Chapter 33
Slinking in the shadows was surprisingly easy in the room despite the large number of people present. The lights were multicolored and plentiful, but dim and directed toward the stage and the food. Leaving the outer perimeters relatively dark, perfect for Quinn to keep a low profile and still be able to celebrate with Sam. Not exactly with Sam physically, that couldn't be possible given the circumstances, his father, his wife, the media, but in her heart she was right beside him holding his hand instead of Mercedes.
For about five minutes it had been perfect, they were going to go downstairs, face the world hand in hand, to hell with the consequences. Sam had told her he was willing to risk it all to be with her starting tonight. Such a romantic notion to forget the outside world and just be together, Quinn let herself get as lost in the idea as he did, until Figgins appeared popping their happy bubble and sending them crashing back to earth. He had brought Sam a fresh suit, which was great, Sam was a tad rumpled from being on the floor, they could delay their entrance a little longer while he showered and changed. Then Figgins pulled a small black box out of his pocket and handed it to Sam, cufflinks, emerald, very expensive looking. They were part of a set that included matching earrings given to him on his wedding day by his great uncle all the way from Ireland. That was all it took, two little pieces of jewelry, to spin their night in a new direction.
Figgins had left them alone, Quinn perched on the bed, Sam in the middle of the room staring at a small black box in the palm of his hand. Quinn knew what he was going to say, so she saved him the trouble. She just remembered Artie, she announced, as she got up to leave. She already had a date and couldn't possibly attend the party with him, Artie would be expecting her. Sam didn't respond, just nodded looking from the box, to Quinn, then back to the box. When her hand hit the doorknob, he spoke again.
"It won't always be like this," he had said with painfully controlled words that exposed more than he probably realized.
Quinn didn't respond, not wanting to dispute him now, when she could tell he wanted his words to be true, but they both knew they weren't. It would always be like this until they were totally free. Free from Dwight, free from CPS, free from Mercedes, then they would get the chance to love each other out in the open, but until then there would always be something in their way.
Sam tried to explain, because he was a problem solver, a caretaker, he wanted all the players in his world happy and at peace.
"It's just she planned this party for me," he said slowly, still not looking in Quinn's direction, instead he scanned the room searching for something unknown.
Finally Quinn opened her mouth, giving him reassurances since he seemed at such a loss. "It's okay," she told him. They would have tonight, after and they'd celebrate for real.
He looked at her and smiled, seeming to relax at the thought. "Tonight." The last he said as he turned and went into his bathroom.
Walking down the stairs alone, psyching herself up into believing that having Sam after the party would be even better than being with him now, she spotted him at the foot of the stairs. His black suit, perfectly tailored, baby blue shirt, vibrant blue tie, and his eyes soothing shade of blue, offering his hand, helping her down the last step. He led her away from the main doorway, down a darkened hall, so they could enter the room without causing a stir. Always thinking was her dashing lawyer that came into town like a caped crusader to find her justice and restore her faith.
Running his hand through his dark hair, he leaned closer, so she could hear him speak "Crying is not allowed when you are with me."
"I'm not crying." Tears had become so frequent for her now, she scarcely noticed when they appeared.
He turned her to face him, catching teardrops with his thumb. "I'm not going to let you hurt yourself for him."
"I'm fine, really Artie."
"So why are you looking like you just lost your best friend."
They had entered the room, holding hands, looking like the picture perfect pair in all black and bright smiles. Quinn watched, transfixed as they were greeted and adored.
"It's just good to see Sam so healthy. You know?"
Sam lifted Mercedes in his arms, clear off the floor, and Quinn felt the air leave her lungs. Her next breath lodged in her throat threatening to suffocate her as she watched them together so close, so happy, so familiar. Even from this distance in the low light of the room, Quinn could see the look on his face, like a memory on instant replay, unwanted déjà vu, the past and the present collided and she knew there was something still inside him, just beneath the surface, trying to break free if only he'd let it.
"I feel like I'm at the prom and they could be king and queen," said Artie against her ear.
"Sam and I were king and queen once," said Quinn, still watching Sam and Mercedes on display, accepting hugs and well wishes.
"Seriously?"
"Yeah feels so long ago."
They had been different people then, so young and hopeful, all that mattered was their relationship, at least that was all that mattered to him. Quinn had other plans, dreams too big for Lima and him. She had let him go to follow those dreams and escape the small minds of a small town, but fate had a strange sense of humor, and like an emotional boomerang, it slung her back to the place she once tried to flee. Back to Lima, back to him.
"I should've known." She could feel Artie laughing against her cheek. "You look like Ken and Barbie."
Quinn rolled her eyes. She'd head that before.
"You know what I mean?" he asked when she didn't respond. "The perfect all-American couple, teenage dreams and all that."
"We sort of were, once, I guess. How about you? Prom king?"
"No way. I was the goofy kid with the too long bangs hugging the wall with a date even shyer than I was."
Quinn looked at him. "You were shy? What about all that Hollywood schmoozing and dating actresses slash models?"
"Had to break out of my shell first, and in high school my shell was firmly in place."
"I was shy too." A shy scared little girl that tried to hide behind dark clothes, heavy eye shadow, and tons of attitude.
"That's surprising Ms. Chart Topper."
"You aren't the only one that had a shell. Sam helped me come out of it though." Always her hero and champion, saving her then and now.
They were midway through the room now, slowly making their way through the mass of guests. All the attention was on Sam, as Mercedes stood back, letting him receive his adoration. A step behind, almost in his shadow, but not forgotten, since every few minutes Sam would reach behind him and extend his hand, so that she would take it and follow him. Quinn really needed to look away but she couldn't, she was drawn to him like a beacon.
"You will be up there one day."
"Up there?" Quinn felt her face grow warm. Could Artie read her thoughts? Did he know she was secretly longing to be the one holding his hand, the one he kept reaching for? "With him? Well I don't…"
She was flustered, feeling exposed and embarrassed. Her feelings for Sam were real and strong, and years in the making, but no one else would understand them. To the outside world she was just another silly woman coveting a man she could never have. But she wasn't silly, she could have Sam, he had told her so that very night.
"No I meant back in the spotlight, shining again," said Artie his breath tickling her cheek as he spoke. "I can't see anything keeping you down for long. You'll be back."
"If it happens, it will all be thanks to Sam." Quinn smiled thinking of all the ways Sam had changed her life.
"Nonsense, you don't need him to fly." Artie rubbed her shoulder, physically emphasizing his words.
"You seem so certain." She pulled her attention from Sam and focused on Artie, even in the low light she could see the smile on his face and the twinkle in his eyes.
"Just calling it like I see it and I'm usually right about things like this."
"I hope you're right," Quinn said a sadness overtaking her. "Because it's lonely here in the shadows."
It had been hard living on the fringes of his life all these months when all she wanted to do was be near him, to show her feelings out in the open. Being the town pariah had held her back from forcing things, from exerting her rights as one of his closest friends. She had let Mercedes push her aside, but now she didn't want to hold back anymore. She was ready to come out in the open with him, Mercedes and Dwight be damned, no more hiding in the dark, but she couldn't. This time Sam had been the one to hold her back, offering her later, instead of right now.
"Let's step into the light," said Artie offering his hand.
"I shouldn't." Quinn's head fell. "Tonight's about Sam. I want to keep a low profile."
"I can tell you now that ain't happening. Once the crowd dies down around Sam, people's eyes will wander and inevitably you'll be spotted." He lifted her head by her chin. "Besides I'm not sure I want to keep such a lovely date under wraps."
Such a sweet guy to do this for her, to try so hard to keep her spirits up, she needed to find a way to thank him for that. For everything. "Thanks for being here Artie," said Quinn giving him the best smile she could muster.
"Nowhere else I'd rather be. And it beats hanging out with Rachel all night. So what do you say? Should we take a chance?"
He extended his hand again, and this time Quinn took it, and let him lead her toward the light, into the thick of the party, toward them.
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