Chapter Fifteen

The next couple weeks flew by for Sansa. Between voice lessons to prep her song for auditions and keeping up with her schoolwork, she didn't see Jon much at all. She did see Jaime though. She was thankful he was so patient with her, because she felt like a prude a lot of the time. There was a lot of dry humping going on, needless to say. Sansa just didn't know what her deal was. She had thought when given the opportunity to fool around she would have been all over it. But, no. She just couldn't relax enough with Jaime to let him touch her in the ways he wanted. He said he wasn't upset and understood, but Sansa wondered if he was lying.

On the day of her audition, she was a bundle of nerves and spent the morning preparing (despite how Jaime told her to rest her "instrument") while Margaery was out of the room. She had chosen to sing "Make it Real" by The Jets. It was a bold choice since not many people remembered that band from the 80s, but she had a funny feeling there would be a lot of auditions featuring Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. Sansa wanted to be different. She had already supplied the music to the small band that would be accompanying her, so she was all set with that. All she had to do was make sure to hit the notes as Brienne had taught her.

She was in the middle of her third round of the song when there was a knock on the door. It was Jon. "Hey, stranger," he said with a wide smile.

Sansa practically jumped on him; she was so happy to see him. "Jon!"

He laughed as he hugged her tightly. "I've missed you," he murmured.

"I've missed you too," she said with a sigh. She pulled away and looked at him. "You're wearing a blue t-shirt, and it's not navy! I love it." She stepped to the side. "Come in, come in."

"I could hear you in the hall," he said as he stepped inside. Sansa shut the door behind him. "Your voice sounds different lately, I meant to tell you that. Your singing voice I mean. I heard it when you were singing in the car when we all went out."

"Different good I hope?"

"Of course."

"I've um, I've been taking lessons."

"Really? Where? Here?"

She nodded. "Yeah, Jaime set me up with her. It's over now that auditions are here."

Jon's brow furrowed. "Auditions?"

"Yeah, you know with the – oh. I didn't tell you about that, did I?"

"No, I don't think you did. What auditions?"

Sansa sat down on her bed. "Jaime told me about it—"

"Of course he did," Jon muttered.

She shot him a look and he waved at her to continue. "The music department is putting on a show of 80s and 90s music. Jaime, in his quest to get me to declare music as my major, told me I should audition. So I am."

"Jaime isn't the only one that thought you should declare music your major," Jon said softly. There was tension in his voice. "I did too."

"Well it doesn't really matter either way, does it?"

Jon wanted to tell her that it did matter. It mattered because she put Jaime fucking Lannister up on some kind of pedestal and followed what Jaime said when Jaime said it… Jon just wanted to know that he mattered to her, too. And it was silly to think that he might not when he knew that he did.

"Does Drogo know about today?" he asked.

Sansa nodded. "He does."

"Will he be there?"

"No. I don't want anyone there."

Jon clenched his jaw. "Jaime will be there of course."

"Yes. He kind of has to be."

Jon knew that. He knew that logically. But he still didn't like it. And he could see Sansa was nervous based on the way she was fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. She did that when she was nervous. Did Jaime know that? Did Drogo?

"When do you have to go?" Jon asked.

Sansa glanced at her alarm clock. "Now."

Jon nodded. So much for spending time with Sansa. "Can we do something after?"

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry. I can't. I have plans…"

"Drogo?"

"Yeah. Hey, how's things with Ygritte?"

"Fine," he mumbled. And they were fine. Even if they'd only had sex once and it was because she had practically jumped him and demanded it. Of all days it had been after they'd spent the day with Margaery and Sansa and he'd been so fucked in the head over Sansa…

There had to be something wrong with him that he didn't really want to have sex with her. He was a red-blooded male and yet he was facing the very real problem that he wasn't sexually attracted to his girlfriend.

Furthermore, he hadn't even been ready to commit to her being his girlfriend but then everyone started giving her that label and he went with it because that's what Jon did. He just went along with things. He was tired of going along with things.

"Trouble in paradise?" Sansa asked as she started to collect her books and a tote bag.

"No, it's fine," he said. But he was angry. Not something Jon was very often, but he was finding himself irritated lately for no apparent reason.

Plus, he missed Sansa, and couldn't get thoughts of what she might be doing with Drogo out of his head. Had she had sex with him yet? Was he pressuring her into it? Did she care about him? Love him?

"Do you love him?" Jon blurted out. "Drogo, I mean. Do you love him?"

Sansa looked stunned that he'd asked that. She shook her head. "No, I don't. Do you love Ygritte?"

No, he didn't. And he'd just realized that he didn't know if he ever could. "Do you think you could love him?" Jon asked instead of answering her.

"I…don't know. Maybe?"

Jon understood then what she'd felt when he'd started dating Ygritte. She had been afraid to lose him and Jon felt now that he was losing her. Drogo and fucking Jaime Lannister got parts of her that he didn't. All this time he hadn't known about her singing lessons, about this audition, about her thoughts on declaring her major to music. But they did. What had happened to the days when Sansa told him everything?

"Walk you outside?" she asked with a small smile.

Jon nodded and they walked in silence out of her room, down the hall, and then outside. They'd never been so quiet with each other. Their natural rhythm was off and Jon felt out of sorts because of it.

Once they reached the front of the dorm, Sansa turned to him. "See you later?"

"Good luck," he said. "Send me a text and let me know how it went?"

"Of course," she said. But he knew that she wouldn't.

xxxxxxxx

Sansa had never been more nervous in her life than when it was time for her to sing. The only people she knew in that room was Jaime and Brienne. Everyone else knew each other, the way you do when you share classes with people on a regular basis.

Just feeling the energy of the group, the excitement, and being around people who loved to perform as she did – Sansa knew that she didn't have to do this to prove to herself this was where she belonged. The problem, of course, would be telling her parents about her decision to declare a major they probably wouldn't be happy about.

Sansa barely even remembered singing. After the last note died, she thanked everyone and left, feeling as though she was outside herself. Jaime met up with her in the hall and hugged her. "You did fantastic!" he exclaimed. "I'm so proud of you!"

"I did okay? I think I blanked out completely," she said with a laugh.

"It was bloody brilliant, Sansa," Jaime told her and beamed at her. "If I could kiss you right now I would," he murmured.

"Tonight?" she asked hopefully.

His smile fell and he rubbed the back of his neck. "I can't, unfortunately. Perhaps tomorrow night?"

She was disappointed, having made sure she was free in case he wanted to celebrate. "Uh, sure, yes, that sounds great."

He grinned. "I'm very proud of you."

She smiled. "Thank you."

The door to the audition room opened then and out came Jeyne, one of the students that Sansa had chatted with inside. "Hey, Sansa, some of us were wondering if you wanted to grab a bite to eat with us after?"

Sansa broke into a wide smile. "Yes, please, I'd like that."

Jaime nodded, looking quite pleased with this turn of events and Sansa left after giving Jeyne her phone number. She felt as though she was walking on a cloud; it had been a long time since she'd last felt like that.