Sorry for the slight delay. I had a lot of work to do. And studying. I swear, I'm getting sick and tired of the English language, I'm starting to think in English! And I'm sorry in advance for my mistakes. Enjoy.
In the past two days, I have spent more time with Ned than I did with Robb. We were mostly talking and working on running Winterfell, but every now and then, one of us would mention the dark times ahead of us. The plan was still on hold. And it will be until we hear from my brother.
I started to get worried. He must have gotten the letter by now. The only explanation I have for the lack of his response is that either he didn't want to respond, or he didn't even read the letter. And the thought of those excuses send a chill through me. Why didn't he write me back? Or did the letter reach a person it wasn't supposed to reach?
As careful as I was while I was writing it, there is a chance that someone might have realized that we were up to something. There is no way that anyone other than Tyrion could understand what I actually meant, but it was still risky. Since I don't know whether he got the letter or not, I am not sure what to do next. I am confused and frightened. And if I don't hear from him, I am not sure what I will do.
There was no word from Jon either. He should be here soon, maybe even as soon as tomorrow. Either way, we would all be a lot calmer if we hear from him.
I hate waiting. And even more than that, I hate being helpless. Especially when I would do anything.
It is a truly horrible feeling.
"Elena?" Eddard called, and I turned to him. He had a small, kind smile on his face." You shouldn't worry as much as you do. I am afraid that there will be more than enough time for it." he said. I laughed.
"Oh, there is no doubt about that. Sadly, it is not something that I can control very well." I admitted. He knows me well enough to know that I hate admitting my liabilities.
"Your husband is safe by your side. Save your worries."
"He may be here, but my brother, and his brother, are out there. As much as I love my husband, he is hardly the only person I care for. I will not be calm, not until I see both Tyrion and Jon, safe and sound."
"I'm afraid that you won't be calm for long." He said. I was slightly annoyed by his constant reminder of the uncertainty of the future of all of us. I know that myself, and I do not need him to remind me of it every single day. But I say nothing. He doesn't do it to make me feel worse. That is probably not his intention. That is why I keep my mouth shut. That and the fact that I respect him too much to tell him to shut up.
"I should go and check on Sand." I said. It is the truth, but mostly, I wanted an excuse to get out of here. He only nodded, and I walked out of the room with Rickard in my hands.
Hodor ran toward me an hour ago or so, and somehow explained that it was time for Sand to have her pups. With a lot of nodding and hand movement, he assured me that he can take care of it. And I let him do so. I know that I cannot help, so I didn't even try. I could only make things worse if I try to help. I'm just going to check on her. She is my pet after all.
As I was walking towards the barn, I could see Gendry and Arya walking around the courtyard. They seemed in some sort of deep conversation. I did not want to bother them. I know, they wouldn't mind my company, not at all. They have finally made some progress, and I do not want to stop them in making some more progress.
I pretended like I didn't even notice them. I was just about to walk into the bar, but Robb walked out before I did.
"Two pups." he said, a smile on his face." For now." He added. Neither one of us was happy about the fact that Sand might have more than five pups. We don't even know what to do with them. At this rate, we will have a heard of direwolfs living in Winterfell. And they are not easy to take care of.
"Seven hells, what will we do with them?" I asked, and he shrugged.
"I have no idea." He said, and smiled at his son." Can I hold him?" he asked me, and I laughed as I was handing Rickard to him. It is unbelievable that he asks me for permission. He is his son as much as he is mine. And yet, Robb asks me before he does anything. I suppose he is still slightly insecure. But he has to know that I don't know what I'm doing either. I'm as new in this as he is.
"What is bothering you my love?" he asked, and I smiled.
"Nothing. Everything. Your brother and my brother and their incredible stupidity." I said. At least I made him laugh.
"As annoyed as I am, I believe in them." He said, a meaningful look on his face. I looked away. I hate it when he does that, when he looks at me in order to prove me wrong. He's been doing it a lot lately." They are both smart men. And they know what is about to happen. They will be here Elena."
"I know they will. I'm just wondering will they be here in one piece." I said, and Robb rolled his eyes.
I was always proud of the fact that he treated me with respect. He always asked for my opinion, and he would always take it in consideration. I really was proud of it. In that way, he showed that he respects me, and he showed it on a daily basis. That is why this feels incredibly wrong. I try not to whine, but when I do, I think that he sees me as just another stupid girl, thinking of her girly problems. I'm not just another girly girl. I never was, and I'm not one now, now that I'm a wife and a mother. But when I see him rolling his eyes on a comment I made, I start to think if he agrees with me on that.
"I'm going to find Sansa and spend some time with here. Do you want me to leave Rickard with you?
"Yes, sure." He said. I smiled, and walked away. I do not want to think of Sand and the trouble and pain she might be in, I do not want to think of the amount of direwolfs that will run around Winterfell in no time, I do not want to think about Jon or Tyrion, and I most definitely don't want to allow my insecurities to resurface once again. Especially not in front of him. Once was more than enough.
One thing I know for sure. I can always count on Sansa. She does not have puppy eyes for a man like Arya does, she does not lecture me, and she is more than happy to be my savior.
I have felt guilty for a long while. I never seemed to give her as much attention as I did to Arya. I did that unintentionally, probably because I relate to Arya more than I do to Sansa. But once I realized that I might actually make her feel bad, I decided to fix that. And I did.
And I had a chance to improve my needle work. I never was good at it, mostly because I would hide from the Septa in one of the castle corridors, or in my chambers. Unlike me, Sansa was a natural, and she was probably a better teacher than my Septa ever was.
Between Rickard, helping Catelyn and Eddard run Winterfell, spending time with the rest of the family, occasional classes of reading and writing with the children of Winterfell, I didn't have much time to worry about my brother and Jon. And yet, somehow, they were always on my mind.
"Mind if I join you?" I asked Sansa, who was in her chambers, sitting by the window. She smiled at me.
"Of course not." She said. I joined her, and for a while, we were both working in silence.
"Can I ask you something?" She asked, breaking the silence all of a sudden.
"Of course Sansa. You know better than that." I added with a smile, and I noticed she didn't smile back.
"I know he is your brother. And I am sure that you have nothing more than good words to say about him. But I wish to hear the truth. Is your brother a good man?" She asked. I will not lie, this caught me by surprise. I should have known better. Even if it is a mere formality, she will still be betrothed to him, if he agrees. I was not thinking about it before, but now it seems like a bad idea. If this is only a formality, this girl will have two failed betrothals behind her. And I remember how bad she feels about her one failed betrothal. This one will only add salt on the wound.
"I could never lie to you Sansa." I said, thinking that that is the first thing she should know." Under no circumstances will I tell you anything but the truth. Tyrion is a good man. I am not saying this like his sister, I am saying this as an observer. I grew up there, I spent years and years surrounded by people who could kill a man without even blinking. No, I was surrounded by people who killed men without blinking. And Tyrion is different. He has his demons, there is no doubt about that. He is far from perfect. He drinks more than he should, and he is more than frequent in brothels. But he is a good man. And I can assure you, whether it is a formality or not, he would never do you wrong." I said.
"Do you think I could… be happy?" she asked. I keep getting more and more surprised each second.
"I do not know that Sansa. I can only be sure of two things. One, Tyrion would never do you wrong. And the second one is that you shouldn't do anything you do not want to do. Yes, you might lead a happy life with him, but if you do not want to do that, don't. I understand that you are scared, and that you have a fear that you are… marked or something. But if you do not want to marry my brother, leave it be. Do not interfere, and let it be just a formality. Because if you marry him, and you do not want to do that, no one can guaranty you that you will have a happy life. Your parents were lucky. So was your brother, and so was I. But that does not happen that often. I saw it first hand, as did you. Do not do it if you don't want it. Because if you do, you might just end up being Cersei." I said. I hated saying those words, I hated scaring her. But it is better that I scare her. Better than then to let her do something she doesn't want.
"I understand what you mean." She said, and I nodded, waiting for the other part, in which she tells me that she understands, but does not agree with me." The problem is, I'm starting to believe that that is not such a bad idea after all." She said, and I sighed. I am not sure what to do. She is too young for my brother, but if they do marry, that would hardly be the most talked about age difference in Westeros.
"Sansa, my brother is no prince. He is a good man, but we both know that he is not what you hoped for." I said, feeling bad about it. Yes, my brother is a dwarf. And yes, I tend to forget about that. Sadly, that does not mean that everyone else forgets it too.
"There is more to that Elena, you know that better than anyone." She said. When did she grow up?" For a while, I was more than sure that Joffrey was everything that I ever wanted. He was a prince, and now, he is a King. He was charming when he had to be. He was good in pretending. I was absolutely sure that he was the one I will love until I die. And look how well that turned out."
"Well, I'm not challenging you on that one." I said, and she laughed. I am still not sure what exactly did he do to her. As long as he didn't touch her, she will be fine. Even Joffrey's mental torture is something that you can outgrow.
"I apologize if you get offended with what I am just about to say, but Tyrion is different. And that does not mean that he is different in a bad way. I am in no way sure, but he might just be the one I need."
"I'm not offended Sansa. He is a dwarf, he was a dwarf since the day he was born, and he will be a dwarf until he dies. I value your opinion, and nothing would make me happier than to see you happy next to my brother, but I feel the duty to warn you Sansa. You and I may look past his looks, but not everyone does. There will be looks, and smirks, and laughter that follows you and him both. Do I thing that that is still better than being married to Joffrey? Yes, yes I do. But the last thing I would like is for you to come crying to me once you realized that it wasn't what you thought it would be. I want you to be happy Sansa. And I want him to be happy too. If both of you think that that is the way, then so be it. I will be the happiest woman in Westeros. But do not do it if you do not want to. I beg of you. Do not do it if you will regret it." I said.
"Whatever choice I make when the time comes, I will not regret it. You said it to me once Elena, don't you remember?" she asked, and I could only frown. I say many things, and I try not to regret them, but I have no idea what is she talking about now." You said something, and I had been following it ever since. While we were on the way back to Winterfell, when you saved our father, you told me never to regret any decision that I have ever made, because at one point in time, it had seemed like the best decision." She said. Well, that does sound like something I would say. And there is no reason for her to lie to me." Whatever I decide, I will not regret it. Besides, it is not just my choice to make. Your brother has a say in it as much as I do." She said.
She is right. Come to think of it, I do not know what Tyrion would say to this. I know that he would agree to a betrothal in order to keep Sansa safe, but I am not sure if he would actually want to marry her. I see no reason for him to decline, but he is a smart man. He will not just be enchanted by her youth, good looks, or the fact that she is from a noble family. She may be all that, but Tyrion, more than anyone else, knows that there is so much more than looks and titles.
"That is true. But, Sansa, whatever you decide, do not decide it in an impulsive way. Think about it before you act. Promise me that, I beg of you." I said, not even trying to hide my worry. There is no use to it. Everyone in Winterfell knows that I worry too much for my own good, I might as well show it.
"I promise." She said, and I believed her. I am hardly the smartest woman alive, but I know a lie when I hear one. And Sansa did not lie to me. She might still be just a girl, but she has seen plenty of things she shouldn't have seen. The worst part is that the worst is yet to come, and she will see it happening right in front of her, just as I will. I was always sure that I have more in common with Arya than I do with Sansa. Yes, Arya and I both have the tendency to speak are mind whenever we feel like it, and we both would much rather play with weapons than with needles. But Sansa and I have some things in common to. We both grew up too soon. We stopped being little girls long before we should have.
By the end of the day, we had six direwolf pups, one worried Lady and still no word from Jon or Tyrion.
It was quite between Robb and I, and it is not just because Rickard is with Elisa in my unused chambers. I was thinking about Sansa, and what he was thinking about, only he and the Gods know.
"Your sister is starting to consider her marital options." I said, careful not to betray Sansa's trust in every way possible. Although, I highly doubt it was a secret. Besides, Robb will not speak of it.
"Who does she have in mind now?" Robb asked. I was surprised to see that he knew straight away who I was talking about. Well, it's not like it is hard to guess who seems to be an object of Arya's affection.
"My brother." I said, and once I heard no response, I turned around. Robb was lying on the bed, and looking at me in complete surprise." Since he is a complete opposite of Joffrey, she seems to think that it will be a complete opposite in every way. And she might just be right. We all know what's Joffrey like." I said, hoping that he would at least say something. He doesn't have to agree with me. I actually prefer when we don't share an opinion. It shows me that we are still two individuals, not just one dull couple who breaths together and thinks alike.
"I know that he is your brother. And he proved himself more than once. But I do not see him fit to be my sister's husband." He said. No, I did not want him to blindly approve my opinion. But I also did not want him to insult the only Lannister I love and I care fore. And what he did was just that.
"You are unbelievable." I whispered, and he looked at me in surprise. Not trying to hide my anger, I marched towards the bed, laid on it, covered myself with the blankets and furs, and turned my back to him." At least Sansa felt bad about insulting him. You are so full of yourself Robb Stark. Sometimes I think I know you better than anyone, and then you say something like this, and you make me question you and our whole marriage. No, don't." I said, once I heard him trying to say something to defend himself." You insult Tyrion, you insult me. It doesn't matter if you're my father, a friend, a peasant, or even my fucking husband. That's the way it goes. And I do not wish to talk about it anymore, because I do not want this night to end with me hating you and every single bone in your body. Goodnight." I said, ending the discussion. My rant, to be precise. And I do not feel sorry. No one insults my brother.
I may love Robb more than words can say, but love is never enough. Tyrion is the one who helped me when it was the darkest. He was like fire in the cold, dark tunnel in which I spent almost 19 years in. And not even my love for Robb will put that fire out. He might as well know it.
Once again guys, sorry for the delay. I'm back :)
Oh, and one more thing. After I did some research on actual wolves, I realized that the whole Grey Wind/Sand thing would be highly unlikely. Let's just pretend that it is the most normal thing ever. Oh, what the hell, this is Fiction. Enjoy the impossible things :)