Hello friends. I know I have been gone for a little longer than usual, but truth is I lost inspiration to write. I hate saying that to you guys, but at least my motivation has returned. It was literally from ONE review, that I decided I cant keep leaving them hanging. You guy's don't understand what it means to me to hear what ya'll think, means the world tbh. Anyways this chapter is going to be a turning point in the Clare/Eli relationship, FINALLY. Enjoy :)

I ran out of the house breathless, with tears streaming down my face. No amount of training could have prepared me for the emotional aspect of living with theses people. I began to run down the road, but no matter how far I ran I could still hear all the voices inside my head. The voices telling me to take down Vince and his gang, the voices of my new "family" telling me I was safe with them, and in the background of it all the sound of my brother hitting the floor and dying. Finally out of breath. I dropped my knee's at the end of the road. Ironically there was sign in front of me that said "dead end" That's where I was, at a dead end. I started screaming, at everyone, and at no one.

"Why! Why me! Why did you have to die, why did you leave me all alone!" I was punching the floor in anger.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me, and without hesitation I turned around wrapping mine around him too. I knew it was Eli before I had turned around, In some weird way I had felt his presence. Worried, Eli tried to calm me down. "Clare, what is wrong? Talk to me, stop crying."

I pulled away in and began walking back towards the house. "You're right, no crying in this lifestyle right?"

Eli grabbed my arm, spinning me back around. "No, you...you can cry all you want. There's no shame, I just meant that I didn't want you to be upset. If I can help, I want to."

With a shaky voice, I took his offer to help. "Can we go away? If only for a little while, can we just go somewhere, away from anything gang related?" Eli grabbed my hand, and pulled me back towards the dead end sign. He pulled me into the brush behind the sign, and into the woods. "Eli, where are we going!"

"Somewhere away from everything gang related, do you trust me?" I nodded, I did trust him. We walked for minutes before we reached a stopping point, yet there was nothing in front of us but more bushes.

"Eli, I don't understand. It's dark out already, are you lost?" My voice rang with annoyance.

He smiled, "Passed these bushes is the place I come to get away from everything. You must swear you'll never tell a soul where this place is."

I nodded, "I swear."

Eli grabbed my hand again and pulled me through the bushes. I heard a click, and lights turned on, they were hanging from tree to tree. In the open field there was a hearse, the back of it was open with blankets and pillows inside. "That was my car, when I first moved here I drove it around, but It was apart of the old me, so I decided to leave it here. Whenever I want to get away I come out here, sometimes I even sleep in the back." Eli was staring at the car, like he was reminiscing what used to be.

"Eli, this is beautiful, why do you ever leave?"

"I leave because this isn't me anymore, and because I could only survive so long without food and water." He chuckled.

I walked towards the hearse, sitting in the back of it. "I think I'd rather die than go back at this point."

Eli's head shot up, and he walked towards the hearse and sat beside me "Don't say that Clare. What is going on with you? You were crying before, why?"

"Because Eli, you're all so confusing. None of what any of you say makes sense. One minute it's about family, and the next we're making plans to kill our rival gang members. Bianca and you were going crazy one moment, and the next you were family again? There are rules that I just don't understand, lines that are too blurred to comprehend."

Eli sighed. "Clare this life is something I never wanted to be apart of, something I never expected I'd be involved in. If you aren't built for it, it will destroy you. You seem so for it one minute, and then the next you act as if we disgust you. Why are you involved in this, you know you don't have to be, and I don't want you to be."

"Why do you care what I'm involved in? Oh wait, let me guess, because we're family. I know."

Eli half smiled. "No, because this isn't you. You're smart, I know because I see you do Sean's homework, and he's been getting straight A's. You're talented, the minute I heard you sing I knew you were going to be the star of my play, and you're beautiful Clare Edwards, I don't want to ever see anything bad happen to you." Eli was leaning in closer to me, staring at me in a way I'd never been stared at before. His eyes were holding mine, not letting me look away. I began to feel myself leaning in too, and I searched for a reason to pull away, but I couldn't find one. All I could think about was him, and how desperately I wanted him. In that moment I was just Clare Edwards again, and not an agent sent to take anyone down. Our noses were touching and all I could hear was the sound of his breathing. He brought his hand up to cup my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. "Clare, I'm going to kiss you right now, ok."

I barley breathed an, "Ok."

Eli put his lips to mine, kissing me slowly, and gently. All of a sudden the earth beneath me fell, and nothing in the world mattered but him. I wanted more of him, I was craving being closer to him. I ran my hands through his hair, deepening the kiss. His body stiffened at first, surprised by my aggressiveness, but it quickly relaxed again. I pulled him down ontop of me by the collar of his shirt, my back was flat against the hearse. Eli was kissing me neck, breathing heavier than before. I began to unbutton his shirt, and then he pulled away breaking the spell.

Eli put his head in his hands, "Clare no, no, no, no, this is wrong."

I sat up and grabbed his arm before he could escape the hearse, "Eli no, why is this wrong? Please don't leave me." My voice was desperate, I needed him more than I had ever needed anything in my life.

Eli's face softened and he layed down, opening his arms wide. I tilted my head in confusion. "Well, are you going to lay down or not Clare?"

I hesitantly layed down, putting my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms round me, giving me goosbups. I nervously spoke, "Eli, what does this mean?"

"This means I'm fucked."

I sighed, "Explain?"

"Clare, I've been fighting the urge to kiss you ever since the moment I layed eyes on you. When I'm not with you, all I do is worry about you. My every thought has been consumed by you, but everything has been standing in my way from being with you. It still is. We cant be together."

"What, why?"

"If Vince, Bianca, or Aston found out everything would go to shit. Clare love doesn't exist in a gang, it never works. Do you think Emma and Sean are really happy? No, they aren't. She is a target because she's with him, she's his weakness. Everyday he's fighting just to keep her safe, and she's agonizing over something happening to him."

"I wont accept that we cant be together Eli, I wont. I didn't trust you before, but something kept pulling me towards you, it's like this magic I cant explain. I don't want to lose this feeling, I don't want to lose you. I don't care what Vince or Bianca think."

"What about Aston, what's he going to think when my arm is around his girl? He'll try to kill you again Clare."

"Then we keep it a secret, whatever it takes I don't care, I just know that I can't continue on not being with you." As I spoke I kept realizing how right Eli was, us being together would never work. Not because of everyone else, but because my job was to have him sent away to prison. I closed my eyes, trying to make that fact go away. For now, I wouldn't think about that.

Eli tightened his arms around me, "We can quit the play, use that period as a study period. Theatre is just an elective, we can spend that time together. I will try, but if anyone starts to catch on Clare I'll end it, I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you."

"Nothings going to happen to me Eli, don't worry. Can we spend tonight here, away from everything? No worries, just us? Just one night."

"What will we tell everyone?"

"That I went to find you because B cheated, and you were too upset to come home, so I took you to my parents house?"

"Your parents? You have parents here?" Eli sounded confused.

"Well no, but they don't know that."

"Clare there is so much I don't know about you. I wanna know everything. Why are you really involved in the gang? Where is your family?"

I couldn't tell him the truth, and It killed me, but I gave him the closest thing to the truth I could. "My father died when I was young, he was shot at a store. My mother became a drunk, and all I had in the world was my brother. I developed a party problem, and he was my protector."

"Where is he now?"

"He's dead. He was killed not too long ago, by a drunk driver." I hated lying to Eli, but I couldn't tell him it was Vince. "So I was left alone. My mother moved away, and I went with her, that's why I left Degrassi for a year. We moved to Texas, and I got involved in a gang down there. Things got bad with my mom, she drank herself to death. She had insurance, so I got a good sum of money. Well enough to take care of myself, so I moved back to Canada, and here I am. Alone."

Eli kissed the top of my head, "You're not alone. You'll never be alone again."