The only words I said to Robb were Good morning. I was still angry with him in his talent to not think before he speaks. I used to think that I'm the one with that problem, out of the two of us. However, he beat me to it. At least I try not to hurt his feelings with my words.
And it is not like I didn't have better things to do. I needed to check on our son, and I needed to check on Sand and her pups. Once I am done with that, I will go and see if there is a letter waiting, from Jon or Tyrion. I already know that there will be nothing waiting for me, but I will still check. I have to.
My little boy is more than well. Soon enough, he will have his own chambers. Sometimes he sleeps in our chambers, but not when Elisa has a say in it. She has a habit of silently pushing me into Robb's arms, without me realizing that she had done anything about it.
Rickard is growing, and he is growing fast. I can only imagine that we have days left before the bannermen gather, and we start a war with Joffrey and the Lannisters. No one can use Rickard as an excuse anymore, not the family, not me. I wonder what will we do with him. A war camp is no place for a child, that is certain. And yet, I do not know if I'll be able to leave him behind. His safety is most important, and I believe that I will have to mend thinks with Robb. Whatever happens between us doesn't change the fact that I am not the only one who makes decisions regarding our son. He is not my son, he is not his son, he is our son, and the decisions considering our son, we will make together.
Robb may occasionally be a dumb man, but he is my dumb man. And Gods know, I would be able to forgive him everything. Or, perhaps, almost everything. I prefer not to test that.
"Elena!" I heard a call, and when I turned around, I could see Arya running towards me." Where are you going?" she asked once she was close to me. Gods, we barely talked to each other these days.
"To see Sand. Will you come with me?" I asked, and I smiled once she nodded.
"What did he do?"Arya asked as we were making our way towards the barn where we kept the direwolfs. I looked at her in confusion." You have that face. The one you have when Robb acts like a child instead of a grown man. So I'm asking, what did he do?" She asked. I started laughing.
"Oh little one, you know me well." I said to her with a smile, although she is hardly the little one. She is almost a grown woman. Time flies, I always knew that, but I didn't realize that I've been a part of this family for so long." I am not your brother's mother, thank the Gods. He can do whatever he pleases. You and I Arya, we tend to forget that he is my Lord now. I'm just a… token." I said, wondering it that really is all I am. Sometimes, I know that I'm much more than that. And other times, like now, I wonder.
"You are more than that to him Elena, you know that very well. And whatever happened, you will find a way to make it better. You're both too young to start hating each other." She said and I laughed.
"Why, thank you, you made me feel so much better. I could never hate that man. I just wished that he knows how to appreciate it more often than he does." I said. I do not want to talk about it. Not with Arya, that is for sure. I surprised myself once I realized that I held a grudge against her. I didn't even know it, not until now." Why don't you go and find Gendry? I'm sure he has more interesting stories than I do." I said, and ignoring the surprised look on her face, I walked away.
I was a bitch, I know that very well. And I believe it will be worth it. I understand what it's like to be madly in love, but Arya should know better than to make a man a center of her world. I never expected that from her. Sansa, maybe, but definitely not Arya. It is just another prove on how much love changes people. I love my husband with all my heart, but he is hardly the only thing in my world. There is our son, there is the rest of the family, the chores and jobs that wait for me. If I have to be a bitch to remind Arya that Gendry is not the only person alive, I will. As they say, it's all for the greater good.
Sand was perfectly fine without me. The pups were well, Grey Wind was by her side, and she most definitely didn't need me to worry about her. It was almost like she silently told me, with her big, yellow eyes, that I should save my concerns for someone who needs them. I swear, those animals are acting more like humans than animals.
As I was walking through the courtyard, I finally admitted to myself that I am definitely not in a good mood today. I should avoid people today, as much as I can. I do not wish to burn any bridges.
"Stark!" Someone called, but I did not look around. There was always more than one Stark in the courtyard, and if someone was calling for me, they would have been more specific, especially if they know me. I'm still not bragging around about being a Stark. I am proud, but I do not practice vanity.
"Lannister!" Someone called, and this time, I knew I was the one who was being called. Even if I am no longer a Lannister, I was one, no matter how much I want to forget about it. So I know that this… well, insult, was meant for me. I turned around, ready to throw someone in the pit of one of the Seven hells, but the words I thought of remained unsaid once I saw who had called me a Lannister.
It was Jon.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was already running towards him. I barely notice a horse and Ghost by his side. I could only see him. And the fact that I wanted to hit him with all my strength couldn't overshadow how much I missed him, and how glad I was to see him in one piece.
So I hugged him, instead of hitting him. It is safe to say that my mood just got a whole lot better.
"I'm going to kill you." I said into his ear as I hugged him. I could feel him shaking with laughter.
"I think we both know you won't." He said, and I laughed, even though I didn't want to. I wanted to scold him for not sending a letter before he got here. No, I wanted to kick his ass and stab him with a sword, but I realized that I would just be wasting words. And I'm much too glad to see him in once piece. "May I meet my nephew now?" he asked. I smiled as I pulled away from him.
"Yes, you can. But I suggest you see the rest of your family first. Rickard can live without you a few more moments, but I doubt your brothers and sisters can." I said, and he nodded after he gave it thought." I'll take you to them." I said, and we started walking towards the castle. I had so many questions. What took him so long? What is the situation like in the Night's watch? What is the situation like behind the Wall. Why didn't he write? What will he do next? I truly had too many questions, but they all were less important than the one that came to my mind first." Where's the girl Jon?" I asked in a low voice.
He did not say much about her, but Jon isn't the one that says too much about anything. And I didn't need to hear more words. I could see the look in his eyes when he talked about her, and that was enough for me. And yet, here he is, without her. He did say he doesn't believe she would come with him. Maybe he was the realistic one, and I was the stupid child who believed in the power of love.
"She's dead Elena." He said, and at once, I stopped walking. I expected him to tell me that she didn't want to come with him, or that he had a change of heart and didn't even ask her. I never would have guessed that he would say what he just said.
"Oh dear." I whispered. I never was good in comforting somebody. I never really had to do it, and I had no idea what I am supposed to say." Jon, I'm so sorry." I whispered. That is safe, isn't it? I'll keep my curiosity on hold until some better time comes along. I am sure he doesn't want to talk about it now.
"I didn't even get a chance to ask her…" he said quietly. I think he wants to talk about it, but isn't just quite ready to do so. Well, I'll always be here for him. And I will be here for him if he needs someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. I squeezed his hand with mine, and he nodded, understanding what I said to him without the use of words." We'll have time. I want to see my family and to meet my nephew." He said with a smile, and I smiled back at him.
I can't remember a time where there was more joy in Winterfell than there was today. I suspect it was when Rickard was born, but I was bedbound at the time, so I could not be a witness of that excitement.
Everyone was happy for Jon's return, that is sure. Even Catelyn didn't have a frown while she looked at him. Once again, I thought about what I would do if Robb brings me a son from another woman. And my decision is the same as it was before. I would not take it out on the innocent child. I would take it out on Robb, and Gods only know how that would end. I do not judge Catelyn for acting the way she did. Just because I would have done it differently, doesn't mean that my way is the right way. There is no right way to be honest. That is why I hope Robb never puts me in that situation.
We forgot about our fight, at least for a little while. You couldn't tell who was more excited about Jon's return, Robb or me. It's just… It is just so good to have him back.
Now I was only left with my own brother. Why in the name of Gods hasn't he sent me a letter? Why? What has stopped him, what? Is he on his way here? Or is he being held somewhere, by someone? Now I only have to worry about him.
Well, that and the upcoming war. I amaze myself. I'm worried more about my brother than the possibility of war. Probably because I warned myself a long time ago. This war is not a sudden decision. And I have to admit, as much as I thought of the Lannister as a distant, unfamiliar thing, they are still the people I spent most of my life with. I may not spend sleepless nights thinking about Jaime and Cersei, but sadly, they are still my blood. And Tyrion is my own more than anyone of them. No, I do not feel guilty about thinking of him, and not of the war. Once he is safe, I'll think of the war. I'll fight myself if I have to! I'll ride into battles and slit throats myself if that is what keeps my family safe! And I do not want to have my family in danger even before the battle starts!
If Tyrion doesn't send me a letter… I'll either go for him myself, or I would sent half of the Stark's guard to get him. If I have to walk into the Throne room and kill Joffrey with my own two hands, and afterwards pay for it with my life, I will do it. I have a strong sense that I'm more of a Tully and Stark than I ever was a Lannister. Stark, because this is where I belong. Tully, because their words are my own words. Family, duty, honor.
Robb and I avoided our troubles as long as we could. I have forgiven him by now. The truth is, I had forgiven him last night. I just wanted to show him that what he said actually hurt my feelings. But being away from him made me feel even worse.
And he knew it. He could feel it. As I stood by the window, I looked over my shoulder and I saw him looking at me. The eye contact lasted only a mere second, since I looked away at once.
It wasn't just about him underestimating Tyrion. That was just a good excuse. An excuse, because I am desperately trying to distance myself. I would never want to leave him, never, not in any case. And I could never stop loving him. I could be angry with him, mad with anger, hurt like I was never hurt before, but love will never be a question. I love him deeply. And that is why I am scared.
What will I do without him? It could happen, it could easily happen once the war starts. I could be left without them, and if we didn't have a child, I would end my life myself. But we have a son. And if it happens, and we are lucky enough to live, and Robb dies, I can't imagine being able to find the strength to live on. To keep breathing. So I decided to distance myself.
It didn't take me long to realize that that is quite possibly the biggest mistake I could have made.
Yes, he might die. And if he does, chances are the rest of the family, including me and our son, will die too. We all know it. We know it can happen, more easily than we would like it to.
And I shouldn't be selfish. I should try to find my strength and will before I even need them. I shouldn't say my goodbyes to Robb because he is right here. He is here, with me, living and breathing. I should just stop thinking and cherish every single second of time I get to spend with him.
I know it, and it brings tears to my eyes. I wanted to turn around, to tell him that, to hug him, to kiss him, to rip of his clothes and to be his once again. I wanted his skin against my, I wanted him to hold me with all the strength he could gather, I wanted it more than anything. But I couldn't turn. I just couldn't.
I didn't hear his steps but I felt his hands hugging me around my waist. I closed my eyes, and I leaned back, my head on his shoulder, my back against his chest. That's how much we know each other. He knew I wanted to say something, but I could not find the words. He knew I wanted to do something, but I could find the courage to do so. And he did it for me. My amazing, thoughtful, beautiful husband did it for me. My amazing, thoughtful, beautiful husband who should know to think before he speaks. I love him nonetheless.
"I hate fighting with you." He whispered in my ear.
"I hate fighting with you too." I said, and I put my hands over his." The problem is, you can be an ass."
"Well, if no one told you the truth, I suppose I should…" he started. I had a smile already. He's going to insult me back." You can be a bitch. Occasionally." He said, and I started laughing.
"Why thank you." I said, and I could feel him laugh." I know I can be a bitch. Don't we make a fine couple?" I asked with a smirk on my face.
"An ass and a bitch. Yes, I believe we do." He said, and I laughed. I didn't know what to say now. Or if I should say anything at all. Unlike him, I do tend to think before I open my mouth. The problem is, I tend to overthink every single decision I make.
"At least we love each other." I said, and he laughed.
"That's true. Tell me, what have you said to Arya?" he asked. I was so surprised that I turned around." She came to me, crying her eyes out. All I could understand between the cries and before she ran out was "Elena said." He admitted, and I closed my eyes. Oh Gods. I should have been more careful with her. When she acts brave I tend to forget that underneath the act she is still just a girl, and her feelings could get hurt easily.
"I'm an idiot." I whispered, and Robb gave me a quizzical look." Don't ask. I'll fix it tomorrow." I said, and I hugged him. Just the smell of him helped me." Could you do me a favor and make me forget about the rest of the world for a few hours?" I asked.
"I'd be more than happy to." He said, and I giggled.
"Let me guess, it will be your pleasure?" I asked, and when I looked up, he was grinning down at me.
"Elena Stark, it would most definitely be my pleasure." He said, and I laughed. He caught me by surprise when he lifted me, but I was more than ready to wrap my legs around him, seeing as my arms were already around his neck." And I will see to it that it's your pleasure as well." He said and I kissed him. I was giggling like a little girl.
Sorry guys, I've started working as a waitress too, and now I juggle two jobs. I write whenever I find time. Keep reading, the story isn't over yet! :)