Chapter 11
"You really think I'd physically hurt a woman?" Sam asked in hurt and disbelief. Over the years he had many disagreements with Puck from everything from football to girls, and they had rarely agreed on much, but Sam had always thought despite their differences, there was a mutual respect and understanding between them. Perhaps it had been only one sided all these years and Puck had secretly detested him all along. "That's not who I am, Puck you know me better than that."
"She told me you kicked her," said Puck returning to his chair across the room, but still eyeing him intensely.
"What the fuck? She's lying," said Sam raking his fingers through his hair. He felt like he was being wrongly accused of a crime.
"She was trying to cover for you, said you knocked her over and didn't know. But I know how you get Sam, when your temper gets the better of you. You resent Mercedes and you're probably taking it out on her."
Sam's stomach dropped as he remembered the exact moment Puck was referring to. His resentment and anger had been at an extreme high that day. Spending so much time with Mercedes, feeling like she was always underfoot, over eager to please, as if she truly meant all she was doing and wasn't just there to ease her guilty conscience. It had worn on Sam, fraying his nerves to the point where he thought he would snap. Damn right he resented her. She was in the way of everything he wanted. That week before he went to see Quinn at the hospital, Mercedes had been constantly underfoot, always at his beck and call like Figgins. Okay maybe not that much, but she had been around. Doing all these wifely things, like helping him with his clothes, making sure he ate, attending his physical therapy sessions. If he wanted to be objective about it, he could just chalk all that up to Mercedes doing her job as his nurse, but deep down he knew it was more than that, at least he wanted to believe it was. Nurses were more detached, more professional, a real nurse wouldn't have tracked his every move with her eyes while he did something as simple as feed his daughter.
"I would never do anything like that," he said flopping down on his bed, leaning back against the pillows.
He couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Puck. He never laid a hand on Mercedes. Even when he was so angry and he wanted her locked away, when he found out she caused the car accident, not even then did he get physical with her. No way would he ever even think of putting his hands on a woman in that way.
Sam knew he had knocked her over that day. He had been in a shit mood, in pain from pushing himself in physical therapy, and there she was, right by his side as usual. If she wanted to be around him she had to take it all, including the ugliness. Maybe he had been testing her a little, trying to see just how much she was willing to take, before she cracked and ran. He was an asshole, now he could admit that, when before he was so clouded by anger that he felt justified. She didn't deserve to be treated so roughly by him. The moment burned in his mind, reliving it like it had only happened, seeing Mercedes lose her balance and fall from a squat to a seated position because he jerked away from her and hadn't bothered to help her up or apologize. The instinct to help her up was so strong, he had to force himself from the room by reminding himself that Mercedes didn't care and she was keeping him from Quinn. Once outside the room, he had called Figgins and asked him to go check on Mercedes, because he was weak and a part of him couldn't handle truly hurting her.
The verdict had still been out on Mercedes' feelings for him, even though she did continue to deal with his foul moods, but Sam hadn't been fully convinced of her sincerity until earlier today. Seeing the home he used to share with her changed everything.
God he was a coward then, and admittedly he still was, because whatever it was about Mercedes that kept pulling him in was something he couldn't let himself explore. So let Puck think he was an ass, let Mercedes think the same, it was for the best anyway. He needed to break this thing between them, sooner rather than later.
"Quinn used to tell me how you scared her, when you got so angry and out of control. Rachel too. Do I have to mention what you did to Dave Karofsky because of Brittany? I'm pretty sure your temper is what helped push her to Santana." Puck gritted his teeth, his anger building again. "This is nothing new with you. And I'm telling you, control yourself or I will make sure you do."
His temper got the better of him at times, and periodically his drive to get what he wanted clouded all reason in his head. Quinn experienced that first hand in high school when he thought he might lose her to Puck, his intense side kicked in and he might have seemed a little scary to her, but he never would have hurt her physically. Sam had been sure Quinn knew that. She may have hated his yelling, and his tendency to plot revenge, but she never feared that he would hurt her. Puck as usual didn't understand.
Now with Brittany, things had gotten out of control, but a lot of that had to do with some of the stress he was dealing with from being in combat. Post-traumatic stress disorder, the shrink had called it, the one time he actually went to see him. While that couldn't excuse all his choices then, it did help Sam see why he had been so manic. All he wanted was his family back. He never wanted to hurt anyone, well almost. He did want to hurt Dave for attacking him at Santana's request, and he did a few times. He still couldn't bring himself to feel bad about it. Dave had assaulted him all to help Santana steal his wife.
"Mercedes is not scared of me. She's manipulating you if she told you that. I was just with her earlier, the girl was flaunting the fact she was with Finn Hudson, deliberating trying to get a rise out of me. I think she was getting off on making me mad."
Every time he yelled she got more aroused. She flushed pink tint over her brown skin, her pulse quickened, she moved almost imperceptibly closer to him. Licking her lips, arching her back, turning those brown eyes on him, Mercedes liked that he was getting angry. Coming in the door he knew he had her, it was clear she was attracted him, something he'd known since he woke up in the hospital. She might not have liked what he had said about Finn, but Sam knew without a doubt that if he had pushed it, she would've been all over him.
"Only someone as self-absorbed as you would think that way. Mercedes has been through hell because of you. The last thing she wants to do is play games."
Sam twisted the end of his pillowcase in his hand, angry that he had let Mercedes get to him earlier that day. The power had been in his hands, he held all the cards, yet somehow she had flipped things on him and he was the one left reeling. It wasn't the first time Mercedes had pulled that on him. She had this way of getting under his skin without him noticing.
"Do you even really know the girl? Mind games are her forte. That's pretty clear. She made me try to kiss her today. She knows I want Quinn, so she's trying to trick me into changing my mind."
A bit of an exaggeration since technically he had been the one to turn up the heat first in an attempt to get her in a better mood before he told her about Quinn, but Puck didn't need to know all of that. The point was Mercedes was using those eyes, and that mouth to throw him off. She purposely baited him with her bare thick thighs, that ass in those tiny shorts and her roaming hands. Sam hadn't been the only one playing games today.
"Just when I thought you couldn't get any more stupid. Do you hear yourself? You're blaming your wife for wanting you to want her and not another woman. Freaking unreal."
"I didn't mean I was blaming her," said Sam trying to backtrack a little. He had to choose his words more carefully or he'd risk setting Puck off again. He really didn't want to get into any fights he wasn't sure he could win. He still wasn't back to 100 percent. "I was just saying that I think it's pretty messed up that Mercedes would go out with another man after the conversation we had. We decided to explore our marriage and get to know each other and she decides to go out with Finn."
Sam had been sure she wasn't going to go. All that talk about getting dressed up to impress a man, he had thought it had been BS to try to entice him, but when Kurt appeared, interrupting them, Mercedes continued with the preparations for her date. What kind of wife does that? One who didn't give a crap about her husband, but that clearly didn't seem to be Mercedes. He knew the truth about her now, his instincts weren't off, and all that he was feeling since he met her in the hospital had been proven real. She was in love with him, completely, in a way that was so hard for Sam to fully get his mind around, because he wasn't sure if he had experienced it before. No one had been so open and direct with their feelings for him, that he could recall that is, maybe things had changed in the missing years, but as far as he knew all the women he loved in his past, didn't quite love him with the same fervor, or at all. However, now it seemed he was married to a woman that truly wanted him, and the irony was fate had screwed him over because he didn't even want her to feel that way. If only Quinn could love him like Mercedes did, wanting to be with him and share her future, then finally he could have the life he only thought could exist in his dreams.
"Whatever Sam," said Puck shaking his head. "And you don't think all this pining for Quinn hasn't taken a toll on her? Before the accident you were a better man, more mature, far less stupid, but now I see that landing on your head has loosened all your screws and you're back to being a self-involved ass that only cares about using women. You messed up both Quinn's and Mercedes' lives before the coma, and now you're back to finish the job. I hope they both leave you. Maybe Mercedes will get some sense and hook up with Finn."
"Mercedes could never be happy with that clown." Sam growled, rising to his feet.
"From what I can tell Finn would damn sure bring more joy into her life than you ever did."
"Puck I think you'd better shut your damn mouth," said Sam clenching his fists so tightly, he could feel his nails starting to dig into his own flesh.
"Why? Did I hit a nerve Sam?" asked Puck standing up to his full height to face Sam. Puck had bulked up from what he remembered, he looked stronger. Sam squared his shoulders and tried to exude mentally what he currently lacked in stature. "Even in your compromised mental state you must see it too. You have made both Quinn and Mercedes miserable. They would be so much better off without you. I think I should step in now and save Mercedes from you like I did with Quinn. Or maybe Quinn and I should give our relationship another go? How's that sound?"
"You better stay away from her!" yelled Sam as he slammed his fist into Puck's face, knocking him to the ground.
Puck looked up from the floor, a bit stunned, rubbing his stubbled jaw. "Just like you to resort to violence when the truth hits a little too close to home. Feel better now?"
There was this dull throb at the base of his skull that started when he threw that punch. The pain was spreading throughout his head, his vision beginning to blur. Taking slow deep breaths, he tried to suppress the urge to hit Puck again.
"I'm not playing with you Puck. You back the hell off. She's mine."
"Who are you talking about Sam? The brunette or the blonde?" asked Puck shaking his head and laughing, as he slowly got up from the floor. "Sam, you don't look so good. Maybe you should sit down," said Puck grabbing him by the arm and leading him to the bed.
"Get off me," said Sam yanking his arm away once he was safely seated. "I'm fine. Just leave me alone."
"I think I need to call Mercedes." Puck pulled his phone from his pocket.
"My little nurse is at a party. Remember? I doubt she'd appreciate the interruption."
"She'd slaughter me if I let anything happen to you."
"You should have thought about that before you started running your mouth. Going on about Quinn when you don't know what the hell you're talking about."
He sighed. "Back to that are you?"
"Quinn didn't need saving from me," he said through clenched teeth. "I loved her and we were happy before you got between us."
"So she wanted to be stalked and harassed? Treated like a possession, her every move questioned?"
"Is that how you've twisted things in your mind to justify the fact you stole my girlfriend?"
Puck walked over to the dresser, examining its contents as he talked. "That's where you always got it wrong. I guess your ego was too big to let you face reality. Let me spell it out for you all these years later – slowly. I didn't steal Quinn. She left because she loved me and not you."
"If you believe she never loved me you're clearly delusional. Quinn may have chosen you back then but that was because what we had was too intense for her. She was running from those feelings."
As far as Sam could tell she was still running. The more he thought about it, the less he believed that Quinn actually wanted him to make it work with Mercedes. She was protecting herself just as she always had over the years.
"I love how you can just shift anything to fit the way you want things to be. Quinn chose me, so she was running from you, big bad Sam?"
"She told me. I'm not making up anything. During the limo crash, she admitted you were safe and boring and I was scary and thrilling." Music to his ears, the cold night she had told him that. It had made everything that happened with her and Puck back in high school make sense.
"Maybe I was safe, but she seemed to like it. Quinn fell in love again after our first break up with someone that was way more safe than scary. Maybe a girl who never had a real home or love most of her life wanted something solid to hold on to. Too many thrill rides can leave a person off balance."
"Quinn and I had plans to try again after the crash."
She had wanted to hold on to him, finally take a chance and follow her heart. He had wanted to do the same. They hadn't said the actual words, just bandied about loaded innuendos, but the truth behind their flirtation was real. They finally were going to take their shot, according to Quinn they almost had, taking their relationship to the next level and acting on their undeniable physical attraction, but the emotional part didn't seem to have materialized. Sam still couldn't quite understand why.
"Really? I was in rehab, so I missed most of this, but from what I heard, all your plans involved D&E and ruling the world. You got into a pretty ugly battle with the Karofskys over some business dealings."
Disputing with the Karofskys was nothing new. His father had been sparring with Paul Karofsky for control of a variety of holdings for as long as Sam could remember.
"So I was ambitious? That couldn't have changed how I felt about Quinn."
"It did. All you wanted was to improve profits and make your dad proud. You even started using every underhanded trick Uncle Dwight had taught you over the years."
"Just proves you have no business running D&E. You should know that my dad's tricks, as you call them, are what made the company a success."
His father must've seriously lost it to let Puck run D&E. Puck had always been squeamish, a little too righteous, and had a tendency to question Evans business practices, the tried and true methods that had made the company a success. But his father had always favored Puck, so maybe in his eyes Puck was an asset to the business, but Sam definitely didn't share the same belief.
"D&E has been doing fine under my leadership, thriving actually. And that proves that you're not as indispensable as you'd like to believe."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" asked Sam the pounding in his head starting to increase.
"It means that not only are you not needed at D&E but you're not needed at home either. Both women in your little harem would be doing so much better without you." Puck smirked as he leaned against the dresser, his hands in his front pockets. "Quinn of course, since she was far happier with me and now Mercedes could be too with either Finn or better yet me."
"You're full of shit. You and Mercedes are like brother and sister. Everyone says so." He wasn't going to let Puck goad him again. This talk about Mercedes was just to get a reaction out of him.
"Things change. Look at you. Last year you would've done anything to save your marriage and now poof it's trash. Same could happen for me and Cede."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever Puck. Just a few minutes ago you were saying you wanted her with Shane Tinsley. You're not interested in Mercedes."
"I want her with someone that will treat her well and not use her like all the others in her past. A good man like Shane Tinsley, hell even Finn Hudson is better for her than you. I hope they had an amazing time last night. They got back so late, they probably did."
"My wife absolutely should not be dating another man."
It still ticked him off that she was out at some bar with Finn last night. And now she was out with him again at a party. Her behavior was inappropriate and out of line.
"That's where you're wrong. I think that's exactly what she should be doing, getting a life, moving on from you. I can't believe I was such an idiot and tried to get her to stay with you. I tried to convince her that you wouldn't give her up for Quinn, there was no way you would do something like that. It's like that cheap motel all over again, except this time you're dumping Cede for Quinn instead of Rachel. If Quinn weren't locked up in the hospital I'd have to worry you'd made a sex tape with her too."
"First I'm not dumping anyone. I just told you I'm going to make my marriage work. And next what the hell are you talking about? I would never make a sex tape."
Just how many beers had Puck had tonight? Puck must have been having his own happy hour before he came to his room. Sex tapes were not his style. Sam didn't like to publicize his sex life and after his injury he wasn't too keen on putting his body on display. Not that he was ashamed, his leg was disfigured in combat, things could've been worse, but he did tend to get self-conscious when people looked too long. It made him feel like a carnival attraction, like he was impaired somehow, when for the most part he felt the same as he always had.
"Well you and Cede did end up married so maybe it's not quite as trashy. Still for a bit there you were the talk of the internet. The whole world got to see you in your full Southern glory," said Puck, opening his arms to illustrate the scope of the world.
"Oh my god, I made kiddie porn?" Sam slumped back in his bed, his stomach filled with a sinking sensation. He had made a sex tape with a teenager.
"Hey you took it there, not me." Puck snickered as Sam scowled. Puck seemed a little too amused by it all. Nothing was funny about his bare butt on display. "Mercedes was legal, too young to be mixed up with your ass, but still legal. Some sleazy blogger taped you with a hidden camera and then put it up on the net for profit."
"The stockholders must have loved that," he groaned. "Did my father fire me because of it? Is that why I'm not running D&E?"
Puck shook his head. "You left D&E on your own. You wanted to take your life in a new direction, be your own man."
"But I love D&E. It's my legacy." None of this sounded real. He was known to screw up, particularly in relationships, but he wouldn't let anything jeopardize D&E.
"Maybe you loved Rachel more? Apparently you left because of her, though you two were done for good not soon after, so I'm not sure what your real motives were. You never went back to your job as CEO after that though."
"That doesn't sound like me at all. I'd never leave D&E to impress a woman."
He must've really loved Rachel to resort to such an extreme, which again left him feeling more confused. If Rachel had meant so much to him how had he ended up married to Mercedes?
"I think it was more about you wanting to be a better man. You changed."
"Quinn said the same thing. She said I would've liked the man I had become."
The way she had told him about his changes, the look on her face, he could tell Quinn had liked the man he had become as well. Sam wished he had left himself a roadmap, some sort of journal that spelled out how exactly he made such a transformation, so he could get it all back now. Perhaps that way Quinn would be willing to put herself out there and be with him. Deal or no deal.
"Well that man you changed into would've been handling all of this a whole lot better than you are now."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Puck never failed to piss him off with his crap, always acting superior. He couldn't remember that part of his life. Why didn't Puck get that and cut him a break? "I'm doing the best I can."
"Right and treating your wife like garbage and chasing after another woman makes you a real winner."
It really sucked that his confusion was being used against him. Everyone did it, his parents, Mike, Kali, Kurt, now Puck. Wasn't there at least a grace period before attacking head trauma victims?
"Just for once can you tell me something without a lecture? I want to know what I was doing back then. A sex tape? I'm eight years older than her Puck. What the hell was I thinking?"
Things kept coming back around to Mercedes. She was the piece that just didn't fit. He could grasp that maybe when things fell apart with Quinn he rebounded with Rachel and ended up falling in love. Rachel Berry was beautiful and there was a time when they had been friendly, her family had a business relationship with his mother. There was some history to build on, but Mercedes seemed to have just appeared in his world like some poorly drawn cartoon, penciled into places he ever would have let her go.
"That you are, but age never meant anything to you before. You're older than Rachel and Penny." Puck sat down in the chair across the room, stretching his legs out in front of him.
"They were college girls?" Sam asked trying to make sense of all the players in his romantic past.
"Both seniors I think."
And legal, full on twenty-one, the way he liked his dates. He had too dirty a mind to mess with women that weren't mature.
"See that's totally different than me being with a teenager. Why was I at a cheap motel? Was I sneaking around with her and didn't want anyone to know?"
Sam had this sinking feeling that he had something to hide back then, maybe from Rachel or Quinn or maybe he didn't want to be caught in a scandal with a girl, though turns out he was in one anyway. Mercedes had assured him she was eighteen their first time, so technically she was an adult, but it still was so unsettling. What could he possibly have had in common with her? They were in completely different places in their lives.
"It was the hotel you and your mom used to live in while Uncle Dwight was locked up and all the assets were seized."
Sam couldn't even hide his shock. "Why would I take her there?"
He'd never taken anyone to that place. It was such a confused time in his past. His family had lost everything, his dad was in jail, Puck lived with Julian and his mom had sent Mike to Hong Kong to be with his dad. So it was just him and his mother trying to survive in a little extended stay motel on the edge of town. Not many people even knew they were there. They had kept such a low profile. He was sure his mom was embarrassed that she didn't have enough money of her own to take care of them without Dwight, in fact it was after that experience that his mother worked hard to start her own company. But for Sam, while he was upset that his family was in shambles, he also cherished the time with his mother, just the two of them stuck in a small room, playing games and talking. It was the closest he ever felt to having a real family.
In less than a year, the crisis was over, Dwight somehow managed to get all the charges dropped and his assets restored, they moved back into the mansion, and Sam was sent back to Dalton for the 8th grade, life was back to normal. Years later whenever things were particularly rough, like when he lost Quinn or when he was injured in Afghanistan he would spend the night in the room that he and his mom used to live and just look up at the ceiling and think. Somehow that dingy room made everything feel better. But that was something just for him, no one knew he did that, not even his mother, so why did he bring Mercedes to that place?
"I don't know why you did it Sam. You had some lame excuse. I can't remember. All I know is that I wanted to throttle you for taking it there with Mercedes. You promised you wouldn't."
He couldn't even argue with Puck, he wanted to hit himself too for letting things get so out of hand.
"I had to promise not to touch her? What the hell was wrong with me?"
"It's not rocket science Sam. You had the hots for her since you met her. Uncle Dwight and I both knew it, but you had been controlling your urges, dating Rachel, and not letting Cede's huge crush on you sway things."
"So she seduced me? Is that it?"
Just like she was doing now. Walking around in skimpy clothes, pouting those lips, coming at him with smart mouth retorts, she was a tease and she liked to push his buttons
"A pretty girl willing to do anything for you can be a powerful aphrodisiac, but I get the feeling it was more than that."
"More like what?"
"More like you ended up wanting to marry her. That's a big commitment just for some ego stroking."
Sam inwardly groaned. He didn't need to be reminded of his big commitment, so big that it was standing in the way of his future of Quinn. Mercedes had been filling the spaces Quinn should have been since he woke up.
Having her with him at the house had made it all so much worse. Things felt too cozy, they fell into a routine, they were in sync, that shouldn't have happened with a woman he hardly knew. He tried to keep her at bay, push her to the fringes of his life, hoping she would take the hint and give him some space, but she kept pushing back, squeezing into the smallest of cracks.
"Ever wonder what she's thinking about?" Mercedes had asked him one day when she came upon him putting Beth down for a nap. "We stare at her so much. We're probably freaking her out."
"I think babies are focused on the basics – eat, sleep, poop," he responded without looking up to acknowledge her. He continued to watch his daughter sleep.
"She has to have more going on up there than that. Look how happy she gets when we turn on the Shopping Channel."
She was standing beside him, so close he could smell her sweet flowery perfume she always wore.
"Maybe she's just trying to figure it all out, make sense of her surroundings, get to know the faces that keep staring at her."
"Sort of like you are? Trying to make sense of it all?"
"I guess." He shrugged. "You know this is the most random conversation." He glanced over at her, smiling slightly.
"Had to think of something to get you to talk to me, the silent treatment was driving me nuts."
"I wasn't giving you the silent treatment," he lied. He had been, she'd been too close the past few days, everywhere he turned. He was starting to suffocate in her presence.
"You haven't spoken to me beyond monosyllables in days. I don't do well with the whole not talking thing."
He could hear the tears in her voice and it made him feel like crap. A part of him had wanted to hurt her, punish her for just being around, and from the sound of it he had succeeded.
"Yes, I know," he said softly.
"When we were trapped in the car, we talked for hours, even with a collapsed lung you had so much to say. Then you went quiet in that coma. I can't take you being silent again."
Sam squeezed the top of the crib tightly, his fingers straining over the wood, to prevent himself from pulling her into his chest and hugging her. He couldn't stand all the ways he caused her pain, even when he didn't intend to.
"What was it like, being trapped in the car?" he asked unable to look down at her, afraid he'd be hit with those haunting eyes.
"Scary. You were badly injured and the car kept sliding down the embankment. There were times though, when it was nice."
"How could a car wreck be nice?" he asked focusing on her small hands that were holding onto the edge of the crib next to him.
"We started to think of it as our own private life raft. Alone together, we held onto each other and talked, probably the closest I've ever felt to you. We were so open that night."
"What did we talk about?" he asked, letting his pinky venture toward her hand.
"First loves," she said, her voice hitching when his little finger stroked her thumb.
"So I told you about Quinn?"
"In great detail, unfortunately for me." She laughed, but didn't really sound amused.
"I get that could have been rough to hear, but you returned the favor right? Made me suffer through stories about your first love?" Somehow he had invaded her space. His hand was on top of hers now, his whole body warming from just that little contact with her.
"I did, but the thing was, all my stories were about you."
He finally met her eyes, braving the look he knew would be there waiting, all the love and longing behind her tears. All for him.
"Where was Quinn during all this?" Sam asked pulling himself back to the present.
"Living her life. You weren't together and hadn't been for some time."
She probably had been too disgusted by his actions to even associate with him. No wonder she went back to Puck.
"That's another thing I don't get. Quinn said I dumped her for this Penny person then I ended up with Rachel Berry. I can't see myself dumping Quinn for any reason and how did I go from Penny, to Rachel, to marrying Mercedes…"
"In just a year? I don't know man." Puck laughed lightly. "I guess you wanted to live up to your "billionaire player" rep they gave you in the tabloids."
"I'm not player Puck. You know that. I've always been more interested in finding a relationship that could last."
All he ever wanted since he was sixteen was a real love to call his own, most of that time he had hoped it would be Quinn, but later he had wanted it to work with Brittany. It ashamed him that he was not even thirty and already divorced once, soon to be twice. A lump formed in the back of his throat when he thought about the divorce in his future, not something he wanted to add to his stats, marital vows weren't something he took lightly. He almost felt like a quitter just walking away, but what else could he do when he wanted to be with Quinn? Sam had to take the hit and pray that the next one would last forever.
"And I never thought I would get hooked on drugs or start dating Santana, but I did. People change," Puck said, suddenly serious. Sam could see all the changes etched in the lines in his cousin's face, hidden behind the shadow of his light beard. "You did too."
"I couldn't have changed that much. Not enough to turn my back on Quinn. I just got out of a coma and I still want her. Nothing could ever change how I feel about her from what I can tell."
Rachel and Penny were just names, there was no emotional tie attached to them. If he had loved them he couldn't feel any of it now. Brittany was there, with him like the fading warmth of the setting sun, he loved her but no longer wanted to be with her. Then there was Quinn. She filled him, his heart, and his mind, even his body, if he focused he could still feel her lips on his skin, her soft hair surrounding him. There was just something about her that never left, she was a part of him, firmly gripped on his heart, in either pain or pleasure, she held her grasp. Nothing could shake her in all the years his mind could muster memories for. Sam smiled as he pictured Quinn, her remarkable green eyes watching him.
Finally he let himself think of Mercedes, letting her sad eyes and brown skin into his mind. He couldn't group her with Rachel or Penny, because despite his lack of memory, he did feel something for her, but nothing like what he felt for Quinn. Mercedes confused him, somehow resisting definition or explanation. She made him feel things he didn't want to and she invaded his thoughts even when she was nowhere in sight. She unnerved him, annoyed him, and aroused him – body and mind. His attraction to her made no sense, but it felt absolutely natural, just as natural as his attraction to Quinn and that was so wrong. No one had ever felt so right to him the way Quinn did, he didn't need his memory to know that still held true. Yet here he was so drawn to this impossible little creature and it terrified him. She didn't fit anyplace in his life.
"She was with another man. You didn't have much choice in the matter."
"I wanted her back, but she didn't want me? Is that what you're saying?"
Sam let the idea wash over him. Quinn had said he chose Penny over her, but what if she had just been trying to protect his feelings and in reality she had decided that she wanted to be with someone else? It seemed a far more likely scenario than him leaving Quinn for Miss. Lima U.
"Come on Sam. Where's your head? Of course she didn't want you. She even moved in with the guy. Kind of sudden to me but, you know Quinn."
"Why are you acting so detached about this? You were engaged to Quinn."
"Yeah but this isn't about my relationship with Quinn," Puck said drawn out looking at him perplexed.
"Puck just who are you talking about here?" Something was weird.
"Uh," Puck hesitated, suddenly looking green. "Who do you think I'm talking about?"