Hey guys! It's been a difficult couple of weeks, but I'm back. And so is this story, with a new chapter. Let me know what you think! Love, Ana.

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Of course Robb was lying. He would do almost anything to keep me safe, even from my own worries. He said he wasn't in pain, and yet, I could clearly see a bruise forming on his back, between his shoulders. I said nothing, and I continued washing him.

It was strangely calming, taking care of your husband. I didn't even realize until now just how much I've missed being close to him. Skin to skin, his back on my chest, barely managing to fit into the tub that was meant for one person at a time. It was easy to imagine that we are back home, and not in a tent.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, and this time, I was not thinking about his possible pain.

"Now, a whole lot better." He said, turning his head to smile at me. I smiled back, slightly giggling at his comment, and then I turned his head away so that I could start washing his hair." It is different."

"What is?" I asked, not sure what he was talking about. I took my time with his hair, hoping that the massage I gave him felt good enough. I had a rough day, so I can't even imagine what it must be like for him. I kept reminding myself that we won. No matter how bad it was, at least we were the winners.
"Fighting. Killing." He explained, and I kept my mouth shut. I didn't know what to say. The only thing I ever killed was a deer, and once a rabbit. I can vividly remember it, as well as my own guilt. If I felt guilty over killing an animal, which is something quite common, I can't imagine what he must be feeling." It's even worse than executing someone." He said. Now, this left me confused.

"That surprises me. I would have imagined that it's easier to kill when you know they are attempting to kill you as well. When you execute someone, they don't really have a fighting chance, do they?"

"You're right, but there is more to it." He said. I wondered if he would explain. I was curious, but I was not going to push it. Perhaps someday, but I will not push him into talking today." The ones I have executed, I did it because they broke the law. They were aware of it, and still chose to break it. It might not be something I enjoy doing, but it is the right thing. I didn't kill a traitor today. I didn't kill an illegitimate heir. I killed people who didn't deserve it. Yes, if I hadn't, they would have killed me. That is a notion that will help me sleep at night. But they weren't trying to kill me because I have done them harm. They were trying to kill me and my people because someone put a sword in their hand and told them that that is the right thing to do." He said. Somehow, I think I understand what he's saying. And I can sense that guilt of his slowly creeping in. Although he didn't say it, I knew he wanted to. Yes, they killed because someone told him to, but he did the same to his people.

"It has always been like that. It cannot be changed. Perhaps someday, but not in these times we live in. For what it's worth, at least you are fighting for a right cause." I added. I wasn't saying it to make him feel better. If it does, it's only a benefit, but I was saying it purely because I mean it.

"I kept saying that to myself a lot." He said, and I smiled. We were both quiet for a while as I was rinsing the soap out of his hair. He was surprisingly calmed and relaxed. When I was shaving him, for an occasion that seemed to have happened ages ago, he was constantly fidgeting. I suppose this is a natural change considering the fact that I wasn't holding a sharp blade on his face this time around.

"It might make me sound selfish. Perhaps I am selfish for thinking it, but despite everything, the only thing that matters to me is that you made it back to me. You, my brother, your brother. Seven Hells, I'm even glad Theon's back." I admitted, and Robb started laughing.

Even after all this time, I'm still not sure what to think of Theon. He's an ass, that is certain. And I doubt I will ever change my mind about that one. He has a reputation with the ladies, yet I am positive it's unaccounted for. And I'll bet my life that he has nothing on Robb. On the other hand, he's my husband's best friend. He's been his friend and support for a lot longer than I have. I suppose that over time, I have simply gotten used to him. We still have our little fights, which Robb compares to the ones Sansa and Arya used to have, but there isn't a mean streak to them. I am glad he's back too.

"Well, that just proves that you are not selfish." Robb laughed, but I shook my head.

"I'm not so sure about that one. But I suppose that it's not exactly unnatural. I have in fact grew up with the saying that a lioness protects her own." I added, remembering Cersei saying that on more than one occasion. It took me some time to realize the true meaning of those words, but I understand now.

"So does a direwolf." Robb added, and we both laughed." For what it's worth, the thought of you kept me going. The thought of returning to you." He said. If he continues saying things like that, I will lose it. I will be completely smitten with him, even more than I am now, even more than I was before.

"It's worth a lot." I admitted quietly, and I kissed him softly on the shoulder, glad that he knows that I truly want him here. We might have our flaws, we might have horrible fights that can crush me in every way possible, but that has nothing on the love we have. Even if I have an incredible desire to strangle him in his sleep just to get back to him, I love him more than anything. I adore him, worship him. And I love him even more when I see that he knows that and that he holds on to that.

"Elena, I had to do it." He said. I didn't need an explanation. Of course I know exactly what he's talking about. He thinks I am angry about it, and I cannot blame him for it. It is only natural. If I imprisoned Jon or did something similar, he wouldn't be too happy about it. But this is different. Very, very different.

"Robb, I understand. And I mean it. Am I overjoyed? No, I'm not. But that is not because I didn't want it to happen but because I wished he didn't do the things he did. He deserves this. And it needed to be done. I do not hold it against you, nor will I ever. You can stop expecting me to yell at you or anything like that. I'm happy to have you back, and nothing else matters." I said. It truly is as simple as that.

"When have you become so calm and collected?" He asked, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm not sure." I admitted." Perhaps while I waited for you to ride back with your men. Ser Rodrick was about to make us leave moments before you returned." I said to him. I don't know how I would manage to convince him not to make us leave. After all, he was only concerned for Catelyn and me.

"Would you have left?" Robb asked." If I hadn't returned as fast as I did." He added.

"First of all, that was in no way fast. We were waiting for hours. I don't know. I do have a suspicion that Gendry and Ser Rodrick would have pulled me away, even knock me unconscious. What I'm trying to say is that I would have wanted to stay, but I don't think they would have let me."

"I would have wanted you to go." He said, and I was genuinely surprised to hear that.

"Why, if I may ask?" I asked him. This does not fit in with anything he told me before. He made it clear that he both wanted me and needed me here. And now he tells me this? He might complain about me changing my moods far too often, but he's not exactly a stable person himself right now.

"Because if I didn't return, that would mean that I'm either dead or captured." He said, slowly, like he was trying to make me see the gravity of the words he was saying." And that would mean that you are very much in danger. I would rather that you run for Winterfell only to find out that we were a little bit late than to wait for us and get swarmed with the enemy's forces." He said. When he says it like that, it does make much more sense. The problem is, I am not sure how functional I could be without him.
"And what am I supposed to do if that happens?" I asked, and I could feel him laughing." I'm actually serious Robb." I said with a small smile on my face." You are the leader. You are the King. What am I supposed to do if you die and it all falls on me?" I asked.

"Hopefully, it won't. I hate the thought of leaving you." He admitted. At this moment, that means more than any words of love and affection he had ever said to me. After everything, I still need reassuring from his part." But if it does… You should leave. You should leave, go back to Winterfell, be a mother to our son and provide my father with your advice." He said. I almost laughed. He makes it sound so easy. And it sounds so easy because he can't even imagine the state I would be in if he dies in battle. Neither do I, but unlike him, I could imagine it. I thank the Gods that he doesn't think about that too much. If he had insight in what my life would be like if he doesn't return, he might not even leave in the first place. As much as I would like him to stay safe, I know that that shouldn't happen.

"I will do as you wish if it comes to that." I said, knowing I have nothing better to offer him.

"The men were celebrating." He said, and I could tell he's distant. He's not in this tub with me; he's back on the battlefield." We did win, but one victory does not make us conquerors. This was my first battle and I see that. And they are seasoned in battle and they needed reminding."

I don't know what to say. I have no words of advice to offer and I don't know how to help him.

"What of the men who rode to fight my father?" I asked, knowing that it might end up being a mistake.

"There was no word from them. And I've been here with you for hours. They're probably all dead."

"Robb, I know that this is breaking you. I am sorry for not being able to help you. Though, you must know, the North remembers. They will pay a price for every one of your men who won't return home." I said. It was the best I could do." May I ask you something?"

"Of course." He said. This was a way for me to change the subject, but I did have something on my mind.

"I remember you telling me once that you did want to marry me before we were left with no other choice. I wanted to ask you about it even then, but I decided to wait for a better time." I admitted.

"Oh. And what exactly did you want to know?" He teased me, and I rolled my eyes. I should have expected that." I remember the first time we talked. Not met, we met before that, but the first time we actually exchanged words. You were so… good with words. Intelligent and funny. To be honest, I thought you were very intimidating." He said, and I couldn't help but smile. I remember that as well, and he did not seem that intimidated to me. As a matter of fact, I thought he matched me quite well with his comebacks, even if he was using measured, pre rehearsed phrases.

"Really?" I asked, not even bothering to hide my amusement. It makes me happy to remember all those little things I never really forgot, but didn't really have the time to think of them.

"Yes, really. You scared the life out of me." He said, and we both laughed." You were a forced to be reckoned with Elena. And I was this poor boy, trying to match up to you and not to think how insanely beautiful and attractive you were." He said. Now, this was a surprise. Once we were married, I realized that my looks weren't exactly repulsive for him. But I never would have thought that his affection for me was as strong at the beginning as he says it was.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I asked. Perhaps this would have ended up a whole lot better if he had just said something. Robert did see him as a good match.

"Because I had no idea what the hell I was feeling." He said. Oh, how could I forget, him being scared that we were to be married." Besides, if I had approached you and told you what I just told you now, how would you react?" He asked, and I started laughing. No, that would not have ended well.

"Not as bad as you suppose, I guess." I said, and he laughed along with me." I wasn't exactly unfazed by you. It's just that I never thought you were an option. That is why I never really saw you as an option."

"Oh, I knew there was something there with you as well." He said, slightly full of himself, and I leaned over his shoulder so that he could see my questioning look." I will be seeing you again Robb Stark?" He asked, and I was laughing so hard that my stomach actually hurt. I can't believe he remembers that! I can't believe I said that either! Gods, it was so obvious that I liked him before I even knew it." You flirted more with me in that one sentence than during your whole stay in Winterfell." He said.

"Well, I needed to make a memorable exit." I said, not even trying too much to defend myself.

"That you did." He said, and I laughed once again.

This is beautiful. This whole afternoon is beautiful. It's just the two of us again; completely unaware of everything else that is going on. We needed this more than I thought. Now we only need more wine.

"Where are you going?" Robb asked as I got up to get out of the tub. He grabbed my hand." Please. I need more time with you." He said. If this were a slightly different situation, I would have laughed and teased him that he couldn't spend one minute without me. Now, I just gave him a small smile.

"I was going to get us some more wine." I said, and he smiled and let go of my hand. I walked over to one of the tables, poured two more goblets, and returned to him. This time, I was the one leaning on him, which was a good thing, since he isn't exactly as light as a feather. He had his arms around me even before I managed to position myself. I could fall asleep like this, in his arms.

"I remember the day I got the letter from my father, telling me we were to be married." He said.

"How did you react?" I asked. It was always something I wanted to know, but either forgot to ask, or simply decided that it was not a good moment to ask. I remember how scared I was on how he was going to react, and I suppose that has something to do with me avoiding to ask him that directly.

"I turned, walked out of the room and went to write Jon a letter." He said. It made no sense to me." I told him what I have learned, and I asked him to return to Winterfell before you. With all that has happened at that point, I thought you might need a friendly face to look at. Of course, we were all happy to welcome you in the family. It's just that at that point, I knew how you felt. I felt the same. Only, it was worse for you because you were joining a new family. And I, I was only getting a wife. Jon was your closest friend during your stay, and I wanted him there for you." He said. I remember the relief I felt once I walked out of that carriage and saw Jon's face. I never could have guessed that that was Robb's doing. Now I know. Now I know that he knew me long before I thought he did.

"Thank you for that." I whispered." It did mean a lot. It means even more now that I know of it." I said.

"You're welcome." He said." That was it, really. I have met you when we were children. I have met you once again when Robert brought you to Winterfell. I cared for you even the day you left. At that point, I never would have imagined that we would end up where we are now. We didn't have a choice. All things considered, I believe it ended up quite nicely for the both of us." He laughed, and I couldn't help but join in." We are good together. Yes, we might have our moments, but we are good together. And we have a beautiful family. One that may be growing more soon." He said in a meaningful voice.

I was glad he couldn't see my face. I knew he wanted more children. I wanted them too. Seven Hells, we agreed we were going to try and have more children, war or no war. Robb will never forgive me if he finds out about the potions I've been drinking. I have to stop, or to continue drinking them like nothing had changed. Either way, I have to try and take that secret to my grave. I do not want to lose him too.

"Perhaps." I said, avoiding specific words, confirmations or denials." What do you think Rickard is doing right now?" I asked. In my mind, it had seemed like a good change of subject. But once the words came out of my mouth, I wished I could take them back. I know how much I miss our son, and I have a strong feeling Robb misses him as well. Talking about him might just make things worse.

"Sleeping." Robb said after a few seconds of consideration, and I laughed." Or crying and annoying the whole of Winterfell." He added, and I could hear amusement in his voice.

"No, he isn't. He's a good boy Robb." I said, defending my son. We've been told by far more experienced people that he was in fact, an incredibly calm child. He might have a good pair of lungs on him, but he was usually more than satisfied with waking up just the two of us, and not the rest of the castle.

"He is a good boy. But I'd like to think he thinks of us too. And that he knows we miss him, and we think of him, and that is why he is crying." He said. If he keeps talking, he is only going to make me regret the decision to leave Rickard in Winterfell, and that is not something that should be regretted. As Robb's son and heir, he could be in grave danger on the road. On the other hand, he is completely safe in Winterfell, under the watchful eye of his grandfather.

Yes, I want him here with me, but I know that what we did was only for his own good.

"Do you think that there might be a chance to travel to Winterfell anytime soon?" I asked him.

"Are you planning to?" He asked. I should have known that my question will come as a surprise to him.

"I know nothing anymore." I admitted. How am I to tell him what is on my mind when I don't even know what is on my mind?" All I know is that I miss him. I keep thinking that perhaps it would have been better if we brought him with us. I do not want to live until I have a chance to negotiate with Renly, and I certainly do not want to leave you, but I keep thinking that I should go there when I have a chance and bring him with me." I said. This is an impossible choice for me to make. Is he safer here or in Winterfell? Do I really want to risk leaving Robb, for however little I will be gone, and risk not seeing him, ever again? I cannot make the choice. I am literally unlabeled to make it. That is what I need him to do. I need him to make this choice for me, because I can't, and because I know I will not question his decision, whatever it might be. It's an ungrateful task, and I feel bad, but I cannot make the decision.

"Elena, there is one thing you shouldn't forget." Robb said, his tone serious." If we lose, and he is with us, they will end him. If we lose, and he is in Winterfell, there might be a chance. My father will make sure that there is a chance. Going back for him is a big risk, and I do not wish to take it." He said.

"It's sad how weak I am. Tragic, really." I mumbled. Is it possible to be disappointed in yourself? Angry, yes, I've been angry at myself, but this is the first time that I'm dealing with disappointment.

We might not fail as a union, but I myself have already failed. There was only one thing that needed to be done, only one. My only task was to be Robb's rock, just as he is mine. And what do I do? I fail. Not only do I fail, but I argue with him, lie to him, deceive him." What have I done?" I whispered.

"What do you mean?" Robb asked. He needs to know. He is supposed to know. I am continually making the same mistake, and he needs to know of it.

I was just about to tell him everything, when we heard a noise. I turned to look at him, but he looked just as confused as I felt. At that moment, Jon barged into our tent.

"Robb, when are you…" He started, but then he found us. In the tub. Both of us naked.

I slipped down into the tub, scared that Jon might see more than he is supposed to. Judging by the horrified look on his face, it was too late. He didn't say a word. He just stood there long enough for me to see that he's red in the face and absolutely surprised, and then he turned around and ran out of the tent. No, he did not walk out. He ran out.

Robb leaned over to look at me, a big grin on his face. I could feel him shaking of laughter. At that moment, I've lost it as well.

I was laughing like I never laughed before. Genuine laughter, the one that brings tears to your eyes.

Now, I can't afford to think of anything else. Not Jaime, not my father, not anyone. I can only think of the look on Jon's face.

"I can't believe he ran out like that." Robb said once he was finally able to speak.

"I can't believe he barged in in the first place. There is no door to knock on, but for the love of Gods, is it too much to ask for some privacy?" I asked. While Robb was still laughing, I have started to feel slightly embaraced. Hopefully, he didn't see anything. And if he did, well, I suppose he will avoid any eye contact with me for the time being. Robb couldn't care less. He was the one who was covered. Covered, but by my naked body. Besides, I am sure that there is nothing that he hasn't already seen on Robb. I, on the other hand… well, there may have been a time when I jokingly offered myself to Jon to change his mind about joining the Night's watch, but that was something different. Some things I prefer to be left to my husband's eyes, and his eyes only.

Though I will admit, I needed this laugh. I needed it more than I could imagine. And even more, I needed another distraction, to keep me from telling Robb everything.

I'm not ready for the consequences. By being quiet I know I am just making them worse, but I am not ready.

As someone who used to think of herself as brave, I know realize just how big of a coward I am.