A/N: This one both came naturally and also at a struggle, because I needed it to be perfect. I've had this turning point, and the others coming up, for a really long time. I wrote it and rewrote it, and rewrote it again. I hope it does the characters justice, and I hope you enjoy it. More (important) notes at the end.

*Hint: If you want to catch some the emotion I tried to convey between Lily and James at the height of the chapter, listen to IONA by JEFF DANNA and MYCHEAL DANA. It inspired me, and it perfectly captures the feeling of their interaction in this chapter.

"I just feel stripped bare." –Lily

Chapter 24: Laid Bare

Once again Lily was back to a point where it remained true that she'd given up at controlling the spell and its timing. She knew that forcing it along wasn't getting her anywhere; what remained unaccepted was that one of the consequences was giving up her freedom entirely. She'd been able to handle putting her acting chops in place when she was prepared to go to class, or to face his friends, or walk onto the Quidditch field. All it was, really, was an extended performance on a large stage.

Her moment of weakness came when she was caught unawares doing precisely what helped her maintain performance mode. Regardless of lounging in public, she shouldn't have to keep her mask on while she read. There was nothing in her behavior that should have called attention to herself. The conversation with Remus and Sirius had shaken her. Any shred of focus on her book had withered and died completely, and exhaustion was clawing at her, urging her to finally close her eyes to catch some well-earned sleep. But the idea of being in Sirius's presence, even while asleep, felt too daunting on the heels of the tension from before. She was too paranoid that the slightest action on her part would ignite another unpleasant conversation, and her edginess of it all was trumping any ability to rest.

And so she heaved a sigh, and turned the page.

X

X

Even though he'd hoped it would be the case, James was surprised to see Lily still awake. She was curled up and snuggled deeply into the armchair, staring so intently at her open book that she didn't make any indication she knew James was approaching.

"Hey," James said softly, mindful of the students tarrying around them. He looked around for a moment before finding a small, short table nearby and pulled it in front of Lily. Then he braced his weight with his hands to test the limits of wooden furniture before easing the rest of his body down the rest of the way. "I doubted you'd still be up, I thought you'd gone upstairs ages ago."

"Nope," Lily grunted. "I can't sleep."

James eyebrows twitched at her short brusque answer. He leaned his elbows onto his knees, waiting for her to finish her passage and pepper him with questions about his night with her girlfriends. When no query came, he tried to jumpstart the conversation. "Girls' night couldn't have gone better. Took me by surprise how much I enjoyed it, but now I kind of understand the obsession."

Lily pursed her lips, eyes still trained on her page. "Yep, they're pretty great," she agreed shortly. She felt silent again and James studied her, confused as to why he wasn't being bombarded by her curiosity when she'd recently described herself as curious to a fault.

"Um…yeah," he said hesitantly. "Parker and Kate are really great to speak with when you have stuff on your mind. I wish I'd gotten to know them before, because there's much more to both girls than I gave them credit for. "

He thought for sure he would catch her attention by alluding to an interesting back story, and also including an admission that he was wrong about something. Instead of jumping on the open ended allusion, Lily just bobbed her head once in a half-hearted nod. James wondered whether he'd seen her turn a page since spotting her from the balcony. With the concentration that she was trying to emulate, she should have flown through several pages by now.

"Especially Kate," he continued, stubbornly trying again to engage her. "I know Parker is pretty open as it is, but Kate told us some fascinating stuff about her Egyptian side and some kind of potential internship with Ollivander after graduation. Plus with all that family drama about her parents she sort of reminds me a bit of Siri—"

"Family drama?" Lily broke in sharply. "Kate talked with you about her family?"

James stammered to a stop midsentence, startled by Lily's sudden input.

"Her parents," she repeated impatiently. "Kate told you about them? And she talked about the rest of her family, too?"

James had the distinct impression that Lily meant it as an accusation. He quickly reviewed what he'd said to instigate it but nothing was coming to mind that would inspire such a response. It wasn't as though he was sharing exclusive information, but rather basic tidbits that most friends have eventually alluded to after knowing someone for a long time. Regardless of the infrequency that Kate spoke about personal topics, Lily must have learned most of it during their five or six years of friendship; surely, these were things Lily would have an inkling of by now, right?

"Erm, yes," James answered slowly. "I mean, I'm sure it's nothing you don't already know."

Lily exhaled explosively and touched her two fingers to her temple, pressing against it as she supported her head once more. She shook her head slightly and her jaw clenched, lips pressed together. "I don't know as much as you assume; Kate almost never shares anything about her parents," she muttered. "She never opens up about that stuff, so you at this point you probably know more than I do."

James was confused about the resentment directed him. "I guess maybe it was the wine. We all had quite a bit."

More silence.

"So…how's the book?"

"I wouldn't know," Lily answered, tone testy. "I haven't gotten through have as much as I would have liked, have I? I've been busy getting interrogated by your main mate while you were busy being chummy with mine." She snapped the book closed and let it thud down to the ground, flinging it with more emphasis than was necessary. Slouching deeper into the plush comfort of the furniture, she crossed her arms tightly as if she was attempting to fold and disappear within herself away from the chaos the world was offering.

James frowned deeper, thoroughly lost about the turn the conversation was taking. "What do you mean? And what's going on with you? I left you in such a good spirit and now you're being all sour—what happened while I was upstairs? What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong," Lily ground out through her clenched teeth. "While you were relaxing in my room with my friends, I'm down here with Sirius interrogating me left and right. I'm clearly not doing as good a job as you are keeping up with this farce, since my friends had a grand time with you—for hours—without sensing anything wrong at all. Whereas I spend just a few minutes with Sirius barely opening my mouth and there's nothing I can do to shake his suspicion of me! Bloody hell, excuse me if I thought I was doing merely an alright job of being someone else nonstop!"

"Whoa!" James drew back from Lily, overwhelmed by her verbal attack. "I only went up there because you wanted me to bond with them, so why are you angry with me that it went well? Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No! What I wanted—" Lily squeezed her eyes closed and forced herself to lower her voice, pulling together enough shreds of common sense to realize she was becoming shrill. She swallowed thickly a few times before trusting herself to begin again, her fury still present in her lowered voice. "What I wanted," she reiterated. "Was to tell them from the very beginning about what was going on. That's what I wanted but now instead I'm finding myself having to explain everything with a lie! It's like I can't even breathe without explaining why I can't do anything a specific way, and I can't take it anymore."

"I understand that, Lily, but what happened down here—?"

"I came down here to read after detention so I could just relax. Remus and Sirius came in and everything seemed fine until I mentioned that I was reading Sense and Sensibility, then suddenly I was on the other end of an interrogation. All I wanted to do was read a damn book, but I guess not even that's allowed while we're like this." Her words were gathering speed as she spoke and her shoulders were beginning to hunch up. Even though she wasn't yelling and flailing as she might do in less secret circumstances, Lily's stress was beginning to manifest in other ways.

When the lamp on the closest table gave an ominous tremble, James knew Lily needed a private place as soon as possible before her magic began to act out from her feelings.

"Come on," he said firmly. "Let's go to the prefect's bathroom so we can talk. I think it'd be best if we were on our own for a bit." He offered his hands to help her up, heaving her to her feet when she grasped his hands tightly. Lily moved to grab her book and cloak but James stopped her, wanting instead to usher her out of public eye as swiftly as he could. "No, I'll get all that. Just go on ahead."

Lily nodded stiffly and made her way toward the exit while James made quick work of gathering her belongings. While he walked away he continued to look backward as he kept moving, trying to make sure that they'd left nothing behind, and as a result thudded right into an armchair occupied by a couple curled up together.

"Ah, sorry, mate," James said to the fourth year boy, steadying his balance.

"Watch it," he snapped back. A second head emerged from the nook of his sides and a girl poked her head up to see the disruption. Her boyfriend jerked his head toward her, glaring at James. "She'd just gone to sleep."

"Relax," James retorted. "It was an accident. If you want to be uninterrupted then perhaps you shouldn't sleep in the Common Room."

The boy opened his mouth to reply but his girlfriend laid a hand on his forearm to quell his answer. "Just leave it, Charles," she said sleepily. "It's not worth getting worked up over."

James turned to follow Lily once more, who'd already slipped out. But before he could go far he heard the boy say, "Damn right she's not worth it. Just a bloody Muggle-born, anyhow—she may as well be a squib."

"Excuse me?" James demanded, whipping around. "What did you just say to me?"

The girlfriend groaned and covered her eyes, mortified that her boyfriend's words were heard. "Merlin, Charles, she's a prefect."

"You heard me," the boy snarked back.

"Oh, I did," James insisted. "I'm just giving you a courtesy chance to take it back."

"What are you gonna do, Ms. Evans, take some points and cast some bubbles at me? I'm not afraid of you."

James' fingers twitched, dying to show the student just how painful bubbles could be when distributed from his wand. But he stopped, forcing himself to reprioritize; he needed to be there for Lily. He grit his teeth and resolutely continued on his way without a word. Before he closed the door behind him he heard the boy answer his girlfriend indignantly, "What, Gracie? Oh, come on, at least I didn't call her a Mudblood."

X

X

Lily was grateful when James didn't immediately follow. It meant she could use the next few moments to get a hold of herself so that by the time he came through the door, her emotions would be under control.

She was having a weak moment. Everyone had those. No need to turn it into any more than that.

She walked to the sink and twisted on the cold tap, wiggling her fingers underneath the stream. She plunged her fingers in and cupped her hands under the fall and splashed her face, hoping to bring some reason with the shock of the temperature.

Was it a surprise, really, that she was at this point? Her guard had been lowered as she prepared to relax, and at that moment the boys bombarded her without sufficient time to put her mask back into place.

Behind her the door creaked open and then shut again, announcing James' presence. Lily swore under her breath, switching off the water with a sharp twitch of her hand—he hadn't taken nearly as long as she needed.

Inconvenient as always, she thought, cursing James inwardly. Bugger, I can't catch even one break when I need it the most.

James cleared his throat, unnecessarily making himself known in case Lily hadn't noticed his arrival. "I, uh…I thought you were having a good night; you'd said you wanted some alone time so I hadn't wanted to disturb you. If I had known what was going on downstairs, Lily, I would have come down."

"You couldn't have known," Lily replied, snorting at his concern. It didn't soothe her to hear it—she only felt more frustrated at the uselessness of twenty-twenty hindsight.

"What changed, then? I thought you said you could handle this thing at its own pace."

"Yes and that's what I meant at the time. But…acting as someone else is one thing when I'm expecting it and can gear up for it; going up against your suspicious friends when I'm tired, flustered and unprepared is a whole different beast entirely. I wasn't ready."

James folded his arms and leaned against the wall, getting comfortable before embarking on what was sure to be a heavy topic. "You want to tell me about it?"

Lily moved away from the sink, nearer to the bathtub, to put more distance between her and James, keeping her back to him as she wrapped her arms around her body. It was one last ditch attempt to keep herself to herself, as though keeping far away from him kept her from being truly vulnerable.

"You'd have thought that I was reading a book of dark spells," she spat. "I just wanted to read my book and forget about everything. Reading has always been my escape and Merlin knows that right now is no other time an escape is needed but I can't even do that! Nothing is mine anymore, not even my hobbies…I am sick and tired of being someone else twenty-four seven to the point where I'm not even allowed to enjoy one of my hobbies that should involve no one else but me! I am so tired of having to deceive people that are close to us and trust us…"

Lily suddenly spun on her heel and looked at James, directing toward him as much of her anger as she could direct into one furious look. "Kate has never spoken about her parents' divorce the entire time that I've known her!," she said, her voice trembling. "She's one of my closest friends and do you know what I know about her family? That she has a mother, a father, a brother, and grandmother in Egypt. That's basically it. She's probably the most private person I've ever met. I've wanted to know more for the longest time but never pressed, and here you are, you spend one night with her and she spills her heart out! And she's chosen to open up the one time that I'm not there to—and it's to you of all people! You are the absolute last person I would have chosen to hear it instead of me!"

James felt oddly calm at her insult. Lily's anger was coming at him full force but he felt no rise in his own temper. Not long before he would have met her vehemence and ended up in a shouting match, retaliating because she was taking her stress out on him when he too had his own troubles with their situation. But he knew Lily was counting on this previous habit of theirs and doing her best to bait him. She was itching for a fight, trying to grasp at her anger over facing the other feelings she preferred to keep in check.

But James wasn't going to let her do that. For once, he remained calm in the face of such a familiar storm. "I'm sorry, Lily," he told her softly, speaking truth. "I didn't know she was sharing something so private; I assumed you knew."

"And I assumed you'd have known it wasn't your place to hear it and put a stop to it! You've done nothing to earn her trust enough to know any of that!"

"You're right," James answered simply, still not falling into the trap. "The same 'nothing' that you've done to deserve to listen to Sirius. I know how guilty you've been feeling for that, Lily. But what else could we have done?"

A sound whimpering gasp broke free from Lily's throat, and at its release her body lost some of its upright stature, slumping as though the burdens of secrets, guilt, and emotion materialized into tangible form onto her shoulders.

"You don't know what it was like," she said, her voice thick with emotion. "Your friends know that something is wrong, I can tell how Sirius was speaking to me. Just based on how I'm reading a book alone in a chair! Mine still have no idea in the closest of moments that it's not me with them! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel, James? That you—a stranger—know more about my two closest friends than I do? It's one thing to pretend to be you, but to know that I'm so invisible that my own friends don't pick up on an impersonator?"

James trained his ears to catch everything tumbling out of Lily's mouth as she continued her tirade. He could see how overwhelmed she really was and he suspected that even she hadn't been aware of how close she teetered to the breaking point. They usually didn't have time to give in to the stress brought by the spell's affects. A hobby as mundane as reading a book was exclusively hers and an integral part of who she was, and it had been picked apart and attributed as suspicious. The unexpected questioning must have been the final straw.

Her rambling had gained speed until her words tumbled into stuttering incoherency. Lily stopped talking abruptly and looked at James with wide eyes. Her face crumpled before she jammed her fingers against her closed eyes, attempting to cut off tears that already had begun to leak.

There was an emotional price of being trapped in their situation that James wasn't aware of until the feelings were already washing over him. Such as the amount of relief he felt when his owl recognized him, and the stab of jealousy that pierced him when he saw Lily laughing with his mates. And often, they were at times where he couldn't afford a crack in his mask. Despite her easy demeanor in detention toward their predicament, Lily had been facing surmounting emotional consequences. Furthermore, it was against her nature to swallow and bury her emotions and knee jerk reactions. One could only deny their impulses for so long before imploding.

"I'm just so overwhelmed," she said, her voice a high-pitched croak. Lily sniffed loudly and a sob escaped unwillingly before she hunched over, one hand bracing her body against the bathtub and the other covering her eyes as she tried to stave off the evidence of her breakdown. Putting up a fight against what already manifested, her cheeks were steadily collecting a glistening sheen on the surface from the tears that stubbornly snuck past the barrier her fingers created. James was surprised at how tangible the punch to his gut felt, witnessing Lily give into her hurt.

"Being with your friends," she told him through her sniffles. "I thought it would help, but it only made everything worse because now I have to be even more careful than before. And I never would have thought you spending time with my friends would bother me so much. I was so wrong before…if it feels like this the remainder of the time I don't think I c-can…the guilt, the nerves…I need a break, I just can't keep this up."

She heaved a shuddering gasp and gave herself fully into the stress, sobbing with trembling shoulders. To stall himself from reaching out when he wasn't sure whether his touch would be welcomed, James glanced around the bathroom. His eyes fell on the portrait of the mermaid, who was looking down from her frame sympathetically at Lily. She turned and caught James's eye, and when she did, she gave a small encouraging smile and gently pointed her chin toward Lily.

"Go to her," she directed him, wordlessly.

James grimaced and scrunched up his nose uncertainly, but the mermaid just shook her head and jutted her chin more firmly. He sighed and squared his shoulders, stepping forward and reaching out to grab Lily by the shoulder and gently steer her toward him. At his touch she leaned away from James.

"D-d-don't touch me," she gasped. "J-just leave me alone!"

"Come now," he soothed. "You know well enough I won't listen; when have I ever left you alone when you asked?" He put a hand on her shoulder again, sliding it up until he reached her neck where he let it rest gently. He curled his hand and guided her to close the gap between them, and cradle her against his body. Making up for their height differences, he leaned his head to the side and coaxed Lily to lean her head down into the crook of his neck.

"I've got you," he murmured in her ear. "I've got you, Lil."

Once she had nestled her face against his skin he turned his own back slightly and let his cheek rest against her wet one. The rough and prickled stubble had caught her tears and dampened against his face, making him aware of how long it had been since a proper shave.

There wasn't anything he could say to make the situation better. He couldn't say it was okay, because things were far from it. Their situation was entirely opposite.

He couldn't tell her that he knew how she felt. It was trite.

He didn't shush her. Shushing was what overwhelmed her to this point in the first place.

So, quite comfortable with the wordless moment, James just tightened his hold on Lily and let his actions do the comforting, hoping that she somehow felt the safety he wanted to give to her. Whether it was his comfort or a natural cessation unaccredited to him, Lily's sobs were slowly losing their severity. Her heaving breaths devolved into small sniffles until the whimpers halted entirely. James didn't lessen his grip, waiting to feel signs that Lily's muscles were actually relaxing to signify that she was truly okay. Slowly as the minutes passed, her shoulders lost their tension and her breathing steadied and returned to a normal pace.

James wasn't ready to let her go, enjoying this new closeness they'd embarked on. He both felt and heard Lily inhale deeply and release a hearty sigh before she lifted her head from his shoulder and stepped away. She rested her weight against the bathtub and daintily patted at her nose with the nub of her bent wrist, avoiding James's eyes while she checked for remaining unflattering remnants of her emotional release.

"I'm…erm…" She cleared her throat to strengthen her voice and swiped her cheeks free of tears left behind. "Thanks," Lily continued, ducking her head and staring at the ground. "I mean, I'm sorry for…snotting all over you and all, but thank you."

James smiled at her fondly. "Don't be. You obviously needed it. I'm just glad you felt comfortable enough to let it out around me."

"I didn't exactly let it all hang out deliberately."

"Regardless, I'm glad I was here to keep you company throughout. You shouldn't have to deal with all of that by yourself; we're in this together, you and me." For the first time James followed his instinct without internal debate, and lifted his hand to gently cup her cheek, brushing his thumb against the rough surface. It wasn't lost on him that it instantly began to heat up under his touch, but he chose to keep that gleeful news to himself instead of calling attention to it—there was only so much confrontation Lily could take in one night.

"Now this is something you can apologize to me for," he teased, rubbing at the prickly stubble on her face. "How could you let my face become so unkempt in your care?"

Lily snorted and lifted an eyebrow at him. "You think I'd know what I was doing if I tried shaving this? I'd have probably flayed your jaw."

"Oh, Lily, all you had to do was own up to your ineptitude and I would have been your saving grace." He plugged the sink's drain with the rubber stopper and turned on the water. "Stay there while I set up."

Lily settled more securely on the edge of the bathtub, watching while James gathered supplies from the cupboard. He murmured under his breath while he moved, making sure he didn't forget any tools, nodding in satisfaction when he had what he wanted displayed around the sink. Finally he sat on a nearby stool, and drew himself closer to Lily while he rolled up his sleeves.

"I can't believe I let you go like this for so long," he said, peering closely at the razor for cleanliness. "Luckily I don't grow enough hair to look like a caveman, but still. Isn't all this stubble itching your face? I can barely stand my five o'clock shadow."

"A bit," Lily admitted. "But since I've never had to do this before its not really second nature for me to think of hair as a reason for my face itching. I kept getting startled at the hair I felt on my chin when I scratched but then I'd just forget about it all over again because it isn't what I'm used to thinking about."

James nodded and grabbed the can of shaving cream, shaking it before squeezing out a generous dollop into the palm of his hand. "I see what you mean. Well, let's get to it, then."

Eyes focused upward as though he'd find the answer written on the ceiling, James tilted his head back and to the side. He gripped an imaginary razor and mimed running the blade down his face. Then, without shifting his position, he gently grabbed hold of Lily's face by the chin, and with the other hand rested his fingertips lightly against her temple.

"If I go up and to this side," he murmured to himself, thinking aloud. "Then that means you need to go up...and to here..." He directed her movements to where he desired. "And maybe a liiitle bit...there."

As she complied with James's directions, Lily felt herself become highly aware of their proximity and everything else that came with it. She felt his fingers twitch against her neck where his hand curved, highly aware his pads pressing down over newly formed goose bumps that rose whether she liked it or not. The warm breath exhaled steadily against her jaw while James leaned into focus on the area of skin he was currently working on.

Is it my imagination or am I breathing too loud? Lily wondered anxiously. Does it sound like I'm panting?

As though he'd heard her thoughts James intoned in a low voice, "Relax, Lil'." He didn't shift his gaze away from his work, but the side of his mouth lifted into a smirk as he tapped the razor on the edge of the sink. Clink clink! "As long as you keep relatively still, it's fine. Just warn me if you're about pass out or something—I'll want to move my hand back before you cause me to ruin my face."

Say something, you twit! Lily thought furiously at herself. "I…erm…yes."

James froze and swiftly drew away the razor out of proximity. "Wait, you're really about to pass out from this?" he asked incredulously.

"No! I mean, um…just keep going. I'm fine."

"Brilliant. We'll be done in no time."

Lily forced herself to take a deep even breath when she felt James's hand return to her neck. "This feels a lot more daunting than shaving my legs," she murmured, feeling the cold sharp edge moved down her skin.

A snicker escaped James's lips before he clamped his mouth closed, admonishing Lily with a mild glare. "Don't make me laugh right now," he told her sternly. "Not when this is moving. In fact, better to try not talking at all. Difficult for you, I know—but do try your best." After dipping into the water he paused to work out a particularly long strand trapped within, then leaned toward Lily to continue.

"When did you start shaving?" Lily inquired, before the blade could make contact.

"Well, that has two different answers, if I'm honest. I started shaving at about fourteen. I didn't need to start shaving until right after I'd turned sixteen. And I'm a bloody idiot for rushing it, too," he grumbled. "Shit's a pain in the arse. I'm just lucky I don't need to do it each day. I don't really grow much more than a hefty stubble; too much to leave completely alone but not enough to pass as a full beard at its thickest. Now the other two—here, go like this—" James demonstrated the face he wanted Lily to make, pursing his lips and stretching them to the side as far as he could. "—and hold that. Don't move. Anyway, Remus and Sirius have to do this more often than I do. Remus, especially. Whether it's because he's a werewolf or that it'd be the case regardless, I'm unsure. But he had to start just before we turned fourteen. All of us other boys were so jealous."

Clink, clink!

"So," Lily said. "You started then as well to keep the others from being suspicious?"

James chuckled deeply at her question while he signaled Lily to tilt her and expose the other side of her face. "Oh man. That's a brilliant excuse I could have used. Alas, no. Just a lad being overeager about puberty."

James squinted as he surveyed the other side of Lily's face, experimentally moving his seat nearer to her to her left side while he decided on the best position and approach. "I'm going to need to stand up for this side," he explained, getting his feet. "I'll get a better angle instead of having to reach across you." He positioned himself comfortably to continue, but Lily stopped him before he could.

"Hold on. You've gotten a bit of shaving cream near your nose." Lily reached up and brushed her knuckles across the skin there to remove the stray speckles. She fixed him with a reproving stare while she did so, but the twitch at her mouth betrayed the playful nature. "Presentation is everything, Mr. Potter—I can't take you seriously while you clean my face if you can't even keep yours clean, during the cleaning itself."

James laughed. "Thanks, and noted. How can I possibly ignore such a lesson when it's delivered in such an artful tongue-twister? Now, be still for me so we can get this over with." He leaned in and made quick work of shaving, and before long Lily's face was rid of the prickly annoyance. James reached up and pat her face dry with a towel. "Much better, yes? It's like you're a whole new person."

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Lily and James both froze and looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

"Oh, Merlin," she laughed. "You bloody wanker, this is the worst possible time you could use that."

"Oh Lily, I am so sorry," he wheezed. "I promise that wasn't on purpose. I was worried for a moment that I made you cry again, though."

"Well, it could have. But honestly, at this point I'm so emotionally spent that I don't think I have anything left in me to cry. I've already had a near breakdown in front of you and sobbed all over your shoulder. I'm too sleepy to think of anything snappy to say. I just feel stripped bare, so you're catching me at the right time, I suppose. Nothing else to do but laugh." An enormous yawn broke through and she covered her mouth to catch it. "Or to sleep." Lily leaned her head forward and rested it lightly against James's abdomen. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just need a minute before I get moving."

"Don't be. Take all the time you need." He wrapped his arms about her, creating a shield from the light. "I can't help but feel somewhat responsible to driving you to this point. With me insisting that we keep this between us, and then trying to make your life hell after that, you probably wouldn't have gotten to this point if I'd done things differently. I'm so sorry, Lily. We'll tell them tomorrow, okay?"

She raised her head and looked at him. "Thank you for that. Truly, James. That means a lot to me."

James met her eyes square on. "Good," he replied softly. "I meant it."

Looking down at her, James was surprised to see that she hadn't broken eye contact. He hadn't released Lily from his embrace when she looked up from the cocoon of his arms, so they were already well within the each other's personal space. Now, looking at each other the way they were, what had already been a lightly suggestive position had just become even more acutely tender.

Physical effects of the spell aside, he had never hovered so closely with a girl so intimately without closing the gap. He hadn't done, that with anyone. And now, with the history between them of what they'd been dealing with, with the emotional reliance they needed to get through the past weeks, James felt a tension manifest between them that he knew was very real. The eyes may have been his own, but the presence behind the hazel most certainly differentiated from himself. Sharp, alert, and watchful. Strong, yet with a hint of self-consciousness that his own arrogance usually outshone.

He'd done so many more things in moments such as these, like kissing and the like, but to feel a deep intimacy within a seemingly mundane moment was something James had never come close to experiencing with another person. The silence between them suddenly felt thick and heavy with expectation to break it somehow, and not necessarily with words.

But before he could decide what to do about it, that's exactly what Lily chose to do.

"Um, we….I mean, I—uh…" She closed her eyes for a moment, composing herself, then eased out from James's arms to scoot along the tub before rising to her feet. "It's really late. We should head to sleep."

Reluctantly, James stopped himself from reaching out to her again. The moment was over and he could see Lily begin to put up her guard once again.

"Yeah, I supposed you're right," he agreed. "We're headed into an all-nighter at this rate." He turned and walked toward the exit, but stopped short when he didn't hear Lily follow. "Coming?"

She looked up, appearing startled at his addressing her with the question. "You go ahead," she told him. "I'll be along. I just need a few minutes."

James didn't press her to come with him. It was clear that she intended to return on her own. "Okay," he conceded. "Will you be alright sleeping in the boy's again or will you want to take the couch?"

"No, no, the dorm is just fine," Lily answered quickly. "I can handle it now. Thank you, though."

James nodded, lingering at the door while he ensured Lily wouldn't change her mind. But right before he closed it behind him, she called out to him abruptly and he poked his head back in. "Yeah?"

"Well, I should…" Lily cast her eyes downward, bringing a hand up to toy nervously with her ear lobe.

James had to suppress an affectionate smile at the image. "Ye-e-es?" he prompted again, teasingly.

"Uh, thank you again," she finished, slowly meeting his gaze. "For tonight. And just really…being here for me."

James smiled at her fully now, leaning his head against the door frame as he regarded her. He wasn't sure he could remember a time that he saw her so bashful, and he found it incredibly endearing. "Anytime, Lily," he murmured. And he left her to her solitude.

Later on when he would reminisce on that night in the prefect's bathroom, James would remember it as the first time he knew in his gut that something tangible had changed between them. His doubts of his chance with Lily were absorbed into the blooming confidence that had taken root in its place little by little, like when she wiped his face.

When he held her and she didn't move away.

When she called him back before he left.

As he made his way back to the dorm alone, James couldn't stop the wide smile that spread across his face as he recalled the moments between him and Lily, and the warmth he felt while he replayed them in his mind's eye. His stride became strong and purposeful, as though his new conviction toward the situation manifested physically from his psyche down into his toes.

The decision was made. James wasn't going to let the momentum go to waste, not when so much was gained throughout the evening with Lily. He was officially done with the timid, tentative approach, and finished squandering chances just because he was he couldn't predict her response.

Because tonight had been anything but predictable, and the outcome was better than he could have foreseen.

X

A/N: WHEW! Another few major turning points of many that will swiftly be occurring now that we're over the hump! A few things before I go:

- There may be some dispute about how I chose to include the scene with James experiencing a bout of prejudice from a fellow Gryffindor. First off, I can't take credit for the idea, because the lovely Percypotterpopsicle made a very good point that it was something James should see first-hand from Lily's perspective. So thank you so much, dear! That said, the reason I chose it to come from a Gryffindor and not a Slytherin is because I don't believe people are all good—I don't think all Gryffindors are golden. Considering the time of this, I believe that even some people who weren't spouting "Mudblood!" everywhere still had ignorant ideals of Muggleborns versus other witches and wizards. If you want to discuss this further in constructive criticism, have at it! Let's engage.

- "WHEN ARE THEY GONNA SWITCH BACK?!" I know I'll get this, and I understand why. Very. VERY SOON. VERY SOON. Can't say much more than that without giving it away (VERY VERY SOON).

- Next chapter, I actually wanted it to be in this one, but it was too long. But I'm almost done with it since I just split it in two.

Thank you, all of you, for sticking with me. I know it's been a journey. I read everyone one of your notes and smile hugely each time—(even at the twerpy ones).

Humbly,

Spirit