"Hi - excuse me - is this seat taken?"
Kensi was startled out of her daydream rather suddenly. Shaking herself out of a daze, she looked up to a kind faced woman who looked about her own age.
"Oh, no go ahead," Kensi said, indicating the empty seat beside her. She did not often use public transport, but she was not in L.A. at the moment. She was three thousand miles away from her home, her friends, and her partner. New York was brisk and unwelcoming to her, but perhaps that was because she was used to the eternal sunshine of California, or she facing it without Deeks. Whatever the reason, she wanted to finish her business here as soon as possible and return home.
"Are you alright?" asked the woman who now sat beside her.
It appeared that Kensi had drifted off again. She did that a lot these days.
"Oh yeah," Kensi smiled back, trying to look as sane as possible, "Just tired…"
The woman smiled.
"You're not from here, are you?"
"No," Kensi sighed, "no I definitely miss my home. I miss – well yeah I just miss home, that's all."
The smiled again, and as if she could read Kensi's mind, she asked,
"But is it really?"
Kensi was not sure whether to be alarmed or intrigued that this stranger would be so blunt with her. Yet the woman commanded a sort of trust, she was one of those people who you feel like you've known you're whole life, when really you've just met them. And so Kensi, deciding that there was nothing to lose anyways, let herself open up to a complete stranger on a subway in New York. For some reason it felt safer than releasing the secrets she kept to those who were closest to her. It was bizarre, but she went with it.
"Well, no, not really," Kensi sighed, leaning back into her seat, "There's someone I miss more than anyone. He – well its complicated, but basically I cant even tell him how much I miss him because it just wont work. And being away from him only makes it worse."
"Does he make u happy?" the woman asked
"He makes me more than happy he – well I've never been good with words but I'm pretty sure there aren't ones to describe what he makes me feel. I know it's dangerous, to care that much. But it's funny," she said as she cocked her head to the side as if contemplating her own thoughts, "I don't give a damn about caution anymore, not with him."
She sighed.
"But I'm here, and he's not… I'm sorry, I'm blabbering and u don't even know me."
"No, no sweetie, not many people have been there, you're lucky you have."
"Just when I was ready to tell him, I was sent here, and I'm not sure I'll have the confidence when I get back to L.A. I'm not sure I'll ever have the confidence…"
"If you love him that much, I think you already do," replied the woman.
Kensi frowned. Maybe the woman was right, but right now she just wanted to stop thinking about Deeks for the first time in forever. Luckily, the stranger seemed to sense this and said
"So you're from L.A.?"
"Yeah."
"Funny, I'm going out there next week to visit my cousin."
"Oh, cool. Are you guys close?" said Kensi conversationally.
"Yeah, we never really got to see each other much as kids; my mom didn't approve of her sisters marriage to my cousin's dad. To be honest I don't blame her, the guy was a dead beat from what I could tell. He was no good and – well some pretty bad shit went down and after that my mom really cut us off from them. But he and I kept in contact. He loves surfing and he says he'll teach me when I go out there," she said happily.
Kensi grinned, she knew another surfer who had tried on more than one occasion to convince her to go out on the water with him. But this was beside the point.
"What did u say your cousin's name was?" Kensi inquired.
"I don't think I did," she said amusedly, "but his name is Marty."
Kensi smiled, she loved that name. Then with a start she felt rather rude for not asking what the woman's name was first.
"I'm sorry, but what's your name?" Kensi asked gently.
The woman chuckled.
"Allison, and what's yours?"
"Kensi."
"An unusual name, but pretty…"
A short silence fell between them. Not wanting it to be awkward, and yet not knowing exactly why she even cared if it were, Kensi inquired about Allison's cousin. It seemed like appropriate small talk.
"I haven't been out to see him in years," she said rather sadly, "but he's living in LA now, and since I'll be in town I figured I'd pay him a visit u know?
"My mother's always saying how she hopes he got out of that awful trailer park alright. He had rough childhood from what I remember. I think he did alright though, he's a cop now."
Kensi's heart stopped.
She barely heard the kind faced stranger saying
"But I'm sorry, I'm probably boring you with my cousin talk..."
"No, no," said Kensi, shaking off her alarmed expression, "No it's – it's cool – I mean…"
Allison smiled knowingly. It was almost unsettling how much Kensi felt like she knew her. Then she remembered, of course she knew her. Or at least she knew of her, Deeks had mentioned a cousin that lived back in New York.
"Well this is my stop," said Allison abruptly. Then she turned back to Kensi and said earnestly,
"I hope everything works out. The things we want most have a way of doing that."