Chapter 69

Whipping the gown over her head and tossing it on the floor she dug through her drawers looking for something appropriate. Everything looked like too much, too fancy, too slutty, like she was trying too hard. She wanted to be alluring yet natural, sexy but still approachable. Maybe that Titans jersey Sam had bought her last year. It was low cut and short and Sam did love the Tennessee Titans. That might do just the trick.

Stepping in her closet and flipping on the light Mercedes searched her side for her jersey. Sifting through her sweaters and jeans, she tried to find it, if only she kept her side color coded like Sam did, she would have located the blue jersey with ease, but in this disorganized state she could be in here for hours looking for the thing.

"Hey," he said from behind her.

"Hey," she squeaked quickly turning to face him.

His eyes dropped to her chest and Mercedes followed his gaze her cheeks warming at how she must look through his eyes. Crossing her arms over her breasts, she laughed nervously trying to come up with a way to explain exactly what she was doing in her current state of undress.

"Yeah so I was looking for something."

"Did you find it?" he asked stepping into the closet in front of her. He ran his fingers over her bent arms, feather light skin to skin contact but Mercedes's whole body ignited from just his touch.

"What? Oh no," she was flustered. "I uh am still looking. How's Beth?"

"She's fine. Went back to sleep all she needed was her head rubbed and she calmed down."

"Just like her daddy," she said as she tried to squeeze past Sam and make it back out to the bedroom to retrieve her gown from the floor. So much for going the sexy route. Sam turned with her blocking her escape.

"Did you rub me before the accident?"

"Huh?"

Mercedes saw his lips moving but she couldn't make out the words her whole body was distracted with Sam's hand on her bare waist and the one middle finger skimming just beneath the edge of her panties.

"Did you rub my head?" he asked again.

"Oh," she said inhaling a deep breath when a second finger traveled into the waistband of her underwear. She crossed her arms tighter as if that would magically make her less exposed. "A little before the accident but mostly I rubbed your head while you were in the hospital. I liked being close to you." She laughed nervously again attempting to move past Sam but he didn't budge to give her room. "We better get back to bed."

"What was it you were looking for in here?" he asked looking around the closet. "Maybe I can help you find it."

"It was nothing," she shrugged. "A Titans jersey you gave me last year, thought I would put it on to sleep."

"But you were already in your nightgown."

"Yeah I know but it was old and…" The words died on her lips as Sam pulled her against him hip to hip only her crossed arms between them.

"I liked it."

She shot him a look. "You did not. It was frumpy cotton."

"I could see all the way up to here in it," he said pinpointing here with his hands on her upper thigh. Mercedes shivered as he ran his hand slowly up and down that thigh instead of letting it drop now that his point had been made. "You're so pretty when you turn pink for me, like chocolate covered strawberries. So sweet." He raked his eyes over her body. "I want to kiss you all over. Can I do that?" he asked his eyes snapping back up to melt into hers.

Oh god yes Mercedes screamed in her mind, but her mouth said, "We should get some sleep."

"You're right, we should," he agreed. "I need to call and check on Quinn, and then we should get some sleep. That would be the right thing to do," he said gripping her hips, squeezing with every word.

Thumbs along her spine, inching upward to caress the back of her neck, strong hands under her hair, then on her face, he licked his lips as he moved closer, inches from her face, quiet like he was barely breathing looking into her eyes searching for something unknown.

"Why aren't you moving?" she asked her pulse throbbing in her ears.

"I can't. I'm sort of paralyzed in this moment with you. I've been fighting this thing with you for so long and I just can't anymore. I don't want to."

Sam leaned down and covered her lips with his own. Mercedes wanted to throw her arms around him and kiss him back fully, but modesty held her back and she kept her arms firmly across her upper body. Hands on her elbows, he coaxed her to relax.

"Don't hide from me," he said pulling back from their kiss. "I want to see you."

"You're the first man, the only man, that made me feel safe in my own skin. I was never shy with you."

"So don't be shy with me now." He kissed her palm, his lips grazing the back of her rings. "It's still me, I swear it."

She took him in, her eyes drifting over his face, searching for a sign that what he said was real, that her Sam still lurked within the man in front of her. With the shadow of a beard ghosting his chin and his hair in disarray, sticking up in prickly chunks about his head, making him look a little bit wild, darker somehow, that other side of him that Mercedes found so attractive was peeking through, between his sweet words and gentle tone. It was in his eyes, crescent shaped with changing shades of green, all his mysteries resided there, once so easy for her to decipher. His eyes were revealing all he wouldn't allow himself to say and now she wasn't sure, there were changes in him she couldn't quite interpret.

That ruthlessness, the subtle backdrop to his every move, that primal part of him that Sam couldn't quite hide, always threatening to spill over onto the carefully crafted image he projected to the world, overflowed between them, a tangible energy that warned of the dangers lurking within him. Mercedes sensed Sam was close to some edge that he had been flirting with all night, maybe before then, and it was taking all of his power to hold himself back.

It excited and unnerved her to be the one creating such a strong reaction from him. Mercedes wanted to step away, push back from his tight hold, that bore into her flesh, branding his name on her body, finally claiming all that she had insisted was his. Was she ready to be consumed by him, to allow herself to be pulled under by his intense eyes and demanding lips? All of this passion was about Quinn, it had to be. Mercedes could convince herself again and again that it was their attraction at play, a remnant of their life before the crash, but Mercedes knew that wasn't true, not tonight, when Quinn had devastated him so badly.

Feeling the need to protect herself, she crossed her arms tighter around her body, shivering in his arms, wanting to move away but she couldn't, she too was paralyzed in the moment.

"I can only imagine how I must look to you," she said feeling herself flush as he continued to stare at her.

"Why? I've seen your body before."

"Not like this. I feel exposed. Under the lights, and I'm a little chubby. My body looks…" she rambled nervously.

Don't bring up Quinn, she warned herself, trying to ignore all the thoughts spiraling in her mind. Sam had been like this with Quinn the night before, maybe they hadn't slept together, but by his own admission they got pretty close. How could he go from Quinn to her and not feel let down by the difference? Maybe she should have been more upset that he had been so intimate with Quinn at all, and she was, but her plan had been to erase that other woman from his mind tonight, so jealous thoughts needed to be curtailed, however it was starting to feel like she had taken on an insurmountable challenge. Mercedes had nothing to offer Sam over Quinn, especially not in the sex appeal department.

"What's wrong with your body? Have you looked at me lately? I look like a malnourished vampire."

"Yeah but you've been through an ordeal and…"

"We've been through an ordeal," he interrupted. "You were there going through it with me the whole time. I get that now."

Mercedes' heart did a little skip at his words. Sam was actually accepting her in his life, embracing their connection. Her hopes started to build brick by brick rising toward that mythical someday when her husband would love her again. She couldn't find any words to respond to what he had said, only what she imagined was an embarrassingly large grin.

He cupped her face in his hands putting his head close to hers. "I think you're so sexy. I've pictured you like this so many times. Let me see you baby."

She laughed lightly rolling her eyes upward. "Baby? I thought we talked about…"

He kissed her again cutting off her sentence and this time she couldn't resist lifting her arms to rest on his shoulders molding against him when he enclosed her fully in his arms. Her breasts pressed against his shirt the heat from his body warming her chest. Like they had a mind of their own her fingers lifted the hem of his shirt urging it upward until he broke from her lips and stepped back letting her help him pull his shirt over his head.

For a moment he stood there shirtless, his heart beating so fast she could see it pumping through his chest. And then she touched him, her fingers tracing the spot where his heart resided beneath his chest. With almost reverence she kissed that spot, thankful that he had survived to be here with her right now.

Sam looked down at himself when she moved away. "Did you just kiss my heart?"

"Yeah," she replied her voice catching in her throat when he placed his lips over the same spot on her own chest.

"Can I do that to you too?" he asked as he pressed kisses between her breasts.

Nuzzling his head against her chest his soft hair tickling her skin, his lips trailing along one nipple and then the other, Mercedes moaned at the sensation feeling her knees start to weaken as he sucked more of her breast into his mouth. As if he felt her unsteadiness he wrapped his arms around her back, running his hands up to her neck, under her hair and guided her lips up toward his. Eagerly she kissed him, wanting to feel his tongue against hers again. Sam sank to his knees bringing her down with him to the plush carpeted floor. He put his legs out in front of him so she could straddle his lap. Forever their kisses lasted only pausing for gasps air and then quickly resuming again.

Her hands roamed the expanse of his back relishing the feel of his warm skin and the ripples of his lean muscles as he moved. So long he had been still, where she was the one holding him only to have him never respond. Now Sam was here with her full of energy, his hands all over her body like in one of her frequent dreams over the last nine months come true.

"Mercedes," he whispered against her ear as he lifted her from his lap and placed her on her back on the floor. An arm on each side of her hovering above, he smiled, his eyes in half moon slits. "Sweet Mercedes," he said as he leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips.

She reached up to put her arms around his neck but he shook his head capturing her arms midway and placing them back above her head. Hungrily he looked at her, burning a path with his eyes, over her breasts, down her stomach, to her pink panties and then over her legs. Then his hands followed the path his eyes just forged exploring every inch of her skin with fervent curiosity. Reaching the waistband of her panties he paused placing a palm flat against the place just below her belly button. Lifting her up toward him, arching her back from the floor he kissed her stomach, teasing her navel with his tongue, quick flicks that made her stomach quiver and her toes curl. He moved his hand and replaced it with his mouth, kissing the space above her panties in a crescent pattern ending at her hip only for him to reverse and kiss his way back to the opposite side.

Mercedes held her breath as each kiss moved closer to her panties, nudging them downward with his nose, Sam's kisses dipped lower filling her with anticipation of where she knew his kisses would lead. Her eyes closed ready for his tongue to explore her deeper, the spot he used to spend so much time enjoying before the crash. When nothing happened, she opened her eyes to find him watching her, head cocked to the side, a curious little smile on his lips.

"What?" she asked starting to worry that he was going to stop there and not take things where she desperately needed them to go.

For so long she had wanted to be with him like this, to finally have him touching her, kissing her, making love to her again. They were so close to finding their way back, but his hesitation confused her and pride was preventing her from voicing her fears. Quickly she covered herself with her arms, easing into an upright position and still he just watched.

"Did I do something wrong?" she asked her voice shaking.

He shook his head and touched her cheek, lightly at first as if he were deciding if he wanted to make contact, before he committed and let his full palm rest on her face. Mercedes snuggled into his large hand, loving the warmth of his skin against hers.

"I'm a little nervous. It's been a long time since I've done this. I don't know if the coma…what the coma did to my body. I don't want to disappoint you."

Tears stung her eyes as she looked at her sweet Sam so vulnerable. Didn't he know that just being with him was enough for her?

"There's no way you could disappoint me." She kissed him softly running her hand through his cropped hair. "All I want is to be close to you. I missed you so much."

"I know baby, but what if I'm not the same? What if..."

She placed a finger on his lips silencing his words. "You don't understand how this feels for me, having you here, being with you like this. One minute you were holding my hand and I was trying to figure out how to forgive you and the next you're in a coma. Almost a whole year it was me and you in that hospital room. I would touch you and kiss you, sleep beside you, all the while praying for you to wake up and now finally you did and you're here."

He exhaled, his whole body relaxing at her words. Hugging her close, he rested his chin on her shoulder. "I think I see your jersey."

"Where?" she asked twisting to look behind her.

He pointed to a blue mound on the floor. "Do you want me to get it?"

"No." She ran her hand down his chest. "I don't think I need it now."

Slowly standing up, their eyes locked as she slid her panties from her hips, pushing them down her legs until they puddled at her feet on the floor, stepping out of them and waiting while Sam slipped out of his own pants. Straddling his body, wrapping her legs around his waist, she spread kisses all over his face like she had done downstairs in the kitchen. He smiled at the affection and returned the favor with kisses of his own all over her face, her neck and her chest.

Leaning back against the wall for support, clothes hanging above grazing their heads, dizzy, head spinning kisses his lips all over her mouth going deeper like it was their first kiss or maybe their last. Intense and hard against her lips, pulling her closer, both hands in her hair, then on her face and down her back. All over he touched her with his lips following the path led by his hands. Her body stung with kisses and nips and licks and then he stopped, pulling back, out of breath, with red tinged lips, to stare at her.

Her turn to touch, as she ran her fingers through his hair, down the side of his face tugging at his ears, making him smile, her nails grazing his neck, his chest, her eyes never leaving his.

"I love you," she whispered, the words hanging between them in the stillness of the closet.

She knew he didn't feel anything close to that for her, but she needed him to know how she felt, how she would always feel.

There were no words but his eyes seemed to say so much as he stroked her hair before moving his caresses down her back. Fingers gripping his scalp, biting her lower lip, she squeezed her eyes closed as their bodies connected as one. This was what she missed, the feeling of being complete with him, the amazing moment when the world faded away and nothing mattered but the two of them. In his arms she felt sheltered and safe, treasured and special, like she was wanted, finally she was loved, and it was enough.

It felt like he had come back to her and he didn't even know it, but his body did, something in him remembered, because when he brushed back her hair and looked into her eyes, Mercedes knew it was the man she married staring back at her.

Tears streamed down her face as he moved inside her, every touch, every kiss, every shudder the same as it always had been. The crash hadn't taken this from them, Sam still knew every inch of her, loving her body the way he had so many nights before the crash. On the floor of their closet with clothes and shoes in their way Mercedes felt the connection to her husband restored.

"Hold me tighter," she demanded against his ear.

Wrapping her legs around his back, ankles crossed, locking him, surrounding him with her body. Captured beneath her but he didn't seem to mind, as he tightened his hold on her hips, helping her keep pace.

"How's that?" he asked as he kissed away the tears she couldn't stop from flowing. "Those better be happy tears Little Nurse," he said breathily as he looked in her eyes.

Mercedes smiled, closing her eyes, letting her head fall against his, blocking out most of the light in the closet. For a moment it almost felt real, shielded from the harsh reality of Sam's lost memories and confused feelings, Mercedes could almost believe that Sam was with her again, in his heart, in his soul, and he was never going to let her go.