Home. But not really. I couldn't stay in Sanctuary. Too many memories. Every day I prolonged my stay there they seeped deeper in my pours, suffocating me. Weak. Directionless. Days after I wasn't a lone wanderer anymore, I decided to settle here. A boathouse near the city boarder. How charming. After a little clean up duty I claimed it as my own. That's how it rolls in the Commonwealth. The lake surrounding it almost looked magical from where I was standing - if you could forget the fact it could kill a man within minutes without proper protection. Come to think of it, I always wanted a lakeside home. Funny how life works out, wouldn't you agree? Home. But not really.
'There you are, boy!' My dog ran up to me. I used my silly voice. 'Where you a good boy while we were out? Did you protect our base from evil raiders? Did ya?' I gave him a playful pat on the head and tickled his ears.
MacCready rolled his eyes at the scene when he walked past us. He placed his rifle in the corner next to the door, threw his jacket on the sofa and sat down. 'Glad this day is over again.' he sighed.
I walked passed him sitting in our living room. The adjacent room was set up as a kitchen area. At that time it was still really important for me to still have some sort of normality. I grabbed two glasses from the self. A stiff drink a long rest, that was all I needed now to close off for the day. Yet another bad habit I had picked up after my awakening, but there was little room to care anymore.
I turn on the radio. Classical station. A little Liszt to ease the pain. Here we go. He still sat there, but he had now placed his feet on top of my coffee table. Dirty army boots still on. What part of the inner housewife that still remained was probably screaming out in agony. Oh, the torture. But I let it slide. I walked up behind him; I was too much of a coward to pose the question that's been on my mind the whole way home face to face. In my belly I felt a nervous ball of electricity spin around. But I was almost certain you couldn't tell by looking at me. Or see it in my eyes. The more I thought about starting my sentence, muttering the first word, the more my legs felt like they were made out of lead.
'Look, about earli-'
'What about earlier?' He couldn't have possibly replied faster! He glanced next to him.
I grinned. 'Behind you.' He looked up at me, hands folded over his belly.
'There you are!' He playfully replied.
'Glasses? Nice, I could kill for a drink.' He evaded my question. But hell, what did I expect. I glanced at the cupboard for drinks. Empty. Best timing ever.
'Nothing apparently. We're all out.' I replied stern. Second try. 'So about what you said -'
'Don't despair... When you weren't looking I snatched us a little somethin' somethin'.' He bent over and searched through his leather bag placed at his feet.
I recognized the fancy bottle of scotch immediately. There were stray bottles to be found in the wastes, sure. But none of them were quite as expensive and rare as the one he was holding triumphantly up right now. Smug smile thrown in as a bonus. Typical.
'Did you steal this from Hancock's office? Oh dear lord...'
I rubbed the skin between my eyebrows furiously. With a brief tug I pulled his cap over his eyes.
'And you accuse me of having no soul...' I couldn't help but smile at him, forgiving him instantly. But I knew Hancock wouldn't do the same so easily. With a lot of unneeded dramatic gestures, he adjusted his hat back in place. I loved how it always annoyed him when I messed around with it.
'Oh please... and everything you see here has been acquired in an honest way?' He chuckled. 'Less talking, more drinking!'
He scooted over so I had room to sit next to him. I sat down but this time we weren't as close like a few hours ago. Secretly I wanted it to be. It felt right somehow. Comforting. Safe. A little bit exciting.
'I'm serious.' I pushed back the bottle against his chest. No mercy. If I had to treat him like a child, so be it. 'Tell me first, then we can drink.' This was it. My last stand.
'Look, I'm sorry. Just forget about it. It was stupid. Can you drop it?' He calmly explained himself, but I still got the impression he disliked me asking questions about it.
That couldn't be it. There was more to it. I felt it. I saw it. Don't bullshit a bullshitter.
'Don't apologize. I didn't think it was stupid.'
Our eyes locked. My hands laid relaxed on the sofa, close to his. By now I was nervous enough to do provoke a reaction. Step over a line. Do something unusual. Take the leap. I carefully brushed my fingers against his. A small gesture to show how much I care. He allows it for a few seconds and then hesitantly pulls away.
'What's wrong?' Afraid I crossed a line I wouldn't be able to smoothen out later, I backed off instantly.
'It's... you remind me so much of her. Of Lucy. In a way, it's the best thing that could ever happen to me. It's just so confusing, you know?'
I felt like a dick. But in a weird and distasteful way, I also felt like an owner of a very lucky lottery ticket. Numbers just in, ladies and gentlemen! Since I had no idea what to say, I just stared at him. Wish I had that drink right about now. Lucky for me, he wasn't done talking.
'I loved her so much. We had it all and...' He bowed his head and rubbed his forehead. The urge to put my arms around him and comfort him until hell freezes over washed over me, but I hesitated. It would be distasteful.
'... then she died. Everything was lost. I told you this before. It's just...'
He sat back up, turned his body to me. A million red flags flew before my eyes. I shouldn't have made a move like that. It just wasn't the place nor the time. What was I thinking...
'Cath, I don't want the same thing happening to us.'
He grabbed my knee and pulled it against his. I could tell by the tone of his voice he was nervous and not joking around. My knee dangled back and forth awkwardly when he started to caress it gently. I clenched my teeth. When I bowed my head, our foreheads touched. For a few seconds we just sat there and I listened to his unsteady breathing.
'I won't allow it.' Someone had to break the silence, might as well be me. And I meant every damn word I told him. I brought my hand up behind his neck. Softly I caressed the back with my thumb.
'Never. You hear me?' I whispered. My voice trembled, I couldn't help it. We never discussed these things directly. And now that we finally did, my whole body refused to accept this scenario as a possible outcome.
When our lips touched for the first time, it was as if I sank away into the sofa. I saw myself floating on an ocean, spreading my arms wide open, my fingers barely brushing the waters. I pulled him closer, like the way I sometimes caught myself thinking about lately. After a long kiss on the lips our mouths slowly opened and our tongues met. Searching for our own rhythm. Tasting. Teasing a little. He clearly was experienced, but rusty. Rusty like I was. Overwhelmed by the kiss, I slowly laid down and guided him on top of me, so he could place himself between my legs.
Aside from the feint sound of the radio still playing in the kitchen, all you could hear was the brushing of the fabric of our clothes against each other.
This was really happening. It's been so long. Since... since. Oh god. My heartbeat was out of control. It pounded wildly in my chest, I thought it was going to burst out of my ribcage. My hands were cold, I hoped he didn't mind. I put my arms around his shoulders and kissed him deeper, couldn't resist to bite on his lip for a second.
Suddenly the reality slapped me in the face. Roughly, palm flat. I could almost feel the tingling aftermath on my cheek. The last person I fucked was my husband. But my body was screaming, almost crying out in despair for more. More of his touch, more of his tongue. More of his closeness; the kind of closeness that I missed. I pushed my hips desperately against his, begging for him to continue. He kissed my jaw line and let his left hand slide from the top of my shoulder all the way over my side. He stopped on my hip. I didn't want to make a sound, but a soft moan escaped my lips. He lifted up my shirt a little, touching my bare skin. His hands were so warm, a bit rugged. It felt so right. But this nagging voice in the back of my head was judging me, looking down upon the scenery with disgust.
Like a wave graciously rolling on its end on the beach, the slithering of our bodies pressed together continued. Legs sliding over each other playfully, hands thirsty for patches of needy skin. His little beard tickled my face. But no matter how much I squirmed under him, I couldn't find a comfortable position.
'Couch... too small.' He whispered against my collarbone, reading my mind. I saw a shy smile I never seen before. So unusual.
He stood up and took my hand. I immediately noticed just how excited he already was. That didn't take long. When I stood up from the sofa my legs felt like they were made out of spaghetti. My head was spinning, I couldn't believe this was happening. It all escalated so fast. There was no time to wonder if this was a mistake or not. He didn't allow it. He cupped my face and kissed me. Without breaking our embrace, we swayed around in the chamber, eyes closed. Mesmerized by our kiss, I noticed too late I bumped against the dresser. Loudly. A variety of items I placed on top of it clattered on the wooden floor. He didn't care. I nearly lost my footing on a casing of shotgun shells. In the heat of the moment I quickly cleared the dresser of the remaining items with one clean sweep. With a rather elegant move, I placed myself on top of it, facing him.
I grabbed his hips and pulled him roughly against me, wrapping my legs around his waist.
'Whoa there...' he spoke with a husky voice. 'So you like it wild?' He looked at me intently; exactly like he did past afternoon on the rooftop of Hubris Comics.
'Nice.' Not an ounce of shame. His voice made me feel drunk, like my mind was numb.
I giggled nervously, but I wished I hadn't. He pushed me against the wall. When I craned my head to the side he kissed my neck, working his way down to my chest. Little, short kisses. One by one, he began unbuttoning my dark green army shirt. It's been so long since anyone did this to me. I shoved away the little nagging voice as deep away as I possible mentally could. I want this. Now.
When he undid the last button, I felt how my breasts were almost fully exposed to him. Only a little piece of fabric dangled from the sides. Boiling, seething lava poured over my chest. Raw, pure, desire. Nothing more, nothing less. I flicked his hat on the floor and ran my fingers wildly through his hair, kissing his neck. He seemed to like it by the sound he made. A naughty chuckle followed by a deep, enjoyable moan.
I wanted to watch him nibble on my nipples but the thought was just too much for me, so I did the next best thing. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation. His tongue danced around my nipple, teasingly licking it, stopping for a second then sucking on it again. It drove me mad.
'You tease...' I spoke with a shudder in my voice, while I tugged on his hair every time it became too much for me to bare.
'I aim to please.'
My legs tensed up, all the way to my toes. For a moment I believed I was able to cum by this act alone. He kept going, caressing my breasts with his warm hands. The sensation was overwhelming, almost maddening.
'You have really beautiful breasts...' he spoke softly. I lift his chin up to face me and smiled at him. I brought him up to my face me and kissed him. Leaded by my curiosity, I started undoing his shirt. He fumbled with my belt and my hands instantly followed his, helping him release me from my jeans. Hastily I wiggled myself out of my pants while I couldn't wipe the smirk of my face.
He turned me around and ran the palm of his hand from my neck all over my spine. All I can think of is the pleasure that awaits me. I wanted to feel something real. Be admired, be loved. I listen to the sound of a of his belt buckle unlocking, shortly followed by it falling on the ground.
'I want it...' I moan, while I try to find a grip with my hands. I grab hold of the dresser and lean down. I'm so impatient. I look down, between my open legs and see his belt laying on the ground. All I can think of is feeling him inside me, filling me. Making love with me. Forgetting everything. Feeling alive, being buried by this moment. Forgetting the world.
When he entered me I couldn't make a sound. Voiceless. It hurt a little. He placed his hands around my neck. So hot. He clenched it a little, just a little. I could only produce a hitched breath that would go on for several second. My ears grew deaf. He thrusts, slowly. All I could think of was how much I secretly wanted this to happen on several occasions. In the back of a bar. He thrusts again, faster. Against the wall of a lost alley. Faster. In a hotel somewhere. The fantasies were endless. And it was happening right now. I start pleasuring myself. He releases his grip from my neck and slides his hands over my breasts, squeezing my nipples. I close my eyes and adjust even more to his rhythm. He grabs my hips in a tight grip. My sight becomes blurred and I let myself get lost...
'Yes! Almost...' I moan loudly. I listen to his ragged breathing. I bend over a little more. Almost...
When I come, every vein in my body sizzles with excitement. My body unloads a tremendous amount of pressure and my muscles relax instantly. I feel him come shortly after. I'm out of breath, out of emotions. Out of things to feel, to think about. Empty.
He rests his head against my shoulder blade, breathing so fast. Oh so fast. When he places his hand on my back, I feel he is trembling. He slowly backs away from me and pulls up his jeans.
I turn around, a bit shaky; my footing was unsteady. He flips my hair to the side and places a soft kiss on my collarbone. I breathe heavily through my nose, trying to regain some sort of normal breathing. With his thumb he caressed my cheekbone.
'That... was amazing.' With the sweetest smile, he studied me. 'Are you... all right?'
He took a blanket and wrapped it around me, holding it closely shut tight in front of my chest.
'Yes...' I replied faintly. 'I loved it.' I still wonder why I felt shy in that moment. But I really did love it. It was everything I needed at the time. I looked him straight in the eye.
'So... you want to have that drink now?'
'Oh man... you'll be the end of me.'