A/N: Hey Everyone! IT'S FINALLY HERE! After waiting in anxious anticipation for so long, JAMES FINALLY HAS HIS PERIOD! Since I know you'll want to hurry up and read this, more A/N's at the end along with all of the responses. I hope you aren't disappointed and enjoy the chapter!

Dedicated to SLATE07, DIRTY MUNCHKIN (), and SZELIJ, AND ALL OF THE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE READING THIS CUZ YOU NEED TO BE MORE UNDERSTANDING! Enjoy! evil grin

Chapter Ten: Bloody Hell. Literally.

For the next ten minutes, James sat in complete silence. He didn't move a muscle except for his eyes shifting from the red spot on the trousers to Lily's peacefully sleeping form. As the dread sank in like a boulder hitting the bottom of his stomach James was overcome with guilt. One million thoughts flooded through his head. Why had he treated her so terribly? What was that Lily was dying of? And the one that he hated to think of most: how long did she have left?

Lily stirred and rolled over.

A sudden thought struck James. What if she doesn't know? With that possibility, James was becoming frantic. He had to tell her; he couldn't just let her go one without knowing, right? He took a deep breath and set the pants aside. Then he plucking up his courage, he stood to his feet and went to wake Lily.

"Hey, Evans," he whispered. He started to shake her shoulder, and then jumped back. I'm shaking someone who is in delicate condition, he thought in horror. What kind of a sick person am I! James composed himself and took another deep breath. He must not panic; at least not in front of a dying person.

"Evans," he whispered again, this time poking her gently. "Evans, wake up!" But Lily didn't move. James bit his lip worriedly. Is she even still sleeping? he thought. He leaned closer and peered at her, trying to tell if she was breathing or not.

He moved closer until he was about an inch from her face. Lily hadn't moved an eyelash. To his surprise, James felt himself welling up. That is, until Lily opened her eyes suddenly and screamed, nearly giving him a heart attack. For the third time, James was rubbing his forehead where he and Lily had collided.

"What are you doing!" she shrieked. Pretty quick reaction for a dying person, James couldn't help thinking.

"Uh…" he stammered. "Well…" Lily yawned and rested her head in her hands.

"Well what?" she said irritably. "Is there a reason you had to wake me up? It had better be good, whatever it is."

"Oh, it's a good reason," James said quickly. He frowned slightly as he considered what he said. "Then again," he mumbled. "It really isn't that great." Lily rolled her eyes.

"In that case," she said. "Wake me up in half-an-hour." She lay back down again, but James grabbed her arm.

"Wait!" he cried. He couldn't let her go back to sleep; what if she never woke up? Lily looked at him with a bewildered expression.

"Yes?" she asked impatiently. James sighed and sat next to her on the couch. This wasn't going to be easy, but he figured that he might as well do it now and give her a chance to get help. He rested a hand on her shoulder, ignoring Lily's disgusted expression.

"Evans," he began gently, forcing himself to look at her. "I have something to tell you, and it's not easy." Lily raised her eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. "Um…" he said. "The thing is…well…I have some…" Now that he was about to tell her, James had no clue how he was going to say it. Telling someone they were dying wasn't exactly something he had practiced for. "Oh, bloody hell, I might as well just say it." James took a deep breath again and closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle the look on her face when Lily found out. "Evans," he said, trying to make his voice strong. "You're dying. I found a blood stain on your pants. Well, actually they were my pants, but since I'm in your body, they would be your pants…right?...anyway, the point is, it looks like you are bleeding a lot, and I think it could lead to death." He opened his eyes, and saw Lily staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth.

"Let me see if I have this right," she said slowly. "You saw blood on the pants you were wearing today." James nodded. "And you think I'm dying." James nodded again and handed her the pants.

"I found it about ten minutes ago," he told her gently. Lily looked down at the pants blankly. She knew immediately what the problem was and, given the situation, she didn't know whether to laugh, or to cry of embarrassment. She looked back and James and just stared at him, not making a sound. James patted her shoulder sympathetically.

"Don't try to be strong," he said gently. "Let it all out." Well, as James advised, Lily let it all out.

Boy, did she let it out.

James was speechless, to say the least.

Usually, when a person was told that she was dying, there was a lot of crying involved.

Lily was crying alright. Absolutely bawling, to be exact.

But James would have never guessed that it her tears would be accompanied with laughter. Not just giggles either. Lily was outright howling.

"Why are you laughing?" he asked incredulously. "I've just told you that you're dying, Evans!" Lily just laughed harder. "I just told you that you're bleeding profusely. You should be devastated!" She doubled over and hung on to the table in front of her. "This is hardly amusing!" Lily straightened up and clutched her stomach.

"Oh—my—God!" she gasped. "Y-you think that you're—that you're—" Lily glanced at him again and a fresh round of giggles burst forth. "Dying!" James looked blank. Poor thing, he thought sadly. She's so overcome with grief that she's gone mad.

"Evans," he said slowly. "Do you comprehend what I just said at all?" Lily nodded, laughing too hard to say anything. "Sooo…what am I missing?" Lily took a few deep breaths to steady herself.

"You—" she said slowly, trying to keep control. "You're not dying."

"I know that," James said patiently. "But you are. We need to get to the hospital—" But James was cut off as Lily started to laugh once again. "What?" James said exasperatedly. "I don't exactly find it funny Evans when I see a blood stain!" Lily finally composed herself and held up the pants.

"Potter," she said. "I think this is a conversation we need to have in private. Let's go to the Prefects bathroom." James followed Lily as she walked briskly out of the Common Room, but not before he grabbed his bag of chocolate-covered pistachios.

"So," he said. "You're not dying?" Lily shook her head.

"No," she snorted. "I can't believe you thought I was dying." James scowled at her and stopped before the portrait entrance to the bathroom.

"Excuse me for being concerned," he said indignantly. He said the password and the door swung open, revealing a huge bathroom.

"Okay," Lily began. "Potter, you might want to sit down for what I'm about to tell you." Too puzzled to argue, James did as he was told and sat down on the edge of the humongous bathtub. Lily took a deep breath and tried not to laugh. "Alright," she said. "Potter, the reason you're bleeding is because…" She trailed of and glanced at James, who was slowing chewing a mouthful of pistachios. Huh, Lily thought in amusement. He got the craving. Definitely no other reason for this. Lily cleared her throat and tried to start again. "You see, you…have…um…" This was a lot harder to say than she thought. How would someone tell a boy that he had his period? "The thing is…well..."

"Is it possible," James said loudly. "That somewhere between all of the ums and uhs, you could tell me what's going on?"

"Fine!" Lily snapped, losing her patience. "You have your period!"

So much for being diplomatic.

Such a silence filled the room, that a person would have thought himself deaf. Finally, Lily's words sank in.

"I HAVE MY WHAT!" James roared. Lily jumped in surprise at James loud, but not completely unexpected reaction. James jumped up and started to pace around the room, waving his hands around wildly. "I can't!" he exclaimed. "It's physically impossible!" Lily calmly picked up the bag of chocolate-covered pistachios up from the ground and helped herself to a handful of them.

"No it's not," she said serenely. "You are in a girl's body. Girls have their periods. Therefore, Potter, you have your—" Lily was cut of abruptly by James yelling and his hands clapped firmly over his ears.

"DON'T SAY IT!" he shouted, his eyes shut tightly. Lily strode up to him and tried to pry his hands away from his ears.

"Grow up!" she shouted. "You're in my body and going to have to deal with it! Whether or not you want to believe it you're going to have to! It's the truth!" James wrenched himself out of her grip.

"I can't handle the truth!" he yelled hysterically. James sat down on the floor, scowling as he reached for the chocolate-covered pistachios.

"Merlin," Lily said exasperatedly, leaning against the sink. "You are such a baby. You can handle a pain like getting hit in the groin, but you can't handle having your period." James glared at her.

"Could you stop saying that?" he said grumpily. He wiped his eyes and sniffed. Lily peered at him closely.

"Potter," she said incredulously. "Are you…crying?"

"No!" he said indignantly, although his cracking voice proved otherwise.

"You are!" Lily exclaimed, a grin spreading on her face. "You're crying because you have your period!" James frowned as Lily started snickering.

"It's not funny!" he cried. "It's bloody terrifying, you know! Waking up one day, having back aches and cramps that feel like someone is on an archaeological dig in your organs, and crying for no reason is not something I am accustomed to! It's no wonder why I thought you were dying! MY MASCULINITY HAS BEEN COMPLETELY SHATTERED!" Lily pressed her lips together to keep from laughing as James shook the bag of pistachios furiously, sending several flying to the floor. "And newsflash, Evans! I hate chocolate-covered pistachios! Why can't you have a regular craving like ice-cream or chocolate? IS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU COMPLETELY ABNORMAL!" James broke off from his rant glowering and breathing hard, and angrily shoved a fistful of pistachios into his mouth. Lily cleared her throat.

"Are you finished?" she asked dully. James merely made a face at her and didn't answer. "Good," continued Lily coolly. "I'm going to ignore everything you just said, because I understand that you are going through PMS right now. I suppose that now you know what it's like, you will no longer be making fun of girls who are emotional when we return to our natural states." James muttered something under his breath incoherently. Frankly, Lily wasn't sure she wanted to know what it was.

She glanced at the clock and saw that she had roughly forty before she had to be on the pitch for Quidditch practice. Lily walked over to the cabinet. When she had pulled out a few items that she knew James would need to know about.

"Okay," she said, holding them up. "There are a few things you need for the next few days—"

"It lasts for days!" James exclaimed.

"Yep," Lily said gleefully. "Five at the most. Almost an entire week of cramps, back aches, and exaggerated emotions. Think you can deal, Potter?"

"NO!" he wailed. Lily shrugged.

"Too bad," she said casually. "You don't really have a choice. I have no shame in admitting to you that I find this highly entertaining." James narrowed his eyes at her.

"That's hardly surprising," he said sourly. "You always did take pleasure in my pain. Masochist," he added with a scowl.

"Like you never did in mine," Lily retorted. "But anyway, I have a right this time. Every girl wishes a guy could go through a period, just so that they can be more understanding. I'm glad to say that I got my wish, and I will not be taking it for granted."

"It would be nice if you could offer a few helpful words of advice for once in your life," James interjected crossly. He had no idea where these snappy comments were coming from, but every little thing Lily said was annoying him; it was almost out of nowhere. Lily grinned. Once again, James was very irked by it and he didn't know why.

"Aren't we touchy," she said lightly. James just scowled and popped another pistachio in his mouth.

"Could we continue, please?" he said impatiently, rubbing his lower back. Lily considered giving James a smart remark, but thinking he was already in enough pain, she decided against it.

Plus, she had a practice to go to.

"Alright," Lily said. She held up an item wrapped in pink paper. No matter how funny it was to watch James go through this, it was also extremely embarrassing for her. "I can't believe I'm teaching a boy to use a pad," she moaned. James looked highly affronted.

"You have the nerve to complain?" he said incredulously. "How can you be whining about that when I'm the one in real pain here?"

"Hey!" Lily cried. "I'm talking to a boy, one I despise no less, and I have to tell him all about having a period! Do you think I like it? It's bloody humiliating! How do you think I feel?"

"You, you, you," James shot back. "It's all about you, isn't it? You don't give a rip about THE PERSON WHO IS REALLY SUFFERING!"

"I am focusing on the person suffering," Lily stated evenly. "I just told you how I felt, didn't I?"

"I MEANT ME!" James roared. Lily snickered. She had known what he meant; she had just said that to aggravate him, just once more before she became serious. Now that she had done so, she could continue.

"Calm down," Lily said, waving a careless hand. "Are you finished with your temperamental outbursts? Because if you are, I think it would be wise if we continued. Don't you?" James opened his mouth but Lily interrupted. "Good. Now, you need to pay attention because it is essential to know everything I'm about to teach you. Are you listening?" James rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm smelling the roses," he said sarcastically. Again, Lily ignored his comment.

"Okay," she began. "We'll start with something simple."

"Like any of this crap is simple," James grumbled.

"You'll get the hang of it eventually. Alright, Potter, we'll begin with this…" Once again, she held up the item wrapped in pink paper, and prepared herself for a very long discussion.

"Okay," James said thirty minutes later. "Let me see if I have this right." He held up a pad, pinching it between his fingers as though contaminated. He looked at it, and a disgusted expression took over his face. "I have to wear this?"

"Yes," Lily said wearily, rolling her eyes. She felt like she had explained this to him at least one thousand times.

"And I am going to be bleeding anywhere from three to five days?"

"Yes."

"And I have to endure cramps?" Lily rubbed her temples and closed her eyes. I will not lose my temper, I will not lose my temper, she chanted mentally.

"Yes, Potter."

"And I am going to have backaches as well?"

"Yes," Lily told him exasperatedly. James looked uncertainly at the pad he was holding between his fingers.

"And you're sure I have to wear—?"

"YES!" Lily yelled, finally losing her patience. "You do have to wear a pad, you will be bleeding for five days, and you will have backaches! And guess what? There's more! You'll be cranky, you'll get bloated, and you'll feel like you're on an emotional rollercoaster! Okay? Do you get it now, Potter!" James just blinked at her. Then he grinned, his eyes twinkling in merriment.

"No, not really," he said. "Would you mind running through it a few more times?" Lily glared at him furiously before grabbing at towel, putting it over her face, and screaming as loud as she could. James smirked; it was nice to know he had that effect on her. After a few seconds of muffled swear words and shrieking, Lily set the towel down. Aside from her red face, she looked rather calm. "Having problems?" James asked cheerfully.

"What are you talking about?" Lily said stiffly, her jaw visibly clenched. "I'm perfectly fine."

"Obviously," James snorted. Lily looked at the clock. She had a little over ten minutes to teach James how to use a pad. Lily sighed and closed her eyes; this would probably take a lot longer than ten minutes.

"Okay," she said, taking the pad from him. "I've already taught you when to change it. Now comes the hard part." James rolled his eyes.

"Yeah," he snorted. "The other parts were really simple."

"They are compared to what I'm about to teach you," Lily countered. She took a little bit of satisfaction in James looking apprehensive. "Now, all you need to know how to do is put it on." James's expression changed from apprehensive to horrified.

"Oh that's disgusting," he groaned, wrinkling his nose. "You mean I actually have to…like…put it on?" Lily fixed James with a glare.

"Potter," she said sternly, reminding him strongly of Professor McGonagall. "Do you really think I would let you put it on?" James looked thoroughly confused.

"So," he said slowly. "Does that mean you're going to—?" Before he could get the answer out, Lily reached out and whacked him sharply on the head. "Ow!" he whined.

"I meant I was going to give you a spell, idiot," Lily said acidly. James scowled and rubbed his head.

"You could have just said that," he grumbled.

"Oh, stop whining," Lily said briskly. "All you have to do point at yourself at say Scourgify, okay? See? Not so hard."

"Where do I point to?" James asked innocently. Lily closed her eyes and sighed.

"You know damn-well where to point to," she said through gritted teeth. James grinned at her.

"Just in case," he said lightly. "Maybe you should tell me. You know, make sure we don't have any mixed messages going on."

"You'll have to scourgify every two hours," Lily said quickly, ignoring James's crude comment. "Two and a half at the latest."

"Isn't that a bit obsessive?" James asked. "Do I really have to do it that often?"

"Well," Lily told him. "That all depends, really. If you want walk around with a huge red stain on your clothes and smelling like a dead fish, by all means, go ahead and do it when you want." James cringed.

"I think I'll stick to every two hours, thanks," he murmured. Lily smiled.

"Glad you see it my way," she said cheerily. "Okay, stand up and let me put it on." James raised his eyebrows.

"With…a spell…right?" he asked uncertainly. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Yes," she said impatiently. "Now hurry up!" James stood to his feet, clucking his tongue softly.

"Touchy," he said, grinning. "I thought I was supposed to be the moody one"

"Just shut up and turn around," Lily muttered irritably as she prepared to point at the pad. James didn't move and gave her a suspicious look.

"Why…?" he said slowly. Lily sighed.

"Because," she explained, a little sheepishly. "I don't think I can do it while you look at me."

"You're choosing this time to be embarrassed," James said incredulously. "When I'm the one with the reason to be?" Lily stamped her foot impatiently.

"Just do it!" she exclaimed. James did as he was told, scowling as he turned around and mimicking Lily quietly in a high voice. When his back was to her, Lily pointed at the pad and muttered a spell (a/n: please forgive me for not having the creativity to think of one. As it isn't really the central theme of the title, I'm sure everyone can just go with the flow hahaha! No pun intended, honest. J and deal with it. okay, back to the story!). As soon as she did, the pad in her hand disappeared. A moment later James squirmed and turned around, looking mightily uncomfortable.

"This feels like a bloody diaper," he said, face scrunched up. "Isn't there something else that's a little less…bunchy?"

"There is," Lily answered. "But it's nothing you will be using. Come on, I don't want to make Brian even more upset than he will be by being late to practice. Let's go." Lily started for the door, expecting James to follow her. But when he wasn't by her side she turned around. When she did, she immediately burst into laughter. James was walking very slowly with his legs spread about two and a half feet apart, almost like a waddle.

"What's the matter with you?" Lily snickered. James looked up curiously.

"What?" he asked, clearly baffled. Lily started to laugh again.

"You can't walk like that!" she exclaimed, gesturing to his feet. "You look like some sort of demented duck that has a bullet up its arse."

"Well, I feel like a duck that has a bullet up its arse."

"But you can't walk like one," Lily told him. James still looked puzzled and Lily sighed. "Just walk like you normally would." James looked doubtful and shook his head slowly from side to side.

"I don't think I can do that," he said hesitantly.

"Of course you can," Lily said. "Girls do it every day."

"You can't really use that argument, since I don't happen to be one," James said stonily.

"Well, yeah, but there's a first time for everything. Just try it, Potter. It really isn't that difficult." James gave her a look that clearly stated that it was. "Just try it," Lily repeated exasperatedly.

"Fine," James sighed. Frowning slightly, he stood with his legs together again. Then he took a step, and another, until finally he was walking like usual again.

"See?" Lily said, heading to the door again. "It's not that bad." James grabbed his bag of pistachios and followed her out.

"How would you know?" he asked grumpily, scowling at her. Lily crossed her arms and quirked an eyebrow, grinning slightly. James realized what he just said and looked down. "Oh...right…" he mumbled sheepishly. "I guess you would know, wouldn't you…? I mean you're obviously a…a…so you really would know about the…you know…" James cleared his throat and waved a hand. "…Womanly objects and such…" he said gruffly. Lily bit her lip and started to snicker. "Let's just forget I ever said anything, shall we?" James said hastily before shoving pistachios into his mouth to stop his rambling. Lily laughed quietly for a few more seconds, and tried to compose herself.

"Just one question, Potter," she said as soon as she had control.

"What?" he said through a mouthful of pistachios. Lily cringed at the sight of the mashed up green and brown bits of food before answering. "Why didn't you know about all this before?" James shrugged as he and Lily climbed the steps.

"Well," he explained. "Seeing as I am a boy, the topic doesn't really come up much in your life."

"But why didn't you ask someone?" James fixed her with a look.

"Because on a date, it would be most impolite to bring up the subject of feminine hygiene," he answered sardonically. "It's just not one of those issues you talk about over a candlelit dinner. Besides, why would I? Pads, mood swings, and blood aren't on my list need-to-know matters." Lily grinned and shook her head.

"You obviously didn't pay attention in health last year," she said. James looked blank.

"We had health class?" he asked. Lily looked at him disbelievingly.

"What do you mean, 'we had health class'?" she exclaimed. "Don't you remember Professor Portman taking away house points because you and Sirius kept cracking jokes?" James continued to look puzzled. Then a look of comprehension dawned on his face.

"Oh," he said slowly. "That was health class?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"What did you think?" she asked impatiently. James shrugged, still looking a bit baffled.

"I thought it was a new program of Care of Magical Creatures," he said. (A/N: That DAMNED line is the reason this chapter was delayed! BIG THANKS TO MY FRIEND BROOKE WHO THOUGHT OF IT IN A SPLIT SECOND! I hope you like it 'cause I sure spent a long time thinking of it, even though I didn't come up with it.)

"Well," Lily chuckled, casting him a side-glance. "While it is true that we women are indeed magical creatures—" James snorted and rolled his eyes. "—how did you come to that conclusion?"

James cleared his throat and turned a tinge of red. Now that he knew what he had been learning in the class, it was really an embarrassing subject to discuss. "You know," he said gruffly, waving his hand around. "With all of the…pictures and…terms…and all that crap, who wouldn't think it was another sort of creature instead of…of what it really was?" Lily immediately started to laugh, not even bothering to contain her amusement.

"Crea—creatures!" she wheezed.
James glanced at her sideways. "Are you laughing with me?" he asked. "Because generally when a person laughs with another person that other person has to be laughing along with…that other…person." James frowned slightly and went over the phrase mentally to see if it made even an ounce of sense.

It didn't.

This only made Lily laugh harder. "No, I'm laughing at you," she gasped before a fresh bout of laughter came out. Even though he knew that Lily was making fun of him, James couldn't help grin; this was now the second time he had made her laugh. Not a cruel laugh, but one that was genuine and carefree. That's just too weird, James thought. It's only a carefree laugh because she has my laugh; Evans could never pull off anything carefree!

A high-pitched, girlish sound distracted him from thinking any longer. James turned to Lily and, with utmost shock and just a bit of horror, he saw her doubled over clutching her stomach…and she was giggling. James winced and looked around; it was an extremely un-masculine thing to do.

"Do you think you could…erm…you know, stop that?" he asked awkwardly.

"Stop…what…?" Lily wheezed between snickers. James rolled his eyes.

"Oh, you know…" he said, waving his hand in the air. "That giggling thing. Boys don't giggle; we guffaw." Lily's mad giggles finally came to stop.

"Guffaw," she repeated with raised eyebrows. James nodded vigorously and held up a finger.

"And sometimes," he added, grinning at her. "If we want to be polite, we chortle." Lily made a noise that sounded as though she was about to start laughing again. James was thankful that she composed herself. "We do," he insisted. "Do you know what would happen if a boy was caught giggling?"

"Do you?" Lily countered smartly. James opened his mouth to argue. Then he closed it, realizing there was no real way to answer that question. That is so trivial, she thought. All worked up because he's worried people might think he giggles. Yet he has no problem sneaking out of school after hours and risking getting caught.

"Yes," James said indignantly. "I do have an answer. But seeing as you have a Quidditch practice to go to, I really don't have the time to explain. Especially since you're already five minutes late." Lily groaned as James took hold of her shoulders, steering her down the steps.

"I don't want to go," she complained.

"Don't care," James replied merrily

"But my arms hurt!" Lily cried. "As well as my legs, my shoulders, my feet, and my—"

"Still not caring," James chirped.

"Did I mention that Quidditch isn't on my list of priorities?"

"Did I mention that I didn't care?" Lily twisted around in James's grip and glowered at him as they made their way into the front hall.

"Have I ever told you that you're a foul, annoying piece of scum that belongs in the pits of hell?" she asked tonelessly. James opened the humongous door, squinting a bit as light streamed into his eyes.

"You might have said something about it a couple hundred times," he said good-naturedly. "Then again, I'm not quite sure. After years of you yelling and scolding, I get used to it and soon all I can hear is blah-blah-blah."

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "You're exasperating." James grinned at her and pinched her cheek as a grandmother would her grandchild, but he added a bit more 'pinch' to it.

"Aw, I'm moved by your kind words," he said. Lily smacked his hand away from her face and scowled.

"Don't touch me," she grumbled. James smirked and removed his hand.

"Why so cranky Evans?" he asked pleasantly. Lily looked at him curiously.

"Why are you so bloody cheerful?" she asked. "You just found out that you had your period. You should be in mourning." James didn't answer right away; come to think of it, why was he so cheerful?

"I'm not quite sure," he said slowly, looking puzzled. "I don't really have anything to be happy about." Lily smiled knowingly. James caught this and groaned. "Let me guess," he said dully. "This is one of the many joyful effects of going through a period."

"Yep," Lily said gleefully, not showing a trace of sympathy.

"Brilliant," James said moodily. This is insane, he thought. One minute I feel so happy I want to skip for no reason, and now I feel like I just want to curl up and contemplate my sad excuse for a life. "Great week this'll be," he muttered. James scowled and tugged at his pants; they were beginning to feel a bit tight. Actually, a lot tighter than they had been. Perhaps that's why his judgment was impaired when he said the next sentence. "Merlin," he said, wincing slightly. "I feel like I'm wearing a corset. Did you gain some weight, Evans?" Lily glared at him. (Yet another A/N: Note to all guys out there: Never mention a girl's weight unless you want to spend the rest of your life in a hospital with an I.V by your side. Just a little bit of advice that you might find helpful. J

"No," she said acidly. "I did not 'gain some weight' as you so eloquently put it, Potter. You're bloated." James looked at her, furrowing his brows.

"Did you just call me fat?" he asked her. I can't believe I just said that, James thought, horrified. Must be one of those bloody side effects. Lily rolled her eyes.

"No," she snapped. "You're bloated because you have your period, Potter! How many times do I have to tell you until it gets through that peanut you call a brain!" James scowled and cursed mentally when he had to fight down the urge to cry. Only one hour of having PMS and I've already been through enough bloody emotions to last me a lifetime.

"You don't have to yell at me," he mumbled. To both Lily's and his surprise, it was said in a genuinely hurt tone. Lily sighed, remembering that James would be extremely sensitive during the next week, through no fault of his own. Not all of it, anyway.

"I'm sorry," she said, maintaining a patient voice with difficulty. "I suppose since you're feeling hypersensitive—"

"I am not feeling hypersensitive!" James interrupted crossly.

"—and a bit hot-tempered," Lily continued, giving him a look. "I'll have to start being nicer and more understanding to you. Damn," she added under her breath.

"Well, it would help just a tad," he told her scathingly.

"Quit your griping and eat the chocolate-covered pistachios," Lily told him. "Trust me, they help." James popped a few into his mouth, closing his eyes as the feeling of satisfaction flooded through him. Lily grinned. "Good, huh?" she asked. James nodded, eyes still eyes. "Here," Lily said. "Let me have a few of those." She reached out for the bag but James quickly yanked it out of her reach.

"Get your own," he said shortly. Lily opened her mouth slightly, surprised at his change in mood so quickly. Even though she knew what he was going through, it was very different being on the receiving; out of all her friends, she was the one who became the most irritable during her period. They had always told her that it wasn't pleasant, and they were right. "Sharing is caring, Potter," she told him.

"It's a good thing I don't care then, isn't it?"

"Fine," she said. "Be that way."

"I will, thanks," James replied.

"But," Lily added in a sing-song voice. "I guess that means you don't want to know where you get more." James looked at her, trying to decide whether or not she would withhold information that was so vital. Lily just smiled at him all-too-innocently and that's all she had to do for James to make up his mind.

She wouldn't hesitate a second.

James swore under his breath and begrudgingly thrust the bag at her. "Here," he grunted with a scowl." Lily grinned at him and helped herself to a generous portion of pistachios. It was a portion that was a little too generous for James' liking. "Hey!" he cried, snatching it back. "D'you mind? I actually need these!"

Lily chuckled and popped a few in her mouth. "Feeling a little tight-fisted, eh, Potter?" she asked. She grinned at him, making her cheeks puff out a bit from the pistachios in her mouth.

James glowered at her. "You'll be feeling just plain fist if you don't shut up," he threatened. Lily was just about to respond to that, but a severe, commanding voice right behind ear stopped her from doing so.

"Potter!" it yelled. Lily jumped in surprise, choking on the pistachios that had still been in her mouth. James casually gave her a sharp thump to the back.

"Brian!" Lily wheezed, swallowing the remainder of her food. "I'm really sorry I'm—" Brian shoved a watch into her face, silencing her effectively.

"Read that," he ordered. Lily glanced at James, who shrugged and gave her a look that said quite plainly, 'Don't look at me, it's your problem.'

Lily winced and said quietly, "Erm…seven forty."

"Hmm," Brian said, cocking his head and pretending to be thoughtful. "That's funny; I could have sworn I said that practice started at seven thirty. But how would I know? My word doesn't count for a thing around here. I'm just the lowly captain of the bloody team, so everyone knows that position holds no authority whatsoever."

"Sorry," Lily repeated. "I just…me—me and Lily—" James held his hands up and shook his head.

"Leave me out of it," he said to her quickly.

Lily glared at him before turning back to Brian, whose sarcastic demeanor was dropped and replaced by that of an angry one. "I was held up, Brian," she started to explain, but she was cut off for the third time.

"I don't want to here it, Potter," Brian said brusquely, folding his arms. "What I want is to see you in the air, flying like you've got one hundred Bludgers at your tail and passing like the Quaffle is a burning lump of coal. Do I make myself clear?" Lily nodded.

"Yeah," she said.

"Good," Brian replied. "Now, up in the air. We've got a match to prepare for." He turned to walk away, and Lily swore under her breath. As soon as I get back into my body, she thought savagely. I never want to even hear the word Quidditch. She was preparing to mount her broom, still scowling and muttering to herself, when James poked her in the back.

"What?" she demanded, turning around to face him.

James jerked his head to Brian's retreating back. "You forgot to tell him that you have detention," he told her. Lily snorted and shook her head.

"No I didn't," she said.

"What do you mean?" James said, looking puzzled. "You have detention in twenty minutes. I thought we agreed that you were going to tell him you had to leave early."

"So I've changed my mind," Lily snapped at him. She lifted about a foot off the ground and started to glide in midair. "Did you see him just now?" she continued. "He's already peeved off; I don't want to make it worse!" James crossed his arms and looked at her skeptically.

"What do you plan on doing?" he asked, as he started to walk beside her. "It's not like you can—if you're going to hover like that you might want to get lower to the ground…a little more…good—It' not like you can just sneak off." Lily pursed her lips and suddenly became very interested in the broom stick. "Wait," James said, looking at her carefully. "You're not going to do that, are you? Because you can't, so don't even think about it. You can't just sneak off from practice like that! You'll get in trouble with Brian." Lily smiled wryly. He's started to sound like me, she thought. Apparently, James was thinking the same thing. His eyes had widened slightly and he was looking a bit frantic. "Oh, Merlin, I just sounded like you," he muttered.

"Potter!" yelled Brian from above. "GET YOUR ARSE UP HERE!"

Lily sighed and looked up at Brian. "I guess I'd better get up there, then," she said reluctantly. She tilted the broom upwards and started to ascend to where the team was running through a drill.

"Don't forget to tell him about detention!" James shouted up at her. In a flash, Brian was beside Lily again.

"What was that?" he asked her, tossing the quaffle from hand to hand. "What was Lily going on about?"

"Well," she said carefully, avoiding his gaze. "I have to leave early because I have detention at eight." The words came out in a rush, but Brian didn't have to ask her to repeat the sentence. Out of frustration he hurled the Quaffle quite a distance from them, ignoring the distant cry of pain that came from Sirius when it collided with his head.

"Dammit, Potter!" Brian exclaimed angrily. "Why did you have to get detention now? Of all times to get a detention you have to choose one that's right before the second most important match in the season!" That was it for Lily; she had just explained feminine hygiene to sixteen year old boy, which had turned out to be extremely draining. She was tired, she was very sore, and had little patience left.

This was probably why Lily did what she did next. "Look!" she shot back. "It isn't my fault, okay?" Sirius and the rest of the team heard her snap at Brian, and stopped their drill to listen in.

James groaned from his place on the ground and put his head in his hands. I'll never be able to show my face on the pitch again after this, he thought sullenly. "Please don't say anything stupid in addition to what you've already said," he pleaded quietly. Of course, that just couldn't happen.

"One night without me won't dismantle the team," Lily continued heatedly. "It's not like I strolled my way into detention with a happy smile on my face. So you can just back off!" She took a deep breath and angrily shoved a lock of black hair out of her eyes. Brian's eyebrows knitted together and he frowned slightly.

"That was way out of order, Potter," he said sternly. "You're lucky I don't take a bludger to your head and kick you off the team for that." Lucky for James his prayers were answered and Lily stayed silent, choosing to glower at the captain instead. Brian sighed and checked his watch. "Alright," he said tiredly. "It's nearly ten to. I'm assuming you have detention with McGonagall, correct?" Lily nodded. Brian rubbed his forehead. "Then you won't want to keep her waiting. Look Potter, why don't you go now? There's no point in staying anymore. But," he said, holding up his finger. "I expect you to be here for tomorrow night's practice before any of the others get here. And you had better be flying like Wesley Morgan did in the Quidditch World Cup last summer, do I make myself clear?"

Lily didn't miss a beat nor blink an eye before firmly replying, "Crystal." Brian looked at her grimly before flying away to the team, who up until then had been watching the display between the two intently. When they saw Brian swerve his broom towards them, the team quickly turned to each other and acted as though they had been innocently conversing the entire time instead of eavesdropping. Too distracted by her anger to be nervous, Lily descended to the ground and landed of the grass with a soft thud. Scowling, she thrust the broom into James and stalked off in a huff towards the school. James stood rooted to the ground for a moment, staring blankly at the broom. He was in a little bit of a shock, half because Lily hadn't gotten kicked off the team, and half because she had managed a descent landing.

When he came out of his stupor James rushed after her, hurrying to catch up. "Wait a second!" he called after. Lily ignored him and continued to storm up to the castle. "Evans!" James tried again. When she still didn't stop, he swore under his breath. Somehow, he thought as he pushed the doors open. I always seem to end up chasing after her. How did she get so bloody fast? "Would just slow down for a damn minute!" he exclaimed. Lily stopped at the bottom of the staircase so abruptly that James nearly crashed into her. Gasping to catch his breath his said, "Now, d'you…d'you think…you could…tell me...what…" He took another gulp of breath and demanded, "What the hell was the matter with you out there? You nearly got me kicked off the team. For good! Are you insane?"

"Oh, stuff it, Potter," Lily snapped at him. "I didn't need the Brian yelling at me and I don't need you to either."

James ignored her and continued to rant as they ascended the stairs, waving his hands around furiously. "You don't just—tell the captain off like that!"

"Why not?" Lily shot back.

"Because, you just don't! While you're in my body, Evans, you can't jeopardize my position on the team. It means a lot to me, more than you'll understand. Once a person is kicked off, they can't get back on."

Lily rolled her eyes. "We wouldn't want that, now would we?" she said sarcastically. James grabbed her shoulder, preventing her from taking another step. Lily turned to wrench herself from his grip, and found that he was far from amused.

"Look," he said in a quiet voice. "I get that you don't like Quidditch, I even get that you suck at it. It may not be on your priority list, but it's at the top of mine. And while you're in my body, I want you to remember that and to respect that. Clear?" For the second time in her life, Lily found herself feeling thankful that she hadn't had to face James's temper when he was at his full size. She knew that she had a bad temper, but from previous hints in that week Lily had a feeling that hers was nothing compared to James'. She nodded mutely and James turned away from her, avoiding her gaze.

"Sorry," he muttered, removing his hand from her shoulder. "Must be the hormones."

Lily grinned, biting her lip to keep from laughing. "It's alright," she replied. "Sorry I blew up at Brian." James shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the broom in his hands.

"That was quite a hover you did out there," he commented amiably, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them. "Not bad of a landing either."

"I was distracted," Lily said modestly. "My mind wasn't really on the height or any of that."

"Didn't I tell you that all you had to do was relax?"

Lily gave him a look. "No."

"Well," James said with a wave of his hand. "I implied it. You claim to be smart, don't you? You should have figured it out on your own." He gave Lily a lopsided grin and rapped her lightly on the head with his knuckles. "What's that I hear?" he joked. "Is that an echo inside of your hollow head? Losing your touch there, eh Evans? Will I be making my acceptance speech as the smartest and cleverest student at Hogwarts sometime soon?" Lily swatted his hand away from her head.

"Not on your pathetic excuse for a life, Potter," she laughed. James looked sulky and looked at Lily with puppy-eyes.

"That's not nice," he said, pretending to be wounded. Lily rolled her eyes again.

"That doesn't work on me, Potter," she said dryly. "Nor will it ever." At her words James instantly dropped his act.

"That's interesting," he said casually. "All the other girls completely melt when I do that."

"Quite the modest one, you are."

James ignored Lily's comment and stroked his chin, looking thoughtful. "You're the one girl who doesn't fall for that," he continued softly, more to himself than to her. "Maybe you're just weird or something. Strangely, I find it all very intriguing."

"Can I go jump off a cliff now?" Lily interrupted. "I would much rather do that than listen to you talk anymore." James shrugged and smiled.

"By all means, go ahead," he said kindly. "Rid us all of such a nuisance. That way, we both get what we want. You don't have to listen to me talk and I don't have to see you ever again. Personally, I believe I have the better end of the deal." Lily snorted and glanced at her watch.

"Whatever," she said. "Look, I don't have time to reply to that—"

"Maybe 'cause you can't," James quipped brightly.

"—because I have a detention to get to," Lily finished, looking at him defiantly. She hitched her bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you later. And don't forget; every two hours."

"Like I'm going to forget something like that," James scoffed.

Lily grinned and shook her head. "Later, Potter," she said as she made her way into the Transfiguration classroom.

"Have fun, angel!" James called back cheerfully. He heard Lily mutter something under her breath moodily and slam the door shut. He grinned to himself and started to make his way up to Gryffindor Tower.

As James walked up the stairs, he reached into the bag of pistachios. However, he felt nothing but the bottom of the bag. Frowning, James held it up to his eyes for a closer examination. When he looked inside, he felt like he was in a dire crisis.

There were no more chocolate-covered pistachios left, and he had forgotten to ask Lily where to get more. That meant that it would be a whole four hours later until he could get another supply, maybe more. James suddenly felt like crying and cursing the world at the same time. He swore loudly and stomped the rest of his way up to tower, kneading his knuckles into the bottom of his aching back. One thing was for certain, James thought to himself.

He would never make a single joke about PMS ever again.

A/N: WOOHOO! And there you have it. Flowers fly at author by the dozens I really hope I didn't disappoint anyone. And thanks to those who: a) understood and let me take my time writing this chapter, as I just wanted to make it the best since you all were waiting for it. THANK YOU to everyone that reviewed!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE! AND HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR! WHOO-HOO!

Until next time, and there WILL be one,

Spirit