A/N – Thanks for the comments! I was laughing at the JO barbs. * You have to keep in mind that the gang wasn't trying to hurt them deeply. Jason is hurt because he thinks Elizabeth wants nothing to do with him (which he already felt) and Liz is hurt because she can't believe she slept with Jason. The marrying Courtney and Johnny part sucked but it wasn't like they did it to hurt each other and that was very fixable. In their minds, they aren't fixable. It's forcing them to face just what they mean to each other etc.

Chapter 3 – Ain't that a Kick in the Head?

About fifteen minutes before, Elizabeth saw the advertisement for the chapel on the side of a bus. It seemed so familiar, so she told the cab driver to take her there, figuring it could be where she married Johnny. It took about ten minutes for them to arrive due to traffic on the strip, but the driver finally pulled into a small parking lot. She paid him and got out. Slowly, she walked into the lobby and was immediately greeted.

"Welcome to the Ball & Chain chapel where disgruntled people come to tie the knot. Hey, don't I know you?" Herb asked.

"Do you?"

Herb grinned. "Hey Lynn, get your fat ass out here."

"Screw you Herb," she yelled before coming into the room. "Oh my God, it's you."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Did you come back for your video?"

Liz frowned. "There is one?"

Lynn grinned. "Of course, that hunk you married and your friends insisted on paying for our all inclusive package."

"Oh really?" So everyone else was there and let her marry Johnny. Now she was really wanted to punch someone.

"He was very generous. I certainly hope that last night, you hit that over and over again."

Herb rolled his eyes. "Dammit woman. Do you have to make everything sexual?"

Lynn groaned. "Maybe if you gave it up every once in a while I wouldn't have to dream so much." Here eyes searched Liz's. "Honey, don't you remember last night at all?"

"No. I was hoping to get some answers."

Lynn and Herb looked at each other. "We didn't think you were that plastered. Sure you were a little tipsy, but not that drunk."

Liz was even more disturbed that she had apparently married Johnny while she was kind of sober. "I think I need to sit down."

Herb pulled out a seat. "Look, I'm not all into that mushy crap, but I could tell that your man had a lot of love for you."

"I don't think so," Liz said wiping away a tear.

"Men are assholes. Did he change his mind?" She couldn't fathom what could have happened between then and now that Jason would have did a complete 360. He was all over Elizabeth the prior night.

"Um, not really. We just don't remember much."

Lynn stood up. "Now don't you worry your pretty little head off, you'll need it later when you and the hunk have make up sex. I'll go get the video and we'll pop it into the recorder."

Herb smacked her on the ass on the way by.

The fact that she had sex with Jason while married to Johnny was still jarring to her. And from what she remembered, he had been very good at it. "So, I seemed happy to you?"

Herb grinned. "Too happy for this chapel. We're known for being negative. You guys almost ruined our reputation."

Liz frowned. "People pay you to be negative when you marry them?"

"It's a crazy world we live in. I love my job. Shit, if I can stay married to that she-devil in there, anyone can make it work. We're like walking advertisements for happily ever after."

"Happy my ass!" Lynn yelled.

Liz shook her head. This was insane.

Lynn stuck her head into the room. "Get off your hairy ass and help me with the video equipment."

Herb rolled his eyes. "I'm coming woman. I swear I'm trading you in for a newer model."

"Like you could find someone to put up with that mouth of yours."

Liz felt like she was in the twilight zone. She moved closer to them and then watched them struggle to get the equipment ready.

Jason ran inside and stood in the doorway, watching her. He was scared to move forward and when the video began to play, he was mesmerized.

Liz's mouth dropped open when she saw Jason on the tape. "This can't be."

Suddenly, everything came flooding back to her and she passed out.

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The Night Before

Elizabeth threw back another shot as Johnny cheered her on. She wiped her mouth and giggled as he grabbed her and pulled her onto the dance floor.

Jason was pissed. Johnny had his hands on Liz's hips as the enforcer gulped more of the dark liquid he was drinking. It burned his throat all the way down, and he realized that he must be sadistic to sit here and watch this shit.

A slow song came on and Carly grabbed a protesting Jason and pulled him onto the dance floor.

"What are you doing Carly?"

She grinned. "I feel good and want to have a little fun."

The alcohol was really starting to hit him. Swaying might not be the best thing.

Carly yelled, "Switch," and then grabbed Johnny and Liz crashed into Jason.

"Hey," she said smirking. The alcohol was suppressing her anger towards him so she just went with it.

"Hey."

She laid her head on his chest as Jason tried to think about anything else, but the fact that Elizabeth was in his arms.

Suddenly, she pulled back and threw her arms around his neck. "Why don't you want me Jason?"

He frowned. "Who said I didn't want you?"

She shrugged. "Doesn't seem like it."

He didn't answer because he was thinking about how he wanted to throw her down on the table and have his way with her. Fuck! He needed to get control.

God, he was handsome. She bit her lip. What she would give to take him upstairs and… She frowned, shocked by the thought of it

"I've always wanted you," he said not even realizing he had spoken aloud.

She stared up at him. "You have?"

He nodded. "You're so beautiful. You haunt me."

"I—I want you too."

A faster song had come on, but they didn't even notice and kept up their slow rhythm.

Suddenly, Jason felt really emotional. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm miserable and I can't live without you."

Elizabeth's mouth dropped open. Before she could think of anything to say, his lips was on hers and he was plundering her mouth.

"Holy shit," Carly said.

Diane grinned. "Damn. That is totally hot."

Francis grinned. "It's about time."

"I think he's going to inhale her," Milo added.

Max snickered.

Carly punched Sonny in the arm.

"Ow. What the hell did you do that for?"

"You never kiss me like that."

He frowned. "Do too."

"Do not. Prove it."

Sonny laid a kiss on Carly that she wouldn't soon forget and Diane looked away.

"Should I hold her hair?" she asked.

Francis laughed.

"Dear Lord," she said looking back at Jason and Elizabeth who really needed to get a room before they combusted.

Johnny grinned. "This is epic."

Elizabeth pulled back when she felt Jason's hand go up her shirt. "Wait, we're in public."

He took a deep breath. "You make me lose my control."

She giggled.

Jason leaned his forehead on hers. "Marry me."

"What?" she said stepping backwards.

"Shit," Carly said.

"Trouble in paradise already?" Johnny asked. Those two were on his last nerve.

"Marry me. I love you Elizabeth. I want to make you happy and buy you stuff and just worship you." He is so buzzed.

She grinned. "Okay. I love you too."

"Really?"

She turned towards the bar and waved. "We're getting married. Want to come?"

They all jumped up. "Hell yes!" Diane said running towards her. They hugged and then the group made their way to the valet.

Francis grinned. They would never live this down.

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They took separate limos. Milo and Max went with Elizabeth and Jason.

"This is classic Vegas. The only way this could be better is if we could somehow get a little payback on Jason," Johnny said.

Sonny groaned. "Bad idea."

"I think it's a great idea," Diane said. Jason had been a royal pain in the ass to deal with. "What did you have in mind?"

"Courtney is here. Let's make him think he married her in the morning."

Diane laughed. Jason couldn't stand that stalker. "I dare you."

A slow grin crept onto Johnny's face. "Done."

Sonny groaned. "This is going to end badly."

"I think it's brilliant," Diane said.

Francis was not convinced.

"He's been such an asshole," Johnny said slightly slurring.

"He does have a point. We'll just let him believe it for a few hours." Diane said.

The group ended up at the Ball & Chain chapel simply because it was the closest.

"Hello, welcome to the Ball & Chain chapel where your dreams turn into nightmares."

They all stopped in their tracks.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" Diane asked.

"Uh huh," Carly said as Sonny struggled to hold her up.

"Who is the happy couple?"

Johnny pushed Jason and Liz towards the goofy looking man.

"We are," Jason said.

"Lynn, get your ginormous ass out here," he yelled.

Diane frowned and looked at Francis who just shook his head. He really didn't feel like pulling Diane off of the man.

Lynn ran out looking like a hot mess. She stopped in her tracks when she saw Jason. "Dayum. Honey, you sure know how to pick em'. He's the finest thing I've seen in a long time. You have a twin brother?"

Johnny chuckled at the look on Jason's face.

"Seriously, he is one hundred percent wham bam thank you ma'am. Either I'm having a hot flash or I think I need a fan."

Carly snorted. This was priceless.

Lynn smacked on her gum while she continued to check him out. "Any chance you'll want a shirtless ceremony? That whole tux thing is so 1980. I'll throw in a discount."

Liz giggled.

"I'd prefer the tux," Jason said immediately frowning because he couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth.

Sonny grinned. "Please tell me someone is taping this."

Milo piped in behind him. "Every second."

"You're getting a raise."

"Sweet!" Milo said as Max rolled his eyes.

"We'll take your best package," Carly yelled out.

Lynn's smile grew a mile wide. She grabbed Liz. "Come on beautiful. We need to get you into a dress. Herb, stop eyeing blondie over there and help Mr. Fit and Fabulous get into a tux. It's such a shame to cover up that body."

Sonny watched the four of them disappear.

"Okay, what's your plan O'Brien?" Diane asked.

"Uh, well Cody is on Courtney duty and he just texted me to tell me she's passed out. He's going to move her to Elizabeth's bed for now and then we'll make the switch later."

Diane grinned. "Perfect. Jason will think he's married to Vacuous Barbie, no offense Sonny, and Elizabeth will wake up with a hangover. We'll wait a few hours before we lay the bomb on them that they are the ones who really got married."

Johnny swayed a little. "Whatever she said."

Sonny sighed. "Francis, I might have to go into a witness protection program."

Francis grinned. "All of us probably will."

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Lynn helped a buzzed Elizabeth with her dress. "This is our best wedding dress."

Liz's eyes grew big as she stared at the monstrosity of a dress. "Do you have something less puffy? I think I'd get lost in there."

Lynn grinned. "Sure honey. How about this?"

She held up a more form fitting one.

"That's fine."

Lynn found her size and then helped her into it. "Oh that is the one. You look gorgeous."

Liz smiled. "Thank you."

Diane poked her head. "How's it coming in here?"

"What do you think?"

Diane grinned. "You look beautiful." She wouldn't be caught dead in it, but in this case, she just need them to tie the knot fashion be damned. They could have a more meaningful ceremony in Port Charles.

"Can you go check on Jason? I'm scared that he has killed Herb."

Lynn laughed. "I have good insurance and I know some people who are cleaners if you know what I mean."

Diane tilted her head, considering that and then hurried off. "Francis, go make sure that Jason hasn't executed the minister."

Francis hurried off. He poked his head in between the curtains and Jason was standing in the middle of the room with his eye closed—like he was trying to keep his calm. "Everything okay? What are you doing?"

Jason's eyes flickered open. "I was trying to count, but I keep getting lost and having to start over."

Francis chuckled. Herb came back into the room.

"He's too damn big for my jackets. This is the largest one I have." It was powder blue and completely hideous. Francis had to turn his head to keep from laughing.

"There. You look good."

"I seriously doubt that," Jason said looking in the mirror.

"My wife would still do ya."

Francis couldn't hold it in and busted out laughing.

Jason shook his head. "You're fired."

Herb frowned.

"Not you. Francis."

Francis got himself under control. "Don't be like that Jason. It's the happiest day of your life."

"I think I need more alcohol to be seen in this."

"Look at it this way, I don't think anyone will have enough guts to say you look bad," Herb said.

"Have you met Diane?" Jason asked.

Francis laughed again and then ducked out. He reported to the rest of them that they were almost ready to begin.

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Diane snorted when she saw Jason. "Holy Shit. Did he look in the mirror? I didn't think anything could make him look that bad." The tux was a size too small. She gasped. "Dear Lord he's wearing ruffles. Hell has frozen over. Only Prince can make that look almost not laughable."

"He's aware that he looks ridiculous," Francis said.

"We could get him some heels to go with it and grease up his hair," Johnny said.

Diane laughed at the image of Jason dressed like Prince.

Jason glared at them as he walked by. "Not one word."

Johnny leaned forward. "I took his gun from him hours ago."

Diane turned around. "Good thinking. Bury it, because I think he'll want to use it on all of us by tomorrow evening."

Johnny smirked.

Carly shook her head. "Not even Jason could make that look good."

Milo agreed. He was embarrassed for his boss.

Liz slowly walked down the aisle.

"That dress is—interesting," Carly said as she grimaced. It was very sparkly.

"Hopefully she won't be in it long," Diane said as Carly chuckled.

Francis shook his head.

"What? Those two need to seal the deal already. Just put the fire department on standby. After seeing them on the dance floor, they are going to burn the building down by the time they are done," Diane said. She pulled a couple of small bottles out of her purse, that she had from the plane ride, and handed one to Francis and Carly. "I need to keep my buzz on."

Sonny groaned. More alcohol was the last thing that Carly needed right now.

Jason stared at his girl. "You look beautiful."

She smiled. "You do too—except for the ruffles."

Jason smirked.

"Honey, don't mind the ruffles because he has got it going on underneath them," Lynn whispered making her giggle.

Herb cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved." He stopped and frowned. "Sorry, bros and hos, we are gathered here today to hitch these two lovebirds in holy matrimony."

"Did he just call me a ho?" Diane asked.

"You can kick his ass later," Francis said.

"Let's face it, half the marriages end in divorce and in a quarter of the ones left, they are completely miserable because they're too damn lazy or complacent to ditch their other half who is killing—them—slowly. That leaves a quarter. The odds are truly against these two, but they still have hope."

Everyone sitting in the pews had a look of disbelief on their face.

"That is the worst wedding intro I've ever heard. What the hell kind of place is this?" Diane asked.

Herb glanced at her. "Please do not interrupt the greatest that is me."

Diane's mouth dropped open and Francis had to put his arm across her to stop her from getting up.

"Let the idiot marry them. We need this done."

She glared at Herb, but Francis could feel her body relax a little so he moved his arm and nodded for Herb to continue.