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60. Spinning

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Disclaimer: Hey all! Sorry for the delay in updates, but I'm on spring break right now, so yay! I want to thank you all for reading and reviewing, and sorry for the cliffhanger and leaving you all for so long!! I use a trick in this chapter that was used in "Candy". I do not know if it is a junkie myth for real or just a junkie myth in the story of Candy. Anyways, it is not mine.

Everything was black, but all I could feel was euphoria. I couldn't tell if I had died or not, but whatever happened to me, it felt wonderful. I didn't even care if I was dead. If death felt this good, then let it take me! Everything about my existence felt complete peace and relaxation—it was beautiful and restful. I was floating on a cloud in utter darkness. I was lifted from my body and spinning towards the other realm. It didn't matter I didn't know were I was headed—just that it felt like perfection.

It felt like hours—an eternity even—that I was submerged in the ever-peaceful darkness. And then it abruptly ended with my eye lids slowly opening. The good feeling was still there, but this time, there was light and a familiar face smiling back at me—a face that was smiling but wasn't really smiling. I smiled back up at him.

"Wow—did you feel that too? Let's go back there," I sighed, still lazily grinning.

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The next thing I remember is waking up the following morning in the Joker's bed. I sat up in bed and rubbed my face in my hands before I even noticed him sitting at the foot of the bed. I lifted my head and saw him gazing up at me, smirking slightly at me.

"I can't believe you mad me try heroin," I groaned, running my fingers through the hair at my scalp. My mouth felt dry and horrid and my brain throbbed steadily inside my head.

"I didn't force you into anything," the Joker responded, licking his lips, "I made…a suggestion," he raised his eyebrows and rose to his feet. He made his way up the mattress and sat down beside me.

"I don't remember what happened—did I overdose or something? Everything went black but I don't remember how it happened or when it happened or anything. You had to have given me too much," I shook my head and paused, "Will you tell me what happened?"

"Sure, but you probably remember most of it up until you slipped away," he grinned and licked his lips…

The Joker and I were lying on the floor in our heroin-induced state of ecstasy. We were both naked, hands entwined. I asked him something about this being comparable to his description of feeling 'dizzy' when with me. He told me it was not that he as dizzy, but it was the way he felt about me that was the important thing. I remembered all of these things as he told me—but he left something out that I didn't remember—something about me wanting him to tell me he loved me.

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"Just tell me you love me, please," I shouted before passing into the blissful realm of overdose.

"I could tell you that now, but I want you to…remember it," the Joker replied. When I didn't reply he rolled onto his side and saw that my eyes were closed and that my chest was barely rising and falling with the intake of breath.

"Giada?" He asked, rolling onto his stomach and sliding next to me. I didn't respond. "Giada? Giada!" he exclaimed, clutching my face between the fingers of his left hand. He gently shook my head from side to side, but I was still unresponsive. He then decided it would be more effective to start slapping my face, "Giada? Giada, come on, Giada!" He pulled himself up to a kneeling position and knew he had to act fast. He pulled on his clothes and ran from the room, back into the club. When he returned, he had a glass of salt water. The Joker swiftly retrieved my syringe from the desk and sucked up some of the saline solution. He slid behind me and lifted me into a sitting position. My head drooped forward as he held me around the waist with his left arm. Using his left hand, he slapped my right arm for veins and with his right hand, slid the syringe into the vein and released the saline solution.

Moments later, my eyes fluttered open, "Wow—did you feel that too? Let's go back there," I sighed, still lazily grinning up at him. The Joker breathed a sigh of relief, knowing I wasn't going to die or anything. He helped me get dressed and then escorted me from the club back to his apartment, where I fell into a deep sleep.

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"You used saline? I never knew that could work," I said, almost in awe.

"It could have been that…it could have been luck. Who knows?" the Joker responded with a shrug.

"I'm so sorry for that—I…I won't be using heroin any time…ever again," I replied, glancing down. I felt really guilty for causing him distress, but part of me was glad he was distressed at all. He could have just let me OD. I guess that's the beauty of the Joker—you just never know.

"Well, I can tell you that…it made you forget why you did it," the Joker stated, widening his eyes at me, hoping for a response.

"Wait…why did I…? I…oh no! I saw Bruce—with Pixie!" I shrieked, suddenly submerged in the dark chasm of hate from which I had to escape the previous night.

"Exactly," the Joker replied, licking his lips.

"Oh, this is awful—how could he do this? He knows how horrible she is! He knows she's pregnant and that she does drugs and that she's just up to no good at all!" I exclaimed, overwhelmed with helplessness.

"Giada, maybe he's…got a plan. And…are you even sure it's Pixie?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes it's her! I saw them! The blonde—and the scantily clad—and…and…" I trailed off, trying to remember the woman with Bruce. It was far away, and crowded. Was it Pixie? I had been so sure of it. The woman looked just like her—it had to be her! I turned to the Joker and glared at him. My hand raised up and smacked his shoulder.

"Stop trying to make me doubt this! It was her!" I scolded him. He rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.

"Let's test this theory, shall we? Iceberg Lounge, tonight," he said finally.

"Okay—but no drugs," I stated firmly.

"No drugs," he agreed, smirking connivingly at me. I smiled back at him and then threw the blankets off of me.

"I need to shower," I announced, jumped up and went into the bathroom. The Joker fell backwards onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. He knew it. He knew how he felt about me, but how could he bring himself to tell me? He hadn't even admitted it to himself yet—how could he even possibly imagine admitting it to me? He was just glad that last night I had hit overdose at the right time—he didn't have to answer me. What would he have said? Would he have lied and said he didn't love me? Would he have said he loved me? Would he have said nothing at all? What was love, anyway? Was what he felt for me actually love? It had been so long since he loved—and he couldn't even compare his feelings for Pixie to his feelings for me. What he felt for me was something deeper—stronger—profound—inexplicable. Would love even be a word to describe this new found feeling? Could love explain this emotion? No…no it couldn't. He didn't love me. He was certain of that. He definitely didn't love me.

"Hey! Wake up!" I called to the Joker, who had fallen asleep on the bed. Startled, he sat up with a jolt and looked around the room confusedly.

"Was I talking in my sleep?" he asked suddenly.

"No—not at all. Why?"

"Just dreaming of…new ways to…kill people—blow things up. Those kinds of things," he purposefully, poorly lied. I narrowed my eyes at his sarcasm, but was unsure if he was telling the truth or not. I just shook my head and smirked at him.

"Sometimes I believe you when you say things like that-sometimes, I know you're not telling the truth," I stated, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Does it…make your head…spin?" he asked slowly and thoroughly, bearing his eyes into mine.

"Yeah, actually it does," I admitted.

"Spin…right round…"

"…like a record, baby?" I mocked, finishing his sentence with the lyrics to Dead or Alive's song "You Spin Me Right Round". He grinned and then nodded.

"Yeah, like a record—but you spin my head when you go down…" he smirked and winked at me. I rolled my eyes, recalling the re-make of my 80s song.

"I take it you're suggesting something from me," I said finally.

"I take it you take my hints well," the Joker replied, grinning and then pulled me down on top of him.