Did you mean it?
The voice saunters into Ben's mind as he dresses in the morning. Luke left two weeks earlier.
Mean what? he responds, shirt in his hands. He needs to stay calm.
You'd trade yourself for her.
Yes. Yes, I meant it. The Light twinges inside him, warning him, but Ben doesn't care. If his life, if his goodness and his happiness, can buy Rey her freedom, buy their child from a life under Snoke's foot, he'll trade it. He'll give anything.
Because it's a tempting proposition, Snoke answers. It might just save Rey, and your baby.
You'd let her go?
No. I would let you raise the child. From the Dark Side.
That's not really raising their child, Ben knows. They'd be puppets, Snoke's dancing dolls.
Fine, Snoke sneers. You saw how lonely she is. Show her once more that her loved ones will always abandon her. That may well suit my own purposes.
No! Ben swallows, forcing himself to act normal, act normal, don't clue anyone in, as he slips his shirt over his head.
You still hope your friends in the Resistance will rescue her, Snoke purrs. How sweet. And how like you. How ignorant. You know, in your heart, that if you haven't found the slightest trace of her yet, you won't find her. Not in time.
Where are you? Ben asks directly.
Snoke howls with laughter, and Ben doubles over, pretending to adjust his belt with his shaking fingers.
Nice try. If you go out further in the Outer Rim, though, I think I can assure you that we will pick you up.
And Snoke whisks himself away, leaving Ben to ponder his choices.
Rey will kill him. He knows she will.
But he can't let Snoke do to her what he did to Ben. Or to their child.
With Luke gone on some quest to find a space pirate, Ben doesn't know what other choices he has. It's been weeks since Luke left. Rey will be what, almost seven months now? He doesn't have much time.
"Good morning!" sings Finn as he strolls through the door. "Ben? You okay?"
Ben nods. Inside, something latches into place. He's made his decision. "Finn? Why don't we practice outside today?"
"What do you want?" Rey demands as Hux stands before her, hands clasped oh-so-primly behind his back. She's exhausted and can barely sleep for two hours at a time. "If you're here to give me another First Order spiel, save it."
Hux glowers at her. Since he murdered Captain Phasma, he's been delivering all of Rey's meals with a speech, personally delivered. She's not impressed.
Although, sometimes he asks how she's feeling, in his cold, staccato voice. Other times, he furiously demands to know why she isn't giving up, isn't giving in to Snoke's demands. And her answer is always the same: he'll come back for me.
You already know the truth. He's never coming back.
No. That's not true, it's not true, it's not!
"You know Snoke plans to let you die, if there are complications at the birth," Hux says.
The bread stalls in her mouth. "I didn't, actually. Thanks for informing me." That won't happen, she tells herself, tells her baby.
"You won't even turn if it could save your life?"
She glares at him, swallowing and reaching for a piece of green meat. It's tangy and bitter, tough to chew.
"Surely letting a child grow up in Snoke's care is better than the alternative. You'd still be involved, in some ways," he cajoles.
"I know what it's like to grow up alone," Rey shoots back. "But I still had choices. I had my freedom. And that was painful, but I think I grew up okay."
Hux sniffs. "Typical Resistance attitude."
Rey smiles. "Really?"
"Resistance scum."
"Well, I'd rather my child be raised by Unkar Plutt on Jakku than Snoke." And she does. Although, part of Rey wonders whether the reason she is who she is stems from the fact that she always had that hope to cling to, the hope that someone would return.
Hux scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous. Surely—"
"Growing up alone is better than growing up with a cruel father. Or father figure," she snaps, watching as her words find their target. Crimson rages through Hux's cheeks. "Don't you think?" she asks. "Isn't it better for a child to imagine they could make someone happy, if only that someone were around to see it, than to know they'll never even come close to making the parent who's right there proud of them?"
"Talk to me like that again," Hux says. "And I will tear your tongue out, pregnant or not!" He whirls around on his boot, stomping towards the door.
"I'm sorry!" she calls, compunction kicking her.
"That's what they all say when they're afraid," he taunts, facing her with a smirk.
"No—" Rey rises. Not an easy task these days. "I am sorry. You didn't deserve to be treated the way your father treated you."
"What—I—you—" Spluttering, Hux marches over to her, hand raised as if to strike her. Rey cringes and waits for the blow, but it never comes.
"Fuck you," Hux spits as he turns and leaves.
She's right, Hux assures himself. She's right. You didn't deserve that. He's always known. It's what's hunted him through his daydreams, starting when he was a toddler: himself, ruling the galaxy, with his father at his feet.
You think too much of yourself, boy, scoffed his father to Hux's declaration of future greatness.
No, Hux seethes to a ghost, to a man long dead. You think too little of me.
But the ghost won't leave Hux. It moans, pressing itself against his skull, bleeding silver memories.
Oh, darling, what about the boy? He's your son, you take care of him. Me? I have to deal with him for weeks at time, while you're gallivanting around the galaxy! He's a good boy, he just needs your guidance!
The boy could be someone. But in my shadow, I'm afraid he just doesn't have the motivation. Said right in front of Hux.
I can hear you! the nine-year-old boy wanted to scream. I can hear you! And so he did scream, and his father's fist swung out and caught him in the right eye.
Hux flinches, his hand covering his eye even now. Go away! He stumbles as he tries to run down the corridor.
"Sir?" A stormtrooper stares at him. Hux can't see through that infernal white mask—infernal, why would you say that—think that—shit!—
"I'm fine," Hux says shortly, even though he's not. I'm going mad. That girl—her powers—she's driving me mad!
And madness is something Hux can't abide. He needs to be in control.
But he won't be. Firstly, because of Ren. And now the girl. And later, her brat—Ren's kid, too, because fate seems to love twisting Hux about and knotting him up, trapping him, strangling him. I should be your apprentice! he wants to scream to the Supreme Leader.
"General!" The Supreme Leader's voice booms, and Hux follows it.
"I have news. We must inform Rey Kenobi immediately."
What could be so important the Supreme Leader must be there? Or maybe—maybe he doesn't trust you anymore. Maybe you'll be demoted soon enough. "What news, Supreme Leader?" I've sacrificed so much, you can't take that away!
The Supreme Leader opens Rey's cell, marching in first. Hux follows. His usual ice-cold calm is replaced with a boiling, bubbling fury, and he doesn't understand it and it frightens him.
"I have news for you," the Supreme Leader announces.
"What?" Rey pushes her plate away from her, apprehensive. Her gaze flicks over to Hux as if he's the comforting presence here. Hux doesn't want to be comforting. He wants to be menacing. Dammit!
"Kylo Ren is coming back. You and your child may be able to live after all. If I cannot persuade you to turn to the Dark Side—and my General cannot either—"
Hux breathes in. This cannot be happening.
"Perhaps he will," Snoke concludes.
The girl's eyes are wide with terror, with fear, because through the Force or whatever, she knows Snoke is telling the truth. Although still, some hope sparkles across her face, and Hux hates her for it.
When Snoke departs, Hux stands stiffer than ever, because if he so much as twitches a muscle, he might explode. For the first time, he wants to lose himself in a tantrum and smash things up with a burning red fire stick.
"I'm so sorry," Ben breathes to Finn as he uses the Force to freeze his friend. His friend. "I have to," he tries to explain. "It's the only way to save Rey. Maybe. If I go, Snoke will take us both—we might be able to escape together." He shakes his head. "I can't let her suffer any more. I'm sorry. Tell my mother I love her."
Finn's eyes smolder, but Ben breaks away, heading towards the nearest starfighter. He carries his own lightsaber, cracked and flawed, but he leaves Rey's. He can't risk Snoke getting his hands on that.
You're pathetic, Ben tells himself as he climbs into the starfighter, staring at the controls. He's never flown one of these before. Maybe there's a tracker? If there is, he won't protest. That could lead the Resistance to Rey, to him, and they could be rescued…
Don't count on it, he reminds himself.
"What the blazes are you doing?" Admiral Ackbar squawks.
Shit.
A scrawny red arm tears him out of the starfighter and thrusts him against the side. His head bangs against the metal.
"Traitor!" shouts a pilot, a woman with dark hair.
"I knew it," says another.
"I'll get the General," says Ackbar. "Hold him there!"
Ben could use the Force to send them all flying, and he sees that they know that as well. But he can't. Rey would never forgive that. His mother would never forgive that. He slumps against the starfighter, head hanging.
"I knew we shouldn't have trusted him," growls a creature with blue skin.
"That wasn't—I mean, I was—"
"Smart of you, wasn't it? Got all our plans and everything!" shouts the girl.
Fear prickles up Ben's spine.
The blue creature punches him across the face, and before Ben can think about it, he retaliates, sending the blue creature toppling to the ground.
"No!" screams the girl. "Help! Help!"
"I didn't—are you okay?" Ben gasps out. They're not going to believe me.
More pilots, a dozen, maybe more, swarm, all dressed in orange. When they see their friend on the ground, a collective howl rises even as the blue creature gets to its feet.
"You manipulative, sneaky—" One of them hits Ben across the face with a blaster. Salty, bitter blood fills his mouth as a boot flies into his ribs.
Use the Force—no, don't—
"What the hell are you doing?" Another voice, his salvation, rings out. Poe Dameron soars into the fray, shoving the blue creature aside.
"He was trying to escape!" yells the girl. "Ackbar caught him! He was going back to the First Order!"
"That's not true," Poe scoffs, and his words fall on Ben like acid. "Hey!" Poe grabs another pilot who kicks at Ben's face.
"You're just as bad," snaps the girl, and she punches Poe.
Chaos erupts. A Wookiee snarls, and Ben sees Chewie's enormous legs plant in front of him.
No. No. It's a lie, you're fighting for a lie! "Stop!" Ben screams, leaping to his feet and shoving against the sea of orange. Get away from them—get away from my friends—don't make them suffer for me! He doesn't use the Force, or his lightsaber. Screams and curses reverberate through the air as allies tear each other apart.
Poe gets a blaster smashed against his face and goes down. In less than a second, he's back up.
"Stop it, Poe!" Ben shouts, grabbing his friend. Chewie roars and sends a pilot who was about to take a baton to Ben's knee flying into the next starfighter. "You don't—"
Another blaster crashes into Poe's skull. "Poe!"
The girl pilot shoves herself at Ben, slamming her elbow in his stomach and digging into his belt. She pulls out the lightsaber. Ben sees Poe stagger to his feet and lunge at her, only to be knocked down again. BB-8 arrives, squealing and stinging, under someone kicks the droid.
"Let's see how you like it," she seethes, switching it on. Heat sears Ben's face. "Or how you look with another scar."
Behind her, Ben sees Finn running and guilt erases the dread from his own lightsaber.
And the lightsaber tears out of the girl's hand, flying into Finn's.
"What the—?" The girl whips about, and Chewie uses the opportunity to knock her to the ground.
"What in the hell is going on?" shrieks Mother's voice.
"Oh, shit," mutters Poe, wiping at the blood streaming from his nose.
Finn looks at the lightsaber in his hand and looks at Ben. He raises his eyebrows as if to ask, you?
Ben shakes his head.
"You are all—go! Get out of my sight!" Mother waves her arms.
"Really, it was disgraceful," agrees C-3PO, golden arms on his hips as he surveys the lot of feuding pilots with judgment.
"Not you," Mother adds, pointing to Ben.
Poe holds an ice pack against his face. "Sorry, General." He glares at Ben as he storms out. His reaction is better than Chewie's, though. Chewie won't even look at Ben.
Finn glances back, confusion still written all over his face. Right now, Ben probably owes Finn his life more than anyone. Finn told them what Ben had said, backing up Ben's story that he was just trying to rescue Rey.
"Of all the dishonest—" Mother begins as soon as the door shuts. "Do you have any idea—"
"I'm sorry. I—I had to try—Rey—he might trade her for me—"
"Stop." Mother's voice is harsh. "I know you're lying to me, Ben Solo. I can tell you weren't planning to join forces with him again, though, though whatever you were thinking, it wasn't trading Rey for you. And I know you won't tell me whatever your real logic was behind this, if there was any—am I right?"
He says nothing.
She sighs in disgust. "Do you have any idea how precarious your position here is?"
He points to his swelling eye. "Yes."
"This is not a joke." She glares at him, swallowing as if tying to reign in tears. "Did you see what happened? Do you see how much they trust you? Finn, Poe, Chewie, BB-8—and for you to go and do this, betray that trust—"
"I thought it was the right thing to do," Ben whispers. He feels so confused, so torn up inside. Had he really? He remembers the look on Poe's face when Ben admitted he had been trying to leave, the complete and utter shock. Bile surges up his throat. "I thought—I thought I could help her."
"Good job," Mother says sarcastically.
A face appears behind her, and Ben gapes at it.
"Don't worry," specter Anakin says. "Obi-Wan once said the same thing to me, when Padmé and I tried to rescue him."
"What the—" Mother turns.
Anakin vanishes.
"Make sure she feels the betrayal," Snoke snarls, shoving Hux out the door.
Elation sweeps through Hux. Kylo Ren isn't coming back after all. A grin slides over his face as he strolls down the hall and pertly knocks on the cell door.
"Don't come in!"
Hux rolls his eyes and enters. Rey stands, her arms folding over her stomach. "What now?"
"You are to be informed," Hux intones. "That Kylo Ren will not be returning after all. It seems he decided you and the baby aren't quite worth it."
Her eyes narrow. "That is a lie."
"Is it?" Hux taunts. He circles her like a vulture, head bobbing closer to hers. "He's not coming. That's a fact."
She inhales. "Well, he probably realized it was a stupid plan, and a trap to kill him." Her voice trembles, and Hux exults. "And I'm proud of him for it. He's still choosing the Light, not the Dark. And your plan has backfired. You've given me new hope. He hasn't forgotten me. He will come back."
With those last four sentences, she sucks all of the joy from Hux. No. He can't believe this. He doesn't understand it.
"Our plan hasn't backfired," he hisses. "You—you're—I will personally see to it that your child grows up without love! I will see to it that if you don't die during bitch, that someone slips poison in your drink! I will make your child feel insignificant, squash-worthy, like the insect it is because you—"
He's pushed across the room by some unknown force—no, by the Force. "For that," he snarls. "I'll personally take a whip to your—"
Hux's throat closes. He gags, gasping for breath, as Rey tightens her fist. She's choking me. She's actually choking me.
And then she lets him go, and he scrambles to his feet and out the door. Her face is ashen.
"Excellent job, General," Snoke greets him. "You may have succeeded after all."
His hands still on his throat, Hux still tries to calm his racing heart. She could have killed me.
She chose not to.
But Snoke would have let her, he realizes, glaring at the Supreme Leader for the first time not with jealousy, but hatred.
I'm expendable to him.
Of course you are, taunts his father's phantom voice.
A month after the brawl, Leia awakens early, at the first light of dawn. Her pulse thuds in her throat, and she dresses and hurries to check the monitor to Ben's cell. He's fine. Asleep.
She tries to shakes off the feeling she's failing him again as she turns and spots a blip on the radar.
"Is that-" Admiral Ackbar starts, but even though it's still just approaching their planet, Leia knows.
"It's Luke!"
"Oh, thank the Maker!" C-3PO sighs.