Letters To Sherlock

by jessisnotdeadyet

These are the letters that John wrote to Sherlock during the time when he was 'dead'. He left the letters on his grave every week on a Wednesday, starting from one month after the Fall. Includes Johnlock, and these letters lead on to a fanfiction in story form rather than letters which I am currently working on. Mystrade included in such fanfiction. Rated M for later chapters.

37. 24 10 2012

Dear Sherlock,

You haven't been easy to remember lately. The drugs they're giving me seem to be making it more difficult for me to remember things, and I hate that, because now I can't conjure up a picture of your face or the sound of your laugh. It's purposeful, I know it is. They know you're what's making me upset so they want to destroy all my memories of you so that I'll be happier. But memories are all I have and losing them would only make it worse. Make it stop, Sherlock. Please just make it stop.

I don't want to be left without you, without my past and without the memories that will allow me to learn from my mistakes. It was hard enough having you leave me the first time. I don't think I could stand losing everything I have left of you.

My novel's going fine, I suppose, if you wanted to know, but the mixture of actual misery and drug-induced lightheartedness is giving it a rather strange tone. As in, I'm using nice words to describe horrific murders, which could tell anyone a lot about my level of sanity right now. Not very stable.

I hope I'll be in a better condition when I write to you next. It's absolutely dreadful, knowing that you're reading all of these (sort of) and that it's probably hurting you, too. Because you'll blame yourself for all of this angst. But please don't; I don't blame you in the slightest.

Love,

Your John.