Kori's POV
After Bruce dismissed me, I went to my room, got a shower and changed into something more comfortable before Alfred came to tell me we were gathering at the library. I knew it was time but I didn't think I will be ever ready for that moment. As I reached my destination millions of thoughts raced through my mind but I knew I wanted to do this, I just had to.
Before I stepped in I took a deep breath and let my hand hover over the door knob before composing myself and entering the room.
Everyone was already there except for Bruce. I was obvious Tim was the first to arrive having picked his favorite spot, next to the fire place in the love seat where he was lying while he made a small talk with the titans, who were seated together in another love seat and its armrests. It all quieted down when I walked in, which was fine by me. I sat next to Tim who arranged his position so we could fit in; his arm was around me while my head rested on his chest.
Shortly after Bruce walked in and took the head of the little group, they all looked at him expectantly and he looked at me which made all the titans look between us.
"We have something to tell you" Bruce finally announced
"Actually is me who has something to tell you" Tim and Bruce exchanged a look between them before Bruce moved towards me and Tim's arm tightened around me, I squeezed his hand before I stood up next to Bruce and looked at him
"We know where Starfire is" he said
The titans looked hopeful and happy, it almost made me back out in my word. Almost
"It is not good news; you see she was here three years ago, about the time Kori came into the manor"
"What happened?" it was Victor who asked he dreaded question, Bruce looked at me as if trying to tell me not to do it but I looked straight ahead.
"It was back when Jason was Robin, so it was me, Jason and Star around the house. She had lost the ability to use her powers and we were all training in hand to hand combat when Jason told us about his plan to look for his real parents and confront them. Obviously Star and I tried to talk him out of it but he was too damn stubborn." I smiled at the memory "When Star found him trying to sneak out she decided to go with him and keep him from doing anything stupid. That was until the Joker got to them. As you know Jason died, however Starfire survived and all of our mental states became fragile at that moment especially mine and Star's. So one night, after a while since Jason's death, we went on patrol, that night some of The Joker's men attacked us and we froze for different reasons, Star recovered quickly and she snapped me out of it but we had lost the upper hand, we were fighting a losing battle. There was this one guy who had a special knife or something, I don't really remember but he got her, the worst part is that she was covering me. After that I remember calling for help and then it kind of goes blank. The next thing I know is that I woke up in my room with Bruce there; he told me that she died before we could reach the cave, he pierced some of her vital organs and she lost too much blood. I am so sorry"
There was silence for a couple of beats before they reacted. Richard was the first and the punched a wall, Rachel buried her face on Garfield's shoulder before sobs shook her delicate body, Garfield switched between trying to comfort his girlfriend and glaring at me while Victor had his head bowed and silent tears streamed down his face. The only thing I could do was watch
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT" Richard screamed at me, while he strode angrily towards me "WHY DID SHE HAVE TO BE WITH YOU. WE ALL KNOW YOU ARE ONE OF THE JOKER'S TARGETS! SHE NEEDED TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO COULD PROTECT HER! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" he raised his fist and I stood there frozen with fear, until I saw Bruce holding back his arm, he snatched it away but his attention was still focused on me "I hate you, you are no better than a slut" he hissed at me
"RICHARD!" It was Bruce but the damage had been done.
I started hyperventilating before my mind had time to process what I was doing I felt Tim's touch at my side in less than five seconds but I could barely hear him anymore, I tries to concentrate in his touch but the flashbacks began before I could do so and in my mind everything went blank.
Tim's POV
I reached Kori once I saw what was happening and tried to soothe her, but she already had a faraway look on her eyes. I looked up to Bruce who quickly came to our side and picked her up bridal style as she trashed and screamed.
"Go to my room and look in my night table's drawer if there are still some sedatives, if not go tell Alfred, he should have some. Now, Tim!"
I rushed out of the library while the Titans stared at the scene unfolding before them; I rushed to Bruce's room, cursing all the way at the distance. Once there I rummaged as quickly as possible for the sedatives. Luckily I found one and then rushed a couple doors sown to Kori's room. To my surprise Alfred was already there, finishing arranging the bed so we didn't have to struggle to get Kori in and before I could utter a word he took the sedative from my hands and began to put it in the syringe with practiced ease. Not a minute later Bruce burst into the room still carrying a screaming and frightened Kori. He placed her on the bed and I moved to the other side to try to keep her still until the medicine took effect. A minute later Alfred had already injected the medicine in her body and she started to calm as the drug began to so its work.
"She'll be fine now" Alfred announced
"How did you know?" I asked
"I heard Master Dick's outburst, and although understandable, I have to say he did not have the right to say those awful things to Miss Anders" there was a slight tone of disappointment in his voice
"I'll go talk to him. I hate to do this but, he is a young man now and he should know better, plus with Kori's state of mind and problems I have to make her my priority over Richard" Bruce said, as if trying to explain himself
"Go I'll stay with Kori for a while. He needs you right now Bruce, go" I said before he nodded and left the room
"Call us if something changes, Master Tim" Alfred said before he took his leave
I sighed and played with Kori's hair, wondering when this all will be over.
Bruce's POV
I headed towards Richard's room; his room hadn't changed his he left the manor the yellow danger sign is still there since he was at least thirteen. I knock on his door knowing it is most likely closed.
"What?" his voice comes from the other side of the door
"May I come in?" I ask gently
I hear the door unlock and I was greeted with a red eyed Richard, his lips are pressed to a thin line and he look, overall, awful.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally asks in a whisper
"You have to understand Richard, losing Jason was hard on all of us and not even half a year later we lost Starfire, and we all snapped in our own ways but Kori was recuperating after the traumatic events she suffered and she tried to kill herself. Starfire and Jason were her biggest supports and losing them was too much for all of us, I didn't want to lose her too, so she became my main priority. We didn't think telling you in that moment was convenient, fearing how you will react, so we waited until Kori was more stable and you had at least considered the possibility. We never wanted to hurt you and Starfire asked us to not tell you of her whereabouts, until it was convenient and we respected her wishes."
"But when I came for Jason's funeral…." His voice trailed off
"She was recovering in a mental hospital and Kori was trying to keep it together, so they stayed together for support"
"I just…I just…" and with that Richard completely broke down. All I could do was hold the boy who I considered my son and try to comfort him. We stayed like that for what felt like an eternity. His hands clung to my shirt like when he was a little boy too scared about a nightmare.
"It's ok Dick, it will be alright. Shhh… it will be okay. Everything will be fine" I kept whispering reassuring words to my eldest son until he had calmed down enough to think straight again.
"I really screwed up with Kori didn't I?" he said wiping his eyes
"It is understandable but, yeah you did" I said softly
"Is this why she doesn't like us? Because Star died?" he said and I could see fresh tears forming in his eyes. I wiped them away before they could fall
"Sort of. She thinks that if she wouldn't have come here she would still be alive and well living happily with you, but yeah they used to be like best friends or whatever cheesy thing girls call it these days. So she told Kori everything and Kori, who is very much like you, overprotective and willing to sacrifice everything for those she loves, found out the reason Starfire was here and unable to use her powers she got mad at the people who hurt someone she cared about so much, it all just got worse when Star died. She thought it was all a chain reaction and that, even though they wouldn't have met, it would be better if she stayed in Jump as part of the titans."
"I should go and apologize" he said standing up
"It is not the best idea" he shot me a weird look " first she is sedated and we don't really know how much strain that attack caused her body and mind, so we don't know how long she will be resting and second Tim will most likely kill you if you go near her. He is very protective of his sister" that earned me surprised look from Richard
"They call each other that?"
"Yes, I know you try your best to have a close relationship with my new wards. But there is only so much you can do. They live here and see each other every day, it is impossible to keep them from forming a closer bond than you and Jason or you and Tim"
"I understand. Thanks Bruce for being here for me, but I must go check on my team. I need to know how they are holding up"
"It's ok. I'll should probably go and check on Tim, he tends to over work himself when Kori is like this. Oh and dinner will be ready in about two hours so I expect you to be there and explain things to your team too."
"Will do, Bruce"
And with a small and rare hug we parted ways
Kori's POV
-Flashback-
"Are you stupid Jason?" I said angrily to him
"I have to find out Star" he answered honestly
"A parent is not the person who gave birth to you, but the one who cared for you and loved you, believe me. I should know"
He stopped punching the bag in front of him. We were in the batcave training. It had been six months since I first came here and my diction had finally been fixed. Jason looked at me, he had just told me about his plan to search for his real mother but I simply had to oppose at such a ridiculous idea.
"But I need to know, Star. I need to know the reasons for them leaving me, I mean people are always leaving me and I just don't get it at times you know?" he said looking at me
"Jason…. I will never leave you ok? Even if Bruce kicks us out I never will leave your side. You are stuck with me for the rest of eternity" I saw a smile spread on his lips and I knew I had said the right thing. "Now come here" I said as I tackled him to a hug which turned into a tickle war a minute later
"NO JASON! WAIT!"
"YOU'RE JUST DOING THIS TO HOLD ME BACK LIKE BRUCE! YOU TWO ARE JUST THE SAME!"
"YOU WILL GET YOURSELF KILLED"
"I DON'T CARE!"
"WELL I DO!"
"LIKE HELL YOU DO. I KNOW WHAT YOU AE DOING AND I WILL NOT LET YOU. I HATE YOU STARFIRE! I HATE YOU! THERE IS NO WONDER WHY THE TITANS LEFT YOU!"
That was the moment everything crumbled….
I was back at the manor, everything was silent... too silent, Jason had always been the one to make noise; he never liked the silence for long. I stared at myself in the mirror. Stupid, worthless, ugly, weak. That was what I saw. I shattered the mirror at once, before running a hand in my now short hair in an attempt to calm myself down.
"Every effort was futile, he died and you couldn't stop it. Hell you can't even calm yourself. You are stupid and worthless and a slut. Jason hated you, the titans hated you, and Bruce and Alfred probably hate you too. You are a disgrace. You should just die" I thought
And with that I saw my only way out.
Suicide
-End of Flashback-
My eyes shot open and I sat before taking in my surroundings. A moment later I realized I was in my room. How did I get here? How long was I out? And then realization hit me. I fought the urge to curse, before checking the time in my digital clock.
9:05 pm
I sighted in relief as I realized that I wasn't out long, but then I heard the somewhat muffled voice of Bruce talking on the other side of my door.
"…fine, Clark" oh, right Uncle Clark was going to call me "she's asleep right now" a pause "She'll probably be awake tomorrow, it wasn't that bad or that long" another pause "no don't tell Connor, god know I have enough young heroes here….. I know he heard but you are his father" a sigh "put him on the phone, by the way try to intimidate the boy once in a while" I heard him pacing outside the door until "Hello Connor…she's fine you know? And don't you have school or something?" silence "…Right, but you sure want to spend some time with your friends and isn't your prom this week?" a laugh "how about this I'll force Tim and Kori to call you as soon as she wakes up alright? … Ok put your dad back on the phone. Bye Connor" Silence "You'll stop him if he tries to come right? ... No they don't know that" sigh "I have to check on her ok? Bye Clark and thanks"
I hurried back to my bed, to pretend I was not eavesdropping on his conversation. When the door opened I sat on the side as if tried to get up just then, Bruce looked tired but once he saw me sitting a small smile spread over his face
"Hey Kori, how are you feeling?" he asked softly
"I feel fine, a little groggy but fine. How long was I out?"
"Just the whole afternoon. You remember what happened right?"
"Yeah, panic attack huh?" I said trying to lighten the mood
"I'm sorry"
"It's not your fault, and it was bound to happen sometime Bruce. Relax I'm fine" I said with a soft smile but added "but you should get Tim, you know how he gets when this happens"
And with that Bruce bolted out of the room, it was funny to see the much serious Batman run to get one of wards so, said person wouldn't be mad at him and refuse to do the investigations. Not even a minute a later I was being tackled to my bed by Tim while Bruce decided it was amusing to watch form the doorway
"Get off me you hippo!" I said as I tried pushing my little brother away
"Kori, don't ever do that again. You had me worried" he said as he finally allowed me to sit back up
"You know I don't control it, but I'll try to hang on a little longer next time ok?" For that I just received a hug as a response "why don't we go to the roof and talk about this while Bruce goes to get ready for your patrol. We won't be long I promise" I directed the last part to Bruce who just nodded and disappeared down the corridor
We quickly got to the roof of the manor, a place where I came out of habit and where we could have some privacy to talk, if we needed to. And I knew Tim will never let me off the hook if I didn't talk to him, so we sat there watching the stars for a while.
"So who was it this time?" it was a sort of routine, Tim would always break the silence when we needed to talk.
"Just Jason" I said truthfully, and Tim inspected my face as if trying to decide whether I was lying or not
"It wasn't just him this time was it?" I sighed before resting my head on his shoulder and letting a beat or two of silence pass
"It was the first time I tried to kill myself" his arm tightened around me in a sign of comfort, I had only admitted to Tim I had tried to take my life several times before the time I actually did it and if it weren't for Bruce or Alfred I wouldn't be here. "It was the night Jason died, and that horrible voice at the back of my head just kept telling me all kind of awful things. I couldn't help but freak out again. I'm sorry if I scared you"
"You know we love you right?"
"And I love you too"
We sat in silence just watching the stars twinkle for some more time, before we heard steps behind us. We immediately turned prepared to tell Bruce that we will be in the Batcave in two minutes but instead found Richard awkwardly standing there
"Um… I didn't know you were here, so I'll just go um…somewhere else"
"No stay, I was just leaving. Bruce will kill me if I am not ready in like 5 minutes" Tim said
Richard's gaze flickered between Tim and me before sitting himself near me, while Tim left.
"Tell Bruce I'll be down in ten so I can manage all communications and information tonight" I yelled after him before hearing a faint ok as a response.
"So do you come here often?" asked Richard after a few minutes of silence, I decided to give him the time of the day and act civil towards him
"Usually to watch the sunset. I really like all the colors and how everything looks at that time of the day" I said which was not a lie
"So why are you here at night today?"
"Well, I wasn't awake by sunset, and Tim and I come here to talk from time to time"
"Right, sorry" he said
"So… how are you holding up? I know how hard it can be" I said sympathetically. My question must have caught him off guard because he looked at me, shocked, for a few seconds.
"I'm fine, I guess. We thought about it for a while about two years ago and we had time to cope with her not being around. It's just tough, we all had some hope one day we might find her, explain ourselves and bring her back home"
"It was not wrong to have hoped for the best, but why did you search for her for four years? Many would have given up by now" it was silent for another few minutes and Richard just looked to the stars above us
"Because I love her and it was foolish of me to let her go, especially like that" a gasp almost escaped my lips but then I remembered everything and forced the warm feeling inside me to cease to exist, at least for a while
"Do you think you will ever stop loving her?" I asked before I could process my words through my mind
"No. She was the greatest thing to happen to me and I was too blind to see it, but I'll never stop loving her because of that very reason" silence came for a couple more minutes before he laughed to himself "Now you are actin civil towards me?"
"Let's just say that I understand what you are going through and I will be less of a bitch to any of you, from now on that is" I said somewhat playfully. He just laughed
"Hey, I wanted to apologize for earlier. It was totally out of line for me to say those words to you, I didn't really mean them but I feel awful. I didn't know you would react that way or that you suffered from panic attacks for that matter" the acrobat said sheepishly
"It's ok, and not many people know I get them if they knew I would probably be suspended from helping the JLA and be forced to therapy or something and I don't want to have to do that, so can you keep it a secret please?" I asked and he nodded
"How about we start over? Like from total zero" the idea sounded tempting I could meet them a Kori and forget my past as Starfire with them
"Fine"
"Hello, I'm Richard Grayson" he said extending his hand
"I'm Kori Anders, nice to meet you" I said taking it and shaking it
"Pleasure is all mine" he grinned
What we didn't know is that this will be the beginning for them to know the actual truth.
so yeah, they finally talked! Yay! we'll see a little bit more of all of the heroes arround here! (i may have been reading a lot of DC comics lately)
i own nothing!
Reviews are love! and I love you!