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31. Diva

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When I awoke, I was alone, in the dark, lying on the Joker's bed. I sat up and glanced around the room. I scanned it around once and then back again. When I scanned it the second time, my heart stopped as the Joker appeared in the door way, almost from out of no where. He stood there for a moment with his hand on the frame of the door way before walking into the room. I felt so stupid for fainting like that in front of Pixie and him—I was so embarrassed.

"I am so sorry for fainting like that—I think the cold just got to me," I stated finally.

"When are you going to listen to me, Giada? I tell you not to go out at night and you do anyway," the Joker responded flatly.

"I can't just stay cooped up in here every night like some house wife! I thought I was your partner in crime! I can't do much just sitting around," I explained, "I'm meant to do so much more than sit around, sorry,"

"It's not the point; you are meant to do more—just not right now," the Joker stated, licking his lips and raising his eyebrow.

"So then let's get on with it. I want to help you—and I can much more effective than that fucking Pixie whore," I responded with clenched teeth. The Joker erupted in laughter.

"She's nothing! She's got nothing on you, it's just she's got something we need here in Gotham, and I'm going to make sure we get it," the Joker replied with a grin.

"Well don't let her near me or I'll fuckin' cut her face," I replied, "she's getting all up in my space and I can't take it,"

"Oh Giada, you have to learn to work with others and then…once you get what you want…eliminate them from the picture…completely," the Joker explained, narrowing his eyes. My heart jumped. Was he only using me? Was he going to dispose of me when he was done with me? I almost threw up in my mouth.

"Is that what you plan on doing with me, Mr. J?" I asked, narrowing my eye finally. He exploded into laughter once again.

"Giada! I would never dispose of you! You…you're like the Batman to me," he responded. I cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

"I'm like the Batman to you? What the hell does that mean?" I asked.

"You complete me," he responded finally.

"Oh I see," I said with a small smile forming at my lips.

"Speaking of the Batman," the Joker said, flashing me his deep brown eyes covered in black paint.

"What of the Batman?" I asked, swallowing the spit forming in my mouth.

"You've been conversing with…the Batman," he said, pursing his lips together and then licking them.

"If by conversing with him you mean that I ran into him and had a brief conversation," I responded.

"Pixie Dust told me she saw you with him," the Joker replied, sliding closer to me on the bed.

"Yeah—for the amount of time she saw us talking was probably no longer than 5 minutes!" I exclaimed.

"So you were talking with him for longer than 5 minutes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It was nothing, really. I'm just trying to get an insider's view on Batman—you know, to help you," I replied.

"I don't want you conspiring with….the Batman," he sighed.

"I'm not conspiring with the Batman—I'm just trying to help you—"

"I don't need help with the Bat," the Joker snapped back. Taken back by his response, I remained quiet for a minute.

"Fine," I replied finally, standing to my feet.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Out," I responded flatly. The Joker jumped to his feet and pinned me up against the wall.

"Think again," he stated, holding me by the wrists to the wall.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I shrieked, squirming in his grasp. I always forgot just how strong he actually was. For being a tall skinny guy, he was strong!

"Keeping you here," he replied with a quick grin.

"And I told you I'm going out!" I exclaimed.

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked, practically whispering into my ear.

"To buy a turkey! It's almost Thanksgiving," I retorted, still squirming in his grasp. Laughing, he finally let go of me.

"What's so funny?" I asked, holding my wrist.

"Thanksgiving—what's there to give thanks for?" he asked while laughing.

"I always thought of it as an excuse to eat a shit ton of food. And besides, it's Thanksgiving! Who doesn't love a Thanksgiving feast?!" I replied, still rubbing my wrists. I really hadn't planned on getting a turkey; I just needed an excuse to leave the apartment.

"No—no turkey—no Thanksgiving," the Joker managed to say through laughter.

"I still don't see why it's so funny," I stated.

"To me…everything's funny!" he laughed, nearly in tears.

"Right. Okay, well I'm gonna head on out and get that turkey anyway and see if you change your mind," I said as I inched towards the doorway. Before I could get there, the Joker sprang back up from his laughter fit and grabbed a hold of my wrist.

"Will you stop that?! You hurt me when you grab me like that!" I exclaimed.

"You might want to stop trying to leave," he replied.

"Oh hell no," I muttered as I slapped him right across the face with my free hand. I then kneed him in the groin and ran from the room, into the kitchen and out the window. No one fucks with me like that, not even my beloved Joker.

Man, what a shitty night! That Pixie bitch ruined everything. If she hadn't come to town, the Joker and I would probably be making love right now; but no, I was climbing down the fire escape.

"He's fucking crazy, but I'm just as crazy. He doesn't love me and I love him and he laughs at Thanksgiving—I just don't get what's so funny—it's just a turkey! Maybe he was laughing at stuffing a turkey…nah—he doesn't seem like the type to make jokes like that; then again, he is the Joker. What the fuck is his deal. If that bitch never came to Gotham I wouldn't be dealing with this shit," I muttered to myself as I walked through the alleys.

By the time I got to uptown, I was freezing, tired and depressed. I had no reason to leave the apartment except that the Joker was going off crazier than usual. He was so irritating sometimes! No grocery store was open for me to even buy a turkey—then again, I had no money and I had no means of stealing any. I was lost, so I went into an alley and sat down. I rubbed my semi-gloved hands together and blew into them. I was absolutely frigid.

"Fuck this weather," I sighed finally, glancing up at the sky. Suddenly, from down the alley, I heard some banging. I stood to my feet and grabbed onto my peeler. I could feel the adrenaline moving through my veins. I was ready to fuck up anyone who would cross my path, especially Pixie Dust. I almost hoped it was her so that I could fuck her up. I took the peeler from my pocket and popped up the blade. I was ready.

A dark figure emerged from the depths of the alley. The Bat.

"You again!" I exclaimed, putting the blade away.

"The same could be said for you. Where's the Joker?" the Batman asked.

"Home," I replied.

"Not with the mob? I find that hard to believe," Batman responded.

"Well, I could give you the address, but that's not happening," I stated.

"Fair enough. Why are you out here alone without him?" Batman asked.

"He's acting crazier than usual," I responded, sounding almost exactly like the Joker himself.

"Right," Batman stated as he pursed his lips.

"It's so damn cold out here," I said finally.

"Well, you could always go back home to your crazier than normal boyfriend," Batman replied sarcastically.

"Okay, two things: one, as much as I'd love for it to be true, he's not my boyfriend; two, I'm just as crazy as him so I guess you could call me crazier than normal," I replied.

"You're not crazy, Jade—the Joker's crazy," Batman explained.

"The Joker and I both acknowledge our cognitive functioning as similar and I agree with the assessment," I responded.

"So then go on home, Jade—it's cold out," Batman said.

"I can't—I don't want to," I replied.

"Then you'll freeze out here before it's even dawn," Batman stated.

"So be it," I sighed as I turned away from him and began walking away.

"Not so fast," Batman said as he rushed up behind me and wrapped his arm about my neck.

"What the hell!" I shrieked as he applied pressure to the back of my neck. I fainted in his arms. He threw me over his shoulder and took me back to his headquarters.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The next day, I woke at dawn to find myself in a strange foreign place. I jumped up from large bed and walked around the room looking for clues as to where I was.

"Hello?" I called out as I walked about. I finally stumbled upon a note. It read: Jade, took you in for the night. The door way outside is down the hall and to your right. The code to exit is 453572. Once you are outside, you will know where you are. – Batman.

"Hm, well that was nice of him," I shrugged as I took the note and walked down the hall and to the door. I plugged in the code, the door buzzed and I opened it to reveal a bright, sunny day. He was right—I knew exactly where I was. I walked through the dump, past the gate and back into the city streets. I hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours and I was feeling pretty dizzy and faint. I should not faint again—that would definitely be detrimental to the amount of brain cells I'd already killed from fainting twice in one night.

As I walked down another alley (I felt like the only streets I ever saw were alleys!) I smelled something amazing. I figured I must be behind some kind of restaurant. I noticed that the kitchen door was open so I figured I slide on in and grab something to eat. I don't know why I thought this was a good idea, but I did it regardless.

Once inside the kitchen, I glanced around and saw no chefs, cooks, waitstaff—no one. I thought this odd, but I continued my journey. Suddenly, I heard voices—voices that I recognized.

"Oh look who it is! It's Miss Jade!"

The sound of Pixie's voice was insulting to my ears. I bit my lip and turned towards her voice. Three long tables were set up in a horse-shoe shape and the Maroni mobsters were gathered around the tables. Pixie was sitting in between Maroni himself and my Joker. Instead of getting mad, I decided to just laugh.

"And look who it is! Pixie! Fancy that!" I exclaimed. "So sorry to bust in on your meeting gentlemen…and lady—but I was just passing by and figured maybe something interesting was being said so I thought I might pop in and take a look," I explained with a cocky smile.

"Nothing that concerns you, little harlequin," the Chechen responded in his Italian accent.

"Ah! Signore, per favore, come si dice…uh, um, oh never mind—it's not important," I responded.

"This Jade speaks Italiano!" the Chechen exclaimed, "I want to hear from the signorina,"

"Oh no, it's okay mio principe," I responded to him with a sweet smile.

"Man, what's your freak girlfriend doing here? I thought you said she wouldn't be here," one of the mobsters said to the Joker.

"Oh now don't get all pissed at Mr. J over there—he didn't know I was dropping by," I said. I didn't even know I was dropping by! I was having a pretty good time playing the game though—I just had to find something that they needed more than Pixie Dust—some bit of information that would place me above them all in importance—something to make the Joker proud of me. He looked so pissed that I was there.

"Well hunnie, you might wanna check your little self outta here—we got some business to get to," Pixie stated, raising her eyebrows.

"Oh right, of course—but I just have one question for you all," I said.

"Just a moment, please," the Joker said to Maroni under his breath as he stood to his feet.

"Now you sit your ass right back down, Joker!" I exclaimed like I was some diva. His head popped up in shocked, then a smirk crossed his lips as he sat back down. I think he was somewhat pleased his girl was taking control.

"Well ask us this one…question, Giada," he gestured to me.

"Alright," I said, licking my lips. My mind was racing. What was I going to ask them. Maybe something about Batman. Hm, Batman—there's any idea. Holy shit! Batman! My heart began racing and pounding inside my chest. I didn't know why I knew where I was that morning, but in that moment I knew exactly why I knew where I was that morning—I was right outside Bruce Wayne's building. I would tell them all I knew who Batman was—Bruce Wayne! I wasn't positive Batman was Bruce Wayne, but it would make a good story.

"Who where knows about…the Batman?" I asked, licking my lips. The entire room groaned.

"Really, Jade? You fucking know we all know who Batman is!" Pixie exclaimed.

"Oh? You all know who Batman is?" I asked innocently. "Who is the Batman?"

"We don't know who Batman is—we just know of him," Maroni corrected her.

"Ah, yes—we all know of Batman—but no one here knows who Batman is, correct?" I repeated.

"Yes, Giada—get to the point," the Joker said, licking his lips.

"Well…I know who the Batman is," I responded slowly.

Laughter erupted from the crowd of men and Pixie—they clearly didn't think I was serious, but I just kept looking back at them with a straight face and eyes to kill. Finally, their laughter died down—the only one who never laughed was the Joker. He knew I was serious even though I was just pretending I knew who Batman really was.

"I think she's telling truth," the Chechen responded, "I want to know who Batman is!"

"How do you know who Batman is?" Maroni asked.

"I don't believe her! Do you, Mr. J?" Pixie asked, placing her hand on his shoulder. He just shrugged her hand from his shoulder and stood to his feet and placed his hands on the table.

"I know who the Batman is because I was with him last night—in his secret lair," I responded.

"Which is…where?" Maroni asked.

"Oh, you all thought I was going to disclose this information? I'm at no such liberty to reveal the masked stranger and his hideout—I'm not even important enough to be summoned to this meeting! I just was wondering if you all knew about the Batman, that was all," I stated as I turned to go.

"Stay, signorina!" the Chechen called after me. I slowly turned around and made eye contact directly with the Joker.

"Nah—you don't need me here. Sorry for wasting your time," I said with a courteous smile, turned, then left the room. The Joker just stood there, not knowing what to say or do. He was, indeed, stunned.