lives.

And I was also in love.

It hurt.

Those two emotions combined hurt.

And I had already decided that I would have to live with them for the rest of my life.

And I couldn't even say that it wasn't fair.

"Maybe he can give us one."

I looked up to my clone.

"At least, that's what I wish would turn out in the end."

My clone was also myself, so of course she knew what my desires were. She was voicing what I wanted to happen.

"I told you, it's not that easy."

It was unbelievable how stubborn my clones were.

"Was it ever easy?"

I wasn't sure how to answer that.

"We've always been fighting for our desires."

My clone crouched down again to be at eye level with me.

"The only thing that would change would be what we're fighting for."

I stared at my clone, feeling as if I had run out of answers. She smiled at that.

"I'm in love with Shido-san."

She had said it. I hung my head again.

"I miss him."

I had said those words.

"I want to see him."

My clone had said that.

I gave the most exhausted sigh. I had lost. Honestly, who loses to their own clone?

"One chance."

I looked up to my clone as I said that. She tilted her head, not knowing what I had meant.

"I'll let you have it your way for once."

For some reason, I smiled.

"I'll go see him."

My clone responded with a triumphant grin.

It had hurt.

My whole body had ached.

I had a gunshot wound in my arms, legs, and even my stomach. They had healed thanks to the abilities of my original self.

But now it was dark.

It may have been the worst situation I could end up in.

I was nearly killed, and now I was in nothingness.

I couldn't see anyone.

Especially Shido-san.

My chest was squeezing itself just from thinking about that.

But as I thought that, a light appeared.

No, it wasn't light. It was just a lighter darkness.

It was the night sky.

There were stars that made it brighter.

Which reminded me.

That day was coming again.

The day I had gone on another date with him.

As I was thinking to myself, someone had walked up to me and was now looking down on my face from above.

She looked like me.

"You caused me a lot of trouble."

Based on her tone, it sounded like she was the original me. I gave a thin smile. I wonder if she was going to hurt me again.

I didn't mind it though.

If it lets me see Shido-san, I'll stand up for him as many times as I need to.

"Don't worry, I didn't bring you back to torture you."

That comment surprised me a little. I tried to sit myself up and realized that I wasn't on concrete anymore. It was grass. As I tried to confirm that I was actually sitting on grass, my original sat down next to me.

"So…about Shido-san…"

I was surprised that she actually brought up Shido-san. I looked at her in amazement and realized that her face was turning a little red.

"…tell me what you like about him."

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Wh-What's so funny?"

"You should already know what I like about him. You're me."

"H-Humor me."

I laughed a little more, and my original began to pout. I leaned forward and began to talk right away. I didn't need to think about what I liked about him.

"What I like about him is…"

I began to talk about the traits of a man who impressed me.

About the man who brought color to my life.

And about the man who I fell in love with.

And my original managed to relate and agree to everything I said.

We went on until we had completely lost track of time.