A.N

So Kat is on holiday until the festive period is over. So while I may still update we will have nada for a few days. Sorry.

Warning: Angsty chapter is angsty

Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note

Mello

I followed Matt into the caf . I really wasn't a tea person, I preferred coffee or hot chocolate, but telling him no was like kicking a puppy and even I can't do that. So we got our drinks and sat at a table in the back of the room. I glanced up from my mug to see Matt looking at me expectantly.

"What?" Matt just shrugged.

"You look like you need to talk about whatever is bothering you." I opened my mouth to protest, but he beat me to it. "I'm not saying you have to spill your guts or anything, but it would probably make you feel better."

I scoffed, throwing my walls back up; feeling as if the room was growing smaller. "Right Dr. Phil."

Matt frowned, looking away. "I'm just trying to help."

I sighed and covered my eyes with a hand."I know and I'm an asshole. It's who I no. I don't even know who I am anymore!" I have been "Mello" for so long, I'm no longer "Mihael", yet Matt looked confused.

"Please tell me you don't have MPD or Schizophrenia or something, because I don't think tea will help that "

I snorted."No, I'm not crazy. I'm just " I searched for the right word. " guarded about myself. Hell, you know me better than Misa and I've known her for a year or so." Matt looked shocked.

"But I don't know anything about you!"

"You know more than most people. Look can we leave, I feel like the walls are closing in on me. Can we find a stretch of beach or something?"

Matt nodded."Sure." Taking my hand he pulled me to the exit. I pretended not to notice (or like) the way our hands fit together like puzzle pieces. Once in a secluded area of the beach I collapsed in the sand, watching the sun reflect off the water. Matt sat next to me, feeling no need to break the silence; I was thankful for that. We sat there a bit, before I finally broke the silence.

"My sister was a dancer." Matt looked at me but didn't say anything. "We were really close in age, only an eight-teen month difference." I sighed. "We were really close. My father was one of those chauvinistic types, but allowed mom to work as a teacher. We were alone a lot, my sister and I. Hell, she was more of a mother to me than our mom was." I paused, unsure how to finish. "When I was thirteen No one survived the car crash. Mom wouldn't talk, my father sought comfort at the bottom of a bottle. I got suspended three times for fighting." Matt laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Mello " I shook my head and kept going.

"After the third time I was suspended for fighting mom spoke for the first time in months. She told me I needed to find a different outlet for my grief. So, I chose to take my sisters spot in her dance class. It started out as a way to "honor her memory" so to speak, but I discovered I actually enjoyed dance. My dad was horrified, even more so when I started letting my hair get long. Mom didn't mind, we looked a lot alike, my sister and I. Many times she called me by my sister's name instead of mine." I didn't want to continue. I felt a hand brush the hair out of my face.

"Are you alright?" I gave a noncommittal shrug.

"I tried to hide my preference at first." I gave Matt a dry look, "But then he came along. He caught me in a vulnerable state and took advantage of me. He did everything right, he knew all the lines, how to act, dress. I missed feeling accepted so I took what he had to offer. I couldn't walk for three days after; that's how my parents found out. I was disowned; even my mom wouldn't look at me, disgusted. So I decided no more. I took a page from the guy who ruined my life, I assumed a persona. I threw away Mihael," I saw Matt's confusion, "My given name." I explained, "and became Mello. The bad ass mother fucker who doesn't give two shits about anyone and will fuck anything that moves." I shook my head. "Not caring was better than being hurt. Conquests were better than lovers. Then you came along." I looked at the red-head. "For the first time in four years I feel like the kid who just wants his big sister back. How do you do it? How do you in three days slip past the walls that took me four years to build and perfect?" Matt shook his head.

"I wish I knew." He mumbled, staring at his hands.

"God this is like one of those bad teen dramas." I joked to lighten the dark mood. He laughed and rested his head on my shoulder. We sat in companionable quiet. "I know nothing of relationships, Matt. I'm broken." I was surprised when I felt his lips against mine in a gentle chaste kiss.

"Mello, we're all broken." My eyes widened and I felt tears at that simple statement. As I felt myself pulled into his chest I couldn't help but growl. "You're turning me into a fucking softie." I could feel Matt's chuckle.

"Never, Mello." I relaxed into his embrace, welcoming the comfort he offered. I stayed in his arms until the sky began to show a hint of pink. Sighing I straightened. "Come on. Time for work." He stood, taking my hand.

"Yeah, let's go."