Hey there guys! It took me a bit longer than I expected. As always, it's been work, work, work. I don't have a single day off, I'm working every day, and by the time I get home, I want to die, and not sit at my computer, writing and thinking of new things for this story. So I write when I can. It's better to wait than to post complete rubbish that I forced myself to write. The next chapter will be here in a few days, a week tops. Hope you like this one, and you know what to do if you do (even if you don't like it :) ). Review, please, it's always good to get some feedback, and it does give me more inspiration to write, and I kind of need that now. Love you all, AnnieDD.

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CATELYN

We were all worried. We all saw what happened, we all heard, and now, we're all waiting, not knowing what else we can do. Each one of us is feeling completely useless, not knowing if we can help her in any way. But no one more than Tyrion Lannister.

Robb is inside with her, and I cannot tell how he is handling this, but I can see Tyrion. He's not a Lannister, he is not a man, he is not a dwarf, he is not a general or a confidant, he is not a lover or a fighter, a son or a husband. Right now, he is nothing more than a brother, worried for his little sister.

I have seen it myself, and Elena had said so to me; Tyrion was always there for her. As I can see now, he would go down to the deepest pit of the Seven Hells if that would help her in any way.

I can also see how devastated he is by knowing that there is nothing he can do.

Jon, Gendry and I are waiting with him. We are not just useless; we don't even know what happened.

A scream, a frantic husband, and more cries of pain. And blood on her dress.

I cannot tell whether or not they have seen it as well. I am a woman and a mother. Of course I know what it can be, but it does not mean that that is the truth. I can only sit and pray for my daughter. And that is exactly what I will do.

ROBB

I can see the sweat. Not just on her face, her forehead, but all over her body. Her ripped night gown was sticking to her pale skin. Blood was everywhere, all over her. She was unconscious, and yet, she was shaking. I do not know much, but I can tell this is more than a simple fever, and that she is not handling it well.

"Meastar, what is wrong with her?" I asked him, for the hundredth time. He kept ignoring me, and doing his work, looking at every part of Elena's body." Maester, answer me!" I demanded. This is my wife lying here, possibly even dying!

"Your Grace, I have to ask you to leave." He said, finally turning around to look at me.

"I am not going anywhere." I said. Nothing, and I mean, nothing can keep me away from Elena. Not now, not ever.

"Your Grace…" He started again, but I raised my hand.

"Tell me, what is wrong with my wife. Tell me if you can help her. Just say it!" I yelled. He cannot disrespect me like this. It doesn't matter if I'm a King or not. No husband should watch this happen to his wife and not know if she is going to get better or not. I looked at her again; she is truly ill. Her skin was always pale. I have teased her that she had always looked more like a Northerner than a Southerner. There was no trace of summer sun on her skin anymore, there hasn't been in a very long time. And yet, this was something different. She was as pale as a ghost. I do not need to imagine how much blood she has lost; I only have to look at the sheets under her.

"The Queen had lost a lot of blood." He said, finally realizing that I will not leave, and that he needs to give me information." I have managed to stop the bleeding. She has a strong fever. I suspect she won't wake up for a few hours. Her body has been through a lot, and it needs to rest. Her mind as well." He said. Never before had I felt such relief in my life. There were many heart stopping moments, but none like this one. Never before was I faced with the possibility of actually losing her, forever.

"But, she will wake up? She will be fine?" I asked.

"I cannot make any promises. She is still in a bad condition, with all the blood she lost. What I can say is that with each passing moment, she is slowly recovering. If there are no more complications, she will wake up and recuperate her health."

"How did this happen?" I asked. I didn't notice until now that I was passing over the tent, my eyes leaving her only to look at the Maester." What happened to her?"

"Your Grace, I am afraid that she was with child." He said.

The act stopped. It was gone. I was no longer able to hide emotions. Seconds earlier, the only thing I showed was concern. Now, it all came rushing out of me. My hands were clenched in fists and I knew I had to hit something. I started repeatedly hitting the desk next to her bed, ignoring the pain in my hands and the blood on my knuckles.

"She lost a child?" I asked, barely able to speak.

"Yes." Maester said. His confirmation brought only more anger, but as I turned around, I looked at her once again. I couldn't do it. Anger had turned into sadness. I didn't even bother hiding my tears.

"What do I say to her?" I asked. I wasn't asking him, I wasn't asking myself, I wasn't even asking those damned Gods who did this to her in the first place!" How do I tell my wife that she lost a child we both wanted so much?" I yelled.

"If you want me to, I can tell her once she wakes up, Your Grace." He said. I cannot let him do that. I cannot be a coward. If she needs to hear it, than it has to be me.

"Did she know?" I asked him. Perhaps she visited him. Perhaps she knew and was about to tell me. Or she decided not to, because of her planed journey? For all I know, she wasn't even aware of it.

She was always so occupied with other worries to notice she did or did not bleed. I remember when she found out she was carrying a child. She had already been carrying Rickard for months!

I still remember the night she told me. As always, she knew of a way to say it in a perfect way. With a joke. Surprising me completely. Making me the happiest man alive. We did not plan it, we did not try with an idea of having a child. We simply loved each other. And it was beautiful. It was truly beautiful, to know that our son wasn't a simple arrangement made between two parties, but a child made with love.

We did not plan this time around either.

"Not that I know of, Your Grace." Maester said." Had she known, she would ask for my advice." He said. I knew he was telling the truth. While she was a woman who didn't even realize she was pregnant, she was a responsible mother. She would never risk our child's wellbeing. And even if she would, this was not her doing. She could never do this. I know her; she couldn't live with the notion that her actions had caused this.

"Will she be able to have children again?" I asked. I had to confront my biggest fear. We want more children, we talked about it. We have Rickard, we will always have him, but we wanted more.

"It's too soon to tell. At this point, I have to say that I believe she will heal completely. If that is the case, it would be better to wait." He said.

"How did this happen?" I asked." Did something cause this?"

"This happens more often that anyone would like, Your Grace. Sadly, it is quite common. It is not always followed with such pain she had felt, but that was because the child was already growing." He said.

"How old?" I asked, my voice barely audible.

"About two months, Your Grace." He said." I am terribly sorry for your loss. This will be a sad period for you both, but you need to pray that she recovers with no significant problems. If you arrived here minutes later, I cannot tell if she would have lived." He said.

Am I lucky? Is this what luck is? We lost a child, but I am supposed to be thankful that she lived? I am. I truly am thankful. And being thankful has never felt more wrong.

ELENA

I knew what it was. Of course I did.

I did this to myself. Those potions I've been drinking almost killed me. Ashamed of my own stupidity and still in pain, once I woke up, I pretended to still be asleep. I cannot face them. Any of them, but especially Robb. I cannot look in his eyes and tell him that I am the one to blame, that I almost took my own life while trying to prevent us from having a child.

I cannot tell what scares me more; that I have to tell him that I'm the one to blame, or that I was drinking those potions in the first place.

He won't talk to me, he will never forgive me. The Maester will probably lose his head. And I'm not that sure that I won't.

The pain was horrible. It was better than before, but it still horrible. I barely had the strength to breath, let alone do something else. I couldn't lift my arms up, even if I tried. Never before have I felt this week.

If I had a choice, I wouldn't have opened my eyes for a long time. I would keep pretending. I did not have a choice, not really. Every second that I'm not responding is hell to him. And he, unlike me, doesn't deserve this.

So I opened my eyes.

I am in a tent, I can see that much. And Robb's not here. Thank the gods, he's not here.

"Your Grace." I heard a voice, and when I turned my head, I was eyes to eyes with the Maester.

"I did this, didn't I?" I asked him, my voice cracking with each word. I cannot even suspect how long was I unconscious.

"Your Grace, I am sorry for your loss." He whispered to me.

"What loss?" I asked.

"Your Grace, you were with child." He said.

I have never felt the way I am feeling now. Trapped, devastated, destroyed, guilty. Guilt. The guilt is the worst part, by far. I am drowning in it.
"Did I do this? Did I murder my unborn child?" I asked. The words made me sick to my stomach, as if I was not already feeling horrible enough. This is my fault; I know it. I know I did this. How can I ever live with the notion that my own child died at my hand?

"Your Grace, this is quite common, unfortunately. I cannot tell for certain, but the potions you were drinking are not used as a way of ending a pregnancy. It might have influenced it, but I cannot say." He said. That is not enough. Knowing that it might not be my fault after all is not enough." Your Grace, you did not know. You are not to blame." He said. By that logic, neither is he, since he was the one giving me the potions. I cannot trust anyone anymore, not even myself.

"Does the King know? Did you tell him?" I asked, wiping the tears away. If Robb found out, I cannot imagine the rage he is feeling towards me. He deserves to know, no matter what his reaction might be. But he needs to find out from me. I need to be the one who tells him. If he is going to despise me for the rest of our existence, at least he will find out the proper way. If there is such thing as a proper way.

"No, Your Grace." He said, and I nodded.

"Good. I have to tell him that myself. Please, leave." I said, feeling that the tears are going to start again.

"Your Grace, it is not a good idea for me to…" He started, but I shook my head. I cannot listen to him, not one second longer. Gods know what he might have given to me. Even if I was drinking some sort of poison, it will remain my fault. It was my idea to begin with.

"Leave!" I said, as loud as I could." I don't give a damn if I die. Just leave!" I said. I turned to the side, slowly, still feeling the stabbing pain. The recovery isn't even begun; it still hurts as much as it did.

I did it to help us, to prevent our children ending up in Walder Frey's hands; I did it to avoid grief, not to fall into it. I had good intentions.

Prevent pregnancy until this war ends. That was my plan. It would have worked, if I wasn't already with child. What have I done? Not only did I murder my own unborn child, but I murdered Robb and me, our whole marriage!

How will he ever forgive me if I cannot forgive myself? How? I have excuses, and yet, they are not enough and I doubt anything will ever be! I've gone too far. I've gone too far for him to forgive me.

And what do I tell him? How do I tell my husband that I have lost a child I didn't even know I was carrying and that it is my fault? How will I look him in the eyes?

The more effort I put into trying to repair broken things, the more trouble I push us all into. Perhaps, if I give up entirely, perhaps it will be better for us?

I was getting weaker and more worn out by the second, and I cared too little for myself to try and call someone. If anything happens to me tonight, whatever it is, I deserve it.

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When I opened my eyes, I could not tell whether it was day or night. And I could not get up and see for myself. I turned to see whether or not the candles are lit, knowing that will tell me what time of day is it, but Robb was there.

He startled me, sitting there, staring at me, his hands under his chin, worry in his eyes, and marks on his forehead from the frown he was wearing.

Gods only know how long he was sitting there while I was asleep.

I did not expect to be faced with him so soon; I did not prepare myself for it. How do I tell him?

"How are you feeling?" He asked. At least he was calm enough. Worried, but calm. He is a lot more difficult to deal with when he is panicking.

"Half dead." I said. I did not have strength in me, not even to pretend to be strong.

"Maester had put something in your water to make you sleep easily." He said.

"It worked." I said, and I took a deep breath." Do you know?" I asked him.

"Yes, I do." He said, and he grabbed my hand." Do not worry, do not blame yourself. We will have another child someday. Perhaps when we are in a better situation." He said. Of course, I can only imagine how difficult it will be to go to war with a newborn. It still is not helping me.
"Robb, you need to know something." I said, deciding to tell him at once." Please, I beg of you, listen to what I have to say. You can hate me afterwards, but give me a chance to explain." I said.

"Elena, you are frightening me with those words." He said. He is alarmed now, as he should be.

"When I say that this is my fault, I mean it. I did this." I whispered.

"You did this intentionally?" He asked me, looking at me in shock and disbelief.

"No, Gods no." I said, fast, before he decides to come to any more conclusions." I did not know I was with child. If I did, I never would have done this. Just, let me speak?" I asked, and he nodded, keeping his questions unspoken for now." Once your mother, Jon and I returned from Walder Frey, I knew our child is promised to him. And I decided to find a way to stop it. I will stop it when it comes to that, I do not care which vow I've made. Only, as we are in a war, I did not have many options. So I went to the Maester and asked him for a potion that is the opposite of the fertility potion. The one that prevents me from being with child. And I drank it, every day. I did not know I was already too late. We cannot know whether or not that caused me to lose this child. Perhaps I would have lost it even if I wasn't drinking it. But I did this. I am the one to blame." I said.

He was quiet, and that is what scares me. We rarely explode, and when we do, we calm down fast. But he did not explode this time. He sat there, in silence, looking ahead of him, but not at me. Still, he was holding my hand. I could not read the emotions on his face, and that troubled me. We are good at reading each other. Now, I could only see sadness.

We sat in silence for quite a while, as he composed himself. When he looked at me, there was no hate in his eyes, not even blame. There was sadness and compassion, and I was not prepared for that.

"You did not know. It is as simple as that." He said, his voice almost a whisper." I know you, Elena. I know what kind of mother you are. If there is one thing you would never do, no matter the price, even if our lives were threatened, you wouldn't hurt our children. Not Rickard, not an unborn one. Whether you like it or not, this is not your fault. And I know you won't drink that, ever again." He said, and I started nodding. I will not touch that potion, ever again." I can tell you were expecting a different reaction, but you should know, I do not blame you for this. And we will get past this. Not just this, we will get past it all. I swear to you, we will be home again. We will be home, and ten of our children will be running around Winterfell, causing complete mayhem, and you and my mother both to go grey before your time. I swear to you, we will have that." He promised me. I had to smile. His words painted a picture in my mind. I could see little auburn haired kids running around, playing with each other. I could see him, the same as he is now, smiling at me.

And I realize I am here. Somewhere in the Riverlands, away from home, away from the only soon we have, and probably years away from any other children.

He can promise me as much as he can, and he may even mean it. After all, it may even happen. But the notion of that does not help me, not as much as I would want it to.

We may day after all. And if we do not die, Gods only know how long will it takes us to return home, let alone consider having more children.

And I just lost the one I was carrying. That is going to follow me for quite some time.

"I never would have done it if I knew." I said, feeling the need to justify myself once more.

"I know." He said. Well, at least he believes me. It could have been a different story." You will not drink that anymore, and I swear, I will find a way to break that pact with the Frey's." He said. That I did not see coming." You have more than enough worries of your own, you will leave that to me." He said.

"Like you are not in the middle of a war?" I asked. I may have other troubles, but he has even more of them than I do. He is planning and he is fighting. I do not want to burden him even more, even if he wants to be burdened.

"I may be in the middle of a war, but you are first. Family comes first." He said. I could tell just by his expression, there is no use in me trying to convince him otherwise. I might just save some time and not argue with him on this. Especially now, I can see he has that look of pure determination. Whenever he had it, he did not give in." We will get through this. Now, rest. You need it." He said.

"Will you stay with me?" I asked. I was like a little child, but I did not wish to be alone. Not today, not after everything that has happened. Chances are that I will be trapped in this tent for at least a few days, until I fully recover. I had no trouble with that since I know half the camp had seen me, and everyone knew by now what had happened. I will not complain about my confinement, but I would like for him to stay here." I understand that you have a lot to do. Perhaps even a battle to fight. But I need you tonight. If you can spare the time, please, stay." I said.

We are not equals anymore. I lost that when I killed our child. Intentionally, unintentionally, it does not matter. I did it. And I am the one asking for his help now.

"Of course." He said, smiling down at me. He looks older than he is. War did its task; it aged him before his time. The beard is not helping, although I like what I see. It is him. It might seem to me like I'd met him just the day before, but time has passed. He may change, I may change, but some things will always remain the same." Is there any room for me there?" He asked.

"Was there ever a time when there wasn't?" I asked, and he smiled.

He did not let me move. Instead, he moved me himself, not wanting to let me push myself more than I should have. I took his hand, and I leaned on his chest.

It was a better sleeping potion that the one Maester mixed my water with.