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48. Take a Bow

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Disclaimer: Yes, I did enjoy the plot twist myself hahaha. Thank you for all the reviews!!!! You are all splendid!! There are some lyrics from Britney Spears' song "blur" that I took for some dialogue later on in the chapter. I do not own them! I think Britney does haha!

I slammed the phone down and ran from my office as quickly as possible. I flew up the stairs and through the doors onto the 6th floor. I rushed my way to the Joker's door. I paused outside his room before looking inside. He sat in the dark at the table. There was a single desk lamp that was turned on, illuminating his face. His eyes were fixed on the table.

I tapped on the glass window once to get his attention. His eyes diverted from the table to the window. I swiped my badge and let myself into his room. This very action was seldom done and looked poorly upon. It was never advised to enter a patient's room alone, especially one as dangerous as the Joker. I didn't care. I knew him and if he did kill me, it wouldn't be the worst pain I'd felt in a long while.

"So you came," he pronounced, licking his lips.

"Well, it is my job—when I get paged, I typically have to attend to such matters. Except, I didn't see Joel anywhere on the floor when I came up here—how did you get a hold of him?" I asked, glancing back out the window from his door.

"Don't you worry about Joel—he's just doing his job…like you," the Joker minded me, waving his hand through the air nonchalantly. I nodded my head, suspicions running through my mind.

"So what is it you needed, then?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

"Well, free drugs are always nice, but I really just wanted some company, hm? You know, it gets quite…lonely…up here," he remarked, licking his lips again. I rolled my eyes at his comment.

"You know, I could get in a lot of trouble by being in here without a good enough reason. Do you need meds or not?" I asked, irritated.

"Well, if you're going to give them to me, I might as well take something," he giggled.

"I'm not giving you anything. You don't even need half the meds you're already on. I purposely withheld two of your medications this evening, much to the dismay of Dr. Princeton," I explained as I tapped my foot on the hard concrete floor.

"If you don't think I need any medication…then why did you come?" he questioned me as a smirk formed on his lips. He rose from his seat and walked toward me. I had forgotten how much taller he is than me—and much stronger. I inched towards the door in the event I needed to make a quick escape if he tried to hold me hostage.

"No need to be nervous, Giada," he continued, his voice smooth and light now as he inched closer to me.

"I came up because I thought you needed something—as my patient, it's my job to make sure you're wellbeing is on my priority list," I explained, feeling myself begin to tremble with nerves. Having him approach me like that brought butterflies into my stomach and my pulse increased dramatically as his eyes bore into mine.

"A likely tale—one that I won't try to refute. But do know this, Giada," he began, sliding even closer to me. I could almost feel his body heat radiating into mine.

"Continue, please," I whispered as I tilted my head to the side in an attempt at avoiding his strenuous gaze.

"Oh I'm going to," he said as he brushed my hair away from my ear and leaned his face down so that his lips were right next to my ear, "a surprise awaits you," he whispered and then pulled back from me. My head jerked back towards him. My heart was nearly jumping out of my chest; I could hardly breathe.

"What kind of surprise? When? What are you planning?" I asked, nearly fearful for my life.

He giggled at my question, "I can't tell you that! Then it would be no surprise at all!"

"When can I be expecting said surprise? Tonight? Thursday?" I asked, holding tightly onto my ID badge, ready to swipe my card and leave as quickly as possible.

He licked his lips and averted his eyes for a moment, "Again, something I am not at liberty to tell you. But trust me—soon enough," He suddenly erupted into a fury of laughter. I took this opportunity to high tail it out of his room. I let the door slam behind me as I ran back to my office, all the way down on the 4th floor.

I sat in my office, scared to death of what the Joker had in store for me. If this was the Joker who had remembered me, I would have nothing at all to worry about, but I was operating under the knowledge that this Joker had no recollection of anything we had experienced over two years ago. For all I knew, he was planning on killing me, which I wouldn't put it pass him. He could try and kill me with anything—he was certainly capable of killing me in anyway he saw fit.

For some reason, I didn't trust him—something was not right about this. Things weren't adding up. I sat there, tapping my pen, running through every kind of possibility. I bet he had his peeler knife hidden somewhere in his room. Surely he'd love to dice me up with that little ditty. Or maybe he would suffocate me with his clothing. That wouldn't be such a horrible death. I had always found his strange scent of peanut oil and potato chips to be oddly endearing. I could definitely manage being suffocated in his clothes. Though, that orange jumpsuit he wore was horribly unflattering on his near-perfect frame. A grin crossed my lips as I thought about his Joker suit. I loved how his green vest always hugged his torso so snuggly. And there was something overtly attractive in the pin stripe pants he wore with the wallet chain that hung from them. Though, he had no wallet. I had never pondered the necessity of a wallet chain without a wallet. I guess for the Joker, it was all too fitting.

It wasn't until I heard the knocking on my door that I noticed I was lost in a daydream, and that I had ceased tapping my pen. At the realization that some unknown stranger stood outside my office door, my heart began pounding. I was going to have a heart attack by the time I hit thirty with all the stress my heart had been going though!

I slowly rose from my chair and headed for the door. Before I could get my hand to the knob, the door flew open. I jumped back, banging into my desk and knocking a couple of things to the floor.

"Ta Da!" the Joker exclaimed as he slammed the door shut behind him and latched the lock. He was no longer wearing his ugly orange jumpsuit, but rather, his Joker suit. I guessed he was planning on leaving tonight or something.

"How did you escape?!" I gasped in astonishment. My heart was really going to thud its way out of my chest this time.

"Does it really matter? Did you honestly have any doubt that I would be kept…cooped up in that…that…prison cell?!" the Joker exclaimed as he approached me. I nervously slid off the desk and backed away from him. Licking his lips, he looked at me through anxious eyes.

"You had really get back to your room—this is no good—no good at all," I struggled for my breath.

He clicked his tongue and shook his head in dismay, "I do really hate it when you look this…nervous," he soothed as he continued pursuing me.

"Well, I think anyone would seem nervous when a criminal mastermind escapes their room and has them cornered in their office. I am fully aware that it's a relatively high probability that you'll kill me—that I won't be leaving here tonight alive," I stated through heavy breaths.

"Kill you?! Now why would I want to do that?!" he exclaimed and fell into a fit of giggles, "Oh Giada, you are too funny!"

I didn't get it. He didn't want to kill me…again. Something wasn't right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but if he wasn't out to kill me now, I wasn't about to press the matter.

My nerves still had me trembling, but no longer from fear of death. I was uneasy about the fact that he was cornering me in my office. If he wasn't planning on killing me—or so he claimed—why was he cornering me like this? I kept backing up slowly, inch by inch, as he inched himself closer to me, until I could back up no more. My back bumped up against the bookcase and a slight smirk of satisfaction crossed his lips—seeing that I ran out of room and he could continue approaching me.

I glanced to my left, noticing that I still a little more room if I slipped to the left and headed toward the window—directly behind my desk. By the time I glanced back at him, he was in my face. I accidentally let go of a gasp as his closeness startled me. He was smirking slightly as he stared intently at me. His eyes bore into mine as I stared back at him, trying to find myself in his gaze. I felt my breath increasing; with each inhalation, I thought I was going to need to reach for my inhaler.

"Now, see," he began, licking his lips and averting his eyes to the side for a moment, "I thought this was going to be…easy," his eye returned to mine, and much more intensely this time.

"W…what was going to be easy?" I stuttered, letting my anxiety get the best of me. Maybe I was the one who needed the Xanax!

"Throwing myself at you," he explained as he licked his lips. I was so confused. Was he hitting on me? I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, but before I could ask him anything, his hands reached up and grabbed vehemently onto the sides of my head by my ears. He forced his lips down to mine and locked me in a tight kiss. I was so shocked and taken back that I could hardly let myself move my lips with his. He just pressed down harder and wildly assaulted my lips with his. It was like he had been waiting to do this for a while, but I knew that was not the case. He barely knew me—unless he had been instantly attracted to me from the beginning of therapy.

Knowing that I was breeching an immense ethical violation, I tried to shove him from me. I pushed back at him with all the energy I could muster up inside, but he proved to be much too strong. I had forgotten how strong the Joker was—he hold on me was like steel melded onto steel. I had no chance of fighting back. Inside, my heart that had been pounding with a vengeance out of fear, now trembled with despair. I knew exactly why he was here and I knew exactly what he was going to do to me. I just wished he could remember me—that this moment could become so much more than what it was.

As he held me up to the bookcase, still with his lips bonded to mine, his hands released my head, but his body kept me in place. He moved his hands down my arms and then all the way to my pants. The second I realized he was unbuttoning my pants, I knew that my thoughts weren't far from reality. The Joker planned on having his way with me, but I knew it would never be the way it was before he lost his memory. The intense passion the felt for each other no longer existed in him—he didn't even know who I was! How could I possibly let myself get lost in his lustful desire in this moment? I wanted him so badly, but I didn't want him like this—I wanted him only if he knew who I was—if he could remember all that we shared together—if he was going to love me in return. Because I knew I couldn't have any of that, I tried pushing him from me. I didn't want him to have his way with me if he couldn't remember me—if he couldn't love me.

"S--stop it! Please get off of me!" I cried as I finally freed my mouth from his.

"Not a chance. I've waited far too long to do this," he murmured against my ear as he hoisted me up against the bookcase. As he lifted me, my head smacked into the bookcase and left me unconscious and helpless in his arms—another victim to the Joker's madness.

I half expected myself to remain unconscious—it certainly would have been easier for the Joker to take advantage of me. I woke up to see the Joker hovering over me and I was lying on the cold hard floor. I didn't know how long I had been comatose, but for some reason, I could only remember that the Joker had been kissing me before I hit my head. I couldn't remember that I was pushing him away, not wanting him to express his passionate lust with me. The moment I saw him hovering above me, I pulled him down to me and crushed me lips to his.

Little did I know, that this was exactly what he planned on. I didn't even notice my clothes missing from my body or his. All I wanted was him and I didn't even care about ethics. He got to have his way with me; I gave in, but only after I had been knocked out cold. It didn't occur to me in that moment that he would have probably had his way with me regardless—whether I woke up or not.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The next time I was conscious, I realized I was lying in a bed. This was not where I remembered last being. There was a small light coming from behind me. I turned over to my other side and saw the Joker sitting in a chair at the desk.

"Where the hell am I?" I asked groggily as I clutched my head—I was in a bit of pain, "and could you please turn the lights out? It's way too fuckin' bright,"

"Aren't you curious as to why you're here?" he asked, titling his head slightly and then rose from the chair. He was back in the orange jumpsuit. I could have sworn the last time I was saw him he had been wearing purple. I sat up in bed and realized that I was fully dressed. Did we have sex in my office or not? Was it all a dream?

"Yeah, actually I am. It's all a blur—I can't remember a thing—but my head really hurts," I explained, rubbing the back of my head. There was a small bump that I ran my fingers over. From what I did remember, the fact my head hurt was a sign that my hunch was correct.

"Maybe I shouldn't have given in, but I just couldn't fight," I finally spoke, softly, realizing that what I felt was probably true.

"I thought it was all a blur," he grinned, "so you do remember,"

"You raped me," I accused suddenly. His eyes widened in shock, as though he had no idea that he had forced me to have sex with him.

"Actually, like you said—you gave in…soooo…technically, I didn't," he stated, raising his eyebrows and then licking his lips.

"I told you to stop—to get off of me!" I exclaimed, suddenly remember everything. He bit his bottom lip and then licked his lips again before speaking.

"And I didn't do anything until you woke up again—you had the chance to say no again—and you didn't," he explained finally.

"Then why the fuck am I up here in your room?! I should be back in my office! What time is it?! Dr. Princeton is probably coming in soon—it's gotta be near morning!" I shrieked, jumping from the bed, afraid I would be discovered inside the Joker's room.

"Calm down—it's just after 1:00. No one is coming in any time soon—you're fine here," he explained, motioning for me to sit back down.

"You were planning on having sex with me regardless whether I was awake or not," I said finally, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Can you blame me? Are you aware of what I have to look at twice a week?" he asked, insensitively. My eyes narrowed as my blood began boiling. He stepped closer to me before saying anything else, "You're really quite…beautiful, actually," he assured me, his voice much softer and sincere. My heart plummeted into my stomach at his words. Immediately, my gaze on him softened.

"You…you think I'm beautiful?" I asked, letting my arm fall to my sides.

"You are beautiful," he corrected me, licking his lips and raising his eyebrows.

"Th—thank you," I stuttered, losing myself in the emotion. I had always loved hearing him tell me that. He told me before that I was beautiful, but it was far and few between—all I had wanted was to hear him say that to me…and that he loved me. But I wouldn't push it now. A smile crossed my face and he returned the smile.

"I—I know you like hearing that," he said finally, averting his eyes from mine.

"You what?" I asked suddenly, as my heart picked up its pace.

"I know you like hearing me say you're beautiful. I heard you tell the Batman—one night…a while ago," he said finally, meeting my eyes with his. My heart was beating so fast that it practically stopped when he spoke those words.

"You…you…you remember something from a long time ago?" I asked, almost in a whisper.

"Giada, I would never rape you—I just…I couldn't wait any longer," he confessed.

"You remember me?! You remember us?! You remember me…and us…and…Christmas two years ago and how Pixie destroyed your memory of me?! You turned me away! You didn't remember me!" I exclaimed, my eyes welling up in tears.

"Giada—I remember you. I always remembered you. I never forgot you," he further confessed. It was all too much for me to hear. I was trembling with the excitement that he remembered me, but immediately, the trembling turned angry. He had always remembered me?!

"You always remembered me?! Then why the fuck did you say you didn't even know who I was?!?!" I screamed at him, "Why did you make me spend two years without you, making me believe you no longer remembered me—because of Pixie's—or should I say…your ex fiancée's…memory dust?! How could you do that to me?! How could you let me believe you forgot me?! Was it all a lie?! Was it all just some sick way of getting me away from you?! Were you sick of me—so sick of me that you had to rekindle your engagement with that…that…whore?!?!" I could barely breathe. I was on a roll. I was absolutely livid at him.

"Giada, please—I know it all seems so…horrible right now…but I promise you—"

"You promise?! You just reveal to me that the last two years…and probably the entire time before your alleged memory loss was all a LIE…and you have the audacity to say to me 'promise'?!" I shrieked.

"I do promise—yes, the memory loss was…a bit of a lie…but it's all part of the plan—the surprise," he tried to explain. I had never seen him so composed. I was the crazy on in this moment, and rightfully so.

"I can't trust you," I said finally, wiping my tears from my cheeks, "I thought I could, but it's very obvious to me now that I was such a fool. Bruce was right—I should never have believed anything. I was such an idiot for letting myself fall in love with you," I said it. I told him what I had been trying to hide from him for so long. I was in love with him, but this was hardly the situation I thought I would reveal that information to him.

His eyes widened at the words, unable to speak. His gaze was soft. It made me cry even more. I sat on his bed and held my head in my hands as I sobbed. He came over next to me and sat beside me. He placed his arm around me.

"Everything I have ever done was because I am in love with you, Joker. I am absolutely, one-hundred percent a fool—in love with you," I cried as I finally lifted my head and glanced over at him. His arm was warm as it encircled my shoulders.

"Shh," he pulled me closer to him and held me against his chest, "I know,"

"You know?!" I exclaimed as I pulled away from him, "You know I love you and you still did this to me?!" He licked his lips and turned his head away from me and then turned it back to me. I could see that he wanted to tell me something, but he couldn't.

"Giada—now isn't the time. You just have to take me at my word—though I know that's quite…difficult for you, given the circumstances, but I promise this won't let you down,"

"What won't let me down?! What could possibly let me down?! I am already at rock bottom—I can't fall any further than this!" I screamed.

"Giada, I'm a man of my word—you need to take me at my word that what you are…feeling…right now, will be well worth it in the end. It always is—the pain of a bad memory being…avenged," he spoke, sounding just like the crazed criminal he is.

I didn't even know what to say. I was so full of emotion—my love for him, my hurt in remembering the past, the hurt in knowing he had lied to me for two years…and who knows how long! I could barely breathe. I just wanted things to be simpler—to be living in the bliss I had lived in with him before he faked losing his memory. A life before Pixie Dust. I wanted to return back to those first few weeks after I arrived in Gotham for the first time. I wanted to re-live that month over and over and over again. Back then, I had just met the Joker for the first time—he was gaining my trust and I his. It was a beautiful thing. Now, as I sat in his arms, all of that trust had been undone, unraveled and forgotten.

"Just please, tell me why," I whispered suddenly.

"I can't—not yet, but you will find out why. I promise," he said. I shook my head.

"Now's as good a time as any—why make me wait any longer?" I asked.

"Because it's part of the surprise," he said, as though I should have known all along.

"The surprise? Is this your long and drawn out way of killing me? Because you're going a damn good job at slowly murdering me!" I exclaimed. He held me close to him again before I could get outrageous again.

"If you think it was…" he cleared his throat, "…easy…for me to pretend…forgetting you, you're wrong. I'll leave it at that," he spoke finally.

"So then why did you do it?" I asked, "Why did you wait so long?"

"Well, to be fair…you are the one who waited two years. I was the one waiting for you to come back to Gotham. The surprise could have been done in one year," he chuckled at himself, knowing what this surprise is.

"It's really not funny at all," I spat back at him, narrowing my eyes.

"You will laugh—you will enjoy this surprise more than anything, but you have to wait until…Thursday," he stated.

"Christmas Eve. Fitting," I said, "Bringing it all together then, I guess,"

"You just have to trust me on this…follow my lead. This one is worth it, you won't be…disappointed," he urged.

I sighed. I didn't even know what to do or say. I was still so hurt from his lie that I just wanted to run away again, but I knew I couldn't. At the time, it seemed like I would rather he had lost his memory for real than to have lied about it. I just couldn't rationalize something being worth all this pain and hurt I was feeling. I felt betrayed. I didn't even want to know what he did for two years with Pixie Dust—while he was living his lie. It made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to throw up, but I fought against the urge.

"Can you do that?" he asked finally.

"I'll think about it," I spoke finally and then stood to my feet. He nodded his head in consent and then stood to his feet. We both walked to the door of his room. I pressed my badge to the ID swipe, but he held my wrist so that I could not leave.

"I just want you to know…that…the things you make me…feel…well, I would never…intentionally hurt you—though I know it seems like I did, but this surprise will make you understand. You make me feel things I thought were lost and forgotten, and while…when we first met and you made me feel these things, I hated it. I hated feeling, but…I found that, when the other person…feels, it's nothing to, hate, really,"

I nodded my head. I understood his message, but I wanted him to tell me he loved me. My heart was bleeding before him and he couldn't tell me he loved me. I glanced up at him and caught his eyes.

"Well, take a bow. It was a brilliant show you put on. You deserve a standing ovation for making me believe you forgot about me," I said coldly.

He stepped back from me and bowed. I rolled my eyes and turned to leave again, "Giada, the surprise is well worth it,"

I nodded my head again and left his room.