Holy mother of dragons! The story has 103 followers! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I wasn't planning on posting this chapter for at least a couple of days, but I felt like I should give you a present! Thank you guys, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Hope you enjoy this one. Ana :)
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This was no longer a simple journey. Or a one sided war.
My father has made his move.
What we know is that Father is marching with 20,000 men, and Jaime is marching with 15, 000 men. And they are heading straight to Riverrun.
Now, more than ever before, we needed to get there. Lord Edmure, Catlyn's younger brother I haven't had a chance to meet yet, sent us a raven. He has gathered his father's banner men, and they will fight. Even so, the tone of his letter was not very optimistic. Whether my father, or my brother are the ones who attack, our side is outnumbered.
And we are not moving fast enough. We are days away from the Twins. Lord Frey must have heard that we started a war. I have no doubts that the whole Kingdome has. I can just imagine him sitting in the dark, thinking of what he can ask from as in order to provide us a safe passage. I can only hope that his imagination is far more limited than mine, because I do not see us reaching an agreement with which both his side and ours will be completely satisfied.
I hated when I had to depend on someone for anything. Even in my everyday life, I hated it. But I have never hated it as much as I do now.
Sadly, that is not everything. With the upcoming war, it is really hard to be cheerful, or even talkative. I do not remember if Robb and I were ever this quiet as we were now. We talked more even in the beginning of our marriage, when we simply avoided each other as much as we could. It sad to think that our communication was better then.
Of course, if we're unspoken, that does not mean that we lost our connection. Most days, I could easily guess what he was thinking and feeling with just one shared look. As did he. I knew that I shouldn't start the talk, and that I should just avoid some topics.
I kept telling myself that nothing is lost, but as days past, I was beginning to feel that I am losing my husband. That scared me more than both Walder Frey and the Lannister army.
There was nothing I could do. Even now, as we were both preparing for sleep, I was as quiet as I could be. Despite the fact that we were alone. These days, we are surrounded by people, and evenings are the only time when I could relax with him. And we could barely look at each other.
"My uncle will lose." I heard him say. I was so surprised that I had to check. I was changing behind the screen, but I let my sleeping gown fall on the ground, and I walked to the other side of the screen, naked as I was on the day I was born. The look on his face confirmed that he really did say what I thought I heard him say. Not only is our communication poor, but we never really talked about the war topic anymore by ourselves. We left it for the council. I was positive that that was the worst thing that we could have possibly done, but I followed his lead. As I did in everything.
"What makes you so sure?" I whispered. He gave me the saddest smile I have ever seen on him.
"He is outnumbered. Plain numbers, that's what it is." He said. "My uncle will lose, and he will probably die, and it is all just because we hadn't moved fast enough." He continued. Of course. I should have known that he was going to find a way to blame himself. That is Robb. He feels responsible for everything, whether he truly is responsible, or he only thinks he is. I have made a big mistake. I never should have let him be quiet. He needed to talk about this. We both did.
"First off, Robb, there's hardly anything we could have done differently." I said as I slowly made my way towards him. I sat on the bed next to him, and I took his hand in mine." We're moving as fast as we can. We're ready to make ridiculous pacts and damage ourselves so that we could get there in time. No matter the outcome, you need to remember that you are doing everything you can, and I am sure that you will continue to do that. Besides, you cannot be sure of your uncle's faith." I added.
"Are you trying to tell me that your father will leave him living and breathing?" He asked. The irony in his voice was clear. Again, I felt like a Stark soldier spy who held all the valuable information.
"As a matter of fact, that is exactly what I think he will do, yes." I said, quite sure of that." He's not an idiot. He'd want some leverage. Besides, I am sure your uncle could defend them." I added.
"I do not know Uncle Edmure very well, I have to say. But my mother had said that he is not the skilled warrior." He reminded me, and I almost smiled. That is not exactly what Catelyn said. And it was not speaking as it was yelling. She was so angry and worried when we got the raven, that she went on a rant against her brother, father, and uncle. I have a bad feeling that she will blame herself later on, but all of us who witnessed her outburst… we understood. She reached her breaking point, and these days, we are all on the verge of them.
"And you are?" I asked with a small smile. It was a personal victory when I managed to make him laugh.
"Point taken." He said, and my smile widened. He caressed my face and finally, I have felt good about us tonight. This is not a, as it's said, rough patch. This is just two people, scared, frightened as they can be, facing a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, who need to remember that they are in this together." I know I am probably going to regret this someday, but we need that bridge." He said.
"Speaking of the bridge…" I said, and he looked at me. He knew, just by the tone of my voice that I was about to either say or suggest something that he absolutely would not like. I knew it by the look on his face. It was too late for me to change my mind, and he knows I'm up to something, so I might as well just say it." I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Let me just put on some clothes." I said.
"If you're trying to make me do something I do not want to do, you will not need a dress." He said. I admit it, he made me laugh. And I was slightly relieved that he managed to make fun of me, even if he knew I was probably going to start a heated argument with him.
"That is not funny." I said in a serious voice, while struggling to keep a straight face.
"You did laugh." He said, and I rolled my eyes. At least he's playful. At least he's playful." Just say it Elena. Whatever it is. You know you can." He said. There was no anger in his eyes. Well, not yet, but he did not hear what I wanted to propose. At least I was talking to my husband, not the King.
And I just realized that that is not necessarily a good thing. My husband would say that I'm an idiot who wants to put herself in danger for nothing, and he would not let me do as I wanted. A King, on the other hand, he would see the possible benefits of my suggestion. But this is Robb. No matter which Robb I'm talking to, he would want to keep me as safe is possible. I'm wasting my time.
"None of us trust Lord Frey." I said, and he nodded. He was aware of that already." He is sworn to House Tully, not House Stark, and he did not bow to the King in the North. For all we know, he's working for my father. He is not safe to negotiate with."
"Elena, it has been decided." Robb said. It is safe to say that he is surprised." I just told you, I need that bridge, no matter the cost. You know that." He said. I sight, seeing that I will have to elaborate.
"I did not mean that we shouldn't speak to him, but that we shouldn't trust him. Think about it Robb. If the offer is as high as it can be, there is a chance you would never leave that castle ever again. Not alive, anyway. Walder Frey is a sold soul, and my father knows how to buy those." I said. Now, Robb knew what I meant. With all the talking we did with the whole council, we never did speak about the actual talk that we need to have with Lord Frey. It has to be done, somehow. But we never really made a plan. The only thing we knew was that we will give him whatever he wants.
I watched as Robb was silently making decisions and then deciding that they were not right. It was clear. The moment when something comes to his mind, slowly followed by the realization that for whatever reason, it could never work. It is a horrible thing to watch. This whole war was something horrible to watch. My husband was lost at times, and there was nothing I could do to help him. Not because I did not wish to do so, but because I am no better at this than he is.
I have failed him, time and time again. I can see that. It is only a matter of them when he sees it too.
"Elena, you need to understand something." He said after an incredibly long silence." I cannot send my men to do my bidding. I cannot do that."
"You cannot walk into my father's trap either." I said. Anger got the best of me. I was angry, and I was angry for a good reason. While I see and understand Robb's point of view, he completely ignores mine. I understand why he believes that it should be him, but he does not see why I do not agree with him.
"Elena, I am the King." He said. He was talking to me like I was a fool. Like our roles were reversed, and I was the one who could not see common sense. I got up on my feet, and marched behind the changing screen, not even bothered to try and hide my disagreement." I understand what you are saying…" He began, and I sighed even before he had a chance to speak his mind.
"Do you?" I asked as I was franticly putting on my sleeping gown." Do you really Robb? Or is this all just for show?" I asked and when he was in my view, I could see that he was confused. Of course he is." You say that you need my council. That you need me to question you when I believe that you are wrong. That you need me to challenge you. You have said it, time and time again." I said. He was not happy with what I was saying, and I did not try to hide my disappointment in him, which was bigger now than ever before." Countless times, I heard you say that you do not need a wife who will smile and nod, and follow your every decision blindly. You said that as your Queen, I need to be someone who will advise you and guide you. Well, here we are now." I said, spreading my arms in some sort of theatrical display." I am doing exactly what you said I should do, at all times. I am questioning you. I am disagreeing with you, I am not following you blindly. I am speaking my mind, and I am trying to advise you, but you are simply not listening to a single word that leaves my mouth."
"I am listening to you." He said.
"You might be listening, but you are certainly not hearing." I said, raising my voice slightly. I started unbraiding my hair with fast, uncareful, frantic movements that showed how angry I was." Was it all for show Robb? Did you say what you said only to make me feel as if I was worth something? Because if you did, it is safe to say that I am nothing more than a pretty face to accompany you. I am speaking my mind. What I am saying may very well be biased, but I am doing nothing more than what you asked me to do, repeatedly, if I might add. I am trying to keep you alive. It seems as if you and I are not fighting for the same goal, which is, at the very least, incredibly worrying."
I was rude. My most famous trait, my sharp tongue, was working on its own. If I have thought about what I was saying before I started saying it, I would have chosen my words far more carefully. And yet, I did not regret a single word of it. Not a single word.
Words that are spoken in the heat of the moment are the most honest ones. And my husband's life is as conversation topic that I find very, very important. At this point, I do not give a rat's bloody arse whether or not my words are insulting the King, because I was trying to reach my husband.
"It would be wrong for me to send someone else on my behalf." Robb said, and I rolled my eyes.
"I am at loss for words." I said, almost completely resigning the whole idea of trying to reach him. I almost resigned of him." At times, I look at you, and I wonder who you became. It is as if I cannot recognize you anymore." I whispered. These words, I did regret. As soon as I said them out loud.
They were true. He was changing, and the change worried me deeply, but I could have been more careful with the choice of words.
It was, undoubtedly, too late for me to take it back. They have already made an effect.
I turned around and poured myself a goblet of wine. As my brother says so very often, there is nothing like good wine to burn out the fire in you. And I was looking for an excuse to turn my back to Robb. It was bad enough knowing that my words have certainly hurt him. I could not see it as well. That would have been too much. I was a coward. And I was too big of a coward to actually be ashamed of it.
"Do you think this is easy for me?" he asked. I took a deep breath. Now he was angry as well. I may not know how tonight is going to end, but I am positive that it will not end well." You try leading an army!" he yelled and my pride was the only thing that stopped me from jumping at the sound of his raised voice. I cannot believe that I still carry the Lannister pride in me. I believed it was long gone.
"Of course it is not easy!" I yelled back, turning around. He was far more near than I have expected him to be. He was not on the bed anymore, but only a few feet away from me." Did you expect it to be easy?! Were you gullible enough? Robb, we can barely handle our own family. I see what this does to you, and that is the very reason I do not recognize you at times."
"You are being selfish." He said with such anger that I almost confused it with hate.
"I am being selfish?!" I yelled as loud as I could." How dare you?! How dare you, Robb Stark?! You may be the King in the North, but that does give you permission to be an arse! I am being selfish? I beg of you, listen to yourself and then tell me who is being selfish! I do not think of myself for one moment! Not for one moment! All I think of is you! Every day, every night, both when I am asleep and awake, every waking moment, all I can think of is you and your safety! And now you dare and call me selfish?! I knew this war will change us, but I certainly did not expect being insulted by a complete stranger that used to care for me in some past life!" I yelled. Gods, I did not hold back anymore. Before I could stop them, tears started filling my eyes, and I was not sure whether they were caused by anger or by the hurt I felt when he called me selfish. He could have hit me, and it would have hurt less.
"And now you do it again." He said in disbelief. I have no idea what he means." You always turn it to you. You somehow always find a way to portray me as an arse, and you as a victim. And you always find a way to mention that you do not think I love you anymore!" He yelled. He is right. I did that, and I still do that. While I understand why that can be annoying to him, I will not admit that he is right, not now.
"Did it ever occur to you that I feel that way with a good reason? Did it? Or did you disregard it all, not even bothering to think about how insensitive you actually are?!"I yelled. This was something unknown for us. Every past argument we had ended soon enough, usually without the need to raise our voices. But this was something completely new. Yet it seemed very familiar. It was almost frightening to see how well we are in yelling at each other.
"The first time I met you, you said you are nothing like the rest of the Lannisters. Now I see you are more of a Lannister than they are!" He shouted at me.
"Do not say that." I growled at him. He is crossing the invisible line, and once he crosses it, there will be no going back.
"I am saying that Elena because it is the truth! You are selfish and manipulative and cunning and the more you pretend that you are not, the more you turn into your sister!" He yelled. The line was crossed.
"I am nothing like that." I whispered, barely managing to speak.
"You talk like a Lannister, you stand like a Lannister, and you even hold a bloody goblet like a Lannister! You say I am changing, but I am the one who is married to Cersei!" He yelled. The fact that he was not aware what he just said only made it worse. He knew those words were going to hurt me, and he did not bother to stop himself from saying them. I doubt he even sees that that makes him worse than the person he just described.
I had no control of my tears. It was difficult enough to stop myself from slapping him with all the strength I had. Some things were simply out of my control.
"Your Grace." Theon's voice made us both jump and stop exchanging deathly stears. Instead, I pointed mine at Theon.
"Leave us." I said, my voice shaking.
"Your Grace is…" Theon started.
"As your Queen, I order you to leave us Greyjoy!" I yelled at him. This was the first time I was a rude Queen towards anyone. And he did not even deserve it. I will have to apologize to him before he decides to hold it against me. He left the tent, only stopping to exchange a look with Robb. It seemed to me like he was trying to prove a point. Like he had warned him that I will turn into a shouting monster on the day we were married. At least he did not say anything else.
The interruption that Theon was probably made Robb realize what he had just done. When I found the courage to look at him again, there was a change. Yes, there still was anger, but there was no rage. And I thing I could see the painful realization on what he had said and how much it had hurt me.
"Elena, I…" He started but I shook my head. He grabbed my hand, but I pulled it away from him before he got a chance to stop me. This will not be forgotten. I will always, always remember what he had said to me tonight.
"Do not touch me." I said in a low voice, and I took another step back." Do not touch me. You have said what you wanted to say. At least now you do not have to hold it inside, Your Grace." I said, and I ran out of the tent.
Only when I was outside did I realize I have nowhere to go. I am in a bloody war camp. And wherever I do go, I will not be going out there alone.
Gendry was positioned in front of our tent. The look on his face told me that he had heard our shouts. And the soldiers nearby turned away when I looked at them. That only confirmed my fear that Gendry and Theon were not the only ones who heard us.
"I have to be alone. I won't go far." I said to Gendry, knowing that he will follow me wherever I decide to go. He was about to disagree with my idea, but I grabbed his hand." Gendry, please." I whispered.
I do not wish to know what he saw in my eyes that made him nod. It was probably the raw sadness that I felt. I squeezed his hand once more, and then I walked away from him.
There was nowhere to go. The only place where I could be remotely alone was in the tent we shared.
I could have gone to Tyrion, or Jon, or I could have just sat down with Gendry in front of the tent. That would have been the easiest escape, but it was not what I needed. Each of them would have tried to make me talk about what had happened.
I could have gone to Catelyn. She probably would have helped. But she has enough worries of her own, and I did not want to put this on her as well. Besides, she is Robb's mother. I do not wish to cause any sort of fall out between the two of them.
I had nowhere to go, and that is why I ended up behind the tent.
I sat on the ground, and I cried. I was quiet enough, so I did not draw attention to myself. I was quiet enough not to wake up Robb.
I have spent the whole night sitting on the cold ground, crying, and repeating the words Robb have said to me.
He used it against me. I have told him everything, and no one knows me better than him. And he shamelessly used that knowledge against me. He was the one who was cunning, not me. It made me sad once I realized that while he was a horrible husband, he is at the same time, a good King.
When it was daylight again, I decided that it was time to move. I made one decision, and that is that I am not going into that tent, not while Robb is in it.
So I nodded Gendry as I passed him, and I made my way towards my brother's tent. One of his servants did not stop me as I was about to walk in, so it was no surprise to me that Tyrion was already up.
"Sister, you're early." He said. The smile on his face was gone once he looked at me more carefully. If I was in a bad condition when Gendry saw me last night, I cannot imagine what I looked like now." What happened?" He asked, making his way towards me.
"I do not want to talk about it." I said, my voice hoarse." Can I be in your tent for a while?" I asked.
"Of course you can Elena." Tyrion said." But you have to tell me. You do not look well. Take a seat before you fall down, please." He said, and I listened to him. I knew that I will have to tell him what had happened last night at some point. It is the same whether I tell him now, or the day after. So I told him everything. Everything, from the intentions why I have started the conversation with Robb in the first place, to every horrible insult he said to me. As it was expected, I ended up crying again, but at least this time, I was prepared.