A/N: Here's Chapter 21! Originally this was longer and had a different ending to it, but it seemed better to split them up. Chapter 22 has already begun. Thank you all so much for the kind reviews. They make my day!

Enjoy!

"Well, you asked. No need to thank me for telling you the truth, James. You'll always get that from me." –Lily

Chapter 21: Interrogations and Speculations

Over the next few days Lily spent more time with Sirius and Remus between classes. Sleeping in the dorm with them allowed her see them in downtime, when they weren't "on" within the Hogwarts corridors around the student body.

Remus, although the quieter one of the three, proved that he truly belonged among the Marauders in his own right. In public among the Hogwarts student body, he was a model student—always very polite and setting a good example as a prefect. But in addition to that upstanding behavior, he had a keen and naughty sense of humor that, at times, rivaled Sirius's. Lily now knew that he was much snarkier than he let on.

"Makes sense, really," James remarked when Lily shared her observation. "Everyone views Remus as super smart and all—it's the same thing, which is why he can be a complete bastard with his words."

On the third night in the boy's dorm Sirius approached her before going to bed. "Hey," he said quietly, as not to wake Remus. "You're good, right?"

"Yeah," Lily responded. She fluffed her pillow behind her and leaned back, looking casually at Sirius as he regarded her with a thoughtful expression. "Why do you ask?"

Sirius shrugged and his eyes roamed upward as he thought of what he wanted to say. "You've just seemed a bit off lately. You're different. Not bad or anything," he clarified. "Just…I can't quite put my finger on it but something has changed about you. I want to make sure you're all good."

Lily felt a twinge of guilt at his concern. Now that she was aware of the deep bond between James and Sirius, and after seeing Sirius so vulnerable when he opened up about his family, it was more difficult to deceive him. It was one thing not to offer information about their situation, but to actually outright lie when she was getting questioned? This didn't sit well with her at all.

It feels like I'm somehow dishonoring the honesty and trust between them.

She needed to mentally reset her resolve before answering. "I'm fine. I mean, I'm dealing with some stuff. Well, a lot of stuff. But nothing I can't handle. Thanks for checking, though. I really appreciate it."

Sirius had tilted his head while he studied her, locking eyes with Lily intensely as he considered her words. He didn't look completely convinced, and Lily knew that as James's best friend and near brother, she would never be able to persuade him fully that things were as usual.

If he asks me one more time if things are okay, she thought, swallowing thickly. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep the truth to myself. Maybe I should just tell him after all.

But instead, several moments of silence went by and Sirius sighed. He didn't push the point. "Yeah, well," he said doubtfully, wrapping a hand along the wooden bed post as he leaned away from it. "I won't bug you about it. But I'm here and all."

James, on the other hand, faced a full-blown interrogation from Parker the same night.

"I'm telling you, Lily," he said over lunch the next afternoon. "That girl could get the Department of Mysteries to give up their secrets just from badgering."

"WELL!"

James jumped violently as Parker yanked apart his bed curtains. "Bloody hell, Parker!" he cried, clapping a hand over his thudding heart.

"You bet your ass, bloody hell!" she interjected angrily. "Where have you been?! And what is going on with you lately?"

"What are you talking about?" James asked. He averted his gaze and busied himself with straightening his blanket over his legs.

Parker shoved aside the books and scrolls that James had carefully spread out, ignoring his indignant protest. She plopped down in front of him and jostled his belongings again when the mattress shook. "What do you mean, what am I talking about?! You've been harder to get a hold of than a snitch in a rainstorm! Every time I start to talk to you, you dart off or you fall asleep or you give me some bullshit excuse for why you don't have time. You hadn't been sleeping here at all until a few nights ago and you've been spending all your time with James! I don't ever see you and when I do, it's always with him!"

"Shhh!" James pulled his curtains closed again and threw up a silencing ward around them in case any other girls came wandering in. "Now, Parker," he placated with a charming smile. "I think you're exaggerating a little bit."

"Oh, cut the bollocks, Lily," she snapped crossly. "I've seen you with James more time in the last few weeks than I have in our entire time at Hogwarts and it's not like you're even fighting! What gives?"

"Nothing," James said, chuckling at her rant. "We've just…matured a bit, is all."

"Are you dating?" she demanded.

James's stomach lurched uneasily at the question and Parker took his hesitation for a guilty admission.

She crossed her arms and glared deeply at James, and he tensed as he saw her nostrils flare. "Lily Evans, if you and James took it to the next level and you didn't tell me—!"

"No!" he exclaimed. "No, we just—"

"—have been sleeping on the couch together for weeks," Parker finished for him. "Don't think I haven't noticed. Everyone tells me to relax but I know how weird it its! Just because everyone else is looking the other way, doesn't mean I am!"

"Parker, look, the truth is—"

"—that you've been weird ever since that whole debacle of James punching Derek; how has no one else but me wanted to talk about it?!"

"Well, actually—" James tried again.

"ACTUALLY yes, I'm mistaken." Parker's voice rose, and James thanked his lucky stars for having the wherewithal to give them privacy. "You did talk about it but not to me. Oh, no, not to Kate, but to James Potter of all the people, who NEVER explained why he defended you like that. He was more upset than you were and the Lily and I know would have already up and smacked Derek and left him out to bleed in front of the hospital wing!"

James grew exasperated and rubbed at his temples. "Merlin, Parker—!"

"—couldn't save Derek if the Lily I know got a hold of him after that rumor. And MERLIN knows that the Lily I know would explain what was going on to her two best friends at school. But MERLIN knows you've been avoiding us and haven't made a peep and MERLIN also knows just how bloody worried I've been!" She whacked James on the shoulder for emphasis.

"OW!"

"Well! Are you going to explain or what?!"

"I'm trying to!" James said loudly, clutching his shoulder. "If you'd just let me talk! Hell, it's like you took a double-dose of Pepper Up before coming to me!"

"Look, I've been holding it in, okay? Maybe if you didn't disappear so much I wouldn't bombard you with all of this." Parker sighed and tilted her head, fixing James with a concerned look. "I'm just worried," she said again, this time much more calmly. "You haven't been yourself lately, and to top it off, you haven't been around to explain why. And furthermore, everyone seems to be content to just let it fly but you know how I am. And you know how this behavior is driving me nuts." She looked down and picked at her nails. "I miss my friend," she added sadly.

"I'm sorry you've been feeling that," James told her sincerely, resting a hand on her arm. Missing his own friends had given him insight and empathy for Parker's point of view. "I promise, it's nothing too severe."

Liar, he told himself.

"James and I have been spending more time together, you're right. And the truth is that Dumbledore gave us a specific assignment that he and I have been working on. It requires us to be around each other a lot, and we can't really talk about it to anyone else. Sometimes we work late and fall asleep on the couch."

Not a complete lie, he allowed.

Parker narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "What sort of assignment?

"I can't tell you," James reminded.

"But why not?"

"I promised Dumbledore. I can't go against my word to him. Just…be patient with me, okay? If things keep going the way they are I'll be back to normal within the week and I'll be all yours when we're done."

Parker reluctantly nodded and asked, "Will you tell me then?"

'If I can," James relented.

The girl exhaled and pressed her lips together, accepting that it was all she would get for an explanation. "Okay. But you promise it's nothing bad, right?"

"I promise."

"And you're okay about the whole Derek thing?"

"All in the past," James assured.

Lily laughed and reached for the bowl of corn. "That's Parker for you," she said when James was done. "Kate will kind of let you tell her whatever it is when you're ready and Parker, she'll try her damndest to get to the bottom of it. Relentless, she is."

James stabbed a green bean with his fork and raised his eyebrows. "And I'm sure that could never be you, Lily," he said sarcastically, waving his legume toward her.

"Hey, birds of a feather. But trust me, I am not that bad. Not always, anyway."

James covered his face with his hands and spread his fingers over his eyes. "Bloody balls, Lily, it was ridiculous. I wanted to cave just to get her to pipe down. At least I got it out of the way, though. We can stop avoiding her now."

"Good thing, too."

Lily nodded toward the Great Hall entrance where Parker and Kate were walking in. As the girls came closer their table Parker's eyes dart to James and give him a pointed look that James purposely avoided by bending his head over his plate to cut a piece of meat.

"Hey, you two," Kate greeted. She set her bag next to Lily and sat down, then swiveled her body into the benched seating area. "Do either of you know where Remus is? I wanted to ask him a question about our assignment in Defense; he has a knack for getting those spells right."

"He'll be here in a bit, I think," Lily answered. "He, Sirius, and Peter are grabbing a few things from the dorm before afternoon classes." She, Kate, and Parker chatted about their mutual difficulties with the spells their professor had wanted them to study over, while James let his mind wander the rest of the conversation with Parker from the night before. The final bit of the interaction he'd chosen to keep to himself instead of recapping to Lily.

"I'm glad you're alright, then," Parker continued. "I thought that whole situation really did a number on you, or that he did something worse. I know how much your reputation means to you." She inhaled deeply and shook her shoulders. "Well, I'll leave you too it then."

Parker stood up and reached to pull the curtains back from where she'd disrupted their place. Right before they sealed out the rest of the room, she stuck her face between the space and added in a low voice, "Not that I condone violence, but what James did with Derek was sort of sweet in a roundabout way. I didn't expect it, really. The way I see it, boys don't go around punching and defending the honor of just everyone." She got a cheeky grin and a sparkle in her eyes. "And I've caught you gazing at him once or twice, when he's oblivious and you think no one's looking." She dropped a wink and released the fabric, allowing the curtains falling closed and leaving James in solitude.

James studied the peas on his plate closely to avoid the impulse to glance at Lily. It unnerved him more than he cared to admit that Parker had noticed his looking at her. Even though Parker believed it was Lily whose feelings she was picking up on, and even though he trusted her not to say anything, her observation of his behavior still confirmed what he suspected of himself and was losing reason to deny anymore.

Luckily, the soft thundering of flapping wings above saved him from needing to think further. The afternoon post delivery was taking over the Great Hall and two owls separated themselves from the flock and came hurtling toward their group.

A beautiful tawny owl soared to James and gracefully landed on his shoulder, clutching three envelopes in her beak, and a larger grey owl flew to Lily and perched next to her plate. They both reached up to accept the other's mail for the sake of appearance, but at the last moment before grasping the deliveries, the owls simultaneously took flight a short way up and swapped places, going to their bewildered and rightful owners.

Though baffled at their behavior James welcomed Archimedes on his shoulder more than he ever had—even the brief contact with his stately family owl made him extremely happy to feel recognized as his true self. He looked to Lily and saw a serene look on her face as she stroked her owl gently at base of her throat, knowing that she most likely felt the same sense of comfort as he did.

It was a strange feeling to be so homesick when, physically, he hadn't gone anywhere.

"How strange," commented Kate. "I wonder why your birds swapped places like that. You didn't upset your owl or anything, did you Lily?"

James nearly forgot to answer her—being recognized as the real James for the first time was knocking him out of character. "No," he finally said. "Maybe for some reason they just both picked up the wrong ones."

"Huh. Owls are usually sharper than that. Hope they aren't ill."

James remembered Remus and his spiritual connection to the animal psyche, and was thankful he wasn't present to witness what had happened. That lie would never have gone over with him.

Although, if the owls can tell we're different…does that mean Sirius and Remus could pick up something when Lily transformed? Or do their human instincts that remain dominant?

Lily tore open the seal off one of the pieces of mail she'd received, a small dark maroon envelope identical to one James had in his lap. After quickly skimming over it she held it between her middle and index finger to present it to James.

"Detention assignment from McGonagall," she said grimly.

"Yeah, I got one, too." James looked down and saw the message written in his professor's small, practical handwriting.

You are to meet Mr. Filch at the school's entrance sharply at fifteen minutes to 8pm this Saturday evening. Further instructions will be provided upon arrival at the Greenhouse.

"You two and your detentions," Parker sighed, shaking her head at James. "So much for you 'growing up', eh, Lil? Where are you placed this time?"

"Well, Rome wasn't built in a day and all. And it's at the Greenhouse. Not the worst of the locations. It's been awhile since I've had detention there."

"A mental inventory of your various detention locations?" Lily snorted at him. "That is so pathetic."

"Shut up," James retorted indignantly. "I like certain aspects of my life organized—it's a strength. My mum says so."

That Saturday Lily and James donned their heavy cloaks and, with Filch as their cantankerous chaperon, made their way down to the Greenhouse where their Head of House waited for them at the door.

"Evans, Potter. Three tasks have been assigned for to complete this evening. Follow me."

She unlocked the door and waved them inside, holding out her other hand for them to hand over their wands, as per protocol.

"In the boxes on the left," she said, indicating to the proper place on the table in front of them. "You'll find the rue that needs to be finely chopped, diced, and separated into the small jars provided. Fill them up the line and not a hair beyond it; the infirmary needs those for droughts to be stored."

She took a few steps and stood in front of a potted shrubbery. When Lily and James followed her they quickly picked up the mild stench the shrub emitted, resembling the odor of a child's soiled diaper that had been left unchanged.

"Ugh," Lily gagged when the smell reached her nose. Her eyes squinted as she made a face. "It had to be the self-fertilizing shrub."

McGonagall had given no indication that she was affected by the unpleasant scent and merely arched her eyebrows at Lily's complaint. Her stern gaze made Lily snap her lips closed. "Tear the leaves off and put them into the vials," she instructed. "Each vial is to contain four leaves each chopped into fours, that instruction is key. Breathe carefully. If you finish that…"

Only years of interactions with their head of house gave Lily and James the sense to stifle their dismay at yet another task.

"These windows could use a good cleaning. The Muggle way."

At last finished doling out the agenda, Professor McGonagall tossed their wands high over their heads and pointed at them with her own before they could hurtle back down. She'd suspended them in the air, so that they wouldn't be reached until midnight on the dot. Since neither Lily nor James was in anyway new to the rules of detention, she didn't bother to explain the process.

"Mr. Filch will meet you outside at midnight to escort you back to Gryffindor Tower." She turned sharply on her heel and moved toward the door, pausing right before the exit to add, "As you well know, there is less emphasis on physical labor in these detention assignments. Conversation," she emphasized, giving them a knowing look. "And talking to and about one another might help the time pass faster."

She tucked her head down regarded the students over her glasses while her words sank in, before finally making her way out.

"Very subtle," Lily mumbled, reaching out and dragging a stool nearby. "Alright, let's get to it. I'll do the rue."

"Don't I get a say in the delegations at all?"

"After that stink bomb a few weeks back I've had enough stenches to last me awhile. Besides, I'm already here. Nothing much you can do about it now. So quit your whining or else we won't get anything done."

James just shook his head and held his tongue, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. He only hoped that his awareness of the smell would fade with a little bit of time. He pulled everything he needed for the task within reach and set to it.

"You know," he said. "It's actually pretty remarkable that this is our first detention post accident. That has to be a good sign to the spell, right?"

Lily wrinkled her nose as she considered his words, rotating her hands to chop her rue at a different angle. She carefully scooped a portion of herbs into the vial and popped the

stopper in. "I'm not sure the spirit of the spell is perpetually floating above us, keeping score of every positive interaction we have. I think of it more as an essence that senses our mindset toward each other and our relationship overall. Beyond that, I don't really know how to explain it. In fact, I've pretty much given up at figuring this thing out—I'm driving myself absolutely crazy for no reason."

"Now, that doesn't sound like you at all."

"Believe me, I'm not happy about it. But I'm tired of worrying. There's literally nothing I can do. I'm just putting my energy into getting to know you more, getting to know your friends more, and I'm taking it all in stride. Besides, we're still within Dumbledore's predicted timeframe, a month isn't up yet."

"True," James allowed. "I'd say we've made a ton of progress, wouldn't you? I mean, we're basically hanging out now."

"Yeah, we're almost enjoying each other's company." She glanced at him and with a small smile. "And I know I said it before, but I like Remus and Sirius's company too—I keep getting reminded about how much I didn't know about them, I'll kind of miss it when we switch back."

"Well, just because we switch back doesn't mean you can't start hanging out with them as yourself. I mean you won't see certain other sides of their personalities as I do, but that could come in time."

"You think they'd let me hang out with them? I haven't always been the nicest person."

"Nah," James told her. He pouted his bottom lip out and shook his head. "Yeah, you have been bossy in the past, but not mean-spirited, and I can't say we didn't always deserve it. Plus, as many times as you've retaliated, those two have gotten a real kick out of you, and I especially now know that you more. You should be more 'you' with everyone, not just me, you know."

"What do you mean?" Lily queried.

James looked at her and sighed. "Lily, you have this whole other side of you that's awesome but you're never just chill enough. You're funny as hell, more so than I realized. You're candid and random with your thoughts. If I'd known you were like this, we may have been friends long ago!"

He'd meant it as a compliment of sorts, a way to demonstrate his growing affection. But Lily looked affronted at what he'd told her, scowling indignantly.

"If I'd known you had a hidden side different than what you gave off from the standard day to day, then maybe I'd have actually shown you this side earlier," she replied curtly. "I've always been like this, James. It's not new just because you're seeing it for the first time. I have always been myself with you, it's just the part of me that your behavior always brought out. The only difference now is that you've brought out my other side, too."

"And what would you describe that as?"

"Oh, curious, for one. Inquisitive. A bit awkward, too," she added reluctantly.

Smart, James added mentally. Clever, kind, empathetic. "You do awkwardly ask me questions," he teased.

"I know," Lily groaned. "You put up with it well, too. I can't help it, though, the more I learn about you the more I wonder what else I don't know. Strange, considering that not too long ago I couldn't give two shits about what your hobbies were."

James laughed heartily at her frank admission. "Thanks so much!"

Lily just looked at unapologetic. "What do you want me to say? It's true! I had no reason to really care what you did in your off time but after the time we've spent together there are moments when I really wonder what's going on inside your head, or what you're up to, or what your—"

She stopped abruptly paused her movements and it wasn't lost on James that a faint pink tinge had appeared in her cheeks.

"I'm just curious about you now, is all. I must sound really creepy saying all that."

"No, you don't," James reassured her quickly. "The feeling is mutual. Truly."

"Well, that's good to hear. We can be curious together then." Lily frowned deeply as she struggled with a particular stubborn cork that didn't seem to fit its container. "I've got to say, as enlightening this whole experience has been, I really do miss being me. I miss my friends, I miss my own body. And I'm tired of having to always monitor how I come across to people so I can avoid arousing suspicion. It's exhausting."

"I know exactly how you feel. I've gotten used to watching how I act but I do miss Siri and Moony. I hate to admit it but I was pretty envious watching you three come back from your time with the hippogriffs."

"Yeah, I bet you miss the adventures," Lily said.

"I do, a lot," James admitted, wincing as he confessed. "I don't think I've ever really taken them for granted but at the same time this makes me love the friendship I have with them even more—there's really nothing else like it or nothing that can replace it."

"As for me, I miss girl time. When I get back to my body I just want an old-fashioned sleepover of the girliest nature possible with a spa night, nail-painting, and gossip. I think that'll be just the thing to welcome me back."

"Oh, bloody hell, you can have it! All I want is the simplicity of being male. No wonder you girls over-think everything."

"First of all, I resent the generalization." Lily aimed a look that could rival McGonagall's disciplinary glower. "Second, I don't get the connection you're trying to make."

"For starters, you have so much more hair I don't know what to do with it."

"Are you trying to say you actually care?"

"Not so much that, it's just that there are so many options and downsides! If I don't want to deal with it, I could leave it down, but then it gets in my way. If I put it in a plait then I have to leave time to do it in the morning. If I put it into a ponytail I have to make sure I don't break my tie. And don't even get me started on getting dressed."

Lily had started laughing so hard during his rant that she needed to stop working. "What's so difficult about putting on a uniform?" she gasped through her snickers.

He hadn't meant to make her laugh, because what he told her was the truth. But James had never made her laugh like this before, a natural expression of mirth rather than one of ridiculing derision. It was his own voice but Lily's laugh was still a completely different sound than what would have come out had he been in his own body. It was contagious and soon he was trying to contain his chuckles as well.

"Look," he said as his smile grew. "For us it's either trousers or shorts and the choice is obvious depending on the weather. With you, I have to choose between a skirt, trousers, and shorts. Do I want a refreshing breeze, warmth and heat? And I'm so much more uncomfortable when I make the wrong choice."

"Sweet Salazar, you're ridiculous!" Lily exclaimed. Her eyes were still squinted in glee and slightly shiny from unshed tears from laughing so hard. "You're over thinking this way too much, I never think that hard about which one to wear!"

"These are important questions! The wrong one means being uncomfortable the rest of the day. Anyway all I'm saying is that I have a new appreciation and understanding as to why you girls think so much with so many choices that crop up seeming all the time, even with something mundane as getting ready for class."

Lily playfully shoved him with her wrist, finally catching her breath and resuming her work where she left off.

"You still need to show me your other drawings," she told him, changing the subject.

"We've got the whole rest of the year for that."

"Yeah, but we'll probably be switching back sooner than that."

"So?" James questioned. "We're not going anywhere, summer break isn't that soon. I'll show you, Lil', don't worry about it."

"But what if we've already switched back?"

"So what if we have?" James countered again matter-of-factly. "I'll show you anyway."

"You mean, we'll still hang out together after we're back?" Lily regarded him, intently fixing her eyes on his face. "You'd still show them to me?"

"Well, yeah, Lily, why wouldn't I? That is…" James looked down and pretended to focus on a leaf on the self-fertilizing plant. "Unless you don't want to, I guess."

"No!" Lily protested quickly. "No, I'd like that a lot actually."

James was glad he'd ducked his head or else he knew he'd have had the goofiest of smiles on his face at hearing her say she wanted to be friends.

"We've been relying on each other these last few weeks," Lily went on. "And it'd be strange to just go back to how were before after what we've been through together, and after everything we've learned about one another. I'm not sure we can, really, even if we wanted to."

"Are you saying that you don't want to?"

Lily hesitated and toyed with the point of her knife, gently tapping the end of it with the pad of her finger. "I think I'd miss your company," she said quietly. "It'd be weird not to talk to you after keeping this secret with you and you alone. I guess I've gotten used to you. It'd be nice if we could, I don't know, just hang out every now and then, or…well, you get what I mean."

James's face grew warm and he kept his eyes carefully focused on the plant in front of him to control his features. Did she mean she'd want to continue spending time with him?

"Maybe we could all go to Hogsmeade," he suggested casually. "Me, you, my gang and yours. That could be fun."

"We won't have another Hogsmeade trip for another two months, though."

"Lily, Lily, Lily." James put his tool down and rested his chin on his hand, lifting his eyebrows and fixing Lily with an amused grin. "Don't you know by now that I have a trick up my sleeve for nearly everything? I'll take care of it."

"If you say so." She shrugged her shoulders, leaving the subject be instead of digging to the root of James's hint. "Perhaps Sirius and Parker will get it in gear and turn it into a date."

"Pft! Those two," James murmured. He sighed and shook his head. "For what it's worth, I know Sirius is genuinely interested in Parker."

"Is he? Parker's somewhat in denial about how she feels for him and all that. I'd like her to just take a chance but I don't want her led on for no reason, either, you know?"

"Look, it's not like he has a ring in his pocket for her or anything, but he definitely wants to get to know her one on one. He's curious about her, and she should at least give him a shot. She's obviously interested in him; she might as well see where it could go."

"Oh come on." Lily leaned onto her elbows and began to gesture at James with her right hand, but quickly paused to put down the knife that she still held. "You can hardly blame her for being careful; I saw a whole different side of Sirius today that I didn't know existed, but at the same time the way he collects girlfriends, persona or not, is not the most convincing argument to be taken seriously."

"That's called dating, Lily," James said, exasperated. "He's a social guy, what do you expect? He's still a good guy and a good catch. And you just admitted that you'd misjudged him."

He wondered whether he needed to gear himself up for the hot-headed side of Lily—in the past it was precisely this kind of conversation that would soon have her raising her voice and self-righteously taking up the argument for the side of women.

Instead, to his surprise, Lily remained steady and didn't appear to have a flare-up with her temper.

"You're right, and I did," she answered. Her voice was neutral and calm while her hands nimbly worked the knife, slicing steadily away. "But that was when he assumed that he was around you, not anyone else. I remember how he is around girls that he dates, and how he tends to cut them off. I'm not saying he needs to take a wife and I'm not saying that he shouldn't date around. I just think a little more respect would be nice even if the outcome isn't some long relationship. He's dealing with people that have feelings, not machines. Whether you like it or not, the way he treats those girls have an impact. Maybe such an approach comes with comfort at the amount of popularity you all have," she added sourly under her breath, more to herself.

Her last remark caught James's attention and gave him an unpleasant knot in his stomach. "Is that what you think of all of us Marauders, then?" He looked down in his lap, thoroughly bothered at what she seemed to imply. "Is that what you think of me?" he added softly.

Lily considered his question for a moment before she answered. "Yes," she said, not unkindly. She lifted her head and gazed at James, looking into his eyes as she spoke. "In terms of how you treat others sometimes, that is what I think."

"Can you be a little more specific?"

"Why does it matter what I tell you? It never has before."

It mattered.

"Please? Hey, you endured my take down of you. It's only fair."

"I'm not trying to thrash your ego, James, truly. But the way you treat people sometimes…" She sighed, and it was as though James could hear each disappointment she felt toward him in that small breath. "It's like you don't have time to consider the ones you believe are inferior—be it intellectually, characteristically, or some other manner. I may not consider you a complete arse anymore, but you are arrogant still. And the irony of it all is that I think it is partly because you're so popular and well-liked—yet if all the students markedly treated you the same way you treat many of them and your admirers, the ones that make you so popular and keep you relevant, you'd be an anonymous nobody of Hogwarts, just like the rest of us."

She still hadn't raised her voice. She'd barely halted her task, pausing occasionally search for the way she wanted a thought phrased. Lily had yelled at him saying something along these lines plenty of times before. But in the heat of the moment, her speech had been reduced to furious stammers.

Here, seeing her so calm and articulate while she spoke her mind, he knew that she spoke the truth as she experienced him. Nothing she said was anything but honesty, and he couldn't attribute it to anything else.

"Well, at least I made time for you," he said, trying to lighten the mood. "You've always been significant to me, trading insults and pranks have been a major highlight of my days." He'd meant it as an attempt to lighten the mood and, to be honest, making a joke as he always did if he was uncomfortable and at a loss of words.

A poor attempt it was, and a poor attempt is how Lily took it.

"You think that matters?" she said incredulously. "What, that you've paid attention to me? I've felt like an outsider more times than I can count: with my own family because I'm a witch, with my sister because she's a jealous bully, and here because I'm Muggle-born. I can see how you treat people deemed insignificant for whatever reason and it might as well be me."

"But I never ignored you," James tried again to reason. "I may have traded a barb here and there but insignificant is the last way I treated you. If anything I accidentally paid more attention to you with all the pranks and things I pulled. I paid attention when you retaliated, that's for sure. I even respected you more for it, even though I couldn't admit it then."

Lily snorted at him and shook her head. "You remind me of my sister's boyfriend," she muttered disdainfully. "He treats her like royalty, showering her with attention and luxurious gifts. Calling her 'shnookums' here and 'sweet cakes' there,then looks and talks to everyone else like they're just a speck of dirt underneath his shoe. I could never be with someone like that; who treated me like a princess then bullied others. Ever."

She means someone like me, James thought. He felt a pang when Lily voiced her belief so strongly; knowing that he'd demonstrated the precise behavior that she said she wanted to avoid association with. That's exactly how she described me not two minutes ago.

He'd heard similar things from others in the past, giving him an unwelcome assessment of his less-than-thoughtful character. Usually it was while he was breaking it off with a girl. Merlin knew Lily had screamed some of these things at him in the height of her temper tantrums after he'd provoked her into it, but she'd never conveyed these things so articulately. It was always reduced to sputtering and stuttering, and he could brush her off easily.

But this was different. There was no anger and this was no break-up.

Lily wasn't a woman scorned out for blood with verbal vengeance, and as such, he couldn't accurately attribute what she'd said to an outside factor such as an argument. He had to face this truth head on. He almost missed the days before he'd gotten to know her, when her opinion wouldn't have mattered one wit to him. But things were different now and he finally accepted he couldn't go back, only forward. And forward meant he would need to change.

Lily looked up from her work and saw that James had stopped chopping, lost in thought and staring off into the vague distance. "Oy, keep going," she said impatiently, nudging him with her elbow. "Otherwise we'll never get our wands back before morning."

Abandoning his thoughts, James resumed chopping. "Thank you for telling me," he said softly.

Lily just shrugged her shoulders in reply. "Well, you asked. No need to thank me for telling you the truth, James. You'll always get that from me."

Sirius and Remus had tucked themselves high in the owlery, musing over the last few days they'd been spending with James. Collectively within the last few weeks they hadn't seen him much. Interactions between them had been brief and somewhat infrequent. But now that James had returned to sleeping in their room, and now that he was back to spending time around them, little differences that Sirius and Remus previously shrugged off became more difficult to ignore.

Remus had just shared the conversation he'd accidentally overheard between Lily and James several nights prior. In turn Sirius told him about the brief exchange when he inquired after James's well-being. Sirius took a hearty swig from his Firewhiskey and leaned his head back against the stone. He lounged in the window with his feet up, looking out of the window out into the night as he reviewed the several curious interactions with James.

"I know he told you that he was just dealing with some things, but it's not even like we haven't seen him bothered," Remus was saying. He was sitting against the wall across from Sirius's window, absently weaving together pieces of straw into a loose braid while he talked. "We've seen him mentally preoccupied multiple times. You know, those moods he sometimes gets in? If it were a simple matter of that, we'd know to just leave him be and that he'd be out of it soon enough."

"Yeah, but it's not that," Sirius replied, agreeing with Remus's assessment. "He doesn't seem down, or preoccupied, or whatever. He just seems…different. And before I was chalking it up to him being tired or something but it's something else that I can't completely describe."

They left each other to his thoughts as they sifted through possible explanations, the room quiet save for the gently hooting coming from the owls. It was like this for a few minutes until Sirius sneezed and broke the silence.

"Ugh," he said. He sniffled and rubbed underneath his nose. "I love it up here but this straw all round always makes my allergies act up before too long."

At the sound of Sirius's second sneeze Remus's mouth fell open a little and he snapped his fingers and pointed up at Sirius. "Hey! Remember how James always gets all congested at night? And instead of just blowing his nose all he does is sniffle constantly? How says that he doesn't want to blow his nose because doing it too much 'makes his nostrils sore?'"

Sirius pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, furrowing his brows as he stared down at Remus confusedly. "Yeah, how could I forget? It makes me want to curse his nose off every night. What about it?"

"Every night, Padfoot!"

"Yes, he's a big baby who can't handle a slightly chafed nosy and would rather chafe my nerves with his sniffles. So what?"

"So, we've shared a room together for nearly six years. Every night since first year he's been doing that damn sniffling and you and I have begged him to just keep tissues next to his bed and blow his nose."

"Yes, okay." Sirius folded his arms and stared blankly at his friend, still not comprehending the importance of the information that he'd already known for years. "And?"

"Sirius, these last few nights that he's been in the room? He hasn't been sniffling nearly as much because he finally just put tissues on his side table. I didn't more attention before because it was only a little conversation, but maybe there's something to it."

Remus stuffed a few books into his bag, making sure he had all he needed for lessons the next day.

"Okay…" he muttered, studying the contents inside. "Quill, extra quill, parchment, Transfiguration book…" Remus plunged his hand deep into his bag and felt around the bottom. "James," he said, turning to the boy who was lounging on his bed. "Did you ever give me back my inkwell with the blue ink?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," James said. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Stupid me, I stuck it in here just out of habit. Here you go." He opened the drawer on his side table and pulled it out, pressing down on the stopper to double check that it was completely sealed.

"No problem." Remus strode over to James's bed with his hand stretched out, but drew back quickly when James sneezed loudly.

"Whew! Sorry," James said. He pinched his nostrils closed to stave off another and with his other hand tossed the inkwell a short distance to Remus. Then he leaned over to his side table and plucked a few tissues from the box that was placed near the lamp. "Springtime is killing me," he added, before blowing his nose like a trumpet.

Remus snorted. "Just springtime?" He recalled the many times that James's snotty sinuses had disrupted an otherwise quiet night. Every evening could count on James's congestive struggles periodically disrupting his concentration.

Sniff, sniff…Sniiiiff.

Sniff, sniff…Sniiiif.

Sirius had joked about the temptation to transform and maul James' face if only for a bit of silence. But now it looked like James had finally given in to keeping tissues nearby.

"When did you finally put those there? I hope you put a permanent sticking spell on that box."

"Oh, allergies are the worst," James said, voice muffled by holding the wad of tissue near his mouth. "And this runny nose is no joke. I can't stand having the sniffles, it's so disruptive. I'd rather sound like a one-person marching band while I blow my nose rather than constant sniffling."

"And then," Remus continued. "He says, 'I always try to carry tissues or a hankie on me."

"Ha!" Sirius laughed and popped open a bottle of butterbeer. "Since when?"

"That's exactly what I said! But he didn't hear me over the blaring of his nose. The point is, when have we ever known James to put a box of tissues next to his bed? Nothing you and I say has ever convinced him to do it before, so why now? It's not like him at all. He essentially denied and argued against a habit we've always known him to have, and one that we have tried to convince him to break."

"Habits," Sirius repeated quietly. He jumped down from the window sill and slowly began to pace the small room, his bottle held loosely by the neck between two fingers as he steadily swung it back and forth like a metronome. "That's just it."

"His mannerisms are different," Remus said, finishing Sirius's unspoken conclusion.

"He looks fine, acts fine," Sirius continued. "It's nothing hugely different in his behavior, but—"

"Except the whole situation with sleeping on the couch with Lily. That's pretty different."

"Well, right, but let's just say for argument's sake that we believe his explanation about Dumbledore. When it comes down to it, it's those habits that are the most different about him. Over the years I've just gotten used to the certain things that make him weird. But now that I think on it in detail..."

"But that doesn't make sense, mannerisms aren't something that just go changing about willy-nilly." Remus shook his head and picked up another set of straws to weave. "It's like he's an entirely different person."

Then, Sirius abruptly halted his pacing at the same time Remus stopped braiding his straw. And they looked up at each other, sharing the same stunned gaze as the weight of possibility in Remus's words echoed in the air.

Up until now, he had no hints as to explain his friend's strange behavior. But when collectively reviewing individual incidents over the last few weeks, Sirius was bombarded by examples that, in hindsight, should have been more striking at the time they happened.

Sirius slapped a hand to his forehead. "You know what I haven't seen him do since he's been back in the room?" he asked, pointing at Remus.

"What's that?"

"Before changing clothes James always shakes them a few times before he wears them—it doesn't matter whether or not they're wrinkled, he always gives them a quick flap. Because, remember, how in third year he put on a pair of trousers and then found a cockroach climbing up his leg? Ever since, he can't really put clothing on without double checking. He used to give them a thorough once-over but now he just does that quick shakeout, and it's just become part of his routine."

"Hm. I remember that rattled his nerves. We kept teasing him that he was acting like Peter." Remus chuckled and shook his head. "Of all the foolhardy bravery James shows sometimes, it's cockroaches that can get the better of him."

Sirius smiled fondly and took a swig from his bottle. "That's our Prongs."

Remus looked up and fixed Sirius with a solemn look. "Is it, though?" he asked quietly.