And, we're back at Winterfell. Thank you for following, reading and reviewing. I'm happy to see that you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it! Let's see where it takes us, shall we? Enjoy :)
This trip to Winterfell wasn't as long as the one when I went to Winterfell with the late King. We aren't traveling with most of the Kingsguard. And we are in a rush. Lord Stark can't wait to get home. And only after two weeks, I started to recognize the scenery around us. Before I knew it, we stopped, only hours away from Winterfell. Sansa and Arya were walking with their father, stretching their legs from all the sitting, and I am having a nervous breakdown while Elisa and Gendry are trying to calm me down. The two of them are getting along well enough. Elisa finally realized that Gendry and I weren't some secret lovers. And she was looking at him differently. He was no longer the blacksmiths apprentice, but the late King's bastard, and possibly the only true heir to the Iron Throne. Even if he doesn't give a damn about it. He took it well enough. He's happy that we saved his life, because he knows that he would be dead if he remained in King's Landing. And he is happy to live with us in my new home. Arya and him get along quite well, and I was happy to see that Arya and Sansa had settled their differences. Both of them grew up during their stay at King's Landing. Sansa could finally understand why I didn't want her to marry Joffrey, and both of them were happy to be heading home. The only person who wasn't happy about us approaching Winterfell was me! By all means, I was losing it. I was shaking and pacing in a circle, while Gendry and Elisa were trying to find a way to calm me down.
And nothing worked. The only thing I could think of was my marriage to Robb. Yes, I know I am not marrying just anyone. It's Robb, I know him. He is kind. And it's not like he is a bad sight. He is very good looking and handsome. The problem was that the more I thought about him, the more I remembered what he said to me once. He was scared that the King would want us to marry. Scared. Scared!
"Elena, would you please stop pacing around!"Gendry said, and I looked at him, anger raging within me.
"No, I can't. I can't Gendry. I am sorry if it bothers you, but I can't"-I yelled. I should calm down. I do not want to yell at either of them, and I do not want Lord Stark to hear this. Most of the time, he would look at me with a kind smile, and I can only hope that he thought that his son will be happy with me.
"Elena, please. "Elisa begged me, and I stopped my pacing. I ran my fingers through my hair, which is something I do whenever I'm nervous and I don't have a braid that stops me. I was taking deep breaths, hoping to calm myself down. Not that I ever cared about it, but this is not how a Lady should act. "There is no reason for you to feel this way. He can't say no Elena. "she said, and I started laughing.
"And that is supposed to help me? "I asked. I was desperate." He can't say no. Well, I'm sorry, but ever since I was a little girl, I was hoping to marry someone who would want to marry me, not someone who doesn't have a choice. He said it himself, when he thought that the King wanted us to get married! He didn't want to marry me then, why would he want to marry me now?" I asked, not really wanting an answer. I feared the answer. What kind of life can I lead with someone who doesn't want to be with me? And it is not just that. I don't want to marry him either. Yes, he is handsome, kind, smart, and what not, but I never felt anything other than friendly feelings towards him.
"You don't want to marry him, right?" Gendry asked, and I nodded. "And as you say, he doesn't want to marry you either. With all due respect, my Lady, you two are hardly the first two people who had to marry out of a deal, not out of love." He said. Amazing, brilliant, wonderfull. It makes me feel a lot better. We are not the first ones. If anything, it makes me feel even worse!
"With all due respect, my Lord, I don't give a damn about anyone else right now. The only think I can think about is how miserable will my life be once I start waking up next to him every day! "I spat out.
"Elena, you need to stop. "Said Elisa, and I looked at her in surprise. "You are a beautiful girl. And he is a good man. And smart, if I dare say. If he doesn't see it yet, I am sure that in no time, he will realize that he can't have a better wife than you. You should stop feeling this way, and you need to accept that you have your own charm. He knows you. And you are friends. It is probably going to be a lot easier than you think. "She said. Gods, why do I need patronizing from her to realize that I am probably overreacting?
"Elisa's right." Gendry said with a small smile." I know you. And if he is as smart and honorable as you two say he is, I am sure that soon enough, he will realize that he has a prize handed over to him" he said, and I smiled. I never was the one who liked flattering, but what the two of them said now made me feel a bit surer of myself. I am going to have to do the best I can. I may not love him, and I may not be seductive, but I'm going to have to make him remember that he knows me. We were formal in the beginning, but once we got to know each other, it became a lot easier. Oh Gods! I just remember that I offered myself to Jon in front of him! How stupid can I actually be?! I will never be able to erase that.
"Oh Gods." I whispered, and I shook my head when I saw the question on their faces." Well, there is nothing I can do about it. I can only hope for the best. Let's get back to the carriage. The less I think about it, the better. If we continue talking about this, I might just run off." I said, and they both laughed.
"My Lady, you wouldn't get very far in that dress." Elisa said, and the three of us laughed. She was right. I hated the dress, and not only because it would stop me in my runaway attempts. It was one of my best dresses, and Elisa picked it out herself. Dark green, and tight, emphasizing my curves. They point of wearing it was obvious. If he doesn't want to marry me, let's at least give him something nice to look at. And my hair was styled so that it enhances my femininity, something I don't usually like to show off. I had to dress to impress, no matter how much I didn't want it.
Lord Stark, Sansa and Arya joined us in the carriage straight away. They did not want to waste any time, as they were excited to finally get home. Arya was practically jumping up and down, and both Gendry and her father teased her about it. We were a strange group indeed. Kings bastard son, Lord of Winterfell and his two daughters, one acting like a boy, and the other being a proper lady, a maiden, and myself, a mixture of Arya and Sansa. Wanting to act like a boy while looking like a proper lady.
It took as at least a few hours, but to me, it's seem like a few short moments. We were getting close to Winterfell, and as soon as I could see the castle, my heartbeat fastened. I will see him soon enough. And I see two options. He will agree, or he will disagree. And the worst part is that whatever he does, it will be very uncomfortable to hear, and see.
We past the gates. It took all the strength I had not to scream, or faint. Elisa must have sensed that I did not feel comfortable. She took me by the hand and squeezed it. It helped me more than it should.
We stopped. And as soon as we did, Arya and Sansa ran out. I could hear their laughter. Lord Stark did not take his time either; he got out straight after them. And I just sat there. I couldn't move. Gendry and Elisa were both looking in my in disbelieve.
"I don't want to impose" I whispered, so that no one outside the carriage could hear me.
"Oh Gods." Elisa whispered, and Gendry rolled his eyes.
"Get out before I push you." He said, and I looked at him, doubting that he would do it. "Don't make me do it Elena" he warned, and I nodded. Oh yes, he will do it. I have no other option.
I took a deep breath, and I walked out of the carriage.
Straight away, I knew I was imposing. Lord Stark, Sansa and Arya were embracing their family members, and all I could do was stand and watch. A father hugging his sons and a mother crying and hugging her daughters. I saw Robb hugging his father, and I looked away. I can't even look at him. As I looked away, I saw someone I did not expect to see today. The sight of Jon made me smile with relief, and he smiled back at me. Before I knew it, I was running towards him, and hugging him as tightly as I could. And I was crying. I was crying like a little baby as he hugged me. I felt like a stranger here until I saw my friend. And he knew it. That's why he was here. He knew I needed him.
"Thank you. "he said in a low voice, so that no one could hear us. "Thank you for everything. You're a true hero, Elena Lannister."he said, and I pulled away, smiling slightly.
"No, I'm not" I said in a low voice, wiping away my tears. I was surprised to see that everyone was looking at us. I only just realized that I made a big mistake. Out of all the people, I ran into the arms of the brother of my betrothed. And now that I caught Robb's eye, I wanted for Jon to hold me again. I could not decode his look. The only thing I was sure of was that it was not a look of affection.
"You" Lady Catelyn whispered, looking at me. She had tears in her eyes. As she approached me, I swear, to the Old Gods and the New, I was sure she was going to slap me in front of everyone. "If I liveten lives, I couldn't repay you.-she said. Thank Gods, she's not going to slap me." Elena, I owe you my life. You saved them. You made a promise to me, and you kept it. You saved them. A thousand lives wouldn't be enough you brave, brave girl." She said, and before I could say a single word, she hugged me. I could feel that she was still sobbing. I cannot describe the relief I felt right now.
"Lady Stark, you owe me nothing. "I said. As she pulled away, she caressed my face in a motherly way.
"Elena, one day, when you have children of your own, you will understand that some debts you could never be able to pay." She said with a kind smile on her face. Children? Oh Gods, I could barely come to terms with marriage. I can't think about children right now. If I do, I might really faint.
"Elena?" someone called me, and I knew it was Robb even before we made eye contact. I could barely breathe, as he approached me, and Catelyn took a step back. I was very close to asking her not to leave me alone. Instead, I tried to remind myself to breathe, and not to be scared of him. I know him. I met him. Did I? He looked older than he did only months ago. It must be the facial hair. He is still very handsome, but that is not helping me much. He took my shaking hand." Thank you." he said in a low voice. He wasn't thanking me like his mother did, but that does not me he wasn't sincere. I could feel the honesty; I could see it in his eyes. Eyes never lie, and I knew that he meant what he said." I know you didn't want this, but we will do the best we can. Welcome to the family." He said with a small, but kind smile on his face. I managed a nod, and I hope my smile didn't make me look like I was in pain. To my complete surprise, he put his hands on my face. For a moment, I was terrified that he might kiss me. I don't know what frightened me more, the thought that he might kiss me, or the fact that he might kiss me in front of everyone. I felt enormous relief when he kissed me on my forehead. It may have scared me, but at least he didn't kiss me on the lips. Then, then I would have fainted.
"Thank you Robb" I whispered. And as I was thinking what to say to break the tension, I saw a little creature behind him."Rickon!" I yelled in surprise, and I lowered myself so that I can pick him up. He hugged me, and I lifted him up, a smile on my face. Stay close to the children Elena, it's a lot easier.
"I've missed you Elena." he said and I laughed. And yet, I was still crying.
"Where is Bran? Can I see him?" I asked, thinking about that poor little pup that was hurt because of my family. I would understand if they don't want me near him at all. That may even be for the best.
"Of course you can. He is in his room." Robb told me, and I managed to nod before I ran off, with Rickon still in my arms. I was probably a horrible friend to Gendry, leaving him on his own, but he can handle himself, I'm sure of it. And I really need to see Bran. I need to talk to him, and I need to apologize.
" Is it true that you'll be living here now with us?" Rickon asked, and I smiled.
" Yes." I said and he hugged me even tighter."Now let's see how your brother is doing" I said as I opened the door of Bran's chambers. He was sitting on his bead, and a beaming smile was on his face.
"Elena! You're here. Is my father here too? And Sansa? And Arya?"he asked, and I put Rickon down.
"Yes, they're home" I told him with a smile, and sat down next to him, pulling him in a hug."How are you doing my little pup?" I asked, and I pulled back his hair from his face. He is an adorable boy.
"I'm fine." he said with a small smile that suggested that he was less than fine. I can't even imagine how he must be feeling. But now that I am here, I will do my best to help him. I am more than ready to spend days and days with him, being his company and friend."Is it true? About you and Robb?" he asked.
"I'm afraid it is." I said with a forced smile.
"Afraid? Why are you afraid?" he asked, and I was silent. I did not know how to explain it to him. "Robb is a good man Elena." he reassured me.
"There is no doubt in my mind that he is." I told him with a small smile." But I am afraid that marriage and friendship are very different, my dear pup." I said, hoping he can't hear the sadness in my voice.
"You will be happy. I know it." he said, and I smiled at his determination. Maybe he is right, and maybe he is wrong. All I can be sure of is that I will try to make the best of what I am given.
"Tell me, what has happened here since I was away?" I asked, hoping he was too young to see that I was doing it to change the subject. If he noticed, he didn't say a thing.
I stayed with him the rest of the day. I tried to leave him once Lord Stark, Sansa and Arya came to see him. I thought that they wanted privacy with him, but all four of them insisted that I should stay. And I did not complain. I would much rather be with Rickon than face to face with my husband to be.
I stayed in Bran's chambers with him, until Lady Catelyn collected us to join the family for dinner. As we were going to the Hall, the two of us and Hodor carrying Bran, she told me once again to call her Catelyn. I might have to win over my future husband, but at least I don't have to win over his family.
I was relieved to see that they did not make a feast. Tonight, it was just the family. And Theon, Jon, Gendry and myself.
I was seated between Arya and Jon, and I was relieved. It's embarrassing enough when I catch Robb's look from across the table, I don't want to accidentally touch him as well. After a few moments, I started relaxing. And remembering how much I enjoyed my last stay in Winterfell. I was scared, and I still am, but this is the same family. They do not hate me for the mistakes my family made, and they do not hold it against me. If I dare notice, they're not exactly sad I am the one who's joining their family by marriage. The only one who doesn't seem happy about it is the only one who should be happy about it. Robb.
I can't blame him. I don't feel any better about it either.
"To Elena." Said Lord Stark, and I looked at him in surprise. I bowed my head in embarrassment when everyone at the table held up their cups and toasted in my name." Elena, Robb?" Lord Stark called, and I looked up from my plate." There was a letter waiting for me. From your father, Lord Lannister." he said, and I am sure my face lost the little color it had. I hoped that monster was done with me, finally. And yet, he seems to follow me wherever I go."He wants the wedding held as soon as possible. Even tomorrow. I say, what he doesn't know, can't hurt him, so I will give you a day." He said, and I smiled. Terrific, I have a day! Still, it is better than tomorrow." Elena, I know that you never wanted this." He started, and I shook my head, and raised my hand.
"I am sorry to interrupt you Lord Stark, but please, do not say it like that. It sounds like I am ashamed of this. It is an honor for me to be a part of this family." I said, and he smiled at me. I might not feel love for Robb, but I know I am in good hands. I probably shouldn't think about this in that way, but as far as I'm concerned, this is better than Dorne. Robb doesn't have a paramour and eight illegitimate daughters. Not that I know of at least.
"To Robb and Elena!" Lord Stark said, and now they all drank in our name. I blushed.
"Now we will truly be sisters!" Arya said, and hugged me around the waist. I hugged her back as her words were followed by laughter around the table. Even I managed to laugh.
Accidentally, I looked at the one person whose look I was avoiding. Robb smiled at me. A little smile, and probably with great effort, but a smile none the less. I smiled back at him in the same manner.
If nothing else helps, at least I know that he is in no way better prepared for this than I am.