25. Only the Beginning
Disclaimer: I am so glad you all enjoy the cliffhangers and the story in general! Thank you all so much!! Also, I'll be using the song "You Make Loving Fun" in this chapter—courtesy of Ana! Thanks so much for the idea!
It was a swift, smooth motion that came so naturally to me. Both the Joker and I let our blades glide through flesh. It all happened so fast that I could barely recall the details of my first destructive act on another person.
The Joker let the cop fall to the ground. I felt like everything was going in slow motion, though it all flew by me so fast I couldn't even think. As if we had planned it all along, he grabbed my hand, one of the duffle bags, and together we jumped into the cop car and drove away, leaving the cop for dead on the street. My adrenaline was still rushing through my body as we flew down the side streets of Boston. Not knowing what else to do, I started laughing. The Joker, driving the cop car turned to me and joined in with my laughter.
"I…I can't believe I did that!" I exclaimed through laughter, "let's put a smile on that face!" The Joker continued to giggle as I continued to lose control of my laughter.
"Let's put a smile on that face! Let's…put a smile on that face! Let's put…a smile…on that face!" I exclaimed excitedly, trying various emphases on the different words. The Joker was so beside himself in laughter that he could barely keep the car straight.
By the time we finally made it to the Mass Pike, we had both calmed down, but there would be random giggles here and there from the both of us. As we cruised down route 90, I reclined in my seat and took in a deep breath.
"Oh Giada, you make this so much more fun!" the Joker exclaimed finally, turning his head towards me.
"You know what, I think you make it more fun for me too," I responded. I couldn't believe what I was saying—I had just assisted in the death of a cop and I had been laughing about it—and I was saying that it was fun. I was definitely crazy. I didn't deserve to be a psychoanalyst—I needed a psychoanalyst to lock me up in a padded cell; that's what I needed: to be locked up in a padded cell with the Joker.
"You've finally completely crossed over to me. I knew it would happen," he continued, "because as you know, minds…like ours…belong together. All it takes is a little…push,"
"You were right—you got me," I said finally. I glanced out the window and then back at the radio. Quickly, I unhooked the police equipment and tuned in to one of the local radio stations. As I scanned the stations, I heard an old favorite of mine just starting.
"Oh I like this song—good choice!" the Joker exclaimed at the sound of the music.
"I'm glad we caught it!" I laughed as I turned up the radio louder.
"Sweeeeet, wonderful you! You make me happy with the things you do! Ohhh, can it be so? This feeling follows me wherever I go!" we both sang in unison.
Laughing and smiling at one another, we continued to sing: "I never did believe in miracles, but I've a feeling it's time to try! I never did believe in the ways of magic, but I'm beginning to wonder why!"
During the musical interlude, we both danced around in the car, flailing our arms about like complete idiots. Yes—he was driving and flailing his arms just the same as I was.
Then suddenly, he took my hand in his and held it while we sang with repeat chorus, "I never did believe in miracles, but I've a feeling it's time to try! I never did believe in the ways of magic, but I'm beginning to wonder why!"
"Don't, don't break the spell. It would be different, and you know it will. Youuuuu, you make loving fun, and I don't have to tell you you're the only one," we sang—but something about that last verse felt different to me. I felt like he somewhat meant what the lyrics were saying.
He kept holding onto my hand and as he kept glancing over at me while we sang, he looked a little nervous. I decided to just keep acting like a fool to keep the mood light. I couldn't tell if he was telling me I make loving fun for him. I hoped he was, but I wasn't going to push it. I just pretended like I was just enjoying the song, not even listening to what the lyrics actually were saying.
I was having a hard time believing that the Joker could be nervous about anything—but I think that afternoon in the car, I found something that made him nervous.
When the song finally ended, I turned the radio down lower so I could talk to him, "Oh Joker! That song makes me so happy!" I exclaimed with a smile.
He just giggled and simply kept on driving. Finally, he turned to me with a question burning in his eyes.
"Giada, how…how many…boyfriends have you had?" he asked, slightly grinning and licking his lips.
"In my entire life or just recently?" I asked, not really sure where he was going with this information.
"I…I want to know how many you've had," he stated, raising his eyebrows.
"Well, I've been in probably three serious relationships and I've dated casually probably…oh, I don't know, four others," I responded with a shrug.
"And, and why did those long ones end, hm? Did you break up with them?" he asked, licking his lips.
"No, actually they all dumped me," I responded with a slight laugh.
"And don't you wish you could see them all now so that you could just…put a smile on their faces?" he asked with a giggle. I couldn't help but laugh at this comment. It was true—I'd love to just beat the shit out of them, but I would not be something worth my time.
"Yeah, I guess so," I replied with a laugh. "Well, how about you? Ever been in a relationship?" I asked, turning the tables on him.
"Who would even dare to break up with Giada DiMarco? No doubt…those experiences have scarred you, Giada, hm?" he continued.
"Uh, yeah I guess so. I don't really think about those relationships anymore—I've moved past them," I responded.
"Yes, but at the time, they did hurt you, didn't they?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Yes—quite a bit actually—I was almost engaged to one of them, but I'm really not sad about it anymore," I laughed, "But it's your turn—how about you? Any lovers?"
"Do I look like the kind of guy who's had a girlfriend?" he asked, licking his lips.
"Maybe, maybe not. Surely you dated people before you discovered the Joker within you," I coaxed him, smirking slightly. He glanced over at me and licked his lips. He slightly furrowed his brow and then gazed back out at the highway.
"I mean, I saw that picture of you back in Gotham—that one of you in uniform," I continued when he didn't respond.
"I know which picture," he stated flatly.
"I remember that picture fairly well, and I'd say that as a woman, you probably had more girls after you than you knew what to do with," I said, leaning back in my chair. I felt like I was finally gaining control of the conversation—he had to answer me now.
"I prefer to recall the days after that time," he stated, "because now I'm always smiling,"
"And back then you didn't smile? I find that hard to believe," I responded.
"Okay I was engaged," he said finally.
"Oh, is that so?" I asked, taken back completely by his statement. I had never imagined the Joker as being the type to tie the knot! I wondered who the lucky lady was. I was insanely jealous of her—that she was able to get him to love her enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her. In that moment, I felt my blood rise within me and begin to boil.
"Yeah—I asked her before I left for war. She said yes. I went to war, they did this," he gestured to his face, "and when I came back, she couldn't stand the sight of me. She broke it off," he explained, "But as you said—none of that matters now, does it? Because, now I'm always smiling,"
I didn't know what to say to that. This woman deserved to die! She got his love—his one commitment to her for the rest of his life, and she left him for a couple of battle scars?! What a bitch—I'd like to put a smile on her face! My heart sank for him, at his loss—but my heart sank with the realization that he could probably never find it in himself to love again simply for what he had endured with his fiancée. Damn that bitch for ruining my chances!
"Maybe relationships should just never be had," I said finally in defeat, "I mean, they only cause pain and destruction of one's ability to feel emotions,"
"Now we're talking," he said, finally a smile broke onto his lips. I could literally feel my heart drowning in the depths of my stomach. It was true then—the didn't want a relationship ever again because this woman caused him so much emotional pain that he had inevitably been stripped of all capabilities of feeling anything at all; all of this on top of his traumatic war torture! The Joker was fucked up—and with good reason.
Should I give up on my mission to make him love me—to make him feel love again? Just moments ago when we were singing along with Fleetwood Mac, I could have sworn he loved me—that he was singing those lyrics to me—and now we're talking about how relationships are just terrible and people should never be in them! I was at a loss for words, emotions and thoughts. I sat there in silence, unwilling to speak to him.
"Oh Giada, what's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" he asked finally, after sitting several moments in silence. I glanced over at him and then back on the road.
"Come on Giada—what's that mind of yours thinking now?" he asked.
My blood was boiling. I was enraged that I could not make him love me. I was devastated he could never love me because of some other woman who had his love and threw it away. I loved him unconditionally—something she couldn't do, but because of her, I got burned. I hated everything in that moment. I hated that woman I didn't even know, I hated the Joker, I hated the cop car and I hated that I had just assisted him in a murder.
"What's in my mind?" I asked finally in a low voice, "That's for you to figure out on your own. Right now, you're uninvited,"
"Oh, uninvited, am I?" he asked with a smirk.
"Yes. You are not wanted in my mind right now," I stated.
"Now I know that's not true, Giada—you always want me in your mind," he replied, flashing me seductive eyes.
"No, I think you always want me in your mind," I replied crossly.
"Is that so," he responded, licking his lips.
"Yes, because for some fucked up reason, you take comfort in your little obsession with me—it makes you happy to know that you'll always have me around and that you can do what you will with me because for some reason you think I can't say 'no' to you—that I really have no spine around you. You are always thinking about how you can get me to do whatever you want me to do and that excites you. You think I'm unaware of your plans for me, but I'm well aware that you're only using me to you benefits," I spat back him.
"You really think I think this way about you?" the Joker asked finally.
"Yes, yes I do," I stated.
"Or are you only saying these things because you're…upset…with the things I've told you about my…past?" he asked as he cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows. Oh fuck him! He knew me too well—I really couldn't get away with anything with him.
"Because as far as I know, I do think about you all the time, but not because I am…using you. You're intriguing to me, Giada, and the mere thought of you…excites me to no end!" he exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.
I was taken back. I had no idea he found me intriguing and that he really did think of me all the time. I wondered if maybe I still had a chance to make him fall in love with me. Maybe all hope wasn't lost? I didn't really know what to say.
"As for you having no spine—well I think that speaks for itself today. You cut the cop. I didn't tell you to do that—you just did it yourself. You found it within you…to…take control," he continued, raising his eyebrows.
"If you were engaged to me and came home from war with those scars, I wouldn't have ended things," I said finally, my heart racing inside my chest. Well if that statement wasn't a clear statement as to how I feel for him, then I didn't know what was.
"I know that—you've shown me you don't care about the scars. That's why I'm here taking you back to Gotham," he stated, "remember—king and queen of Gotham," he said with a deviant grin as he motioned to he and I.
Was that his bizarre way of telling me he wanted to marry me? I was so confused. I couldn't help but let a smirk escape from the corner of my lips.
"Well I'd have to say this has all been strangely exciting," I said finally.
"It always is, isn't it," he replied, still grinning as he licked his lips, "and trust me, it's only just beginning,"