"All right." Luke enters the cell. "The admirals don't like it, but we're going to try."
"Try what?" Ben asks. R2 sounds like it's cheering.
"Practicing. You never finished your training."
Ben shakes his head. "That's not—"
"We agreed not to leave the cell. That's one of the conditions. Also, that someone be monitoring it at all times." Luke smiles. "Nothing new from Snoke?"
It's been two months since his last communication. Ben shakes his head. He almost wants the Supreme Leader to enter his head, just so he can find out how Rey is. She'll be three, almost four, months along now. Is she showing yet? he wonders. If she were dead, or the baby were dead, Ben knows Snoke would be taunting him. Being trapped in this cell day in and day out, while Rey suffers who knows what, is torture enough for him. It should be me suffering, not her.
And still, he can't bring himself to tell Luke or his mother about Rey's pregnancy. It's all my fault.
Coming here was a waste.
No, Ben tells himself. That's not true.
"Ah, Ben," says another voice. Lando Calrissian climbs through the door. "I heard you were back." And he embraces Ben like he's never left.
"Lando finally convinced the admirals to let you train," Luke says.
"Reminded them of my own story," Lando says gently. "I once sold out your father."
At least Father survived that, Ben thinks. I killed him.
Lando grasps the back of Ben's neck. "He'd be proud that you're here."
Will you help me?
Anything.
Did his father think he was totally gone, truly dead, when the lightsaber pierced his heart? Was his caress meant to be a farewell for the both of them? Or was it forgiveness?
Ben knows it's the latter, and that's what he clings to. His father's forgiveness. In the end, Han Solo did bring him home. Han Solo saved him. Han Solo, and Rey.
But would Father truly be proud of him? What would he think if he knew what happened to Rey, a girl he cared about? If he knew his son loved her, and she loved him, and they had a child Snoke was plotting to raise from the Dark Side?
He'd keep fighting. And the best way for Ben to do that now is to train with Luke. Though Ben knows, someday, he may find himself on a bridge, facing a child confused about killing him.
Not if you get to Snoke first.
"Here." Luke tosses Ben Rey's lightsaber, Grandfather's lightsaber. "I'll use the one you created. It's got a cracked crystal, so this one will be better for training—"
Ben ignites it, studies the blue flame. In this lightsaber, there is only power and possibility—ghosts perhaps, but none of them his own. He didn't kill Han with this weapon.
It is you.
Come back for me!
He shakes his head, switching it off and holding it back out towards Luke. "It's Rey's. It answers to her."
"Rey's not here right now," Luke says softly. "I think it will work better for you while we're—"
A lump in his throat, Ben thrusts the lightsaber closer. "It's Rey's." It should be her training, not me.
Luke nods, taking it back and tossing the other one to Ben.
"I still think that training him to get even stronger in the Force is a terrible idea," Finn declares.
"It's been almost fourteen days, and he's yet to try and escape," General Organa says as she passes Finn a cup of tea.
"Enjoy, Princess, Finn," says C-3PO as he totters out of the room.
"General," snaps Leia.
"Pardon me! General."
Finn drinks. The hot, spicy brew burns the roof of his mouth. "Ouch!"
"Careful," she warns.
"Sorry," he mutters. "I know he's your son."
"He's my son, but I'm not blind to what he did. I love him regardless. But I imagine you are far more familiar with the horrors of the First Order."
Finn shrugs. "Well, yeah. Yeah. I am." Familiar with... and a participant in. "But you and Luke—I heard you saying that he's holding something back. Couldn't that mean—"
"I can sense through the Force that's not the case. He's trying to hold on to the Light."
Finn leans back in his chair. "Pardon me if this too bold, but: why did you never train in the Force? General? Didn't you ever want to become a Jedi?"
She presses her lips together. "Since becoming aware of it, I have learned how to feel the Force. I can do simple tricks, but no, I've never worked to develop it further."
"Why not?"
Leia laughs. "Because found out Luke was my brother right before the Battle of Endor. Within a year Han and I had Ben. There wasn't much time."
Finn brings the cup back up to his mouth and sips. Better. Although his mouth will definitely blister. "Do you regret it? Not training?"
"No." She sighs. "I only wish I'd spent more time with him. Han, and my son. We were both busy, Han and I, trying to set things right in the galaxy. I think we forgot to keep things right at home. And I knew almost from the beginning that Snoke wanted Ben."
Finn spits his tea out. "Wait, what?" The steady drum of rain beats against the roof of the base, shrouding the conversations of those around them and shrouding their own.
"I was told—by Poe's father, actually—that Snoke was desperate to harvest Force users for his own devices. He created the Knights of Ren not long after. And I was warned he'd specifically go after our son, as a descendant of Anakin Skywalker." Leia stares into her cup as if it can offer her answers.
"So you sent him to train with Luke to protect him?"
"The worst mistake I ever made. Han didn't want him to go. He was so angry." Leia shakes her head. "I just… I wish Han were here."
Finn has no idea what to do with Leia's sudden vulnerability. His memory transports him back to that horrible moment Kylo Ren ignited his lightsaber on the Starkiller base. And Finn had charged up the lightsaber Kylo screamed belonged to him. Come and take it.
Apparently, Kylo turned down that very lightsaber when Luke began training him. "I'm sorry."
Leia waves her hand. "It's fine."
What would it be like, to love someone so much, and lose them in so cruel a way? Finn thinks back to his fellow stormtroopers, to his friend who smeared his blood over Finn's helmet, marking him, changing him. He thinks of Han, of Rey.
We have to find her.
Sitting around, waiting for information, is not working for Finn. He stands and excuses himself.
Down the stairs. Past an exhausted Lieutenant Connix. BB-8 spins after him. "Go back," Finn orders.
BB-8 protests.
"Droid, you know I don't speak that! Just—fine. Come if you want." Finn punches in the code and enters Kylo's cell.
R2 whirs when it sees him, and BB-8 charges towards R2, squealing excitedly. Kylo smiles as the droids chatter about something. Finn hopes it isn't him.
"Where's your other half?" Kylo asks.
"Who?"
"The pilot. Poe."
"I don't know, asleep maybe?" Finn scowls, flustered. "He is not my other half. Why would you say that?"
Kylo raises his eyebrows. "Why did you come here?"
Finn crosses his arms. "Have you heard anything? From Snoke? About Rey?"
"No. I wish I had a different answer." He meets Finn's eyes, startling Finn with his sincerity.
He's terrified, Finn realizes.
"We can't leave her there much longer," Finn says.
"I know." Kylo tightens his hands into fists. "Believe me. I know."
"What do they have planned for her?"
"Snoke didn't tell me. Beyond the basics of turning her to the Dark Side."
"Why did you turn?" Finn asks abruptly.
Ben reaches down and fiddles with the edge of his lightsaber. Did you really have to leave it with him, Luke? Finn thinks.
"A lot of reasons. I thought I could balance the Force. I thought I could become all I was meant to be. I thought my parents were wrong and that they didn't love me. But the Dark Side—it consumed me."
"So why aren't you in allegiance with the Dark Side anymore?"
"Why aren't you?" Kylo asks.
"I didn't like seeing innocent people die by your orders," Finn snaps.
Kylo's face drains. "I didn't kill you."
Jakku. Finn remembers Kylo staring at him and himself thinking he was finished for sure. "Why not?"
Kylo taps the lightsaber hilt against the metal of the cot. Clang. Clang. Clang. A nervous motion, not a threatening one. "The Light. I couldn't escape it."
"Well, I don't think not killing me warrants a thank you."'
A strange sound escapes Kylo's lips. A laugh? "Would you accept an apology if I said I was sorry for almost killing you on the Starkiller?"
"Are you apologizing?"
BB-8 and R2 quiet down, staring at the two men.
Kylo nods.
Finn considers. "I suppose."
Traitor! Kylo has screamed, as if wanting to provoke Finn. Why?
Finn shakes it off. "Got your lightsaber back, I see. Don't try to cut through the walls here. It won't work."
"Good to know."
"So," Finn says. "How does the Force work? And is there any way we can use it to find Rey?"
"If there were a way to use it to find Rey, I've already tried it, I assure you." Kylo tosses the lightsaber hilt at Finn, who ducks. It clatters against the floor.
"What was that about?" Finn demands.
"Take it away from me, because thinking about Rey makes me want to slice up the walls." He's not joking.
"We've got to find her. If Poe and I have to go out on our own, we will," Finn vows.
Kylo stares at Finn.
"I don't love her like that," Finn says hastily. Now Kylo blanches, and something clicks for Finn, something he doesn't dare say out loud. Does Kylo love her?
"I know you don't," Kylo says, again with a subtle push that Finn doesn't understand.
Finn picks up the lightsaber, fiddling with it as his mind races. If Kylo is in love with Rey… it would explain so much. But poor Rey. Finn knows she would never love Kylo back, and the thought of Kylo experiencing unrequited love makes him smile.
The lightsaber ignites, vibrating in his hand. The heat from the side sections sears his skin. He swings it a few times.
"Careful, or you're going to cut off your own hand," Kylo says. "And everyone will think I did it."
Finn snorts as he lowers the weapon.
"You're not bad," Kylo says. "You just need a little practice."
"Yeah, but I'm no Jedi. No Force, remember?"
Kylo studies him. "Hold your arm out."
"Why?" But Finn obeys.
"Swipe downwards. Really fast. And then go back up, and around."
Finn tries and almost burns his toe off. Kylo shakes his head.
"Give it here."
Finn tosses it at him, but without turning it off first. Kylo yelps and ducks.
"Sorry! It was an accident! I swear!"
Kylo reaches for it, getting back to his feet. "Like this." He demonstrates, twirling the weapon in the same menacing fashion he did when he closed in on Finn and Rey in the woods. Except instead of a navy blue forest blanketed in snow, they're in a warm underground cell, the walls blistering white.
Kylo turns it off and tosses it back to Finn. "Try again."
BB-8 whirs in awe.
"Closer. Try to move a little faster—no, not that direction!"
"Here." Finn holds it out, sweat blossoming on his face as he takes his jacket off. "Show me again."
Kylo demonstrates. The lightsaber's snaps drown out the sound of the door opening.
"Finn!"
"Poe?" Finn whirls around to see his friend aiming a blaster at Kylo. The lightsaber hisses and then goes silent.
"What—"
"He was just demonstrating! I asked him to!" Finn shouts, stepping in front of the blaster. Poe lowers it.
"Why?"
Finn shrugs. "Last time I used a lightsaber he kinda kicked my ass. I want to get better. Jedi or not."
"Here," Kylo says quickly, kicking the weapon back towards Finn. "Show Poe what you're learning." There's definitely innuendo in his words. Finn glowers at him.
"And don't cut his head off," Kylo orders. "Stand back."
Finn spins the lightsaber. "All right!"
"That was cool!" Poe exclaims.
Finn is almost startled when he doesn't hear Kylo saying good job. "Kylo? Er—Ben?"
Ben's kneeling on the ground, eyes somewhere else, as he listens to a voice only he can hear.
"Do you see her?" Finn asks urgently, gesturing to Poe, to BB-8 and R2, to get Luke and Leia.
Kylo recoils, meeting Finn's eyes and nodding. "He's putting her through some of Hux's training. Videos, and chants that never turn off…"
Finn swallows, because he knows those all too well.
"It's not in her best interest to keep her up all night listening to your voice!" Phasma snaps. Rey wants to hug the woman. Will it never cease?
"Snoke's not happy we're not getting results!" she hears Hux hiss.
In the end, Phasma wins. With or without Snoke's approval, Rey doesn't know. As for the Supreme Leader himself, she passes time by counting his appearances, which occur every seven days. He enters and storms through her mind as best he can.
"Twelve hours for videos. Twelve hours for rest," she finally hears him dictate.
Ah. So he does know. Or he does now. She doesn't care.
Rey;s abdomen is starting to swell now, not large enough for anyone besides herself to notice. It makes it seem all the more real.
Where are you, Ben? she thinks desperately as Hux's voice prattles on about the First Order. Surely he's at D'Qar by now. If he went back to the First Order, she'd know.
In all likelihood, Ben was back with his mother, and they just couldn't find her.
Please, Rey thinks. Please find me. Please come back for me.
I love you.
Days continue to tick past. Snoke continues to visit, and Hux tortures her without so much as laying a hand on her. Rey cries for herself, for her son or daughter, as she recites the words to the video she knows so well by now, words she never wants to hear or think again but words her brain insists on repeating.
Captain Phasma enters, carrying Rey's dinner and signifying the end of Hux's videos. Rey sits up, determined not to show that she was crying.
"Bet you're glad to have that off," Phasma comments. Sometimes, she engages Rey in conversation—the only conversations Rey has that aren't about the First Order.
Rey nods. "It's not possible for you to break the wiring, is it?" It's not possible for Rey to. She already tried. Six times.
"It would stop if you'd agree to train with the Supreme Leader."
"No."
"Fine then." Captain Phasma turns to leave as Rey grabs the plate. At least now the nausea's past, so she can enjoy eating again.
Rey gasps as something stirs inside her. Her hand flies to her stomach as she wonders whether she imagined it.
She didn't. Another movement. A kick? A wave? Rey doesn't know.
"Are you all right?"
Phasma. Rey looks up at her, an idea blossoming in her mind. "The baby's moving."
"Truly?" The captain steps closer.
Rey reaches out and takes the Captain's hand, placing it on her stomach. "Well, he—or she—was just moving—oh, there it is!"
She can't see the Captain's face, but she hopes it works. As Phasma removes her armored hand and staggers out of the room, Rey dares to hope.
"Well then," Snoke says smoothly, rising from his throne. "It seems I will make another journey into the mind of Kylo Ren tonight."
Phasma's heart pounds. She's not used to being so close to the Supreme Leader. "Sir? If I may ask… what are your plans for the girl? After she has the child? If she still won't turn—"
"She will," Hux snarls, sweating profusely. "My methods will work."
"And if they don't?" Phasma counters. She has no pity for the general's fear.
"I will kill her," Snoke says. "And keep the child."
Phasma isn't expecting the pang that hits her, nor the memories of her youngest sister, the girl Phasma's mother died bringing into the world.
Tell me about her, her sister would plead.
But Phasma hadn't been able to tell her anything, because she never wanted to cry again.
Sorry this chapter is a bit slow/fluffy. Tomorrow's chapter will have more action. And a lot of feels (maybenotallhappyonesthoughsorry).