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Chapter Nineteen

Sansa and Jon sat together on the floor of Jon's room, a white plastic plate of cut up lemons and limes in between them. The salt shaker sat in the middle of the plate and before each of them were shot glasses. Sansa had gotten herself a can of Coke as a chaser for the tequila.

She started them off by licking the side of her hand, sprinkling the salt on her hand, licking that, then downing her shot and then sucking on the lemon. She tossed the used lemon in a nearby wastebasket. She made a face as the tequila went down and then she sipped her Coke. Jon watched her in amusement. The faces she made were entertaining. She placed the Coke down and said, "I'm sorry I lied to you about Jaime. I was just afraid if I did tell you, you'd do something to him and I in trouble."

Jon repeated her process of taking a shot and when he swallowed and put the shot glass down he said, "Well, you were right in that I would have found a way to stop him. I wouldn't have let you get dragged through the mud in order to do that though."

Sansa took another shot. "I didn't want you to stop him, and I didn't want to upset you."

That Sansa wanted to protect Dr. Lannister stung. Jon took another shot. "Just how much did you care for him?"

She considered this as she licked her hand and then sprinkled salt on it. When she finished the shot, she said, "I don't know that I cared about him as much as I thought – or you might think. I think I liked the idea of him. I liked that this hot older guy wanted me and thought I was something special enough to risk his career for."

"Sansa, you are something special," Jon said emphatically.

She shrugged a shoulder. "Turns out I'm not since there were others."

"I'm not talking about Jaime fucking Lannister. You, Sansa Stark, are special."

Her smile was wan, as if she was just humoring him. She pushed the bottle of tequila closer toward him, giving him the hint to take another shot. He did.

"I went to see him," Jon said.

Her eyes went wide. "Say what now?"

"I went to see him. Sam got his address online and I went to his house. I punched him."

Sansa practically leapt to her feet – and then promptly wobbled. Jon hurriedly got up to help steady her. She pointed at him. "You actually went to his house and punched him?"

"Yes. I had to do something, Sansa."

"No, you really didn't."

"Yes, I did. He took advantage of you and maybe you didn't have sex with him but you could have. He could have made you fall in love with him, he could have been your first, and he could have then broken your heart and possibly ruined your life if anyone had found out. I couldn't just do nothing. It would have driven me round the bend to do nothing."

She sank down onto the floor again. "Well, shit. Jon, I can't believe you did that!"

He shrugged and sat down. "He deserved it. Don't tell me he didn't."

Sansa took another shot, this time foregoing the salt. "He did," she agreed. "But I still can't believe you did that." Her words were beginning to slur.

Jon took another shot, too. Foregoing the salt and the lime. "I had to do something."

"Did he say anything?" she asked.

"Yes, he wanted me to let you know he was sorry. And that he truly believes in you."

It was then that Sansa started to cry. Jon crawled over to her, not trusting his ability to stand at this point. The tequila was hitting him pretty hard. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side. "Don' cry, Sans…" he murmured. "He's not worth it."

"I jus' thought everything he said about my being talented was a lie…"

"It wasn't. You are talented, Sansa."

She took yet another shot and he did one after her.

"I liked that someone wanted me. I've never had much luck with dating," she said softly and tucked her head under his chin. "And then you started dating Regret and I felt like I had to hurry up and find someone."

Jon dipped his head and kissed the top of her head. "Why did you feel like that?"

"I didn't think you'd be around anymore."

"I told you that you'd never lose me."

"I didn't believe you."

"Clearly," he muttered. "But your professor?"

"I may not have been thinkin' clear…ly."

He chuckled. "You drunk, sweetheart?"

"I think sssso," she slurred. "Are you?"

"I'm buzzing pretty hard."

"Not good enough." She took another shot, no chaser this time, and then filled her shot glass and handed it to him.

"I broke up with Regret," Jon said. He was feeling it now. That was the thing with tequila. It just crept up on you.

Sansa looked at him in shock. "You did?!"

He nodded. "I'm not in love with her and I didn't see that happening." Even in his inebriated state, Jon was cognizant enough to know that a drunken confession of his feelings to Sansa was probably not the best way to go. There was a chance she wouldn't believe him, she was still clearly hurting over Dr. Lannister, and there was also the very real possibility that she wouldn't remember it in the morning. He wanted to make sure she remembered everything quite clearly when he finally told her how he felt.

"When did you…when did you…" she giggled. "I think I'm definitely drunk."

Jon laughed and pulled her onto his lap. All right, so maybe he wasn't quite that cognizant of some things – like how placing her on his lap might seem. He kissed her temple and wrapped his arms around her.

"When did you do it?" she asked, breaking him out of his daze of holding Sansa so close.

"Today," he murmured and nuzzled the side of her face.

She giggled again and moved her face away. "You're tickling me."

He contented himself with just holding her, but rubbed the side of his face against hers.

"Jon."

"Hmm?" he hummed. God, he wanted her. He wanted so much to just lay her down on his bed and make love to her. His cock liked that idea very much as it was currently hardening.

"How did she take it?" Sansa asked.

"Not well." He didn't want to think about that though. He just wanted to focus on Sansa. Sansa on his lap, her scent in his nose, his arms around her, her ass over his cock…

"I didn't like her anyway," she sighed.

Jon chuckled at that. "I know."

"She didn't like me either. She was jealous of me."

"She was right to be."

"She called me a little girl."

Jon froze. "What?"

"She told me I was a little girl and to stop playing games with you."

Jon's arms tightened around her as though he could protect her from Ygritte even now. "When was this?"

"That day we all went out? It was at the bookstore. She cornered me in the music department."

"Why am I just hearing about this now?" he asked in annoyance.

"She made it sound like if I told you then I would prove how childish I am. And I kind of felt she was right in some way so I opted not to tell you. I didn't want to cause any trouble."

"Sansa, you absolutely should have told me about that. She was out of line to say that to you." Now that he thought of it, it was after that day that he and Sansa didn't see much of each other and didn't talk much. The thought that Ygritte could have succeeded in driving a permanent wedge between him and Sansa angered him. Added to that was the presence of Dr. Lannister. If he hadn't been caught and Jon hadn't figured out how he felt about Sansa then they might not be right here in this moment together.

"I just want to hold you tight and never let you go," Jon murmured against her neck.

"Are you okay?" Sansa asked and patted his hand that was splayed almost possessively over her belly. He knew then that she hadn't heard what he'd said. "I mean, are you upset about the break up?"

"No," he said simply. "It was a relief."

"So, since you're so fond of asking me…did you have sex with her?"

"Sansa…"

He felt her tense. Interesting. Did that bother her?

"So that's a yes," she said and laughed. It was fake though. Jon knew all of Sansa's smiles and laughs and looks, and that was one of her fake laughs. Was it possible she was jealous?

"It was one time," Jon said. "After…Jesus, after that day."

"Talk about marking your territory," Sansa drawled.

"I didn't really want to," he admitted.

"How is that even possible? You're a guy. I mean, if it's being offered aren't you pretty much raring to go?"

If she wanted to talk about raring to go…

"You should know by now that I'm not like most guys."

She laughed. "Some things about men are the same across the board."

"I suppose that's where I am different then. I'd rather have sex with a woman when I feel something for her."

Sansa peeled his hand of her belly and placed her hand against his. "You have big hands," she murmured.

"And you have tiny delicate hands," he murmured back and watched her as she began to trace the lines of his hand with the tip of her finger. Could she feel how hard he was? He shifted, seeking some friction. Did she even notice? Or was she too drunk to realize?

"Jon?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sansa, you can ask me anything you want."

"Can you tell me about Val?"

He groaned. "Except that."

"Please? It really upset me when what's-her-face told me she knew all about Val when I never knew about her."

"Is there anything else Ygritte said that you'd like to share with the class, Sansa?"

She sighed. "No. So, what's the story there? Did you love her very much?"

Not like I love you, he thought. "Val was…she inducted me into the world of sex."

She dropped his hand and crawled off his lap muttering, "Blech, why does everything go back to that?"

Jon reached for her, but he was moving over to where he had been sitting and was pouring another shot. This time with salt and lemon and Coke.

Jon did one after her. With lime.

"So, was it lust then? Is that what you're saying?" Sansa asked.

"Yes, a lot of it was lust. But I didn't realize that at the time."

"See, Jon, you are like other guys."

He frowned. "Well, some of me is I suppose."

"Robb said you were devastated after she left so it couldn't have been just lust."

Jon sighed. "I was devastated. I thought I loved her. I think I did, in a way."

"What was she like? Was she like this amazing sex Goddess in bed? Was she bendy like a pretzel or something?"

Jon laughed. "Like a pretzel, huh?"

She chucked a lime at him. "Well? Was she?"

"Yes. She was very adventurous. I think she liked the idea of doing it in places where we could potentially be caught."

Sansa's brow furrowed adorably. "Like in public?"

"Yes."

"Where did you do it in public?"

"Well, the library here for one."

Now her eyes popped wide. "You fucked her in the library?"

He laughed and nodded. "Yes."

"You. Jon Snow. You who won't even send a meal back if it has a hair in it, fucked a girl in the library."

"Yes, me, Jon Snow, fucked a girl in the library."

"Jesus. No wonder you love that place so much. It brings back memories. Let me guess, you being the Renaissance man that you are – you took her to the poetry section didn't you?"

He shook his head and laughed. "No. I think it was where they hold the microfiche actually. And she took me there, not the other way around."

She did another shot. Then Jon did.

She fell silent, and Jon could tell she was thinking something.

"Sansa, come back here," he said, gesturing to his lap.

She shook her head and got to her feet. She swayed and then went to his iPod docking station and picked up his iPod and started fiddling with it.

Jon got up and gripped the edge of the bureau to steady himself. Tequila liked to wait until one started to walk around before it hit full force. He decided then that he'd had enough to drink. He made his way over to her carefully.

"Sansa, are you upset with me for some reason?" he asked softly as he ran his hand through her hair.

"Nope." But she wouldn't look at him.

"Sansa."

She sighed and looked at him. "It's just…sex."

"What about it?"

"Nothing."

"No, something is bothering you. Talk to me." And then he pulled her in his arms, because he couldn't seem to stop touching her.

She rested her chin on his shoulder and Jon contented himself with running his fingers through her long red hair. God, he loved her hair.

"How important is it to a guy?" she asked softly.

Jon stilled his movements. "If the guy you're with is worth anything then he will wait for you to be ready, Sansa."

"Do I have to be adventurous right out the gate or is it something I can work up to?"

He smiled. "You can work up to it."

"How important is it that I be…good at it? Jaime didn't seem to mind that I had no experience, but he was also getting some on the side from some other girl. I only let him feel me up – ow, Jon, I can't breathe."

Jon forced himself to relax his arms. "Sorry." The mere mention of that wanker getting to touch Sansa the way he was not yet able to drove him crazy. He leaned back so he could look at her. He took her face in his hands, which seemed to startle her, and said, "Sansa, no one is good at sex right away. It's something you've never done. But with the right person you can explore and learn with them. Especially if you feel comfortable with them and you trust them." Trust me, Sansa, please…

"Is that how you felt with Val? You trusted her?"

"Yes. When it came to sex, yes."

"But not with other stuff?"

"I didn't trust her to stick around. She wasn't really the sticking around type."

"I wish I could be more…unpredictable. Like Val sounds or like Margaery—"

"Sansa, sweetheart, no. I couldn't take it if you were any more unpredictable."

"But I'm not! I'm boring!"

"Boring? You dated your professor. Of all the things I would have thought you'd do, that was definitely not one of them."

She considered this. "You may have a point."

He smiled. "You keep me on my toes enough, Sansa. Let's not forget that day you called me just as you were about to take a flying leap off a bridge."

"Bungee jumping was Margaery's idea."

"So? You still did it."

"True… hey, you know what?"

Jon inched closer to her, finding himself mesmerized by her lips. "Hmm?"

"I'm pretty awesome."

He forced himself to move his gaze from her lips to her eyes. He laughed. "Yes, you are." And I love you, Sansa. I love you so much.

"Was Ygritte adventurous?"

"I don't want to talk about her," Jon muttered.

Sansa pulled his hands off her face. "I need to use the bathroom."

Ten minutes later Jon went in search of Sansa and found her chatting with Sam on the couch in their lounge. He wanted to drag her back in his room with him. He felt a bit covetous at that moment of her. He didn't want to share. Instead of doing what he wanted, he used the bathroom and then came back and sat down beside her and took her hand in his. He couldn't stop touching her and, thanks to the alcohol, his inhibitions were gone and he didn't think twice about doing so.

She rested her head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head. It seemed an unspoken agreement that they would watch the movie Sam was currently watching with him. And when it was over, Sansa chatted with him for a while until Sam went to his room.

"I should go," Sansa murmured, but she didn't seem inclined to move.

"No," Jon said. "Stay."

"Where will I sleep?"

"With me," he whispered and got up. He pulled her up and then with him into his room.

She didn't look sure, but she was also drunk enough to not think so hard about what she was doing.

Jon lay down on his bed and yanked on her hand, causing her to fall onto him sideways. They laughed together and she ended up in the spot next to the wall, her calves over his thighs. Jon turned into her and cupped the side of her face. She looked at him and Jon just couldn't take it anymore.

He kissed her.

Finally, finally, he thought and drew her closer to him. He wanted to devour her. He wanted to roll on top of her and strip her clothes off and make love to her. He wanted to make her his. He wanted her moans; he wanted his name on her lips when she came. He wanted her wet heat on his cock, gripping him as he slid inside her again and again.

All too soon she was stopping their kiss. She turned her head away and gripped his wrist. "Jon, no."

"Why not?" he asked. He was hurt. Did she not feel what was between them?

"Because we're drunk. You just broke up with your girlfriend and I..."

"I want to kiss you sober," he said stubbornly.

"No, you don't."

He didn't like her saying that. "Yes, I do," he said.

But she didn't believe him. Just as he knew she wouldn't while they were in this state.

"I need to go," she said and started to get up.

"No, Sansa, stay."

"Jon—"

"I won't kiss you again. I won't do anything. Just sleep here with me, okay? Just let me hold you."

She didn't look sure still.

"Sansa, we'll just sleep, that's all. I promise. I won't feel you up in your sleep."

She barked out a laugh. "I didn't think you'd do that!"

He smiled. "Then stay."

She heaved a sigh and then nodded. "Okay." She turned away from him though, and lay on her side. Jon pressed his front to her back and wrapped an arm around her. She was stiff at first and then slowly started to relax. She put her hand over his on her stomach.

"Sansa," he murmured against the base of her neck. "My Sansa. Sansa. My Sansa…" Soon, he fell into sleep.