Chapter Eighteen

Jon was torn. Part of him wanted to run to Sansa and tell him how he felt. The other part was terrified to do so. He felt full to bursting with this new discovery. He was in love! And in love with his best friend, with the woman that knew him better than anyone, even Robb. And yet his heart had never ached as horribly as did now. Could she learn to love him? Had she been so enraptured by Dr. Lannister that her heart needed to be mended? If he told her how he felt now, would she run in the other direction?

"Tell her," Sam said as Jon paced the length of their lounge.

"I want to, Sam, but I can't just lay it at her feet right now."

"Why not?"

Jon looked at him incredulously. "Because I've no idea how wrecked she is because of that bastard…"

"And?"

Jon sighed. "I have to break up with Ygritte."

Sam made a face. "Oh, yes. Well, good luck with that."

"Yes, thank you, Sam," Jon said drily. He raked a hand through his hair. "Margaery may have foretold the future. I may very well get punched by Ygritte when I tell her we're over."

"How do you plan to do it then? You're not going to tell her that you're in love with Sansa, are you?"

Jon frowned. "I hadn't planned on it…but what if things do work out the way I want them to – the way I hope they will for Sansa and I. She might see us together. She would know then wouldn't she? I feel like I should prepare her so she's not blindsided."

"Jon, you can't protect her from being hurt. You're going to break up with her; she will be upset by it. What happens after…I mean, I know you are a good guy that wants to protect others from harm, but you also have to live your life."

"Yes, you're right."

"Besides, I know you. You'd still try to hide your relationship with Sansa from Ygritte to protect her from being hurt anyway. And I doubt Sansa would take well to that."

"No," Jon said firmly. "She wouldn't stand for it." He grinned. "The little spitfire that she is."

"Do you know that I have never seen you once this…downright giddy with Ygritte as you are at the mere thought of Sansa?" Sam asked.

Jon placed his hand over his heart. "I love her, Sam. I feel like my heart is just so full and I could – I could fucking break out in song or…" he shook his head and groaned. "I sound pathetic, don't I?"

Sam laughed and shook his head. "You do remember who you're talking to, right? The guy that is more romantic than all the members of the band Chicago combined?"

Jon grinned. "And you will find someone that will appreciate that, Sam. I know the perfect girl is out there for you."

Sam laughed again. "Ah, there it is. The 'I'm so in love I want to couple the world!' stage."

Jon looked down sheepishly. "Yes, well…ask me how I feel if I ever get up the nerve to tell Sansa how I feel and she rejects me."

"I don't believe she will," Sam said wisely.

"You don't?" Jon asked hopefully.

"No, I don't. I've watched you two together for a long while now, remember. I think she's in love with you as well. She just needs a little push as you did."

The door to their suite opened and Jon's heart clenched. Had Sansa come to see him?

"Hello!"

Nope. It was Ygritte. Jon inwardly sighed. She came over and wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned in to kiss him. Jon turned his head so her lips landed on his cheek.

"Jon?"

He looked at her. "Ygritte, we need to talk."

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Sansa lay on her bed, staring up at the ceiling and singing "All By Myself" at the top of her lungs along with the song on her iPod.

The door slammed and Sansa turned her head. Margaery stood there looking ready to kill her. "Sansa, have you been to any of your classes today?" she asked.

"Yes," Sansa said and turned down the volume on the iPod docking station next to her on her desk. "I went to my morning one. But Tyrion's class was canceled. No doubt shuttling his brother out of the country or something."

"Do you plan to go to your other classes?"

"What are you trying to say, Margaery?"

"That if this is what you plan to do while getting over Dr. Lannister and how pissed Jon is with you, then you may be down a best girlfriend cause this moping shit is already annoying. And it's only day one! If I hear you play that fucking song again I might chuck you iPod out the window."

Sansa sighed and shut down the docking station. "I'm not sure what I feel except guilt for having lied to Jon, worry that someone will somehow find out that I was fooling around with Jaime, and…God, I'm actually just so hurt and feel so betrayed by Jaime right now. I feel like a fool. I thought I was special."

"Sounds like you actually do know what you feel, and that you feel a lot."

Sansa sighed. "I wish I had the balls to see him. I know where he lives."

"Maybe it would help you if you did. Maybe you need to hear from him why he did what he did."

"Tyrion is probably with him…and I just…I'm afraid that he'll just tell me he just saw me as some plaything. As a young woman that he could fuck with…and literally fuck. Part of me just wants to hold onto the idea that he wasn't just trying to get in my pants when he said that I was talented."

"You are talented, Sansa. He wasn't wrong about that. You hear tomorrow about how auditions went, don't you?"

Sansa nodded. And then she sat up. "Maybe I could just email him. I have his personal email."

"Do it. You need closure."

Margaery was right. She did.

"You also need to talk to Jon."

Margaery was right about that, too.

Sansa grabbed her laptop off her desk. First things first. An e-mail to Jaime. She opened "new mail" and took a moment to figure out what it was she wanted to say. It didn't take long for the words to come, because as it turned out there wasn't much she wanted to know save for one thing. Margaery came over to read over her shoulder as she typed.

To: TheKnight

From: Songstress1211

Re: Hello

Jaime,

By now I'm sure you're aware I know about you and what you've done. And apparently have been doing with others. I'm not going to blast you for it. What would be the point in that? I doubt it would make me feel better at this point to just call you a bunch of names and wish you a terrible life. I'm sure the life you're leading now isn't exactly how you imagined it would be.

What I do want to know is if all that you said to me when we were…whatever it was we were doing…was true. Did you mean it when you said I had talent? Or was that just to get in my pants? I don't want your pretty words, I just want the truth. If, that is, you can tell it.

Sansa

Margaery patted her head. "I think that's perfect, little dove."

Sansa hit send. Strangely, she already did feel better in doing just that. Then she sighed. "Okay, now it's Jon's turn."

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Ygritte didn't take it well. She hadn't punched him, but she had tried. Jon had caught her wrist before she could land the blow. When she'd left, in a fit of tears and screaming she had stunned him by saying, "I know why you're doing this. It's because of Sansa, isn't it?"

Jon had been too stunned to speak. Had everyone but him known how he'd felt about Sansa?

His silence had apparently been her answer. "That little girl will never make you happy."

Jon had shaken his head and simply said, "I beg to differ."

She'd left then, and though Jon felt terrible for having hurt her, he also felt relief. Hindsight being twenty/twenty, he honestly wasn't sure why he'd stuck it out as long as he had. Sam had been right. Just the thought of Sansa brought him more joy than being with Ygritte ever had.

It was evening now and Jon sat on his bed tossing his phone from hand to hand. He wanted to see Sansa, and if he couldn't do that then he at least wanted to hear her sweet voice. He wanted to call her, and yet he was afraid to. Was she mourning the loss of Dr. Lannister?

A knock came at his door and Jon sighed, thinking it was Sam, and hoping it wasn't Ygritte coming back for more arguing.

But it wasn't either of them. It was Sansa. His sweet, funny Sansa whom he loved with a fierceness he didn't know he was capable of. She didn't look as though she'd been bawling her eyes out. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, sharpening her cheekbones, and she wore little makeup. She wore jeans and a shirt with a hood. She held in her hands a paper bag.

Jon's heart pounded hard in his chest. He wanted to pull her in his arms and never let go and at the same time he was unable to move. All he could do was stare.

"So, I know that you're probably still upset with me," she said.

Upset with – oh yeah. She had lied to him about seeing Dr. Lannister. Funny how that tidbit had taken a backseat to the fact that he was hopelessly in love with her.

She frowned slightly when he didn't reply. Had he forgotten how to talk to her? he wondered.

"Right," she said. "So—"

"Did you bring me more treats?" he managed to ask and nodded to the bag in her hands.

"No. Well, there is some junk in there, but they are not the most important thing in the bag."

"What is?"

She smiled and oh God, his stomach flip-flopped and his heart felt as though it was going to fly out of his chest and land at her feet. "Two lemons, two limes, salt that Margaery filched from the cafeteria, a pocket knife I filched from Margaery, and a bottle of tequila."

His brows rose. "Tequila?"

She nodded. "I thought – well, Jon and I need to talk and what better way to get Jon talking than to get him drunk? So you get the limes, because I know you prefer the limes. I get the lemons because I'm not going to let you have all the fun. So. Can I come in?" She actually looked nervous, like she though he might say no. Even when he didn't know he was in love with her he had never been able to deny her anything she wanted.

To answer her question though, Jon stood to the side to let her pass.