Thank you to everyone on this journey with me. I appreciate your support.

Chapter 62

Finally home, free of her confining dress and uncomfortable shoes, Mercedes stretched out on the couch in her pastel blue short nightgown and slowly exhaled, letting her whole body relax with the dispelled air. How long had it been since she was able to do that, put her feet up and just relax? Before Sam's accident most definitely, before she found out about his night with Quinn as well. She almost felt like she could sleep. Marcel had put Beth to bed before she arrived, leaving the house blissfully quiet of baby sounds. This was the perfect opportunity for her to catch up on her rest. Then she remembered the laundry that needed folding, and the bottles in the sink. Oh and she needed to make more formula for Beth. She rose to her feet and headed toward the kitchen.

Passing by the end table near the kitchen door, Mercedes glanced at the wedding photo of her and Sam, tensing as she focused on their smiling faces. Sam probably wouldn't be smiling tonight, not after the news he was going to receive. Mercedes had worn her nerves ragged trying to anticipate how things were going with Quinn and Sam. Was he yelling at her? Were there tears? Had he gone to Will demanding to see Quinn's rap sheet? Mercedes didn't have a clue how it was all unfolding and finally she convinced herself to stop obsessing about it. There was nothing she could do to help the situation. This was something between the two of them, something she wasn't a part of. Mercedes knew she would have to get used to Quinn being around at some point, especially if Dwight didn't come through for her and have Quinn removed from Lima. Although she was feeling pretty confident Dwight wouldn't let her down, she'd leaned on all his weak spots. Besides it was Quinn, didn't take much to convince Dwight Evans to stick it to Quinn Fabray.

However, this would only be a temporary solution, Quinn couldn't stay locked up forever, well she could, Dwight had immense power, but Mercedes actually didn't want that. She really did want Beth to have a relationship with her mother, in time, just not yet. Right now it should be about Sam getting to know his daughter, and getting to know her as well. Maybe if Sam weren't so distracted by Quinn he would actually take the time to get to know his family, his real family not the fantasy one he created in his head with Quinn. It just wasn't healthy what the two of them were doing, creating an elaborate fantasy while ignoring the reality of their situation. Quinn had no rights to Beth and Sam already had a wife so how were they going to live happily ever after with those two issues over their heads? Quinn had some mental problems, delusions were probably part of the package, but Sam that was the part that Mercedes couldn't quite understand. Why was Sam allowing himself to indulge in these fantasies too? It had to be Quinn's fault, she had been this negative influence on his life since he came out of the coma, maybe even before that, because with all the claims of being his supposed best friend she certainly hadn't proven herself to be much of one. Why wasn't Quinn reminding Sam about his past and his marriage? Why was she actively trying to ruin his second chance? And if Mercedes thought back even before the car accident why did Quinn sleep with him in the first place? Even drunk women know how to say no.

Mercedes filled the sink with hot water and added a squirt of liquid detergent. She was getting worked up just the way she promised herself she wouldn't. She didn't want to be one of those people that blamed the other woman for everything. As much as she couldn't stand Quinn she had been actively trying for over a year not to put all the responsibility for Sam's cheating on her. Sam was the married one, he broke his vows, but it was so hard to maintain that position when Quinn was blatantly making moves to steal her husband. Everything she was doing with Sam now, while he had amnesia no less, was squarely on Quinn's shoulders.

There was movement outside the backdoor, not a knock, but more like bumping. It must have been her father dropping off that case of protein shakes he had for her in the trunk of his car. When he gave her a ride home from the hospital earlier he had lectured the entire ride about taking better care of herself and proper nutrition and he told her all about the shakes he had purchased for her. A stroke of luck saved Mercedes from being force fed a shake that very night when her father was paged by the hospital just as they reached the driveway. He didn't even have time to take the case of shakes from his trunk, but he promised to drop them off later.

Quickly she opened the door hoping to catch her dad before he snuck away. A chill ran through her body as she stood in the open doorway, but not from the cold night air, but from the sight she found there. It was Sam, in his wool coat, hair in unruly chunks, with sunken eyes, a scratch on his cheek, and a key between his lips, holding a case of protein shakes.

"It's a little late for deliveries," she said with a small smile as she leaned against the doorframe watching him.

"I found this on the stoop," he said adjusting the box in his arms. His words were a bit distorted from the key in his mouth.

"And you were going to steal it?"

"Actually I was just about to bring it in for you. I think this is the key to the door." Mercedes took the key that he had wedged between his lips and examined it.

"Where did you get this?"

"In that plant," he replied indicating toward it with his head.

"How did you know it was there? Are you remembering more now?"

"No new memories, I relied on my powers of deduction for this one. See I figured since I lived here that meant I had keys."

"Yeah…" she said drawing out the word.

"Can I come in? It's cold and the box is heavy."

"Right sorry." Mercedes stepped aside and let Sam walk past her into the kitchen.

He put the case of shakes on the counter. "Protein shakes?"

Mercedes shrugged and rolled her eyes. "My dad thinks I need more calories." It was embarrassing how much her father insisted on treating her like a child.

"You don't seem to eat much," he said looking her up and down as if he were seeing her for the first time. He poked a finger in her side. "I think he might be right in trying to get some more nutrients in you. Though getting you to wear shoes should be his first order of business if you ask me."

Mercedes sat down at the table crossing her legs, purposely wiggling her bare toes at him. "He's being a pain. I am perfectly capable of feeding myself."

"I think he just really cares about you," Sam said examining the case of shakes closer. "He was ready to beat me up when I was in the hospital after I said some things about you."

"What did you say?" Mercedes wasn't even sure why she had asked that question. She could fairly easily fill in the blanks of how that conversation must have gone.

"Nothing I'd like to repeat. It was right after I learned we were married and about our accident."

"Oh." Mercedes said lowering her head. Weeks had passed and things between them had gotten better, but it was hard to forget how awfully he had treated her.

"Hey," he said putting a hand on her shoulder. "We're over that now aren't we?"

Mercedes looked up at him, instantly moved by what she saw in his eyes. Back then he had looked at her with sheer hatred and disgust, but now she was seeing something else in the darkening green, an emotion she couldn't quite identify, but she felt it through her body like a gentle hum.

"Of course," she replied placing her hand on top of his that remained on her shoulder. "We're good now."

Sam smiled. "So like I was saying before about the keys," he began as he took off his coat and tossed it on a chair at the table. "I figured that since I used to live here and obviously had keys, and knowing myself unless I changed majorly in the last three years, meant that I probably lost a number of my keys, since I used to be prone to doing that. So I would have put a set of back up keys somewhere outside the house."

"We had the locks changed on this house twice because of you."

Sam was always losing his keys. Every morning he'd frantically search the pockets and then the kitchen for his missing keys. Never had she met a grown man that was so absentminded about his possessions. According to Sam it was Figgins' fault. Growing up with a butler that opened doors and kept the keys to every car in a case had spoiled him to the basic rules the rest of the world had to live by. Sam never thought to keep his keys safe, because there was always someone in his life to come to his aid with a spare set. Moving into Beiste's house had been an adjustment for Sam in a number of ways, but he had adapted quite easily, except for when it came to his keys. Since Figgins worked for his father, Mercedes gradually assumed his role in Sam's life, taking to carrying extra sets of his keys in her purse, all while trying to train him to keep track of his keys better.

He leaned against the counter, facing her. "I'm just glad some aspects of my life are recognizable. All this talk about how I've changed and matured kind of had me scared that I wasn't still me."

A lump formed in her throat. She had been a part of making him feel this way, like who he was now was an imitation of who he used to be.

"Yeah I probably shouldn't have said some of the things I said about you being different and that you're not the same Sam…"

"Hey don't worry about it." He cut her off with a wave of his hand. "I get what you mean all too well now. A lot can happen to a person in three years, can make them almost a stranger."

Pain flickered in his eyes, lingering there, though she could tell he was trying to mask it. This was about Quinn and probably what he learned tonight. Mercedes was desperate to find out what she'd said to him, if she had really come clean about it all or had she left blanks spots to make her look better, but she didn't dare ask him directly, too afraid that questions would upset him.

"When I think back to how I was three years ago it is almost like I was a different person, in some ways totally unrecognizable from who I am now."

"What was different about you?"

"I was a self-centered brat that only cared about money."

And that was putting it nicely. She was out of control with no direction and no impulse that she needed to change. If it weren't for meeting Puck, Beiste and Sam, she would probably be dead or in jail right now.

"That sounds like a pretty good description of my dad too," he said laughing lightly, his eyes unable to capture the mirth in his voice.

"You hated me back then."

"I thought you said I had you in bed at seventeen," he said taking a seat in the chair next to her. Too close for Mercedes, she could smell his cologne mixed with the fresh scent of the outdoors. It was making her mind go to places it shouldn't, like to the two of them at the party on that white leather couch. "Doesn't sound much like hate to me."

"Men will have sex with anyone."

A truth she had tried to remind herself of all night as she willed her mind not to dwell on the close moments she had shared with Sam at the party. Their sexual attraction was practically meaningless, he wanted Quinn, and had brought her back from upstate to be with him. Anything he may feel for her was secondary to that.

"Not me. I'm not into meaningless hook ups. If I sleep with you, a part of me feels a connection somewhere."

Oh God she wished he hadn't said that, because she knew that about him too. That was the knowledge that kept her hopes alive, that let her still believe against all the obvious odds and freak appearances of Quinn Fabray, that there was still something real between her and Sam. He wouldn't have gotten so physical with her at the hospital, or even tonight at the party if there weren't. There was the deal he made with his father. Sam had been known to use sex as a way to turn things to his advantage in the past, but even there had been a hint of something real there, the attraction wasn't fabricated only his motives for acting on it.

"I know. That's why it was hard for me to believe you when you claimed you and Quinn's night together didn't mean anything to you."

"It was hard for me to believe too, but she insisted it was just about comfort. I wouldn't listen."

His face fell every time he brought up Quinn, twisting Mercedes's insides because there was nothing she could do to help him. What Quinn did to Beth was an unalterable fact and Sam was just going to have to find a way to live with it, like they all did.

"You haven't been listening to much of anything lately. You only wanted to hear things on your own terms," said Mercedes hoping the bitterness she felt about his abject denial of just about everything wasn't seeping into her voice.

"The unknown is scary. Things were coming at me and I had no clue what to expect next. I couldn't get my bearings."

"So you wanted control."

"Yeah. The one thing that was mine to handle was my memory. I got to pick and choose what I let in or didn't."

"I noticed, especially since I was one of those memories you wouldn't let in." He blocked her at every turn when he was faced with the truth about their relationship, and he was still blocking her now. It had been two months and still his memories had not returned.

"You scared me most of all." Sam squeezed her knee as he spoke, never looking her in the eyes. "I didn't understand this thing between us, how it got there so fast, why I couldn't turn my back on it. Although now that I understand the reason, I think I'm even more scared."

"You don't have to be scared of me. We're in this together okay?"

"That's part of why you're so scary. I was wrong to ask you to help me with Quinn, selfish and inconsiderate of how you feel. You had every right to say no."

"I did say no."

"But then you said yes. You're on my side, even when it hurts you. I can't believe I found someone that cares about me like that. I've never had that before."

"I'm your wife. I'll always try to support you."

Sam shot her a look clearly skeptical about her statement. "You were going to divorce me. This is only because of the coma and the accident you feel guilty…"

"You hurt me. You meant everything to me and you broke my heart," she said with tears starting to fall. "A part of me hated you for that. I would've done anything for you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and you knew that and still you slept with her. Why are we even talking about this? It's the past. We've moved on."

Getting up from the chair, running her hands down her face roughly, she was so sick of the tears. If she wasn't crying over Sam being sick, she was crying over his affair with Quinn. It was pathetic and weak and she just wanted it all to stop. Why couldn't she stop caring about him? He had so easily stopped caring for her, simply blocking her out of his mind, as if she never existed. Too bad she couldn't pull off the same trick, she was sure she'd be much happier for it.

Then she looked over at Sam sitting at the table staring at her. His eyes weren't so blank when they looked at her anymore. At the hospital it was all flirtations and fun, he was attracted to her but it didn't go much deeper than that, well not until they spent the night together, then his eyes held a bit more. But now after weeks of fighting her, learning about their history, and having their first date together, Sam was finally looking at her with something that seemed like real emotion. Maybe he did care like he claimed to, maybe he did feel more than just lust for her. It wasn't love, Mercedes could see that plainly, but it was something just for her. She just didn't know if it was enough.

Sam stood up adjusting his jacket as he walked toward her. Standing inches away he ran his hand through her hair. "It doesn't seem like you're over it to me. You're still upset with me," he said his voice shaking a bit.

Who was she kidding? It was enough. She'd take even this little bit from him right now. She loved him too much not to.

She ran her hand down his chest, tugging on the lapels of his jacket. "I'm not. Not really. I just hate this. How things are between us," she said stepping back. She could feel herself falling deeper into him, if she let herself go too far she wouldn't be able to stop. She'd touch him more than allowed. Cross the new line he had drawn between them when he asked her to pretend for his father's deal. "Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad you're out of the coma. That's all I really wanted, but I also can't stop myself from wanting more. I want my husband back."

"I don't know how to give you what you want. I wish I did."

"You don't have to say that. I know you want to be with Quinn. It's like a dream come true." She wanted to throw up on that last part, but she couldn't deny the truth. Quinn was his dream girl, his first love, maybe even his true love since she was the one he woke up remembering.

"This is not what I wanted. I didn't dream of a life where Quinn hurt my child or where everything I do hurts my wife. If this is the price I have to pay to finally be with Quinn, I'm not sure I can do it. I keep asking myself why I can't remember you," he said, his body tense as he hit his fist against the counter. Mercedes closed her hand over his fist rubbing it softly with her thumb, urging him to relax. He unclenched his fist and took her hand, holding it on top of the counter. "Like maybe if I figure that out then everything else will be answered too, because right now I don't know what to think about anything. How did Quinn become someone I don't recognize? How did I lose my own wife? Where do I go from here?" he asked with sad confusion in his eyes.

"I don't have any answers about Quinn or the future, and I don't know why you don't remember me. Maybe it will take time and it'll all come back to you, but as far as losing me, you haven't. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere." She let go of his hand and rubbed his head. "We used to think that we were destined, that the fates had brought us together. From the very first day we met there was this spark, this connection between us. No matter how much we tried to deny it, that connection never went away."

"I hope there's some part of us that survived the crash. I'd hate to think everything we had was lost. Even though I can't remember it, I like knowing I had someone that loved me in my life."

Her movements stilled when he said that, her heart starting to race as he searched her face with his eyes. She felt herself being pulled in, getting lost in the crystal green, only when she felt his warm hand rest on the small of her back did she shake herself from the trance. Again she had let herself get too close to him.

"You just like it because it strokes your ego," she joked as she stepped away from him and retreated to a safe position against the opposite counter. "I can see your head swelling right now because you know you have me."

Sam didn't shift, serious as he had been before. "I'm not going to lie. I do like it, but it's not about my ego. I've always wanted to find real love, someone that loved me completely and that I could love in return. I never had that before."

"Not even with Quinn? I know how you felt about her in high school." Mercedes brought up Quinn again, although it pained her to do it, to remind herself and him what all of this was really about.

"She loved Puck, Brittany loved Santana, but you love me. You're mine and I like it."

"Sam..." she said shaking her head.

He put his arms on both sides of her, pinning her against the counter, bending his knees so they were eye to eye. So close, no way to escape his gaze. "I shouldn't have said that, I know, but I'm not taking it back."

She wanted him so badly. Sam this close to her, in their house again, acting almost like the man she married. It would be so easy to lean in, steal a kiss, force him to remember all he was blocking, their life, their marriage, with her body. He was vulnerable and hurt and she knew she could use that to get him to let her into places he normally wouldn't. He could be hers again if she let herself push it there, but she didn't want him this way, sad and miserable over another woman. All of this, the painful honesty, the seemingly sincere apologies, and even his presence in their home was about Quinn. Quinn hurt him, hurt Beth, yet he still wanted to save her, any way he could, even by spending time with her when he really wanted to be with Quinn.

"Can I take a look at your face?" she asked shifting her attention from his lips to his cheek, interrupting the current that had transfixed them.

"Oh it's nothing really. I got this when I was with Quinn…" his words faded, no explanation, he simply stopped speaking.

Mercedes reached behind her and opened a drawer filled with first aid supplies and pulled out a peroxide wipe, tearing open the package. "I wouldn't call it nothing. Something scratched you pretty good." She dabbed peroxide on his cheek, blowing the scrape gently each time he winced. "There you go all better," she said touching two fingers to her lips then to his face.

Sam caught her hand on his cheek, squeezing her fingers with his own. "Thank you for always taking care of me," he said staring into her eyes.

"You should go up and see Beth now," she said pulling away. "I know you didn't come here to see me."

"Mercedes…" he let out a slow breath. "I didn't even think you would be up. I had Kali drop me off here so I could see Beth, before I head to the Beacon to talk to Quinn."

She turned her back to him, busying herself with her now lukewarm water in the sink. "You know the way right?"

"Yeah," he responded.

She heard his footsteps walk to the door and exit the kitchen. Only when she heard him go up the stairs did she let out the breath she had been holding.

Nothing had changed. He knew what Quinn had done and still nothing had changed for him. He loved her just as much as ever. Mercedes could see it reflected in his eyes. She may be his wife, his anam cara, his partner, but Quinn was his love and nothing short of a miracle would change that fact. He had no reason to remember her, everything he wanted was in the here and now with the woman of his dreams. He didn't need to search the past, when he had Quinn finally loving him in the present.

Through the baby monitor she heard him, using a gentle soothing tone as he spoke.

"I saw the place where your mommy left you tonight. She took me there and explained what happened to you. Now I'm not sure I fully understand everything that was going on in her head, I'm not sure your mommy does either, but one thing I know, she wasn't herself that night. See she was sick and sometimes when people get sick they do strange things, even hurtful things, but they don't mean them, and when they get better they don't do them again. And they are so sorry, like I know your mommy is so sorry she hurt you and left you alone. I'm sorry too. I should have been here to protect you, to stop her from going into the woods. But daddy was sick too and I couldn't."

Sam paused. Mercedes could hear him breathing heavily in the monitor. Too long he was silent and she began to worry that he had broken down, lost himself up there with Beth. She wouldn't be surprised if he had, she had spent many a night getting emotional watching the baby sleep. Mercedes could only imagine how much worse it all was for Sam, coming face to face with such a horrible truth.

"I'm back now and I'm all better and I swear on my life that nothing like that will ever happen to you again, I'll make sure of it. I love you so much." Sam hesitated and Mercedes leaned closer to the monitor in case he was speaking too low for her to hear.

"Were you scared little girl? In the cold and in the dark? I was a little scared too tonight when I saw that tree and being alone there with mommy, but I want you to know that the woods aren't really a scary place. I used to love them as a kid and that tree where your mommy left you, it's a special tree. It's the place where your mommy and daddy were young and in love. So we don't have to be scared of that place, because the tree is magic, it saved you, and the stars helped guide that hunter to find you. Just like those trees Mercedes painted on your wall and all the stars twinkling above your bed they're all here to keep you safe. So there's no reason for us to be scared my baby girl. Not anymore."

Fast and heavy footsteps clustering down the stairs Mercedes didn't even have a chance to gather herself, to wipe her tears before he appeared.

"You were trying to protect her," he declared slightly out of breath. "With that mural and the stars. You don't want her to be scared of the dark."

She wiped her hands on her nightgown as she tried to come up with a response that he would understand. "I didn't want her to end up like me, scared to close her eyes, unable to sleep without a light on. Bad things happen in the dark, but not to Beth, never again. I promised her."

Her knees buckled. She wasn't ready to take that trip with him, back to the dark places that still terrified her. She reached for the counter for support, something strong to hold on to while she tried to regain her composure, instead she hit him, solid beside her. Sam pulled her into his arms, pressing her head into his chest. He was trembling as he held her, like he was the one that needed support.

"Mercedes what happened to you?" he asked quietly against her hair.