Here I am guys :) I have the results for the CPE, and it's a B. Yup, it could have been better, but I'm happy with it. Anyways, here's a new chapter. I hope you like it. You know what to do if you do. And if you don't, I'd kill for some reviews (How very Lannister of me xD). Enjoy :)
It has been three days. Three days and I have not said a single word to my husband. Three days and he did not say a single word to me. Three days and he did not even bother to see if I am even alive. I am aware that someone probably said something to him, but he did not bother, and that was enough for me.
Not only am I angry and hurt because of what he said, but I am also hurt by the way he acted after. I did not expect him to run after me, but I also did not expect that he loved his pride more than he loved me.
I did the exact same thing. I chose my pride, and this time, I will not give it up. Not for him.
When we were riding, I was riding with my brother and Gendry. And when we would stop, I told the maids to bring my belongings to my brother's tent. Tyrion was not too happy with us sharing a tent, but I believe that it is not because of my company, but because it only means that Robb and I are ignoring both our problems and each other.
Not only did I not talk to them, but I did not even look his way. And I did not bother attending council meetings. They have no use from me, and I do not want to put myself through that.
Catelyn was pretending that nothing was happening. She was talking to be in the same tone in which she talked before, and I am thankful for that. Jon followed her lead and pretended that everything was alright. Gendry did not make me talk about it, but every now and then, I would look at him, and I would see the worry in his eyes. Tyron was the only one who pushed me.
He was so consistent that I started praying that the meetings last for hours. They did, but that did not stop Tyrion from trying to convince me to talk to Robb. Even after he heard what Robb said that night, he was still adamant that I should let it go.
What Tyrion does not understand is that this kind of anger doesn't just magically disappear. I am actually hurt by what Robb said. In all honesty, I do not see how could I ever forgive him for that. Yes, it was an argument, and he was probably pissed off at me and didn't even have time to think about what he was saying. That's precisely why he meant what he said.
He called me selfish, cunning and manipulative. He told me I was turning into my sister. It doesn't matter how much I love the man, this I will never forget.
I heard footsteps before I could actually see my brother. And he did not look happy.
"Well, that was insightful." He said, and I turned my look back to the book I was reading. I'm still pretending like I don't give a damn about the council meetings. I was too angry to attend them, and I was too angry to even ask my brother about them. But Tyrion knows me very well, and he tells me everything, even if I pretend that I am not even remotely interested." Riverrun has been attacked." Tyrion said, and I looked at him in surprise." Yes, our dear brother has attacked Riverrun." He confirmed.
"Is their defense still standing?" I asked. They are outnumbered, but there has to be a possibility?
"For the time being, yes." He said, as he poured himself some wine. After he took a sip, he looked at me." But it will not last long. You're husband seems to be worried about that." He added.
"As he should be." I snapped back at him. There he goes, trying to push me once again." He is worried about a lot of things these days." I added, turning to the book again.
I am not uninterested in the developments of this war. Of course I am. And I am very much worried about Riverrun and the House of Tully. I am not losing it because I know that there is nothing I can do to help them. Not now, not from here. I can only wait and pray, and that is exactly what I am going to do.
"We'll be at the Twins tomorrow morning." Tyrion said. Now, that was an even bigger surprise to me. I was aware that we moved a lot faster, but still, I did not believe we were this fast.
"And I suppose that the King will be speaking on behalf of the North?" I asked. Of course he is going to do that. He's an idiot. I have tried to warn him, but he is going to walk straight in one of my father's traps. I would be walking into the trap myself, but at least the North wouldn't depend on me.
"You might be surprised, but no." Tyrion said. I didn't even bother hiding my surprise when I heard that." After a very, very heated argument, Lady Catelyn managed to convince him to stay behind."
"Who will go then?" I asked. At least his safe. I would have been much happier about that days ago.
"Lady Catelyn." Tyrion said with a small smile on his face. He must have realized how much that worried me. And I was surprised by the fact that I did not feel any sort of relief at all. catelyn is going. That is in no way better than Robb. Although, she does have a better chance to convince Walder Frey to join us. He is sworn to House of Tully, and Catelyn is still very much a Tully at heart. She will handle this far better than Robb ever could. And yet, I would have preferred if it was me going in the lion's den, not her." And you will be joining her." Tyrion added." That was why there was an argument in the first place. Some people did not want to put you in any sort of danger. But, Catelyn won." He said. Some people. It is not that hard to guess who Tyrion is talking about. Maybe Robb will realize now why I started that conversation in the first place. Maybe now he realizes that it had a point after all.
"She is one smart woman. She just did what I couldn't do." I said.
"That was because you were too emotional." Tyrion said. Oh, brilliant, he blames the emotions.
"So was she Tyrion. This is her son."
"Yes, but unlike Lady Catelyn, you let your emotions run you. You are a smart girl Elena. Smart and many other things. But you love people too much." He said in a low voice. Is that it? Is that my true problem? Would all of this have happened if I loved them all a little bit less than I did?
My life would have been a lot different, that is for sure. If I wasn't bothered with them, Ned would be dead, Robb would be marching to avenge his death, and I would be sitting in King's Landing, as Renly's wife, blissfully unaware of the dangers to come. Or I just wouldn't give a damn. That is a strong possibility as well.
My love had brought me here. First, my unexplainable love and devotion to the Stark family. That brought me to Winterfell. And my love for Robb had brought me here, in the middle of a war.
Did all of this happen because I loved everyone too much? Should I regret it if it did?
"I have never seen love as a flaw." I said in a whisper. He can be wrong. Just because he wears an armor at all times, doesn't mean that I have to do the same. Tyrion… He has been burnt before, and that makes him more careful and that, in my opinion makes him even more vulnerable. Yes, my love may very well be the cause of my demise, but… Oh, is it good to love.
There will be rough times. And it will not always be easy. There will be days when you curse the day your loved one was born. But those days are rare. More often than not, you wish for your days to never end, because you start seeing sleep as a waste of time. That is what love does to you.
Thinking of what love does to us only made me sadder. I wish that I could be the type of person to forgive easily. If I was, there would have been far less drama in my life. I, as always, just have to complicate things even more. And even if I do forgive, there is absolutely no chance of me forgetting. I bear more grudges than… well, I don't know what or who bears more grudges than I do. I might not remember it all day, every day, but there will be a time when my mind will wander off and I'll see Robb yelling at me and telling me that I am Cersei.
"I suppose it can go either way." Tyrion said, admitting that love may not be such a bad thing after all." You shouldn't wear your heart on your sleeve Elena. People will use it against you."
"It seems like we all are cunning, selfish and manipulative, aren't we?" I asked, but the question was not directed at Tyrion, and he knew it. He didn't even bother responding, knowing that I am just complaining about Robb.
Tyrion's right. When cornered, people will use their knowledge against you. I knew that before. It's just that I never would have thought that Robb would ever do that to me. Perhaps the problem is not in the fact that I love too much, but in the fact that I trust too much.
"I should go and speak to Catelyn." I said as I put the book back on the table. I was not that interested in it anyway." Thank you for putting up with me." I said, giving my brother a hug.
"What else would I be doing, dear sister?" He asked, and gave me a kind smile." Now, go. You need to get prepared for tomorrow. It is not going to be easy, and your sharp tongue might just ruin everything." He said, and I rolled my eyes. I may have the tendency to be impulsive, but I am not stupid.
"I will not ruin everything Tyrion. Besides, my sharp tongue is tired, and it will be resting by the time I get a chance to speak to that old rat." I added, and I could hear Tyrion laugh as I was walking out of the tent.
To my surprise, Gendry was not there. He was probably needed somewhere else. It doesn't matter; it is not a long journey to Catelyn's tent. Hoping that I would not run into my husband, I quickened my pace, half expecting him to jump out the corner and attack me. That did not happen. I was actually in a good mood when the guard stepped aside to let me enter Catelyn's tent. It is safe to say that my mood had dropped significantly once I was face to face with Robb.
It couldn't have been any more awkward than it was. Our eyes meet and instantly, we both looked away. I turned to Catelyn, who did not look amused, not at all.
"I apologize, I was not aware that you were not alone. I will return later." I said, and I already turned around.
"I was just about to leave anyway." Robb said, and I turned their way. Without making any eye contact with me, he got up, walked right past me and out of the tent. I couldn't blame him for wanting to run out of here. I was just about to do the exact same thing.
"You two are still not talking, I see." Catelyn said, and I nodded. I am not sure how much she knows, or how much Robb has told her, but I doubt that it went unnoticed that I all of a sudden decided that my presence isn't needed at council meetings. Sadly, I am sure that Catelyn isn't the only one who noticed.
"No. This is not anger. This is hurt. I know that I feel that way, and I suspect that he does too." I said. He was the one who was rude that night, but it's not like I didn't speak my mind as well. Unlike Robb, I do have a limit. He isn't exactly begging me for forgiveness so I suppose I'm not the only one who is hurt.
"Do I even want to know?" She asked. There was a comical side to her question, and I gave her a small smile. It faded soon enough, once I realized that she really did not want to know.
"No. Believe me, you don't." I whispered." But it does not matter. I am here because my brother told me that you and I will be the ones to negotiate with Lord Frey." I said, deciding that it is better by far if we focus on the bigger issue. If I tell her what had happened, it will only sadden me more. And it will probably only anger her. If anyone should tell her, it should be Robb. Obviously, since she doesn't know what happened, he chose not to tell her. I can only wonder why.
"Yes, I somehow managed to convince Robb that it is for the best if I go. If anyone can convince Lord Frey to stand on our side, it is me. And bringing you seems like a good idea for more than one reason. He might be insulted if neither the King or the Queen bothered to show up on his doorstep. And I have to admit, I am not sure if I would be able to do it alone." She added in a low voice, and I gave her a small smile. No one has to do anything by their self, not anymore. That is why I am here.
"That is more than understandable." I told her, and I was speaking honestly." Either way, I am glad Robb is not the one who is going. I tried to explain to him that that might be a death trap, but he just wouldn't listen. At least he listened to you."
"Robb can be like that sometimes, but you know that already." She said, and I even managed to smile. It makes me wonder how long will it last. The harmony is already long gone, and I am not sure for how long will love be enough. It looks like we're running out of it, slowly but surely.
"That I do. But that doesn't matter. What is our plan for tomorrow?" I asked. We need to make some sort of plan, even a basic and simple one. The point is that we get him to join our side, and we are ready to offer almost anything, but it would be a horrible mistake if we barge in and tell him exactly that. He could get creative. First, he needs to be the one to ask for something. If he realizes from the beginning how desperate we actually are, it will not end well. Not for us at least.
"We explain to him why we need to cross the bridge. I remind him that he is sworn to House of Tully and that Riverrun is in danger. And we wait for him to ask for something. He is not stupid, he is aware of how much we need to cross the bridge but I believe it is for the best to let him ask first, and not offer anything to him straight away." She said. Great minds think alike.
"Do you believe he will let us pass?" I asked her. I have to know. If I trust anyone to be capable of convincing him, that is Catelyn, but I have to know if she believes that she will be able to do that.
"Whatever happens with Walder Frey, I know we will cross that bridge by tomorrow night." She said to me in a serious tone." Hopefully, we will manage to make the deal before Robb decides that he can win the war without Frey's and starts killing them all." She said. Oh my. It never even crossed my mind, and now that she said it, it makes perfect sense. If Lord Frey doesn't ally with us, Robb will destroy him. He will start a war before the war. He might win, but he will certainly lose people too.
"He isn't actually contemplating that, is he?" I asked Catelyn.
"I am afraid he is." She said. I was hoping for a different answer. The man's an idiot. That's all there is.
"He must know that that would be incredibly stupid of him." I said. It was clear in my voice; I was starting to get angry once again. I wish that I was still speaking to him, because I would start another fight. Does he have a death wish?! Does he truly want to die? I find that a lot more believable. I would like to believe that he is doing all that he is doing because it will benefit our side once the time comes, but right now, it all just seems as if he hopes to die before getting the chance to lose this war.
"He knows. He will only do it if there is no other choice. I tried to remind him that there must be a reason why no one has managed to take the Twins from the grasps of the Frey's, but he wouldn't hear it. And I suspected he had enough loses for a day." She added, and for some reason, I have felt incredibly guilty. If we put our fight and spontaneous ignoring aside, I imagine that he's had a difficult few days. I did not think about it until now, but now, when I do think about it, I can only imagine how exactly Catelyn managed to convince him. Things are not going the way he wanted them to. My first instinct is to console him, and tell him that it's for the best, but I definitely won't be doing that. He is a King and he needs to grow up, and admit that he can be wrong. Robert could never do that, and that is why he is dead. If Robb doesn't want to end up the same way, he needs to grow up.
"What you are trying to say is that if we don't manage to convince Lord Frey tomorrow, Robb will attack them?" I asked. I already knew the answer. I just needed some sort of confirmation.
"Yes, I am afraid." She said." That is why we need to do our best tomorrow. We will do what needs to be done before Robb decides to do it." She said. Yet again, ladies to the rescue. I never could have imagined that such responsibility would ever be laid on me, but I did not expect to be a Queen either. Times change, and all I can do is my very best to follow those changes.
"I should go and rest, then. Tomorrow is going to be a long day." I said. I waited for her to nod, and I left her tent. It all depends on the two of us now. Either we convince Lord Frey, or Robb kills him. And if he decides to kill him, I am not sure whether or not Catelyn and I will live long enough to learn the outcome. We might not even return from that castle.
…
…
…
I did not bother to dress to the occasion. I wasn't even in a dress, but in breaches and a coat. I did not look like a Queen, not one bit. With that, and with the fact that I do not look like a Lannister, I have a strange feeling that Lord Frey would not believe that I am who I say I am. I suppose we shall see.
Catelyn and I are going there alone. Well, almost alone. Jon will be joining us. It was supposed to be Gendry, but I decided to change that. If two Starks, one a former Lannister, might be walking into a trap, I am not going to allow Gendry to walk into it too. He is a legitimate heir to the Iron Throne. He might not want that, but that doesn't remove the target from his back. We are not giving Lord Frey a present.
Jon was more than willing to take the responsibility. He will be acting as a guard of ours and he is the only one who is armed. I could be able to defend myself, but I do not see how bringing a bow and arrow or a sword can help our case.
We are risking it. We are risking our lives, we are risking this war, and the best thing my husband could do was nod once I was already on a horse and about to leave. A nod. I got a nod.
I turned my head the other way. I get a nod? He will get nothing.
"Good luck." I heard him saying to Catelyn. A small, very, very small, almost nonexistent part of me, wishes that we all die in that castle, just so he can feel guilty. I want to be the one who is right. I want to be the one who will win at this, whatever this is. But I don't want it so much that I am willing to die. I have a son I need to come back to. His father may be an idiot, but it is not too late for my boy.
"Should we go?" Jon asked. I nodded, so did Catelyn. And we started riding.
I have never before met Lord Frey, and I have never been to the Twins before. It all looked old and almost unkempt. Or this was common for the Twins? I have spent most of my years in three castles: Red Keep, Winterfell and Casterly Rock. And those castles were properly taken care of.
Walder Fray probably has different priorities. With all I've heard about him, I am not that surprised.
"How are we going to do this? Will Jon be joining us?" I asked Catelyn. I may be the Queen, but this is up to her. She has the power here, not me. I can only do my best not to embarrass myself, or the North.
"Yes. Unless we manage to talk to Lord Frey alone. In that case, Jon, would you leave us?" She asked.
"If you tell me to. I have a feeling Robb would kill me if something happened and I left." He said.
"Well, if they kill us, I doubt they will let you live long enough to tell the tale." I said, and not until the words have left my mouth did I realize how utterly optimistic that is." I apologize. I have not been myself lately. Be that as it may, I see two possible endings for this. Either we all live and hope not to return here again, or we all die." I said. I see a silver lining, but I doubt they see it to after I said it like I did. We are in this together. That was the whole point of my little rant.
"Elena, that was slightly disturbing." Catelyn said. Well, now I feel embaresed." Even more disturbing is that I understood every word you said." She added. The three of us started laughing. We were riding, probably to our death, and we managed to laugh.
"As my dear brother likes to say, fuck it." I said. It was very inappropriate, but it made us laugh even harder. By the time we reached the gates, it had actually taken us a considerable amount of effort to stop laughing. This was dead serious, and we were everything but that.
Something changed, as we entered the courtyard. I am unsure whether it is the atmosphere or was there something in the air, but even those tiny bits of happiness have escaped us.
We are probably going to die. And now, we can't even laugh about it.