The worst thing, by far, was that I didn't have any time for myself. I needed time to think about all that has happened today, and I did not have the time. I sent a letter to Catelyn as soon as I stopped crying. I did not go into any details. And by details I mean the fact that Robb and I have to marry. I suppose I will have to tell them that in person. The most important thing now was to make sure that they will not gather an army and come charging. That is why I wrote that Ned, Sansa and Arya will head home soon.
As soon as the raven flew away, I went to find Sansa and Arya. I believe that it was nothing more than pure luck that I did not run into any member of my family. Especially the ones I did not want to see.
-Girls?-I asked as I entered their chambers. They were nowhere to be seen.-Sansa? Arya?-I asked. When I did not hear a response, I got worried. I was ready to cause a commotion when the two of them ran into me with all their strength.-Easy girls, easy.-I said with a small smile. Soon I realized that there was no such thing as easy at this moment. Both of them were crying, sobbing and trying to tell me something, but I couldn't understand a single word. I might not have the time, but they need it. So I waited for them to calm down. I do not even want to imagine what they must be feeling right now.
-Father is imprisoned.-Arya managed to stay.-There is nothing we can do.-she said, and I smiled.
-Yes, there is.-I said, and they both looked at me in surprise.-I won't bore you with the whole story. I will just tell you the end of it. Tomorrow, you two and your father will go home.-I said and I smiled when I saw their faces light up.-You'll go back to Winterfell, and it will be like this never happened.-I said.
-And what will happen with you?-Arya asked.-When you left us, you promised you will be back. And you are here. Don't leave us Elena. Whenever you leave, bad things happen. You left to go hunting, and Bran fell of the tower. You went to your father, and our father was imprisoned. Just don't leave anymore.-she said, and I pulled her into a hug. I was surprised that Sansa was the one who kept it together out of the two of them. I should give her more credit. She might not be a snake, but she is a strong girl. I can't bring myself to wonder what made her grow up so suddenly. I have a feeling Joffrey wasn't all that nice.
-I suppose you will be happy to hear that I am not leaving you.-I said quietly, and they were both surprised, yet again.-In order for your father to be a free man again, he must apologize and bow to that prick. And I have to marry Robb.-I whispered.-It is not by choice. He doesn't even know it yet. He might not even agree to it. I am afraid that he won't have the choice I must admit. My father won't be too happy to hear that there is no betrothal between us. But I will understand if that happens.-I said. They need to know the truth. They are not blind. When we were at Winterfell, I'm sure that they could see that there was nothing more than friendship between the two of us. And they need to know that Robb might decline the betrothal. I wouldn't blame him, not at all. I don't really want it either. And my family almost killed his brother and father. No, I would not blame him. In fact, I would completely understand.
-We might be family?-Sansa asked, and I nodded.-There is no other I would want for my sister more than you. I understand your fears, but I am sure that Robb will agree to it.-she said, and I smiled.
The thing is, if he agrees, it might only be worse. What kind of life will I lead with him? He doesn't love me, I do not love him. I was always afraid of having a marriage without love, but this was even worse. If he hates my family with all his heart, will he even be able to tolerate me? I am afraid that love is out of the question in this deal. I will be happy if he can even look at me.
Did I deserve it? I don't think I did. I am not a saint, but I am not a bad person either. The only explanation I have is that I am paying for my family's mistakes, and that hurts me deeply. I have a miserable life ahead of me, and yet, I am ready to live it. I could have chosen differently. I could have said no. In that case, Ned's head would be on a spike, a war would start and Gods know how many people would lose their lives. I have more in common with the Starks than I initially though. Much like them, and unlike the family I was born into, I had my honor. And I was more than proud of it.
-I have to leave you now. I will be back!-I rushed when I saw that they were both going to try and stop me from leaving.-I have to talk to my friend. When we leave tomorrow, I might never come back to King's Landing for as long as I live. And if that will be the case, I need to give my friend an explanation.-I said. I didn't even think of that until now. I didn't think it was possible, but yes, I felt even worse now.
-You will be back soon, right?-Arya asked, and I nodded. I kissed them both, and I went to find Gendry. This time, I did not sneak around. I am a grown woman, and I will be damned if someone will forbid me anything. I was too weak before, but now, now that all of this has happened, I did not care anymore. So I held my head up high as I was walking through King's Landing. Whispers followed me, as they always did here in the capitol. I have no doubt that they have already heard of my arrival and the decisions that have been made since. The only thing that spreads faster than rumors is fire. They may say whatever they want. I doubt I will ever walk this road again in my life. I just do not care anymore. The one person in King's Landing who's opinion I value is Gendry. And to him, I will have a chance to explain myself.
I made my way to his house. He was the only one there, blacksmith was nowhere in sight. I was going to say something to let him know that I am here, as he was working, and did not see me, but I ended up leaning against the wall, watching his every move.
Gods, I wish my life had been easier. I wish I was born as his sister. Or as a poor village girl. Anything other than the youngest Lannister. I wish I have felt something towards Gendry, something other than the friendship I feel. I wish he was my lover, and not a friend I love like a brother. If we were lovers, it would be easier. We would run away, and we would not look back. We would either end up living a quiet and peaceful live somewhere in the deep woods, or we would get caught. But in both cases, I would have been happier than I am now. I wish things were different. But they are not, and they never will be. I can try and change it as much as I like, but there won't be any use of it.
I hadn't stop crying since I saw him. And I was still crying when he finally realized I was hear.
-Elena?-he asked in surprise. I nodded.-Are you alright?-he asked, and I shook my head. I ran to him and hugged him with all the strength I had left in me. And once again, he was a true friend. He held me as I was crying, waited for me to calm down, and listened to what I had to say.
I was supposed to be quiet about Cersei's and Jaime's relationship. But I will not pretend when it comes to does closest to me, who I would trust with my life. If there is a person that I could say anything to, he was right here in front of me, listening to my story about what happened and what is yet to happen.
-I am very sorry Elena.-he said quietly, and I just nodded. What more could he say to me? He's not sorry Jaime and Cersei did what they did, he's sorry I feel bad about it. Especially when I shouldn't.-So, you are heading for Winterfell tomorrow?-he asked, and I nodded. Gods, I can't believe he was right after all. That night, on the beach, he was teasing me that I'll get married off while I was away… little did we know he was right all along. And now, I have to say my goodbyes to the one person I never wanted to part ways with. And it is breaking my heart. In all honesty, I could feel the pain in my chest.
-Yes. And for good.-I said, and took a deep breath.-And you should know, I have no intention of forgetting about you. As soon as I get used to the… family life I suppose, I will do my best to bring you there.-I said. I have made up my mind. It is going to take a lot more than an arranged marriage for me to lose Gendry. Actually, I will not lose him. I will not allow that to happen. I lost almost everyone else, I will not lose him. Tyrion, Elisa and Gendry. The ones who always proudly stood by my side.
-Do you think I would like it better there than here?-he asked, and I nodded. I knew he would.
-I know you would like it there. And even if you don't, I don't care. I need you there.-I said, and we both started laughing. It was a short lived laughter. It won't be as easy as it used to be I suppose.
-You know already that you are like a sister to me. If that means I have to follow you to Winterfell, I will do so.-he declared with a smile on his face. Yet again, he has proven himself to me. And what have I ever done for him? That is why I need to bring him to Winterfell someday. That is not only base on my selfish reasons. I did need my friend as close as possible. But I also want to give him a chance to get away from that man he works for. I want to see him become independent, his own man. He deserves it.
-I know. I should leave now. I have to speak to the one brother I still have. I will try to come and see you tomorrow, but if I don't manage to do so, you know what to do. Pack your bags, and wait for a letter.-I said, and he smiled at me. We hugged, and I kissed him on the cheek before I left him. I have no doubt in my mind that the absence of Gendry will leave an enormous hole in my chest. I can already feel it.
As soon as I entered the castle, I remembered one important thing. I have to pay my respects.
I slowly made my way to the royal crypt. I sighed, and I put my hand on the statue of Robert.
-You fat idiot.-I whispered, and smiled to myself. He had never heard me call him that, but I am sure that he wouldn't get insulted. He would laugh.-You just had to die, didn't you? You have no idea what kind of trouble you caused for us.-I whispered. After a few moments, I sighed.-I hope you find the peace you never had here. I also hope you are finally able to love your Lyanna. You rest, it is our turn to fight. I know you wanted me to marry Renly, but I think you would be satisfied with Ned Stark's eldest son. Yes, I am to marry him. I'm going North. And you rest in peace. Rest in peace King Robert Baratheon, King of Seven Kingdoms.-I said, and I turned around and walked away. I am not glad he is dead, but I am glad he did not get a chance to see this. He wasn't the kindest person, that is certain. But this? This he did not deserve.
I was walking to my chambers, and I knew I took my chances. I ran into Cersei almost as soon as I left the crypt. I walked past her, hoping that she will walk past me to. My hope was in vain.
-Elena, please, stop.-she said. I stopped. Why, I am not sure.-I didn't want Ned Stark dead either. It was Joffrey's decision. I would have stopped him from hurting them.-she said. I raised my eyebrows. Does she really think I believe in that? Ned Stark said that she had sex with her own brother and gave birth to three of his children, one of which is currently sitting on the iron throne, under the false claim that he is the son of the late King. And she would have let him live? I might believe in the good in people, but I am not an idiot. And the fact that she thought I would believe her, only adds to the injury.-I know I wasn't kind to you Elena.-she whispered, and I was even more surprised. Where is she going with this?-I was a horrible sister. And for that, I am sorry. I wish now that I had done things differently. You deserved better than that. I hope you find happiness in the North. I could see on your face that you liked it there. And the boy seems good enough. I wish for you to be happy like I never was. You're my sister Elena. I care for you, and I am sorry I did not realize that earlier.-she whispered. Oh Gods, she is crying. I had never thought I would see this day. She is actually crying. In my entire life, I had never seen Cersei Lannister shed a tear. And I know why she is crying now. The guilt is killing her. It is slowly growing and it is making her rotten from the inside. And the worst thing is that it is all her fault.
-It makes me sad to see that the realization of what you've done is killing you. I thought it would make me happy in a way, but it doesn't. And I know why. I am not you.-I said flatly. She can save her tears. They will not fix the things she said and did ever since I was a child to this day.-I have never tried to be. I think that might be why you despised me with all your heart. The fact that our mother died while giving birth to me was only an excuse. I hope you are happy. I honestly do. You did everything you could to get to this, and I hope that all that effort won't be in vain. You can love the man you love, your son is on the throne, and you will no longer see me. Ravish it Cersei. Ravish it as much as you can. And thank you, for your wishes. I may find happiness in the North, eventually. But I am sure I will find one other thing I have searched for my entire life. I will finally find a family. One that doesn't despise me, but accepts me, with all my flaws and virtues. On that sees the real me, and possibly do the one thing that you never could. Love me.-I said. She was crying her eyes out. And I just turned around and walked away.
I was crying when I got to the door of my chambers. I was surprised to see Lord Stark waiting for me there. He was washed up, but I could still see that he was in a bad shape. It will take time for him to recover fully.
-Lord Stark, how may I help you?-I asked, and I wiped my tears away with the sleeve of my dress.
-I wanted to say to you once again that I am truly sorry.-he said, and I shook my head.
-It is in no way your fault Lord Stark.-I said with a small smile.-The important thing is that you get to go home tomorrow. You only have to apologize to Joffrey, and you are free. And considering the… other demand, I… I will completely understand if you do not want me in your family.-I said in a low voice, almost a whisper. It is not just about Robb and myself. I could see no reason why would he want to look at me every day, why would he be happy that I am the wife of his eldest son, and heir.
-Elena, you saved my life.-he said with a small smile.-You saved me, and you saved my family. There is no reason why I shouldn't want you in my family. And I know Robb will think the same way. I may not have the power to influence his feelings, or yours for that matter. I know that there is no love between the two of you, but that does not mean a thing. Cat and I didn't even know each other on our wedding day, and look at us now.-he said, and I managed a weak smile. That does give me some hope, but not much. I am sure Catelyn's family did not try to kill half of his family, like mine did to them.
-Thank you Ned.-I said, and he smiled.-I can only hope that Robb doesn't despise me.-I admitted.
-He will not, I am sure of it. If nothing else, look at yourself. He could have done a lot worse.-he said, and I laughed. I suppose he is right. I may not be what he wanted, but at least I am not ugly. Now that is what every wife wants to hear. I don't love you, but at least you are not ugly. Oh, the joy, the love.
-I must admit that I could have done a lot worse too.-I said, and Ned smiled. Robb was very handsome. And from what I could tell, he was kind, honorable, funny and a good person. I am sure that he will not love me, but I am also sure that he will not torture me in any way.-Tomorrow, everything will be over. Until it starts again.-I said. I am not a fool. I know that they would want their revenge. And they deserve it. When the day comes, I will stand by them, no matter the price. Soon enough, that will be my duty.
-I am sure we will be able to live in peace for some time Elena.-he said.-But there is something else that I need to tell you, and I did not get a chance to tell you before. I know you always thought that Jon Arryn was murdered, and that he did not die from a fever. And you were right. He died because he found out the truth of Joffreys true father.-he said. Oh, perfect. Not only did they try to kill Bran, but they have in fact killed the only true father figure I have ever had.-And that is not all. Cersei did not give birth to Robert's children, but a lot of women did. Those matters where usually… taken care of. But I found out that one of Robert's bastard children is still alive. And you know him. The blacksmith.-he said.
-Gendry?-I asked, completely baffled by what I just heard.-He is Robert's son?-I asked, and Lord Stark nodded. And I thought I heard it all today. It made a little sense though. He never knew who his father was, his mother never said. And he does have the Baratheon black hair and blue eyes that none of Cersei's children had. Yes, I see it now. He was more a Baratheon than Joffrey ever was.-He has no idea. I doubt he will even believe it.-I said as soon as I could speak. Gendry does not want to be a King, I know that. He is perfectly content with just being a blacksmith, Baratheon or not.
-I knew it was true the moment I saw him. And we have to take him with us tomorrow. He is not safe here. They might realize, and as soon as they do, he will be dead.-he said, and I took a deep breath.
-I will tell him tomorrow. He will go with us, I know that. I was planning of bringing him with me one day when I got married.-I said with a smile, and Ned smiled in return.-I cannot say if he would be willing to fight for his right to sit on the throne, I have to say.-I said. He needed to know the truth. I am sure that Gendry will want nothing to do with it, but I won't speak in his name. He has his own voice.
-That will be his choice to make.-he said, and I nodded.-I will leave you to your rest now. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Good night Elena.-he said.
-Good night.-I said, and I watched him leave. As soon as the door was closed, I collapsed on the bed. This was the longest, and by far, the worst day of my entire life. The only thing that missed was my finding out that I am my mother's bastard daughter and to hear that Renly will fight Robb for my hand. That would make this day just perfect.
Thankfully, Renly will not fight. I am sure he is more than happy with the news of me marring in the North. He is a good man, but he isn't for me. He is for Loras.
And sadly, I am not a Lannister bastard. I may not look like them, but I have their stature, and the perfect, Lannister nose. I wish I was, but I am not. I was thinking of such nonsense that I started laughing to myself, like I was completely mad.
Eventually, I feel asleep, still completely dressed in my perfect, red and gold, Lannister dress.