A.N.
Update at last.
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-Mello-
Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God…..
It was him. He was really there.
How?
Matt looked over at me as I sat shaking, hyperventilating in his front seat. I ignored him too lost in my own world.
I'll be ok. I'm not some naïve sixteen year old anymore. He can't hurt me again.
Damon.
Just thinking the name hurt. My first mistake was probably going out with someone four years my senior at that age. Why did I even…. I was just some confused, fucked up kid; an easy target. He took what he wanted and left. The worst part was my parents said I deserved it. That I was a heathen for wanting it, and for it to be that rough…I was no son of theirs. Never mind that I was confused and hurting, that I needed my parents, that a kind word and a hug would have gone miles. No. I was a crime against nature and didn't deserve such things.
It wasn't until Matt kissed me softly that I realized that we were no longer in the car. That I was crying hysterically. I was so broken. He won't want me anymore.
"Tell me Mello."
I manage to gasp out "C-can't."
He held me and let me cry. I fell asleep on his shoulder, shirt wet with my tears.
I woke feeling arms around me, my body spooned against another. Trapped in dark memories I flailed, coming back to myself at the familiar sleepy "Ow. Damn Mells, just me!"
"Matt?"
"Who else? You fucking some other sexy red-head?" I gave a half amused, but still hysterical sounding laugh.
"N-no, no. Just you. Only you."
"Good." I moaned relaxing as he kissed down my neck.
"Now what's wrong?" I couldn't help but relax at the kiss pressed to my hair and the hand running along my hip. Linking our fingers, keeping his arm around me I let out a shuddering sigh.
"Damon."
"Who is that?" Pressed together as we were the quiet words were in my ear, lips occasionally brushing it. If I wasn't so fucking terrified it would be arousing. I bit my lip gathering my thoughts, rolling over to face him. His arms stayed tightly around my waist.
"He is him."
"What do you mean him?"
I stayed quiet for a moment. "He was my first boyfriend. After Krista died, I…I told you some of it… But I was also rebelling against my parents. I had a fake ID, I would go to clubs… I was sixteen when we got together." I hid my face answering Matt's unasked question. "He was twenty. He just made me feel…wanted. My parents didn't want kids, they just wanted heirs, and I wasn't living up to their expectations. It was hard, going home to somewhere you weren't loved, and they told you to your face. He offered what I wanted so I took it, but like every sixteen year old I was naïve and stupid. I fell for a façade, and he used me like he uses everyone."
Matt interrupted quietly, "to the point of putting you in the hospital."
I nodded.
"And he was at the meeting today?"
A whispered "he works for a magazine" was my reply.
"You know the meeting will be rescheduled."
A nod.
"I'll come too."
"Thank you."
I snuggled into his neck, feeling safe for the moment. Just glad I had someone I could trust, someone I could lean on. I had realized that I wasn't being weak, it was just a true partnership. He would be my protector when I needed it, and I would be his strength when he needed it. We were there for each other come what may. In a sense, this was my first true relationship.
Yawning I curled back into him, falling back asleep. "I love you."
I was just conscious enough to feel the brush of a kiss and the whispered "I love you too."