Hermione was down on her knees picking the last of the flowers required to restock Professor Flen's storage shelves. It was barely past dawn and she wanted to do this one last thing before leaving. She was wearing Jeans and a sweater as it was only the beginning of May and was careful not to get any of the pollen on her clothes. The pollen from these flowers smelled like honeysuckle and was used to make very powerful potions that could be used for medicinal purposes. Most students at the Academy were not advanced enough to know about this form of Potion making, however, Hermione was not like most students. She was so advanced in her training that the Professor had allowed her to start experimenting with her own creations. He had told her just the other day that he felt there may be nothing left to teach her. This she thought bitterly, was probably why they were sending her back to Hogwarts so early. She was supposed to be here for a whole year, but this morning only nine months into her training, the Headmaster had summoned her and announced that she would be going home today.
The breeze stirred her hair and she reveled in the feel of it caressing her skin. She knew if she listened…yes, there it was…she heard it. It was his voice…calling her name. She knew she shouldn't turn and look…knew he wouldn't be there, and yet, most times she couldn't help herself. Perhaps that's why she loved coming out here by herself. This was where she felt closest to him. She sighed and shook her head to clear it. For the hundredth time she wondered if maybe she should tell someone that she could hear Professor Snape's voice on the wind, in her head while working on potions and even in her dreams. One time about two months ago, while picking flowers like the ones she picked today, she thought she'd heard his voice and turned in time for a classmate to take a picture of her. She'd looked at the picture when he handed it to her and didn't recognize the face looking back at her. All she saw was sadness, loneliness and perhaps hopelessness. Dumbledore had said love always hopes, but it was too late for her. She had secretly loved so desperately, not even fully realizing how much…until it was too late.
She closed her eyes again and the breeze felt like it may be his fingers caressing the back of her neck. She hugged her arms about her and tried to control her breathing. This was her favorite place because it made her feel closest to him, but it was also the place where she felt like she was slipping into madness. She would miss the Academy, It seemed like she'd just arrived here and now they were making her leave.
While the other students went home after the death of Voldemort, Hermione, who had obliterated her parents' memories, had no home to go to and therefore had stayed behind to help rebuild the school. The Weasley's had offered her shelter at the burrow, but she felt that helping at the school would keep her busy. Even though the destruction seemed great, with all the adults casting repair spells, the castle was almost good as new in a few weeks. After the last week of cleanup, Professor McGonagall, who had been named Headmistress of Hogwarts, had come to her with an exciting offer. She was offering Hermione the chance to take over the job of Potions Master, on the stipulation that Hermione would agree to attend an aggressive study program at an Academy in Sweden for one year. She would then be required to return to Hogwarts and apprentice under Professor Slughorn for a year or until he deemed her fit to take over the post. Hermione had to admit this offer was exciting. Hermione, Harry and Ron had been allowed to take their N.E.W.T.s so they would not have to repeat the year. Hermione received all Outstandings, as usual, and was very pleased. She thought some special consideration must have been granted because both Harry and Ron had passed and were allowed to graduate.
Taking the Potion Master teaching position seemed like a perfect opportunity to give back to Hogwarts, for everything it had given her. It would allow her to be close to something that was Professor Snape's and allow her to remember him. Although she would never admit to anyone that the main reason she was considering was because she felt like a failure for not saving Professor Snape. Hogwarts was without the best Potion Master in history because of her.
She could still remember that night in the boathouse like it was yesterday and the day after that when she'd finally been able to get away from the guys for a moment and return to the boathouse to find him. She thought for sure she would find him, healed but still terribly week and she would help him get to the Hogwarts Hospital Ward. However, when she returned to the boathouse, she found his body was missing. She realized that they must have removed his body when they removed all the other corpses. She did not find his name on the list of injured, it was on the list of the dead, meaning she had failed to save him.
She cried for days after that, careful not to let Ron or Harry see her crying. She didn't want to have to explain to anyone why she was so devastated at his loss.
She still remembered talking to Professor Dumbledore a few nights before the Headmaster died. It was the night he found her crying in the tower about something nasty Professor Snape had said to her. He figured out right away that she had a crush on the Professor…no more than that…he said he'd known even before she did that it was love. However, to his credit, he never made her feel guilty for her feelings, even though they were for a teacher. Dumbledore had even tried to convince her to tell Professor Snape how she felt, thinking it would ease his burden and give him hope.
However, she never told Professor Snape how she felt because she couldn't bear to see the look of disgust she was so sure would be on his face. But then Snape killed Professor Dumbledore and everything changed. She left with Harry and Ron. They spent the winter trying to find a way to defeat Voldemort and she tried to forget the feelings she had for Professor Snape.
She thought she could move on, even find happiness with Ron; thinking now of how selfish she had been to hang on to him so long. Shortly after her arrival here, Ron had sent her a letter breaking it off with her. She'd cried bitter tears but then realized it was for the best. His owls that were at first frequent soon became nonexistent.
Hermione poured her whole being into her training. Hogwarts needed a Potions Master to take over from Professor Slughorn, who was ready to go back into retirement, and she felt she owed it to Professor Snape. She could keep his memory alive and teach all the future minds that would enter through Hogwarts' Great Hall everything he had taught her.
Whenever she thought of giving up, she could almost feel him standing behind her, telling her how disappointed he was in her and if she quit she'd let everybody down. It was his voice in her head that caused her to push herself so hard, sometimes to the point of Professor Flen worrying about her.
She rarely received an owl from Harry, who had been offered an Apprenticeship to become an Auror with the Ministry of Magic. He lived at the burrow with Ron and his family, while sorting out everything that had happened. Harry had been so busy traveling back and forth to the ministry explaining what had transpired over the winter, while the three of them were hunting the final Horcruxes and how he had eventually defeated Voldemort, that she had barely seen him before she left for the Academy. His occasional owls would discuss how busy he was testifying on behalf of or against the many people who were accused of being Death Dealers. Narcissa Malfoy had been pardoned when it came to light that she had protected Harry and lied about him being dead to shield him from Voldemort. Draco had been cleared of all charges when Harry testified about his refusing to identify Harry at the Malfoy Manner, when Beatrix was intent on calling Voldemort to come claim him. Lucious Malfoy, however, never faced a trial. He became severely ill and died two months after the war ended. The panel that had been chosen to rule over the trials was very keen on learning everything Harry had done to defeat Voldemort. They were also determined to see that the guilty were punished and order was restored. Hermione knew it would take a long time for the magical world to heal from all of the death and destruction that they witnessed.
One particular owl that she received from Harry, right after she arrived at the academy had discussed how he had shown the panel Snape's memories and Professor Snape was fully pardoned and deemed a National hero. The Quibbler ran several articles after that, declaring that Professor Snape would go down in history as being as famous as Harry Potter. Of course, Rita Skeeter always added in little plugs that made it sound as if she were devastated about Severus Snape's death and hinting that they were more than just friends. As usual, her articles left Hermione fuming. How dare she imply Professor Snape would even touch her? The thought of the Professor touching Rita made Hermione sick to her stomach.
Hermione looked all around her at the grassy hilltops, knowing she would miss this. She had arrived in Sweden at the beginning of August. The Weasley's had a small send off for her at the Burrow and Ron sulked the whole night. She said her goodbyes to everyone that night and boarded a train the next morning to the first step in her journey. The Academy was smaller than Hogwarts, however, they had top of the line equipment and their class sizes were small and provided a lot of one-on-one training between the Professors and their students.
Hermione was in Professor Flen's Potions program and found him to be intelligent and quick witted. The other students seemed to be a little intimidated by Hermione's quick grasp of lessons and new ingredients they were introduced to each week. Hermione tried to make friends, but everyone was so busy trying to keep up with their hectic schedule that she never made headway in that department. No one had time for friendship, so she kept mostly to herself. She had her own quarters, which were nice when she needed privacy to read her letters or cry herself to sleep. She even had her own private bathroom and could take a long hot soak in the tub whenever she needed it.
After arriving at the Academy, Hermione had learned about the Ministry enacting the "Muggle Marriage Law." The law would require a Muggle-born to marry a full blood or at least half-blood wizard. It was their solution to cut down on the number of squibs, children of full blood wizarding couples who couldn't perform magic. The Ministry had argued that the law would help repopulate the wizarding world since the war had taken a huge death toll. They figured by forcing each couple to have at least two children, the wizarding world would be safe from extinction. When Hermione first read that part in the stipulations she was indignant. They might have well just called it the Ministry's Breeding Plan. That's all it was. Of course, sometimes she would daydream that she, a muggle born, would submit a marriage contract on Professor Snape, a half-blood, and he would be forced into marrying her. Since the law required copulation at least once a week that would mean Professor Snape would have to…. Merlin, she would drift off to sleep at night and dream of all the delicious things she would do to him, as her husband. However, she would awaken and her heart would ache because she knew it was a dream that would never come true.
Luckily, being a student in the Academy made her exempt from the law. Once she graduated, however, she would have to marry someone. She'd thought maybe Ron would reconsider their breakup and offer her marriage as a way to save her, however, Ginny had told her in a letter a few months back that Ron had started dating Gabrielle, Fleur's sister. It was confirmed when Hermione received a letter from Luna Longbottom.
Luna and Neville had married right after graduation, months before the law was even enacted. Luna's recent letter went into full detail about how lovely Fleur's sister Gabrielle had turned out to be. It appeared she was actually older than they thought when they first met her during the Tri Wizard Tournament. Gabrielle was 17 now and when Ron wasn't working at the store, he spent all his time at Bill and Fleur's. Luna told how Gabrielle enjoyed spending time with Ron, laughing at everything he said. Folding Luna's letter and putting it away, Hermione had decided Ron was no longer an option. She had lost so much because of the war.
Sitting here amongst the flowers, she realized that if they were sending her back to Hogwarts today, then she was no longer a student. She would have to find someone willing to marry her immediately, since as of today, she would no longer be protected under the Student waiver. She'd briefly considered offering Draco Malfoy a marriage contract. Surprisingly the only bright things in her life, while at the Academy, were the owls she received from Draco Malfoy. The first had arrived in the middle of September and she had been afraid to open it. After checking it for any hidden spells, she opened it and found a letter of apology. Apparently a condition of his pardon had included him writing apology letters to anyone he had offended. Actually his letter seemed very sincere and after Hermione had given it a lot of thought, she wrote him back agreeing that the past should stay there…in the past. He was so shocked to receive her owl in return; it seemed no one else had replied that he began sending her weekly updates on how life was progressing back home. Sometimes his letters would make her laugh so hard and sometimes she cried, like when Draco felt she had the right to know that Ron and Gabrielle had become engaged.
Even though she was happy for Ron, it made her feel that much more desperate to her own predicament. Draco always mentioned that Hermione's letters cheered him up and made his life a little less unbearable. Hermione would write of things she was learning, funny things that had happened at the Academy and occasionally mention things she did while at Hogwarts and later regretted, like punching Draco in the face that day they thought Buck beak would be executed. Draco was quick to respond that any hex she put on him, he was sure he deserved it. He reminded her of the time he put the tooth enlargement spell on her and she had to go to Madam Pomfrey to get them shrunk back down to size, to which he was truly apologetic for. She, in turn, reminded him that in shrinking them, she had allowed Madam Pomfrey to shrink them even smaller than they were to begin with, now a much more normal size, so in a way; she had Draco to thank for her perfect teeth. She could almost picture him roaring with laughter when he read that bit. One day about three months ago Draco brought up the subject of the Marriage law. He agreed with her that the law was barbaric for forcing women into being baby makers, but claimed it wasn't much better for the wizards. He said it was hard to think of impregnating a woman if you had to close your eyes to get a hard on which made her laugh until her lungs hurt. Shortly thereafter, Draco mentioned that the ministry was leaning on him to take a Muggle-born wife. The ministry had even set a deadline and was now leaning on Narcissa to force him into making a decision. Hermione was surprised that Draco had brought this up and thought perhaps she should consider asking him if he would accept a marriage contract from her. She would lie in bed at night and imagine making love to Draco. She was sure he would be a passionate lover. However, the face in her fantasy would quickly turn into Professor Snape's face and it would be him on top of her, holding her down and using her body to satisfy his lust. The fantasy would always result in her rubbing her clit and bringing herself to orgasm. She felt so dirty for defying the image of Professor Snape, when she was supposed to be thinking of Draco.
She'd sent Draco the picture of her on the hillside as it was the most recent and he wrote back that her beauty made his heart stop and he had half a mind to show up at the school and snatch her away. She laughed and said he'd better not, McGonagall would have his hide. She knew he was just being kind. Hermione was the kind of girl who could see the beauty in others but never looked in the mirror long enough to see that she had become, what her fellow classmates described as a raving beauty. She felt her heart was breaking when she received a letter from Draco last month saying that he hoped she wasn't mad that he had tried to offer her a contract for marriage but the ministry had denied it saying Hermione wasn't one of the choices. She could not believe the Ministry actually kept a list of names as if they were cattle to be auctioned off. He also mentioned that his mother had been leery of him asking for Hermione because she did not believe Hermione would feel comfortable living at the manor…especially after his Aunt had tortured her there and Draco had done nothing to stop it. He added that she deserved better than him, which deeply touched her.
So instead of waiting for her to finish school and be a candidate, at which time he could offer a marriage contract on her, he married Vanessa Stern from Slytherin. He spoke of the lavish wedding her father had paid for. Hermione remembered Vanessa as being in the year group behind them. She had long black hair and gorgeous blue eyes. Hermione had always thought the sorting hat had got that wrong because Vanessa was kind, quiet and stunk at potions. Professor Snape was almost as hard on her as he was on Hermione…almost. Through her tears she wrote back expressing her congratulations and that she wished them all the luck in the world. That night she lay in bed and cried half the night, until as usual Professor Snape showed up in her dreams and comforted her. After that, Draco's letters stopped coming.
Harry wrote her again and spoke mostly of his future. His name had been removed from the list of marriage candidates and he said he would need to discuss something with her once he saw her again. She knew Ginny was in her last year at Hogwarts and Harry's name would be available once Ginny's was. Which she thought bitterly is what should have happened with her and Draco. Harry's letter went on to say how much he admired Ginny and the dedication she was pouring into becoming a Medi-witch. She had started interning as St Mungo's about four months ago and would eventually be transferred to the Hospital Ward at Hogwarts. It seemed so weird to think everyone's lives were marching on without her there in the midst to direct them. Depressed at the very thought, Hermione decided to pour her entire being into her training. It helped her with the numbness that had seeped into her heart.
What eventually kept her going was remembering that Professor McGonagall was counting on her and had put a lot of faith in her. Sometimes she even daydreamed about what Professor Snape would tell her to do. He would yell at her, of course; call her a silly girl and remind her of how important the position of Potion Master was and that she should be grateful that anyone was planning on offering that position to her inferior self. He would be right of course, she felt very grateful and her new dedication to her training did not go unnoticed by her Professor. It seemed that Hermione was soaking up the training like a sponge and was ahead of where he thought she should be by now.
Hermione told no one that she dreamt of Professor Snape often. It was always the same dream, occurring over and over. Professor Snape would revive while she was pouring the phoenix tears on his wounds and demand to know what she was doing. She would awake with a start and remember that he hadn't survived his attack. Her heart would be racing and again she would feel a small sadness that she had not been able to save him.
Harry had shown her and Ron Professor Snape's memories in the Pensive and her heart ached when she realized they had never truly known him. He had spent his entire life fighting for a love that could never be returned. She wondered what it would be like to have someone love you like that.
She was beginning to become concerned that she was obsessed with a dead man, and eventually began taking a sleeping potion to allow her to sleep without dreaming. Perhaps the way she was pushing herself so hard in school had caused her to start having those dreams. Of course, if she were honest with herself, she'd realize that not a day had gone by that she hadn't thought of Professor Snape in one way or another.
She'd recently come across an article in the potions periodical that she received and wondered what Professor Snape would say about the claims they were making, regarding new uses for a growing potion. The article claimed a wizard could use the potion safely to increase the size of his member. She was sure he would be shocked and indignant. Then thoughts of the night she was applying the phoenix tears and had to touch his cock came to mind. A blush crept into her face every time she thought of it. She'd wondered why his cock had seemed to grow harder when she touched it and when she pressed herself against it. She reasoned that perhaps a man's penis automatically hardens after he dies.
One night, after reading the "enlargement" article, again, she forgot to take the sleeping potion and awakened from a dream in a cold sweat, her breathing labored and heart pounding. She had actually dreamed that Professor Snape had awakened after she had kissed him and had begun to make love to her. The dream frightened her. Was it possible that all the strain she was under was causing her to go mad? Was it normal to constantly think of a dead man? All of those years, Professor Snape had thought of nothing but Lily and look where that got him. The dream had seemed so real, though. She could still almost feel the touch of his hands running up and down her back and the small kisses he was planting on her neck as he whispered sweet words in her ears, his breath against her throat, causing her whole body to come alive. The feeling brought shivers to her body and she rubbed herself to the point of orgasm. It felt so wonderful to have such sweet relief.
She hadn't touched herself like that since the time she needed release while staying in the tent with Harry and Ron over the winter. The sexual tension, which the guys didn't seem to notice, made it necessary for her to masturbate.
Over the summer break, back when she was 15, her mother had provided her with a book and pamphlets, plus a long speech about the importance of a woman being comfortable in her own skin and being able to "take care" of her own needs. Hermione and her mother had always had an open and honest relationship, so she was able to ask questions and not feel embarrassed. Her mother explained about lovemaking and how beautiful it could be, with the right person. Hermione really missed her mom and thought bitterly that she was one more thing Hermione had lost because of the blasted war. She cried for the loss of both parents and for the sense of hopelessness she felt when she thought of a man she knew she would never have. She laughed when she reconsidered the last part. Professor Snape never gave her the time of day. He would be the last man who would ever want to be with Hermione Granger. Why then, she'd reason with herself, was she always thinking of him? It was like she was under some type of spell. Of course, all this could have been caused by the facts surrounding Ron's Dear Jane letter. Yes, that must be it. Damn that Ronald Weasley! He always seemed to be the cause of her suffering.
After learning that Luna had written Hermione about Gabrielle, Ginny had written Hermione and apologized for not being the one to tell her. She felt that Hermione had enough stress in her life and didn't need any more heaped upon her. Ginny's letter explained that Fleur's younger sister, Gabrielle, lived with Bill and Fleur full time, now, and that's why Ron was able to spend so much time with her. Hermione had once given Ginny the advice of moving on, when it looked like Harry wasn't interested and now it looked like Ginny was offering her the same advice. Ginny also confirmed that Gabrielle was older than they thought and had actually turned 17 a few months ago. She reminded Hermione of the effect that Fleur had on Ron a few years ago and confided that Ron was affected the same way by her sister, Gabrielle. He spent the whole day walking around as if in a daydream.
A sudden breeze lifted her hair and caressed her face. She heard his voice again, a low murmur and felt overwhelmed. What if he were asking her not to go but to stay here with him? She shook herself out of her reverie. Professor Snape was dead and he wasn't coming back. The sooner she faced that fact, she reasoned, the easier it would be to return to Hogwarts and give herself to the highest bidder.
"Hermione!" She heard a voice call that she knew belonged to the living.
"Hermione it's time to go." Her professor was standing at the bottom of the hill. She looked down at him wanting to leave this place and yet fearing she would be leaving Professor Snape behind. The wind picked up and whipped around her stronger this time. She felt the same ache in her heart that always settled in her chest, whenever she woke from a pleasant dream involving Professor Snape…only to realize it could never be reality. "Please, please let me go…" She whispered to the wind, "you're killing me."
She felt a hand on her elbow and started. It was Professor Flen. He had quickly climbed the hill and was helping her to her feet.
"It's okay Ms. Granger. You're ready. I have full faith in your ability to be an Apprentice this fall." Hermione smiled at him realizing he thought her hesitation to leave was caused by nervousness.
"Thank you, Professor Flen…for everything."
He picked up the basket she'd collected the flowers in, and offering her his arm escorted her down towards the castle. Without looking back, she entered the great hall and mentally prepared herself to go home to Hogwarts.
Hermione collected her overnight bag and a traveling cloak for the journey. Her trunks would be at Hogwarts as soon as she stepped out of the floo. She had to admit to herself that she would be glad to see Professor McGonagall again.
She met Professor Flen back downstairs in the library, where the floo network was located. Standing in front of the fireplace, Professor Flen withdrew a rolled parchment, tied with a red ribbon, from his sleeve and handed it to Hermione. She simply placed it in her bag, knowing immediately that it was her diploma. Professor Flen squeezed both her hands in his and then stepped back to allow Hermione access to the fireplace. Telling her again how very proud he was of her, Professor Flen took a handful of powder and threw it into the fireplace causing a large flame of green to come up as tall as her. Taking a deep breath and releasing it, Hermione stepped into the green fire and was shocked to hear the Professor call out "Ministry of Magic Headquarters."