It was small. Way too small. He deserved more. His service had four people in attendance, besides us of course. His fellow gang members. His mother, grandma, brother, and baby daughter we hadn't even known about, were the only family members present. There was so much about Vince, we just didn't know about, or maybe it was that we didn't take the time to know about. Sitting there listening to the service didn't make it seem anymore real then when Sean ran to Eli and I in tears, proclaiming Vince had shot himself. Eli was a wreck, Sean was a wreck, I was a wreck, we all were. When the service ended we all sat in our chairs, not knowing what to do, or what was next. After a few minutes of agonizing silence Vince's mother walked over to his coffin, slowly turning to face all of us. She began to softly speak, but the strength in her voice was evident. "My son, my baby, he's gone now, and I'm so angry. I was so angry that I was gonna come up in here and Blame y'all, but after today I think I'll refrain from that. I can see you young children are upset just as I am, so I won't further twist the knife. What I will do is urge you to look at this coffin a while longer, and think about the consequences of your actions. You guys thug in the streets like you're somethin, just like my son here did. What is he now though? Nothin. What did all that thuggin get him? Nothin. He could of been something great, but instead he's a nothing in a coughin, leaving behind a baby who will never know him. Sooner or later the lifestyle you all choose to live, is gonna catchup with ya. I strongly urge you children to think about where your life is headed." The silence in the air was painful, and the only sound that could be heard was Emma's heavy breathing, and the occasional sob that would escape Bianca's mouth. After a few more moments the rest of Vince's family walked up to the coffin beside her.

The next one to speak was his grandmother. "Well children, I think it's time we go, I hope y'all youngin' think about what my daughter said. I'll leave you with a good luck, and a thank you. Its apparent there aren't a lot of people here today, so I thank you all for loving my grand boy enough to come. I am happy to know that he wasn't alone." She slowly began to walk off, the rest of the family slowly following. When they drove away out of sight, Sean stood up, holding his hand out for Emma to take. She took it, then stood up and held her hand out for Zig to take. One by one we all did the same to the person next to us, and hand in hand as a unit we walked to stand in front of his casket. We all stood there crying, each of us silently blaming ourselves for his death.

Sean let go of Emma's hand, stepping in front of us while resting his hands on Vince's casket. "He was our brother. He was our brother, and we let him die. Do you all understand that? He was good, he was so good, and we just let him die."

Emma shakily spoke while sobbing. "Sean don't say that!"

He balled his hands into fists, causing his knuckles to become white. "It's true! He blamed himself for killing Clare's brother, and we all knew how the guilt was eating him alive! Did we do anything? No! Then he kills that bastard Aston, and still we did nothing! We let him abuse drugs to a crazy extreme, because as long as it made him fine on the outside we didn't care! We didn't care enough! He wasn't made to kill, he wasn't."

Sean began crying into his hands, and Zig let go of Emma's hand to wrap his arms around him. "It's not your fault Sean, Vince made this choice ok? You can't blame yourself."

It all felt so wrong, because Vince really was good. He was funny, smart, and surprisingly gentle. He loved us all, and we failed him. I failed him. I made him feel so guilty about killing my brother when it had all been an accident, and I'm the reason he killed Aston. Both deaths were my fault, and i couldn't stand to listen to anyone else blame themselves for it. "Quit it. Just shut up. Everyone!"

Bianca let go of my hand, turning to face me with anger in her eyes. "How dare you. This is all your fault anyways!"

Eli furrowed his eyebrows, "Bianca that's enough!"

"No she's right Eli. This is my fault, all of it. That's why I'm leaving the gang. I promised my brother I'd get revenge on all of you, but now that I have I don't think he'd be very proud of what I've done. I was consumed by hate, and I hurt all of you, and for that I'll forever be sorry. My promise for revenge caused me to lose another brother."

Eli desperately grabbed onto my arm, "Clare no, we know you didn't mean for this to happen. You can't leave us."

Sean stepped forward, wiping his eyes. "We already lost one family member, we can't afford to lose another. Eli's right, you can't leave us Clare. Now is the time for us all to stick together, not fall apart."

Bianca's eyes were full of sadness as she grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry for what I said, I'm just messed up ok? We love you lil C, and Vince loved you too. So much. This family is only going to make it if you stay, please stay."

As the tears ran down her cheeks, a part of me wanted to change my mind, but I couldn't. Vince's family was right, we'd all be in a coffin soon if we didn't leave this lifestyle. I pulled my hand out of hers, and Pryde Eli's hand off of my arm. "I wish nothing more than for you all to follow me, and leave behind the drugs and violence. I know that you're not all there yet, but that doesn't change that I love each of you so much. We'll always be family. I opened my arms, "A hug goodbye?" They all swarmed me, wrapping there's arms around me while crying.

When they pulled away I wiped away my tears, as Emma patted my back. "I'm proud of you Clare. Inform want you to go, but I'm proud of you."

I smiled, but it quickly turned into a frown as my eyes rested on Eli who stood a few feet away from us with a scowl on his face. Zig put his hand on my shoulder, "Go talk to him, and then run as fast as you can from this town." I kissed his cheek, and nodded.

I looked at Sean, silently wondering if he'd ever leave the gang. "So what's next?"

Sean kept a straight face, "We'll have to watch our backs, Aston's associates will be out for revenge. We started a war." My face fell in sadness. "That isn't for you to worry about anymore though, go talk to Eli. Do good Lil C." I gave him one last hug, and I knew in that moment he really would never leave.

I walked over to Eli, nervously speaking. "Go with me."

Eli shook his head. "We've discussed this, I'm not going anywhere. I can't, and if you go then we can't be together."

"Eli I love you, and I'm asking you to go with me. Leave this gang crap behind, be yourself, be anything but what you're choosing to be now!"

"What do you want me to be Clare!"

"With me Eli! Take my hand, and let's run as fast as we can out of here. Build a life with me, a real one, don't give your life away like Vince did. I'm begging you."

Eli wiped a tear from my cheek, while shaking his head. "I'm sorry Clare. That isn't what I want."

My lip quivered, "So it's the gang life, over me?"

Eli nodded, "I told you from the beginning, love doesn't exist in this lifestyle. Not really anyway." He left me standing there with my heart in my hands, alone in this world again.