Hey! I'm the narrator! I tell the story that you're reading now! If you don't like it, then you can go fuck a shoe stuffed with moose shit. This story starts with the main character walking down the hall of high school. No one really knows or cares about his real name, but his NICKNAME is platinum bullet. He's not very popular, but that doesn't matter, He doesn't have time for that shit anyway. His only friends are kids from younger grades. And they told him to meet them right outside the school for some ridiculous bullshit about "magic", and "wishes". He knew this was doubtlessly a prank, but he had nothing to do in particular since the day had just ended, and he just stayed after. He ran into a guy in the hallway. , and as he got up, he gasped in horror at who it was! For it was no other than his arch nemesis!
"GARY STU!" he exclaimed.
"aha! So we meet again platinum!" said Gary stu in his obnoxiously perfect voice.
"Fuck off Gary, I have a place to be, and I don't want to fight!" said platinum angrily.
"Of course you don't , who WOULD want to fight somebody as perfect as me? I'm better than everybody at everything!" replied Gary stu. He laughed for 6 minutes straight. Platinum secretly wondered if he could shut up about himself for that long. Or hold his breath underwater for that matter. Platinum took a swing , but missed, because Gary Stu was too fast. Gary stu beat the living shit out of platinum in retaliation. platinum got back up after Gary's bullshit. Gary was walking away. Probably off to make sure that he had already screwed ALL of the popular girls in school. The one flaw Gary had was that he couldn't write for SHIT! He wrote crappy fanfic about my little pony, where he fucked all of them, and saved the world. People like him make me sick! But none of that shit is in this script that I'm reading to you!
When platinum got outside the school, his friends were waiting there with a strange little device. His friend comet blitz was the only one who came to call the other kids on their bullshit, standing there looking smug in his color changing bowtie, and black, and red hair.
"Finally you're here! You look like you bumped into Gary stu on the way!" said one of them. They handed platinum the device. It had a screen, and a button. He pushed the button, and a face appeared on the screen.
"What do you wish for your first out of third wish? "Asked the screen. Platinum smirked at his friends' bullshit.
"A pet velociraptor. No, wait! A TALKING pet velociraptor! Named fluffles! In fact, I also want the power to control ALL dinosaurs, and to not look like I lost a fight with a wood chipper that's continuously being fed shit! ALL in this one wish!" Said platinum.
"alright, that second part made absolutely no sense, and the third part is just not going to happen, but I'll see what I can do about the first part." Replied the device.
"what kind of app is this?" asked comet.
"It's not an app! One kid asked for a hundred bucks, and he found a $100 bill in his pocket!" replied one of the other dumbass kids. The kid probably just put the hundred in his pocket to fuck with them.
"ALAKAZAM MOTHAFUCKAS!" said a voice, as platinum felt his body slam onto the solid pavement. Something very heavy was standing on top of him.
"That's a swear word! I hate swearwords!" yelled comet blitz.
"well I'm sure swear words hate you too!" cackled the voice.
"Excuse me, but could you please GET THE MOTHERFUCKING HELL OFF ME!? I THINK YOU CRACKED ONE OF MY RIBS!"
"LANGUAGE!" yelled comet blitz.
"oh, my apologies, my name is discord!" said the voice.
"what was that?" asked platinum, amazed that such a creature was alive, as he got up, and got a good look at it.
"NAH! I'm just fucking with you! I'm Fluffles! Discord isn't in this story!" replied the beast. Everybody pondered what he could mean by that.
"Holy shit! I actually have my own pet velociraptor!" said platinum, as comet sat down, moping with his arms folded.
"Actually, he's a Utah raptor! The velociraptor looked like a goddamned lizard turkey! But I knew what you meant!" said the device. But no, seriously look it up. Everything Jurassic park told you about velociraptors was a lie.
HOLY SHIT! IT'S TIME FOR BAD WRITING! SO BASICALLY, PLATINUMS SECOND WISH WAS THAT GARY STU WOULD DIE, AND COMET INTERRUPTED HIS THIRD WISH TO WISH THEY COULD GO TO A WORLD WHERE THEY COULD BE FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE AND THAT'S HOW THEY GOT TELEPORTED TO EQUESTRIA BECAUSE FANFIC!
Platinum fell out of the portal ten feet above the ground. He hit the ground with a loud THUMP! He had a bad taste in his mouth. Like liquid iron, except that it's not melting his face off. He spit, and opened his eyes. There was one of his teeth on the ground in front of him, surround by a small pool of red. Shit! He thought. Now he looked like a filthy goddamned redneck! And not the cool kind that rides around on their dirt bikes, and farms, and stuff. The white trash kind. He started to get up, and looked at his hands. He screamed, because they were blue, but also because had no hands! Freaking hooves! HE HAD HOOVES! HE WAS A FUCKING ANIMAL! he decided to just sit there, and wait for fluffles to come out of the portal. This day was turning out to be a nightmare for him. He waited for a long time. He was hungry, frustrated, and lost. He wanted to go home.
"GOD! I JUST FUCKING WISH I KNEW WHAT TIME IT WAS!" He screamed. Then, all of a sudden, in a blinding flash of light, a watch appeared around his front leg. He was shocked. His wishes still worked in other universes!? he quickly became excited.
"I wish I was home!" he said confidently. Nothing happened. Platinum bullet suddenly came to the realization that he wasted his last wish on a goddamned wristwatch! Comet blitz, and fluffles fell out of the portal. The first thing they saw when he got through the portal was platinum bullet sobbing.
"platinum! You're a horse! Oh! And you got a neat new watch!" comet said. Platinum, got up, and looked at comet.
"you're a pegasus" he replied. He seemed to not be surprised at all. He'd already come to terms with the fact that they were never going back, and the fact he was losing his mind. in a second, platinum became filled with joy.
"Comet! You still have 2 wishes! You can get us out of here!" said platinum excitedly.
"Really!? I Still have 2 wishes? Awesome! I want some sick weapons, for all 3 of us! And for the final wish, I want us to always have an awesome one liner ready" said comet. Fluffles got nothingbecause he's a dinosaur, and platinum got a gun
"YOU WASTED THEM YOU IDIOT!" yelled platinum.
"I'll say, all I got was a baseball bat with a nail in it!' replied comet. They hopped on fluffles, and wandered around until they found the nearest town. Ponyville.