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49. Nothing Else Matters

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Disclaimer: Sorry for making you all wait for this chapter! I have been spending some time deciphering how I wanted to write this one. You'll never know how much I appreciate all of your reviews!!!! I am so elated that you love the story and the twist in the previous chapter!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! Oh, if any of you know of the music group "apocalyptica", (they are a string group who does covers of metallica songs) I titled this chapter after one of their covers of the metallica song "nothing else matters". If you have it, listen to it while you read the chapter—it's what I wrote this chapter listening to, on repeat haha! Enjoy!

My life was turning into a circus. I didn't even know what to think about anything anymore. It was all so convoluted and unnecessary.

Thoughts of the Joker and our evening together evaded my mind, certainly unwelcome. I felt like I owed it to myself to make sure I didn't think about him at all—but as always, it was near impossible to forget him. His face permeated my every thought; his eyes burned into the back of my eyelids as I clenched them together tightly; his scarred lips were pleaded to be kissed; his hands edged closer to reach out and touch me.

I forced my eyes open to escape the reality of my memories and thoughts. How could I possibly even begin trusting him? He swore to me that I could trust him—that I should trust him because of this big surprise that was two years too late, in my opinion. I rolled over in bed and forced my eyes closed once again. I should have known better from the beginning—I should have known better than to trust a man who calls himself the Joker.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The sound of my alarm screeched through the early morning silence that filled my bedroom. Exhausted from my late shift last night, I rolled out of bed and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I groaned as I peered into the mirror. I looked like hell. I didn't even bother putting my contacts in. I didn't want to see clearly just how awful I looked.

I hopped in and out of the shower, brushed my teeth and dried my hair. After haphazardly applying some bare essential makeup, I put on my glasses, got dressed and left for Arkham. I wished I had been off today—especially since I worked an overnight shift last night. I guess it was my own fault for letting myself get scheduled like that. I only hoped for Thursday. Or did I? Was I really going to allow the Joker smooth-talk me again? Was I going to take a leap of faith and trust him…again?

I sat in my office pondering whether or not I would take him up on his offer. I could just walk away from it all and begin the slow and long healing process—a process I knew would never work for me. He had cut me too deep. The Joker had left an inescapable mark on my heart that held me down with nuts and bolts. I was melded to his very existence and there was no way of prying me from that.

"Giada, good morning," Dr. Gerard greeted me as he knocked on my door and let himself into my office.

"Good morning," I yawned.

"Rough night last night? Any trouble with the patients?" he asked, smirking at my tiredness.

I chuckled, "No—just not a whole lot of sleep,"

"That would be the killer shift, as we call it—the overnight followed by the dayshift—and you're doing the Christmas Eve night shift too, right?"

"Yeah—but I don't mind that because I won't be in tomorrow morning—I'm coming in at 3:00," I responded.

"Oh right! Well that's not so bad then is it?" he asked in a strange affirmation. I shook my head in agreement.

"Have you seen Dr. Princeton at all today? I've paged him twice already and he hasn't returned my pages," Dr. Gerard asked. I assumed this was the real reason for his morning visit.

"No I haven't—though he stopped by last night to make sure I completed my med pass successfully and diligently," I retorted curtly.

"Hm. Maybe he called out sick. I know he is going on vacation with his family, but I assumed he'd be here today—maybe he left early," Dr. Gerard spoke his thought process aloud for me. My heart sank at this realization—if Dr. Princeton wasn't here today, that would mean I'd have to meet with the Joker at 8:30.

"Well, I guess you know the routine, Giada. You'll be meeting with patient 4479 today then," Dr. Gerard stated as he stood to his feet.

"Will do," I responded with a half smile. He nodded his head and left the office. I reluctantly grabbed the Joker's chart and my binder full of notes. Jeez, Dr. Princeton was really trying to sabotage my Joker psychosis. I knew that the Joker would mention last night in the session today—I didn't even have enough time to figure out what I was going to do! I hadn't anticipated on Dr. Princeton's absence. I was really counting on my free time today away from the Joker. I needed my space from him to clear my thoughts and really think things through rationally.

As I walked down the hall, I felt like I was moving in slow motion. The doors edged past me as I glided, almost motionlessly to the therapy session room. The walls were closing in on me as I walked; inch by inch, the doors were left behind me. The session room was at the end of the hall. It looks so far away, like it wasn't getting any closer to me as I continued walking. I felt like I wasn't even moving anymore. Maybe I wasn't really walking. Maybe I was just fantasizing that I was walking in a sad attempt at giving myself a bit more time before coming face to face with the Joker again.

Wrong again. The door was suddenly before me in all its hideous glory. It stood there, mocking my very existence—laughing its silent laugh. I knew what was behind it—who that door was hiding behind it. It still continued laughing in my face—a cruel joke that only I could understand.

"Fuck you, door," I muttered under my breath finally, as I took in a deep inhalation before swiping my ID badge.

I entered the session room to find my beloved Joker sitting idly in his seat, awaiting the arrival of Dr. Princeton. He glanced up at me and grinned immediately.

"I know—you weren't expecting to see me this morning. Another nice surprise, right?" I asked curtly, as I sat down and let my things fall onto the table that separated us.

"Actually—not quite," he remarked, accenting the T's, and then licking his lips. I paused and looked up at him. I stared hard at him through narrow eyes. Why was he pulling this shit with me already? I released an irritated sigh.

"I know you're saying that because you want me to ask you what you mean, but I'm not going to. I'm just going to proceed with today's session as though it were any other day—and pretend like it's either a Tuesday or Thursday," I spat back at him, trying to go back to yesterday and all the other days before yesterday when I thought he didn't remember me. It was so much harder now, knowing he never forgot me at all.

He nodded in consent to my request and pursed his lips. I shuffled through my papers, glancing up at him every now and then, half expecting him to blurt out some ridiculous comment, but he never did. He simply sat there in silence, grinning at me. Finally, I slammed his chart shut.

"Okay so just tell me why you were expecting me this morning," I blurted finally, giving in to my irritation. He just erupted into a cacophony of laughter.

"I knew you wouldn't keep up that therapist persona for long—though I'd have to say, you are quite the psychoanalyst, Giada. Very impressive—you don't disappoint," he said as he leaned in close to me.

I continued glaring at him from behind my glasses, "Will you just shut the hell up and tell me what I want to know?" I snapped at him.

"Now, now, calm down—I'm going to tell you everything; but that's the point, you see? Once you know everything, you're going to have to choose," he explained, licking his lips again and raising his eyebrows.

"What are you making me choose?" I asked, suddenly feeling my heart rise into my throat. I couldn't believe he was doing this to me—after all we'd discussed the night before. My blood began rising in temperature as he began his explanation.

"I'm making you choose because I know if you don't, you'll regret it…for the rest of your life," he spoke.

"Where is Dr. Princeton?" I asked angrily, shoving all of my papers and binders aside.

"On a long vacation," he replied, folding his arms across the table and leaning in toward me. He waited for my response. I knew he'd have some kind of smug reply like that.

"On a long vacation…where?" I asked through clenched teeth and leaning in toward him.

He licked his lips and looked off to the side. He slightly pouted his lips before answering, probably to make me hate him less in this moment, "Well…his office," the Joker finally responded, gazing back at me through harsher eyes.

"This isn't funny. He's in his office? Then why the fuck isn't he the one in here doing therapy with you?" I demanded, heatedly.

"Now, come on, Giada. Think about this one, hm? Look, listen, things aren't that complicated with me. If I say he's in his office—he's there," he paused before going on, "he just won't be coming out any time soon," he started giggling.

"What did you do to him?" I asked, now infuriated.

"What do I do with people I…despise?" he asked me in rhetoric, licking his lips.

"Oh my God—you killed Dr. Princeton," I whispered suddenly. How could I have been so dense as to not figure that one out the minute Dr. Gerard stepped into my office this morning?! I was horribly out of practice with the Joker and his antics.

"Ta Da! We have a winner!" he exclaimed with excitement, "He's locked up in there and safe—a nice little present for you and your little therapy team. Now you have me all to your self…Dr. DiMarco,"

His gaze burned my eyes. I couldn't tear my gaze from his. He had me. As much as I hated that he killed Dr. Princeton, I felt somewhat relieved.

"And how does this…" he cleared his throat, "knowledge…make you…feel, Giada? Hm?" he asked finally.

I didn't know how to respond. At this point, nothing else mattered. Dr. Princeton was dead and the Joker was now my patient—all to my self. I felt horrible that the man was dead, but he had been such a nightmare to me. At least he was no longer a threat to the Joker—he would no longer be considered for prison or death row.

"Your choice hangs in this answer, my dear," he said, urging me to speak. I was too dazed and confused. It was all happening so fast. I had bee furious with him just a moment ago, but now I was sitting here completely at ease and falling hard.

"Relieved," I dreamily replied finally. A smirk widely spread itself across his scarred lips.

"I knew you would be. That's why I did it," he confessed. Was that my surprise? I certainly hoped it wasn't. No, it couldn't be. It was Christmas Eve yet.

"I'm…flattered?" I responded, unsure of how to reply to such a statement. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Something inside me switched. I was no longer furious at the Joker. He killed someone for me—someone who had driven me insane and treated me horribly. I assumed he had taken notice and decided to kill anyone who caused me grief. I was…flattered. Butterflies swirled around my stomach as I re-considered his sick and deranged way of showing me he cared for me—by killing my superior. A demented smirk crossed my lips as and he and I shared this delusional moment of bliss.

"So, what are we going to do with the body? They will probably suspect you," I spoke finally, as though I were still in a dream.

"This is where you need to make a choice, Giada," he instructed finally, reaching across the table for my hands. He took hold of my hands in his. They were cold and rough to the touch, but I loved them. I leaned in closer to him, wanting him to kiss me.

"What choice?" I asked, still fluttering around in my lucid dream.

"Tomorrow night—you and I leave…this…place," he said as he looked about the room.

"But if you're gone, they'll know for sure you killed him," I said finally, snapping out of my fantasy world.

"You didn't let me finish," he interjected, raising his eyebrows, "you and I escape from here tomorrow night…so I can…surprise you, like planned. When the surprise is over, we come back here…and you lock me up again like nothing ever happened. After they discover…Dr. Arrogant Bastard, you and I escape…and I blow up the asylum to high hell!" he giggled at the end part. I cocked my head to the side.

"Then I won't have a place to work," I said, totally unconcerned for the blowing up the building part of his plan. What was wrong with me?! What the hell was I thinking?!

"You won't need a job—you work with me, remember?" he asked, leaning further towards me. I could feel his breath on my lips. I wanted to kiss him. I licked my lips and inhaled his strange scent. The butterflies swirled against the walls of my stomach. I nodded my head.

"I remember that's how things were," I spoke finally, trying to keep my head on straight and not get too lost in the fantasy of having him back with me.

"I…I…I don't know what to do. I want to go with you—but—but this job is everything I've worked so hard for," I explained finally, leaning back from him.

"No, no—you're talking like one of them—and you're not one of them. You never were. Don't try to be something you're not. You're too good for them; for this," he looked around the room, and tightened his grip on my hands. He then pulled me back to the center of the table to meet him.

"I…I…don't know,"

"Say yes," he urged me, his lips almost brushing against mine. It sent chills down my spine. "Your name won't be ruined…if that's what you're worried about. If blow up this building, no one will ever know you were involved—there will be nothing left for them to find,"

"I need to be clear then—if I work with you, you will take me with you—all the time. I won't be sitting around like I was for a while back then," I instructed.

"Of course," he quickly replied.

"Because nothing else matters to me if I can be by your side on the streets of Gotham again,"

"It was never a question—just a matter of when," he said, sitting back in his chair. I nodded my head in agreement, and then glanced at my watch.

"It looks like our time is up, Clown Prince of Crime," I jested, with a small smile.

"Tomorrow, then…my harlequin of hate," he grinned back at me. My heart melted. I knew nothing else mattered.