Chapter 26
"The house is swarming with people," announced Will when he entered the kitchen.
"I guess we can call the party a roaring success. Kurt will be thrilled," Mercedes replied between bites of some ambiguous looking pasta. It was creamy, maybe alfredo, Mercedes wasn't sure. It tasted like everything else on her plate – warm.
"You do realize that Sam isn't even downstairs yet?"
Mercedes didn't have to look up to know the expression on her brother-in-law's face – half smiling and half shocked. It was usually the precursor to his angry face. That one was less pleasant, he too inherited the Evans temper.
Blissfully alone, only the dull thump of the subwoofer permeating the space as she sat at the kitchen counter devouring her food at a frenzied pace, like she hadn't eaten in days, and maybe she hadn't, she couldn't recall. Mercedes tried to keep her focus on the plate and not on the miserable state of her life. Easier said than done when all her mind wanted to do was relive each horrible moment in slow motion.
She had entered the living room earlier, sniffling back tears, her lips still stinging from Sam's kisses. Puck remained flanked at her side, holding her tightly around the waist, like he was scared to let her go, as if she might crumble without his support. He might have been right, she hadn't felt very stable, a little dizzy, and her vision blurred. Not blurred enough to block out their faces, his family staring back at her, expecting explanations, silently wondering why Sam had yet to appear. Eyes trained on the 'Happy Birthday Sam' banner, digital not paper, because Kurt insisted, she told them in a remarkably steady voice that she and Sam were done. Then she walked out.
"Really?" Mercedes bit into a biscuit. "I did not know that."
"Well he's not and you let all the people in, you cut into his cake, the band is playing. I think we can pretty much forget the element of surprise."
The band was her first stop, giving them the green light to play, loud and hard. If the fixtures didn't rattle then they weren't doing it right. Then onto the food, the buffet turned out perfectly, exactly as she and Kurt had planned. Even the ice sculptures carved into shapes of Celtic mythological creatures she couldn't identify looked great. Kurt was right, leprechauns and water horses did look nice nestled among the food. Mercedes made herself a plate piling it high with all of Sam's favorites. So what if she messed up the presentation before Sam or any of the guests got to see it, she was hungry.
"No longer my problem. If you want Sam to attend this party go get him yourself I'm not involved."
"But you planned this thing with Kurt. You're the host."
"Kurt can handle it alone. He loves to run things. He gets a high from the power. I'm going to finish my food and then I'm heading home."
"Typical I should have expected this from you," said Emma appearing seemingly out of thin air. "You always manage to cause trouble and screw things up. I knew you couldn't be trusted to give Sam a special birthday. Why did I let myself believe you had changed?"
"Why did I let myself believe Sam could be faithful? So many unanswered questions, so little time," she replied blandly as she pushed her plate aside. So much for being alone.
"Mercedes I know that picture looks bad, but we need to hear Sam's side of things," said Will, trying to make something so awful, sound reasonable.
Puck must have filled them in. Wonderful. Now there was an even bigger audience for her humiliation.
"I've heard more than enough from him Will. He's made his choice, and I've made mine. We're getting a divorce. Mazel tov." She raised her glass in his direction.
The bar was another stop on her misery tour of the house, taking the time to order herself an Amaretto sour, heavy on the sour, like her mood.
"Willie Bear can you do me a favor and take some milk to the kids? They are going to need it after eating all that cake." Emma eyed the large slice of plastic wrapped cake on the counter, a dark sinister stare, as if the cake were made of lead instead of chocolaty goodness.
Mercedes grabbed three plastic cups from the cabinet and filled them all halfway with milk. She still had the gallon container out from when she had filled up a glass earlier.
"Sure thing my sweetheart. You coming?"
Mercedes rolled her eyes as she put the gallon of milk and the cake slice away. Will and Emma made her gag with their cutesy little pet names. They were like fifty shouldn't they be past that lovey dovey stage by now? Sam never had any special names for her, and they were newlyweds. They weren't the corny types. He did sometimes call her 'baby' or 'honey' but those were generic, he probably called all his women that at some point. Since coming out of his coma, she had noticed that Sam had started calling her 'his nurse' or 'little nurse', that could possibly be a pet name of sorts, but more likely it was just something he said because he couldn't remember her real name.
"In a minute, just want to get some things straight with Mercedes first." Emma shot Mercedes a look.
Let the fun begin, one on one with Emma Schuester. She might need another drink for this.
"Okaaay," said Will drawing out the word. He quickly hugged Mercedes around the shoulders before grabbing the cups of milk and leaving the room.
"All alone with judgy Emma," said Mercedes once Will was out of earshot. "Are you going to lecture me for giving the twins cavities?"
"Why couldn't you just suck it up for one night? This party was about Sam and you had to make it about you and your drama. Just the same as you always were since you arrived in town with your issues, acting out in a desperate cry for attention not caring who you hurt with your antics. Inconsiderate, self-centered, drama queen."
Mercedes crossed her arms over her chest. "So is this the part where you start hating on me? Because I'm not really in the mood."
"No I'm not hating on you. I'm concerned like I've always been. You keep piling it on and never dealing with things one day it's all going to collapse on top of you and you'll end up like me living alone at the Beacon Hotel while your husband is sleeping with another woman."
Mercedes tone softened. "It was messed up that Will did that to you."
Emma was one of Mercedes's least favorite people. She was condescending, judgmental, and sometimes just plain mean. Fresh in town scoping out the place and her dad, too scared to approach him, but so desperate to at the same time. Mercedes had run into a cash flow problem and her accommodations at a nearby motel were proving to be too pricey. So she turned to the skills she knew best and she targeted an older man, plied him with liquor while leading him to believe he was in for some sexy fun. Once the guy had passed out Mercedes proceeded to empty his wallet of cash before leaving him alone in the motel room he rented for the night. She must have lost her touch somewhere between LA and Lima because she was identified by the man a couple days later and quickly arrested. That was the day that the Schuesters came into her life. Will being a cop was doing his job with an excessively cheerful zeal, and Emma being a nosy do-gooder, or as she called herself a social worker, was there as well.
Stuck behind bars Mercedes was forced to listen to Emma drone on about her need for therapy and how she was heading down a path of destruction because of her devious ways. Somehow Emma found out about her past, and was quick to throw around words like abuse, low self-esteem, and Mercedes never liked labels, and she liked pity even less. Emma was all about both, so Mercedes' patience was already wearing thin with the woman. Then Emma crossed the line threatening to call a therapist to speak with her while she was locked up. Mercedes may have only been seventeen at the time but she knew her rights and being forced into therapy had to be a violation of something. So she went off on the woman, calling her every dirty word that popped in her mind, making Emma turn the same shade of red as her hair.
The doctor never came and finally she was allowed her phone call, which was pretty pointless since she didn't know anyone in town, but she accepted the privilege nevertheless if only to stretch her legs for a bit. Sitting in the middle of the precinct randomly dialing numbers, he came in, greeting cops, and hugging Will. Just like at BreadStix a week before Sam Evans once again came to her rescue, bailing her out, and making the charges disappear.
After that visit to the Lima PD, Mercedes dealings with Will and Emma became even more strained, with Emma because she was still judgy as hell and never hesitated to remind her that she was a used up teen whore that needed help, not in those exact words, but the meaning behind the ones Emma used felt the same. And Will, well he simply didn't like that Mercedes had cursed out his wife. Mercedes didn't care of the couple liked her, since she didn't like them much either. But then she became and Evans and the Schuesters were a constant presence in her life. Somehow she had managed to soften toward Will, build a real relationship with her brother-in-law. Living through Sam's accident together changed things between them, brought them closer, and now she could honestly say she felt genuine affection for the man. His wife, however, was another matter.
"I sort of let it happen."
Mercedes looked up in surprise. "I highly doubt you were egging Will on to have an affair."
She might not like the woman but she definitely could sympathize with all she went through when Will was cheating with his ex Holly Holliday. Mercedes never could quite get behind her brother-in-law openly in a relationship with another woman while married. Even if the feelings were mutual between Holly and Will, it still didn't seem right, there were too many other parties to consider like Stevie and Stacy for instance, for them to just blindly follow their hearts like two teenagers.
"I left him. I walked out on our marriage and made the choice to have a separation. No I wasn't egging him on but I certainly made it easy for him."
"Even still he had no right to break his vows."
"It was hard seeing him with her. They looked so natural, like they slid right back into lover mode effortlessly. They had spent years apart but obviously that spark between them never faded."
"Makes you wonder doesn't it? If he was hiding those feelings for someone else the whole time, like maybe he just settled for you."
Those thoughts had been circling her mind for a while now. There had to be a logical reason why Sam would jump back into things with Quinn so easily. Maybe the answer was simply that things between Sam and Quinn were never really over in the first place, and they had been hiding their feelings all this time.
"I thought about a lot of things during that time. I left him, and he seemed better off without me. And I was just utterly alone wishing I had some long lost love to comfort me. But I didn't. Will had two other women he cared a great deal for his in his past, and I only had him. He was my first and only love, and I gave him up."
Mercedes looked at Emma with fresh eyes, as if she were truly seeing her for the first time. She never knew Emma had only loved Will for all these years. How did she manage it? How could she keep loving him even during the times he had brought her pain? Mercedes was tempted to ask, longing to hear the secrets to lasting love, but she didn't. There wasn't any point. She and Sam hadn't even lasted a year, and now he was more interested in loving someone else. Mercedes needed face reality and move on, and maybe in time she could love someone else too.
"You weren't alone though, you had your kids and your family, friends."
"Didn't fill the void left by the man I spent so many years with. I can say all of this now because Will and I found a way back and started over, in hindsight I can see things more clearly." Emma took a seat on a stool at the counter, brushing back her red hair out of her face. "When I was going through it I thought I was doing the right thing, saving myself, getting away from a man I could no longer trust."
"But without trust you have nothing. Maybe you were right to leave"
"I didn't even give him a chance to explain, I barely tried to work it out. I just packed up with my pride and my self-righteousness and left, and in doing that I led him straight to Holly."
"Okay Emma," Mercedes sighed, feeling so weary. "Get to the big finish. I know you have one coming."
"You always were so perceptive."
Mercedes took a sip of her drink. "I'm good at sniffing out crap."
"Mercedes I'm being honest with you, no crap here, just solid advice. You better be sure before you make your move, decide with certainty you want to divorce Sam before you do anything, because some things you can't take back."
"He wants to be with Quinn, they have all this history and share a child I can't compete with that."
She didn't even want to. She was so tired of fighting. Their whole romance had been nothing but a series of battles. She fought to gain his attention when he was with Rachel, fought to convince him of her love when she came clean about Shane, fought to forget him when she found out he slept with Quinn. For the past nine months, she fought with everything she had to keep him alive. There was no more fight left, especially not to fight him. If Sam wanted Quinn, so be it. Mercedes was too beat to care anymore.
"Will had child with his high school sweetheart Terri, the baby didn't survive but it gave them a bond they still have today, and he had an affair with Holly, yet here I am still married to the man." She smiled, looking down at her wedding band. "And now I can say we're happier than ever."
"Sam and I are not like you two though. We didn't have years of overcoming the odds to be together. We don't have this great love to sustain us. I had feelings for another man when I married him, almost stood him up at the altar, and he cheated on me within a few months of our wedding. That's not soul mate behavior."
They weren't soul mates, they couldn't be. They were just two immature people that mistook sexual attraction for love. That must've been it. It couldn't have been anything more, because when tested they fell apart. Even Puck and Quinn survived more obstacles than they had.
"I married another man before Will. I didn't love him but it was a choice I made, broke Will's heart."
"You did?" Mercedes asked, starting to cry. Damn Emma for bringing all this up. How was she supposed to move on when people kept reminding her about the past? "I broke Sam's heart too, over a guy I didn't really love."
"And Sam still loved you despite all of that didn't he?"
"Yeah he did." She wiped at her tears. "But that was then, things have changed so much Emma. He loves her."
"So he loves her." Emma shrugged. "You're still his wife."
"A wife he doesn't want, an inconvenience."
A piece of paper was meaningless without the feelings behind it. Emma didn't get it. Will never stopped loving her. She didn't understand the pain and rejection of not only being forgotten, but also being tossed aside like nothing. Sam didn't even care enough to try to get to know her, to take the time to really see what their life together was like. He just made a beeline to Quinn. She was all he cared about now.
"Sam fell on his head. He doesn't know what he wants."
"Emma! That's an awful thing to say."
"Awful but accurate. He is not in his right mind. He's running off halfcocked, pretending like he's in control, but in reality he's confused and probably a bit scared. I know what it's like to lose pieces of yourself, to have missing chunks of time." She fingered the gold cross that hung around her neck as she spoke. "Trust me Sam is not as settled as he's trying to seem."
"All that may be true but doesn't change the fact that he wants Quinn and not me."
"No it doesn't. That is up to you to change. You need to decide if you're really ready to end your marriage, to walk away from a man you've been waiting for all this time. If you truly believe there's no hope, that there's nothing left to salvage, then I wish you all the best in your future. But if there is any part of you that thinks there's a chance for the two of you, then Mercedes you need to grab hold of that chance and fight to keep it, because in my experience true love is worth the effort."
When he kissed her in his bedroom, she knew. It was good and it felt nice, like their kisses always did, but it was missing that key component. His heart. Without that they had nothing. So Emma could wax on about true love until she was blue, it wouldn't change the fact that Sam's heart was with someone else.
"Why are you even telling me all of this? You never liked me."
"Sam liked you, that's all that mattered. I've known him since he was a little boy. We've had some rocky times but I've always wanted the best for him."
"And you think I'm the best for him?" she asked skeptically.
"Honestly, no I didn't. I came in here to ream you out about wrecking Sam's party and ruining the surprise, but then I saw you fill that goblet up with milk and wrap up that piece of cake and put it in the fridge and my opinion changed."
"Milk and cake changed your mind?"
She smiled. "I know what you're doing. You put that milk and cake in the fridge for Sam, keeping his tradition."
"Milk and cake for breakfast the morning of his birthday. So I know about that. So what? I figure it was the least I could do since I cut into his cake and let all the guests in early." She was angry, but she wasn't evil. She didn't want to ruin his birthday entirely.
"If you say so." Emma stood up smoothing out the wrinkles in her yellow cocktail dress. "I better go check on Stevie and Stacy. They're probably bouncing off the walls from those big slices of cake you gave them."
"Sorry about that."
She had felt a smidge of remorse as she cut into Sam's beautiful three tier chocolate cake, and even a bit more than a smidge when she gave pieces of it to the kids, but those feelings quickly dissipated as she thought about his night with Quinn at the hotel. So his cake had a hole in it, that was nothing compared to the hole he had already left in her heart.
"Don't be. I plan on getting you back when Beth gets older. I'm going to sugar her up nice and good and send her back to you and Sam."
Mercedes smiled picturing Beth on a sugar high, racing around the house, all smiles, a loud bundle of girly energy. She would love to see that, but she knew she probably never would get the chance.
"We won't be together by that time," she said, dropping her eyes.
"Really? I never pegged you as a quitter."
"Mrs. Evans you must come," said Marcel, slightly out of breath as he rushed into the kitchen. Beth was in his arms, red faced, and sniffling. Mercedes took the baby from Marcel, rubbing her back to calm her.
"What's the matter Marcel?" Mercedes asked, as she placed little kisses on Beth's head.
"It's Mr. Evans. You must come."
"Is something wrong? Is he all right? Where is he now?" asked Mercedes, her words jumbling together as she started to panic.
"Mercedes, let me take Beth," suggested Emma, suddenly by her side. She had forgotten the woman was even still there.
"Okay." Mercedes handed over the baby. "She probably needs to eat. There are bottles in the refrigerator."
"You go. I'll take care of my little niece."
"Oui. We must go. This way Mrs. Evans."
"Marcel is it bad?" Mercedes asked looking up at the man, hoping his face would give her a clue. She was starting to tremble as she began to imagine all the things that could be wrong with Sam. Had he hurt himself? Was he feverish from an infection? Had he suffered some sort of bizarre relapse and fallen back into a coma?
"He needs you," he said, his usually straight face looking more solemn than usual. He turned and quickly exited through the door.
Mercedes tried to control her rising fears as she followed closely on his heels.