All I will say is… wedding bells :) Enjoy.
The unplanned day Lord Stark gave me for preparations practically disappeared. Before I knew it, I was in my chambers, standing in a white wedding dress, shaking with fear. I was never nervous like this in my entire life. And a few problems made me feel even worse. One, no one from my family is here. Not even Tyrion. I have no one to walk with me to the Godswood. Well, until Gendry offered to do so. And I couldn't think of a better person, not when Tyrion couldn't come. But that was only one problem.
I have no idea what is going on in Robb's mind. I didn't get a chance to speak to him. I avoided everyone yesterday, and when I did see him, both of us were busy with something else. Whenever we made eye contact, we would smile at each other, but I couldn't tell if it was honest or common courtesy.
And finally, my biggest problem. The thing that comes after the wedding. Now, Robb might not be a Dornish lover, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have his needs. And even if he doesn't, it's bound to happen. It has to happen! And I have no idea what am I supposed to do. I have never kissed a man, let alone anything else. And I am not nearly comfortable to relax and let it go the way it should.
The more I think about it, the worse I feel. So, I tried to think about what was going on around me. Elisa, Sansa and Arya were preparing me for my wedding. Even Arya is excited about it, and she herself says she doesn't care about "girly things" as she calls them. I had no say in my dress, or my hair. I was wearing the white dress my father sent along with me when I left Casterly Rock. It was very beautiful, but I would have preferred to be more covered up. Luckily, I will wear a cloak. And as for the rest, I left it to the girls to decide. And they did. My hair was down, only a part of it pulled back. They made me put on some perfume Elisa packed. I had no strength in me to fight them on it. Besides, they know better than I do what suits me. And I suppose I should look my very best on my wedding day.
"Girls." We heard, and as we turned around, we could see Lady Stark by the door. "Do you mind leaving me with Elena?" she asked, and Elisa, Sansa and Arya left the room. As Lady Stark was approaching me, she smiled. "You look very beautiful Elena." She said, and I managed a weak smile.
"Thank you Catelyn." I said in a low voice, almost a whisper. Well, at least I'm beautiful today.
"Elena, I understand that you are scared, but there is no need to be. He is not… repulsed by this idea."
"He doesn't love me. You know that as well as I do. "I said, and she smiled.
"Ned and I didn't love each other either, and look at us now. "she said with a smile. "Elena, he respects you. He considers you a friend. And there is no doubt in my mind that he thinks you are very beautiful. Chances are that you two will feel one day what Ned and I feel even after all these years. Don't be nervous." She said, but I just couldn't relax myself, no matter how hard I tried.
"Thank you Catelyn, but I doubt anything can help me to calm down." I admitted.
"I was as nervous as you were. My father had to calm me down." She said with a smile, and the small smile I had faded away. I have no one." That is why I am here now." She said, like she could read my mind." The ceremony itself will be over before you know it. You will relax during the feast. You know us, you will be comfortable enough, I am sure of it. And as for the bedding…" she started. I could feel my legs shaking." I am not going to lie to you. It will hurt. But it will also be over before you know it. Just remind yourself that you are sharing a bed with a husband and a friend, and not a savage." She said.
Maybe that will be helpful if I could think in the given situation. I hope I remember her advice.
"Thank you. For everything." I said, and I was the one that hugged her this time. I need a motherly hug.
"Let's get you ready now. They're waiting." She said with a smile, and called in for Elisa and her daughters. I stood still, not wanting to make things harder for them. And when they were finished, I looked at the mirror. I still don't like the person who looked back at me. It felt unnatural. I never did think too highly of myself. But today, I did look very nice. Not like myself, but nice.
When Gendry entered my chambers, the ladies left. I wasn't pretending any more. He can see my panic.
"You look lovely." He said and I gave him a weak smile. "Do not think about it too much. It will be over before you know it." he said in a calming voice, and I continued nodding. My neck will hurt latter.
"Whatever you do, don't let me run away." I whispered, and he started laughing. I couldn't. The fun and games are over for me. I felt a little bit better as soon as I clenched myself to his arm. He will not let me fall and if I try, he will stop me from running away. I won't try it. I can barely walk.
The whole of WInterfell was waiting for me at the Godswood. I was trying to hide my deep breaths as I was taking them. Sooner than I would like, I was in front of Robb. We both smiled weakly at each other.
I was avoiding him as much as I could, and now I could see no one else. Awful feeling of discomfort. As I was staring at him I had come to a conclusion that he really is incredibly good looking. Curly hair, piercing blue eyes, seemingly perfect lips… Gods, how I wish I wanted him. I wish I loved him with all my heart. I wish I was happy today and not scared beyond belief. All of my wishes are in vain.
We held our hands together as they were symbolically bound by the Septon by a silk fabric. Bound hands just as we are bound to each other for life. He gave me his cloak, and as he was putting it on me, his fingers grazed my skin and I shivered before I could control my reaction. And finally, the vows.
"Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger. I am hers, and she is mine, from this day until the end of my days."
"Father. Smith. Warrior. Mother. Maiden. Crone. Stranger. I am his, and he is mine, from this day until the end of my days."
From all the panic I felt, I didn't even consider this part of the wedding. The kiss. My first kiss. There is no doubt in my mind that I was shaking. Visibly, I am sure that everyone in the crowd could see it.
My first kiss. I wanted it to be intimate, with the person I love. And here it is, with a husband I respect and in front of his entire family. Robb put his hands on my face, and only for a few moments, his lips touched my lips. I have no experience in this, but I suppose it wasn't that bad.
I might have managed to avoid a feast on the day I arrived, but there was no chance I could avoid one tonight. The Stark family was celebrating Robb's wedding. Winterfell was celebrating its future Lord's wedding. This was not an irrelevant occasion. And Robb and I were right in the center of it.
I am married. I am Elena Stark now. It's going to take some time for me to get used to it.
Even if I was still scared beyond belief, and surprisingly quiet for a usually chatty person, I was happy to see my friends and my new family having fun. A lot of theme were dancing during the feast. And when they would take a break, I would start conversations. I talked to everyone other than my husband.
Everyone was happy. Ned and Catelyn were laughing, Sansa and Rickon were dancing, even Hodor was happy! And I was happy for them, with all my heart. But I still couldn't be happy for myself.
Robb was sitting next to me, and was deep in conversation with Gendry when someone pulled me out of my seat. It was Arya. I followed her to a secluded part of the hall. She was being surprisingly secretive.
"Elena, do you remember what you said to me when I complained that I've never been kissed?"she asked. It didn't take me long, I usually have a pretty good memory when it comes to advices I give.
"I told you that the first kiss is worth the wait and that it's important who you kiss, not when you kiss them." I answered, not knowing where is she going with this. She smiled at me.
"Exactly." She whispered. " And you just had your first kiss with my brother. I am not that young, I know very well you two are not in love. But I believe you can get there. I saw the way you looked at each other the last time you were here. Don't be afraid of him. It's Robb. The same Robb you met and liked the last time you were here." She said, again in a whisper, so that no one could hear us.
"Who would have thought that Arya Stark would be the one to give me the best advice on my wedding day?" I asked with a smile on my face, and she smiled and rolled her eyes.
"I can be a girl too. Occasionally. "she added, and she made me laugh." Now go and talk to your husband!" she ordered, and pushed me in the direction of the table. I almost tumbled, but I laughed. I took my seat next to Robb, and this time, when he looked at me, I didn't look away. I smiled.
"You know, the last time I was here, when I said "I will see you again Robb Stark", this wasn't exactly what I had in mind." I said with a small grin, and he laughed. Thank the Gods, he's not made out of stone! I made him laugh! We might actually have a normal conversation tonight!
"I did not have this in mind either, Elena Stark." He said with a smile. It will take time to get used to it." It will take me a while to forget that my wife offered her body to my brother in order to convince him to give up joining the Night's Watch." He said in a low voice, so that no one other than me could hear him. And I almost chocked on the sip of wine I took. Oh Gods, he does remember it!
"It was a joke!" I said, defending myself, and he laughed. A hit him lightly on the hand, and he grinned.
"We're not married for two hours and you're hitting me already? I'm off to a good start."
"Yes, well, you could have done a lot worse." I said. Now he was teasing me. And I will fight back.
"Yes, I could have." He said, and somehow, I knew he wasn't joking this time. I managed to smile." I know that this is not what we had in our plans, but I can at least brag around that I married a girl with the sharpest tongue in whole of Westeros." He said with a grin, and I rolled my eyes.
"And what should I brag about?" I asked, and he was laughing. I smiled, but then I caught the look Catelyn was giving me. It was like she was saying that her point is proven. My smile disappeared at once.
"Would you like to dance with me?" Robb asked and he offered me his hand. I started laughing.
"Oh, that you ask, but not for my hand in marriage?" I asked, and he started laughing. Well, the truth is, he never did ask me." I'd love to Robb Stark." I said with a small smile, and I took his hand.
I can only imagine how this night would have been if Arya didn't give me the advice she did. I was finally relaxed. I was having fun, I was laughing, and I was finally talking to my husband. We might not love each other, but we finally remember that we got along well once. And now, I have hope. If we both try, we might reach it someday. I am not sure for him, but I know that I am willing to try.
His whole family loves me, or at least, likes me. I can get to it. I know I can. Just probably not tonight.
I ended up having fun. I danced around with Rickon, Jon, Gendry, even with Theon. But mostly, I danced with Robb. As soon as we stopped pretending, it was easy. We were friends again.
I remember what Tyrion said to me before I left my home for good. I will be all those things he told me to be. I will be Robb's support, advisor, friend, lover and hopefully, he will be the same to me.
I was deep in conversation with Jon, and Robb was talking to Gendry when Ned approached us.
"Robb, Elena?" he called us, and we both looked at him." I don't know what are you waiting for. You won't get my announcement." He said. Robb and I looked at each other. He doesn't know what Ned is talking about either." The bedding ceremony was forbidden when Cat and I got married." He said with a smile. I am positive my face was the same color as the wine I was drinking only moments before.
"Alright." Robb said, and looked at me. What does he expect, to tell him to take me away? Once he realized that I will not say a word, he took my hand, and looked at me again. And I nodded. We both stood up, and I was trying my best to ignore the stares and wide smiles that every one of them had.
"Goodnight newlyweds." Jon announced. I glared at him. He is not helping at all! I looked straight at the ground as Robb was leading me out of the hall. Once the door behind was closed, I relaxed slightly.
"He just had to say something." I said, and Robb laughed.
"We got away with this one Elena." He said with a smile. We were still holding hands as we were walking down the hallway." I'm not sure if you've been to many weddings in the North. They are… different."
"How much worse can it be?" I asked, pretty sure that I am still red in the face.
"Women lead the husband to the chambers, striping him naked, and men do the same with the wife. And then they lock them up in the chambers until the morning. That is the only way it can be sure that the marriage has been consummated" He said. Oh Gods. That is… I barely made it out of this alive.
"Well, I am very lucky your father is such an honorable man." I said, and Robb laughed.
"Theon was incredibly disappointed when he heard there will be no ceremony."he said. I laughed, hard.
"If I was the cheapest whore in Westeros, and he was the richest King, he still wouldn't have a chance." I said, and Robb laughed. When we reached his chambers, we didn't stop. We just walked in. But as soon as he closed and locked the door, my heart droped. This was it." I have a question." I said, hoping to delay this as much as I can." If there is no bedding ceremony, how do they know that the marriage was… consumed?" I asked. I could feel my heartbeat increasing. I am going to faint. Yes, I am going to faint.
"Trust them. See the sheets in the morning. Wait for the bride to be with child." He said. Brilliant. Great!
"Did you… Did you ever…" I started, but I could not bring myself to actually say it. He knew what I meant and without a single word, he just shook his head. Good. At least I will not be compared to some girl who calls this a profession. Unless he's lying. I don't think he is; he has no reason to lie.
"Elena, if you don't want to, we won't." he said in a low voice. And what happened with sheets story?!
"This is my duty." I whispered." I know that you wanted to marry a girl who would gladly share your bed, but right now, in front of you, is a girl who is just scared. Scared of everything. But I also know that I need to be ready for it. I married you, and as your wife, I will fulfill my duties." I said, and as soon as I stopped talking, I took off the cloak he gave me at the wedding ceremony.
"And my duty as your husband is to make you feel comfortable." He said and I nodded. "If you change your mind… If you can't do it, just tell me, and I will stop immediately. Alright?" he asked. I wanted to say something, I wanted to speak, but I could not find the words. So I just slowly nodded. He took of his cloak, and slowly walked across the room. He was behind me. He lifted my hair, and moved it, so that it was falling of my shoulder. And then, he started unlacing my dress. I need to calm myself down. He is my husband, not some stranger. Like Catelyn said, friend, not a stranger. Friend. It's just Robb.
I was slowly calming now when his finger grazed my skin. I jumped with surprise. I can't control it!
"Elena, don't worry." He said in a low voice, almost a whisper." It's just me." he said, and I nodded, knowing that he would want some sort of reassurance or response. My dress was no longer tight and I knew that he was finished with unlacing it. I closed my eyes when I felt his breath on my neck. His movements frighten me. They are not sudden, and not unnatural. They are just… new to me. I was saying it in my mind, over and over again. "He's your husband. He's your husband."
He moved the dress of my shoulders, and it fell down. Even though I was still covered in fabric, I had never felt more naked in my life. I needed time to get used to it, so I turned around. I started unlacing his shirt. And I avoided his look as much as I could. As soon as I finished unlacing it, he took his shirt off.
He really is handsome. I used to thing that he was so wide in the shoulders because of all the fur and clothes he was wearing, but now I can see that he was very muscular.
I looked at him when he put his hands on my shoulders. I am not sure if his bright, blue eyes make this easier or worse. But I couldn't look away, not anymore. I was still focused on his eyes when I felt the last piece of fabric fall of my body.
There. I am naked. I am naked in front of a man. I am naked in front of my husband. I wish I could feel relaxed and not embarrassed but I can't. As considered as he was tonight, he still looked. Of course he is going to look! He is my husband; he has the full right to do so, no matter how uncomfortable I feel.
"I know this is probably a bad moment for a joke, but I really could have done a lot worse." He said. And I started laughing. I don't know if it is because of the panic, but I was laughing, and so was he.
"It is definitely a wrong moment Stark." I said. And I sounded determined. I was sure that my voice will crack, but it didn't. I might just be stronger than I thought. I kicked my wedding dress out of my way, and I walked over towards him. And I kissed him. I kissed him not the other way around. I never thought I would have the bravery to do so, not now, not at the very beginning, but I did.
The kiss started off like the one we shared at the wedding ceremony, my first kiss. But as soon as we didn't pull away after a few seconds, the kiss became far more serious. He took advantage of my need for air and of my slightly opened mouth and he slowly licked my bottom lip. I didn't mind it. I didn't mind it at all. At that moment, the kiss turned into a far more intimate one that our first kiss.
When he pulled away, I tried to catch my breath as he took of his pants. I tried not to stare, I really did. I hope I didn't stare. The brief sight before I looked away was enough for me to get scared all over again. How can I have something in my body and actually enjoy it? How?!
He took my hand and we walked over to the bed. He nodded, and I laid down, feeling his eyes on me. It is going to take a lot of time for me to get comfortable with him looking at me like that. A lot of time. And again, I was repeating it in my head. "It's just Robb. It's just Robb. He is your husband."
He lay down next to me, and he started kissing my neck. It felt… it felt really nice actually. I was enjoying it until he started moving towards my breast. Then I felt uncomfortable, all over again.
When he kissed me again, it wasn't with restrain. And I was ready for it. I gladly kissed him back. His hand traveled up my leg, and I couldn't help but slightly twitch when he reached the part I was scared of. I was as burning up, and I was red in the face. I know it. But he did not notice, as we were still kissing.
He knows I've never done this before. He knows I am not seductive and provocative. And he does not expect that. I should just finally relax. He is knew to this, just as I am.
As he pushed his finger in my, I wondered if he was truthful. He certainly knows what he's doing. But once he stopped kissing me, and looked at me, waiting for a reaction, I knew he was honest. He was not scared, but he was unsure, maybe even slightly confused. I nodded, and he continued.
There is no doubt that he enjoyed watching me react to his touch, but this was not for his pleasure. He was preparing me. I avoided looking at him. This is just… it just doesn't feel natural.
I was relieved once he stopped and pulled his fingers out of me. But the worst was yet to come. I looked at him, knowing that he probably wants my attention. I shouldn't be facing the wall, not now.
"I will go slowly. If you can't, tell me straight away." He warned me, and I nodded. I suppressed a twitch when I felt him against my thigh. I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and he entered me. I felt the pain all over my body. Not only is it uncomfortable and unnatural, but it's painful! It hurts!
He entered very slowly, and I did my best to ignore the horrible pain. When I looked at him, I realized he was looking for my permission, yet again. With no real choice, I nodded.
I can't hold anything against him. He was moving very slowly. He understood my inexperience. And after a while, it became easier. I don't know how much time had passed. It could be minutes, it could be hours, but I did relax, and the horrible pain just became an uncomfortable feeling.
He started to move faster. It is not horrible, but I'm not enjoying it either. And I know of the rule. He should be the one whose pleasure matters. It may be selfish, but right now, pleasure is not the feeling that I feel. And he does. Judging by his body's reactions, he does. Along with his pace, his breathing speeded up. Thinking that I should at least do something, I moved my hands so that they were on his shoulders. He looked at me, and again, those blue eyes captured me, and I could not look away.
My touch apparently helped, since he no longer asked for my permission. He was still staring at me when his pace slowed down, and after a few moments, he buried his face against my neck. He let out a strange sound, a moan of sorts, and I could feel his seed spill inside me. It's over. It's over. To me, it wasn't horrible. And I think it was good for him. Or, I hope. I believe it was… successful.
He pulled away so that he could look at me. He was slightly sweaty. His blue eyes had a strange glow in them, and he was still catching his breath. And his curly hair was all ruffled. I felt the need to run my fingers through it, but I didn't. I don't know why, but I just couldn't do it. Once again, he waited for my reaction, and I smiled slightly. He slowly pulled away, and the relief my body felt was indescribable.
I wonder how much time passes before a woman can start enjoying making love to a man. No, before a woman can start enjoying sex. There is no love here, not between the two of us. Yes, he was very gentle with me, but that does not compensate for the lack of love.
"Thank you. For being gentle." I whispered, and he looked at me." I could have done a lot worse." I said, and I managed to make him laugh. He pulled away on the opposite end of the bed. It… it felt wrong. Yes, there is no love, but after what just happened, I don't want to be afraid of a simple hug. And yet, he turned his back to me. It hurt. In all honesty, it hurt.
I turned my back to him too, and pulled the covers over my naked body. I tried not to think of the bloody sheets beneath us. This is the way it was supposed to be.
Be gentle guys. I never wrote a sex scene before. I hope it isn't as horrible as I think it is. :(