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Chapter 79

A slim finger traced the outline of her body captured on screen. She'd come to see him at the hospital, while he lay comatose and pale, she had crept in like a ghostly apparition only visible from the corner of the eye. She'd escaped the psych ward to see him, apparently more than once, but this time was the one that mattered. The visit Sam's father insisted he watch, so he did. The first time was in his father's car, with guarded reactions unwilling to give his dad even the smallest reason to gloat, inside though he was churning. The pleasure he felt at the knowledge Quinn felt enough to visit was quickly overtaken by the horrified disbelief that she was plotting a kidnapping over his useless form.

Was it really kidnapping if the baby was hers? That was a question Sam continued to ask himself. His father was certain it was, offering up that video as proof that Quinn was untrustworthy to be around Beth. She was a threat that needed to be dealt with in Dwight Evans' eyes. But for Sam, things were more complicated, because while his gut clenched with fear and anger at the mere thought that at one time Quinn had deemed it was reasonable to take their daughter into the cold night without money or a plan, he couldn't easily forget that it was Quinn's impaired mental health that was the blame for this breach in rationality. Though it could be argued that the fact that Sam hadn't jumped to agreement with his father about Quinn as a breach in rational thought as well, since fatherly instinct usually dictated the most harshest of response. And that harshness was there, currently stamped down by the green of Quinn's eyes and youthful memories of her smiling in the sunlight, because for more than a brief moment in those woods he held so sacred, Sam had contemplated burying her there. Not that he'd ever really hurt Quinn, but those dirty teddy bears in that cold dark place made him wish for her to suffer in ways he prayed his baby girl never had. Then the dark clouds cleared his head and he was left with Quinn and no matter how much negative evidence he was presented with he still couldn't quite believe that the girl he had loved for so long was capable of something like this.

His dad must have anticipated his hesitancy, so he presented exhibit two, crime scene photos from the woods. There in bright daylight was the scene that Sam had witnessed by flashlight the night before. There were no stuffed bears this time, just bright yellow crime scene tape wrapped around the trunk of a tree that meant more to him than almost anything in the town. Even without the makeshift monument to a little lost girl, Sam still felt the pain and the horror of the scene. His baby was left behind to freeze in a cold lonely place with nothing but the trees to protect her. And that was something he just couldn't get past. Not for the sake of trying, he wanted to be a better man, one that could separate the actions of a mentally impaired woman, from the Quinn that was the mother of his child and someone he has always loved. Dividing a person in half, separating the good from the bad, the parts he liked, from those he didn't, only worked in theory, Sam had learned that very lesson the previous night when he had come to realize he was doing just that to Mercedes and failing miserably. Mercedes, his wife and Mercedes his little nurse were one in the same, no matter how much he wished they weren't at the time. There was no nurse he developed a crush on, the truth was he was attracted to his wife from almost the moment he had met her. He wanted to be with his wife since he'd come out of his coma, despite all of his loud and hurtful protestations, scary thoughts that he could no longer ignore.

Now he was faced with yet another truth, more painful than any revelations about Mercedes, his Quinn had hurt their child, and while he didn't believe it was intentional, he didn't think he could just let it go. In fact, he knew he couldn't. A whole night vacillating between thinking about it and vigorously trying to ignore it, hadn't changed a thing, in the sunlight of morning he was left with the same conclusion. Quinn had hurt their daughter, and he was terrified by that. So exhibit 3 was an unnecessary measure in his nearly constant torment, but since Sam wasn't apt to share the inner workings of his mind with most people, let alone his father, he was forced to endure yet another tidbit that was sure to increase his pain. With due expediency, seeming almost scripted in timing, Dwight pulled up in front of the Lima PD. Confusion must have colored every bit of his face because his dad actually chuckled in amusement as he explained that here is where Quinn was waiting to see him. Then a new sort of terror took hold. What had Quinn done in that short time to warrant a trip to city lock up?

Waiting for Will to arrive, minutes ticked by as Sam sat in his brother's office, his head suddenly aching. Perhaps it was another symptom of his TBI or simply eye strain from his continuous staring at the paused image of Quinn on the screen, either way he couldn't tear himself away from the Ipad he clutched before him.

"My head is killing me," he said rubbing his temples.

"You probably should get yourself looked at," said a voice from above him. "Headaches can be indicators of an underlying condition."

Sam looked up to see Dr. Julian Jones in the doorway, a leather jacket over his scrubs.

"Julian? I'm surprised to see you here." Julian didn't seem to have much use for Quinn anymore by the looks of things. Between what Quinn had told him and the bits and pieces he had gathered from his family, the man had complete written her off.

The older man took a seat in the chair next to Sam. "Why are you surprised? She's my family."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, that's true. We do anything for family even if we shouldn't." His eyes again, returned to Quinn digitally plastered on the screen.

"Indeed," Julian agreed. "All we can do is hope that our family cares enough not to take advantage of that instinct."

"I feel like that comment was directly pointed at me." Tension built in Sam's neck, intensifying the pain in his head.

"It was." Julian stared Sam down, the look in his eyes somewhere between concerned father and murderous hit man.

"I'm not taking advantage of your daughter, if that's what you're implying. I appreciate all Mercedes has done for me, and for Beth, things are just complicated," Sam explained, rubbing his head as he considered whether he should add more to his statement.

Puck thought so highly of Julian Jones, looked up to him almost like a father, and while Sam maintained a polite distance from the man over the years, silently resenting him for taking Puck away and leaving him to live in that big house alone with Dwight. Thinking about it objectively, maybe there was some substance to the high regard Puck held the doctor in, perhaps he could be the one person that could help him make sense of his scattered life.

Julian exhaled heavily, studying his immaculate short fingernails for any trace of dirt. "Some things are out of your control I get that. Your head trauma and subsequent memory issues will take time to resolve themselves, but you're not helping your condition by choosing to ignore it."

"I may have rushed through physical therapy but I promise you getting back to 100 percent health is a top priority."

"And you think firing your psychiatrist is positive step in restoring your health?"

Shrinking down in his seat a bit, feeling like a scolded child, "She wasn't a good fit," he mumbled.

"Yeah, well, I hope you find a new doctor that is a good fit, for your sake and my daughter's."

"Mercedes has been very understanding and patient with me through all this."

"That's a testament to her big heart, anyone else would've have dropped your ass long ago," said Julian with a nasty clip that belied the obvious fact that Mercedes had not inherited her big heart from him.

"We're married," Sam offered weakly.

Julian snatched the forgotten iPad from Sam's lap. "And yet you're staring at pictures of another woman," he stated angrily.

He knew he didn't have much of a leg to stand on in this argument. No father could possibly approve of a cheating husband, that fathered a baby with another woman, now back from a coma with a case of psychological amnesia that only seems to effect the years that involved his wife. If a situation like this ever happened to Beth he would be fitting the guy with cement shoes. So Sam got Julian's anger and inherent mistrust, but the idealistic fool that still managed to live inside him couldn't help but feel compelled to try to explain

Sam grabbed the tablet back, risking the ire of the far more muscular older man. "This is not what you think. My dad just gave me this a couple hours ago. My whole life is on here, everything I missed. He called it a birthday gift, but I am starting to think it was a set up."

"How can knowing about your past be a set up?" asked Julian.

"Because the first thing he showed me was this." Sam pointed to the screen. "Quinn in my room plotting to take Beth away."

"Again it's about Quinn!" Julian was yelling now, inches from Sam's face, and intimidating as hell.

"No it's about Beth," Sam replied at a far lower volume than his father-in-law, hoping to diffuse a situation that was quickly going south. "My daughter could be in danger and her mother is the threat. How do I deal with that?"

"Sam this is such bullshit." Julian shook his head so forcefully that the air stirred from his action, slightly moving Sam's hair. "You have more money than three quarters of the population, endless resources, and you can't figure out how to keep one small child safe?"

"I shouldn't have to protect Beth from her own mother."

"I've known your family for years, since before you were born, and I know they didn't raise you in a bubble or coddle you." Julian slapped the back of his hand into his opposite palm, a loud slap of flesh against flesh. Sam rubbed the back of his neck uneasily as he considered the damage Julian could inflict on his still not fully recovered body. "Time for you to man up and accept reality, bad things happen even when you don't want them to."

"I know but…" Sam started, before Julian quickly cut him off.

"No buts, just truth. My daughter was raised by a woman that neglected and mistreated her, basically the worst excuse of a mother that you could imagine, and I couldn't even help my child because I didn't know it was going on. Hell I didn't even know my little girl existed. She had to find me after enduring years of abuse."

"Abuse? What kind of abuse?" asked Sam the hairs on his arm raising.

Leaning forward in his chair, Julian ran his hands down his face as if he were attempting to wipe away the ugliness he just revealed about Mercedes' past.

"The point is I couldn't save my daughter, she was across the country needing me and I did nothing to help. You don't have to suffer that same fate. Beth is right here where you can love and protect her. Stop wasting time on being disappointed about Quinn and focus on doing right by your daughter, the way I wish I could have done right by mine."

There it was, stated in the simplest terms. Julian had put a name to his feelings perfectly. Beyond being upset about what happened to his baby, and sad that both Beth and Quinn had to endure such a horrible ordeal, resided his larger issue with it all – the disappointment. Intellectually he knew that Quinn had suffered from postpartum depression, a condition that led to her unspeakable acts, and if he considered all the commentary bandied about since he recovered from his coma, then it was clear other mental issues might have contributed to Quinn's actions as well. In other words, she was sick, and much of this might have been out of her control. Sam knew it, understood the words, yet still his disappointment remained. Because this was Quinn, his perfect beautiful Quinn, that managed to always make his day better with just her smile, the one that sat and listened while he went on about his family problems, or encouraged him to share the hidden sides of himself like his love of astronomy or poetry. She had been the light in his life for so long, sometimes the only light, and not even breaking his heart completely had fully dimmed her shine in his eyes. But now it felt like that light was on the verge of fading, it was flickering rapidly, dangerously threatening to extinguish itself in their current turbulent circumstance. And Sam couldn't keep himself from wondering, how he and Quinn had allowed this all to happen?

"But what about Quinn? If she needs help I can't just turn my back on her. Maybe you can be that heartless but -"

"Heartless! You piece of shit are you taking shots at me?" Julian jumped to his feet. "You don't know a damn thing about me and Quinn. You've conveniently forgotten it all, but the rest of us are here remembering the hell of what happened. I love Quinn like she's my own, but she came after my daughter, she tore her life apart, and hasn't stopped yet."

Sam stayed firmly attached to his chair not wanting to instigate that physical fight he had been angling for when he was confined to his hospital bed. Getting back on his feet had not only increased his mobility but also his common sense. He wasn't eager to get into a fight with a man that was far bigger and stronger than he was.

"Quinn didn't mean -"

"Her intentions are meaningless in the wake of all this destruction. My baby is a mess because of her and you."

"Julian I feel like I need to explain," said Sam carefully.

"It's Dr. Jones, you asshole."

"Ok," he said drawing out the word as he lifted both hands up in surrender. "Speaking for myself, I promise you that things are better between Mercedes and me. We're going to try to make our marriage work. I'm committed…"

"Where was all this commitment when you were throwing your dick around? Quinn has made some mistakes and I realize that life hasn't always been easy for her, but you." He poked a finger into Sam's chest, so hard he knew there would be a bruise. "Besides your short sojourn into poverty while Dwight's assets were seized, you've had a silver spoon shoved all the way up your ass. You were in control of all your faculties and you had no reason to spit on my daughter and your wedding vows." Julian poked at him again while Sam backed away from the offending finger.

"From what I've been told she was with another man," Sam said quietly, his defenses flaring as he struggled to keep them in check. Blaming Mercedes for her emotional affair would definitely be the wrong move at this point.

"Don't even go there. A real man confronts his wife, not run off and sleep with someone else. I knew my daughter never should have married you."

The doctor was pacing now, along the small length of Will's office. Sam could imagine smoke coming out of his father-in-law's ears. He should have kept his mouth shut and let Julian burn off his anger, but something inside him couldn't let this go. Maybe Julian was right in his assessment of his character, since learning about the events that led to his affair with Quinn, Sam had questioned his behavior repeatedly. Never had he been the type to cut and run. He threw punches and demanded answers. So why hadn't he that night? Still as justified as Julian's statements might have been, Sam couldn't let him get away with attacking Mercedes' right to choose him. The fact that she even had, given all she seemed to know about his history and business, was like this amazing gift that he couldn't remember receiving, but knew he couldn't possibly deserve.

"Well good thing it was her choice to make and not yours, because Mercedes loves me."

Was it déjà vu or a memory trying to surface? Sam wasn't sure either way, but something about this whole exchange felt familiar. He could almost picture himself sitting next to Mercedes on a couch, hands firmly clasped facing any and all dissenters to defend their right to be in love and get married. A smile came to his lips as the image grew even more focused bringing Mercedes into view, hand on her hip, big brown eyes glassy with unshed tears, but her voice never wavering as she stood up to her dad, so beautiful and so proud to be with him. Sam snapped out of his reverie, Mercedes wasn't here now, so it was up to him to defend a marriage he wasn't even sure about.

"Lot of good that does her," Julian said bitterly. "She would be better off on her own."

"With all due respect Dr. Jones who are you to make that judgment? I may not remember my life with Mercedes but from everything she's told me about our past, and the way she's made me feel since I opened my eyes in the hospital, I think we were probably pretty good together. I know you want to save your daughter from every hurt and pain that comes her way, especially since you said you couldn't do that for her as a child, but I promise you this Dr. Jones, Mercedes doesn't need saving from me. I care about her very much."

Julian stopped, head tilted, arms folded, and regarded Sam for a beat before rolling his eyes upward and dropping back into his chair with a heavy sigh.

"And Quinn? Since you claim to want to stay married to my daughter, where does that leave her?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like she's such a big part of me, like she fills up every space in my heart, as corny as that sounds."

There was a tightening in his chest whenever he thought about Quinn now. Losing her all those years ago seemed like the greatest pain he'd ever endure, worse than any injury he suffered in the Army, or any disparaging remark his father threw at him, how young and dumb he had been. Of course there was worse pain, the unrelenting ache of knowing that his own child was helpless in the dark, so close to death, and he had been powerless to prevent it from happening. Then to learn that the one person he probably trusted most in his life had been the person to inflict said pain, it was almost impossible to fathom, and even harder to bear. Yet here he was forced to deal with it, because his daughter needed his strength and stability, to give her the best life, especially now that her mother couldn't. He had to find a way to shelve his disappointment and swallow his fears because Quinn needed his strength just as much as Beth, maybe more so.

"Sounds like love," Julian replied after a momentary pause.

"Does it?" Julian nodded slightly. "Ok then, answer me this. Is this love I feel for Quinn the true and forever kind or is it just some mirage that I manufactured during my coma? Puck certainly seems to think all that I'm feeling is fake."

"I don't think Puck is the right person to go to for advice on that subject, he's embroiled in his own struggle between mirages and true loves when it comes to Quinn. Probably part of what landed him back in rehab."

"Rehab?" Sam asked, truly surprised. Puck seemed perfectly fine last night. "I thought Puck was sober, though come to think of it he was drinking last night with me."

"Puck's been drinking fairly heavily lately. He thought he could handle it since cocaine was his problem, not alcohol, but this morning he asked me to drop him off at the clinic."

Then Sam saw it, the weariness on his father-in-law's face, the slight tremor of distress in his voice, Julian Jones was in as much pain as the rest of them.

"And you think Quinn had something to do with that?" Sam asked the question fully knowing what the response would be.

Quinn had been a large part of Puck's life. Even without his memories of the past three years Sam knew that. He just didn't want to focus on that fact, so intent of forging ahead with this perceived second chance that was stolen from Puck's grasp. Sam now could admit that drunken stupidity during a night he couldn't even remember, had created a miracle in Beth, but had always started a nightmare for Puck. Selfishly ignoring Puck's role in their drama had given him what he wanted, Quinn was here and ready to love him again, finally, after years of wishing for it to be so. But the price of those wishes granted suddenly seemed too great when he considered all that Puck had lost.

"Quinn, you, Beth, Mercedes, take your pick. Puck hasn't been dealing with over a year's worth of stress as well as he let on. Having you back chasing after his ex-fiancé probably didn't help."

"Our endless triangle strikes again." What once felt like a battle that Sam wanted to triumphantly win, was now a leaden weight dragging them all down.

"Not endless. You seemed to have bowed out of the running years ago and as many issues as I have with you, I'd like to think that you married my daughter for love."

Sam perked up, shocked that Julian would allow such an admission. "I'd like to think that too, because Mercedes deserves nothing less."

"I agree and I don't think you staying married to my daughter while you're filled with love for Quinn is what Mercedes deserves."

He ran his fingers through his cropped hair, deflated by Julian's words. "It's not that simple."

"Yes it is. Follow your heart and let my daughter go." The anger had dissipated and all that remained was Julian imparting wisdom without judgment. Maybe this is what Puck had come to rely on from the man, his ability to get past his personal bias and simply cut to the truth. "Stop stringing them both along because you're too weak and selfish to make a decision."

This fairytale he concocted with Quinn, complete with picnics for three and a house filled with laughter and light was quickly eroding, giving way to something far less gilded, but most decidedly real. This was his family now, comprised of a wife he didn't remember, overbearing parents, an addicted cousin, a baby girl he hadn't spent enough time with, and the mother of his child that probably wasn't as mentally sound as she seemed. They all had suffered because of him in one way or another. Patiently they sat by his hospital bed, praying he'd return, and when he did wake up, he didn't bring them joy, instead he added to their misery by ignoring sound advice, running off halfcocked and creating new fires instead of extinguishing the old.

Such a miserable feeling knowing that his very presence had made matters worse, but leaving wasn't an option. He couldn't escape out of the country or enlist in the military this time, too many people were depending on him to make things right. To take control of the chaos he didn't even remember creating and form some semblance of a normal life. There were no more deals or plots by his father, not that those manipulations were ever truly real, Sam could see that now. Dwight Evans, despite his devious methods, simply wanted him to understand that he had a life to face, mistakes to own up to and a family that needed him. For months Sam shunned that buried knowledge choosing to chase after a fantasy that had no place in the here and now, but no more, finding out what happened to Beth in the woods, spending the night in his home with his wife, and seeing Quinn so unstable on that video planning to run off with their child sobered him, pulling him out of his protracted dream state into the harshness of his real life. He was ready to face it all now, the painful and the unexpected.

What would his next move be?

"Oh my God, Sam you're here." She catapulted into his arms, sweet softness surrounding him, instinctively buried his face in the curve of her neck, pulling her closer. "Somehow I knew you'd come," she whispered against his skin.

With that hug and murmured adoration, just maybe the answer to the question that plagued him was right in front of his face.