AN: HELLO EVERYONE, LONG TIME NO SEE. Yeah, sorry. School and shit. Y'all know the drill.
*insert standard disclaimer here*
21. Please remember before you steal the coffee that you are on a military base full of caffeine addicted jar heads that will not hesitate to HUNT YOU DOWN.
( Even I have a gun.)
(By the time we're done with you, you'll wish you had just been sent to the brig.)
(Leo, Miles)
22. Yes, the Decepticons are the dark side, but they don't have any cookies!
(Stop telling that to the base kids! Especially Annabelle!)
(Besides, even if they did have cookies, they'd be some bullshit like oatmeal raisin or something.)
(Because Cons are evil and they need evil cookies.)
23. Whenever Sam's parents visit, don't threaten their dogs.
(Judy's started to bring a bat with her.)
(And she will not hesitate to use it.)
(And if you ignore this rule, Ratchet has informed me that he will not treat any 'Bot stupid enough to do so.)
(IRONHIDE, Sunstreaker, IRONHIDE, Starscream, IRONHIDE, Skywarp, Barricade, oh, and IRONHIDE.)
24. Kira is the pride and joy of all the seekers on base.
(They absolutely adore her.)
(Even Starscream.)
(Especially Starscream.)
(If you do anything to hurt her, accidentally or on purpose, you better hope you have your will written out.)
(... Watch out for Skyfire...)
25. RAVAGE IS NOT A CAT.
(Enough said really.)
(You will end up in Med Bay if you treat him like one.)
(And I will laugh.)
26. Remember to use headphones when on your computer.
(The walls in the Soldier's Quarters are NOT soundproof.)
(There's a reason that Sam and Miles have all but moved into Barricade's stupid hanger.)
(And Kira bunks with the seekers in theirs.)
(I've turned the room next to my office into my room. It was already connected anyways.)
(Nananananana, I HAVE AN EN SUITE AND YOU DON'T~~)
27. Don't spike any of the drinks.
(That includes the energon.)
(While it is hilarious to watch a bunch of overcharged Transformers wander around, some of them are prone to falling over.)
(This is not a good thing when you are a tiny, squishable human being.)
(Leo, Epps, Chevy Twins.)
28. Just because I have a bum shoulder doesn't mean I can't kick your ass.
(Leo challenged me. I accepted.)
(Five seconds later, he was on the ground groaning.)
(Ironhide almost fell over, he was laughing so hard.)
(Optimus just shook his head and went back to work.)
(Ultra Magnus chuckled!)
(SCORE!)
(...*coughs embarrassedly*...)
29. If you mess up, you're on paperwork duty.
(Even the autobots. You have holoforms for a reason dammit.)
(I'd do it myself but my shoulder can't take it.)
(That and I'm lazy.)
(Reggie can't 'cuz he's old.)
(Simmons: It's a wonder how you managed to stay in S.H.I.E.L.D. for so long.)
(I was too good at my job for them to care.)
30. NO CONFETTI CANNONS.
(Not even on birthdays!)
(It gets into the 'bots gears, and under their armor, and is a pain in the chassis to get out.
HOLIDAY RULES!
31. Don't tell the cybertronians about Santa. Especially Red Alert.
(But if it does happen to slip out, look around for small children so they're not traumatized for life, then tell whichever bot you were talking to that Santa is not actually real.)
(Seriously though, make sure there's no kids around.)
(We can't afford the therapy.)
32. No more drunk Christmas Kareoke.
(Simmons really likes Egg Nogg.)
(*whistles innocently*)
33. Fruit cake is no longer allowed on base.
(People were throwing it at eachother instead of eating it.)
(Someone got a concussion.)
(... Gross.)
34. Humans: Do NOT attempt to make a cybertronian sized snowman.
(It will end in tears and broken bones.)
35. If I see you decorating Ironhide in garlands and tensel while he's in recharge, please remember that I have gone temporarily blind.
(When your screams of terrors begin, please remember that I have also gone temporarily deaf and will not be able to save you from his wrath.)
( If you ask nicely enough, Optimus will let you hang a wreath from his altmode's grill.)
36. Don't mention Christmas to Ratchet or he'll throw a wrench at you.
(All the junk food makes him grumpier than usual.)
37. No more candy cane shivs.
(Not after what happened to Leo last week.)
(We dare not speak of it.)
38. Don't hang the Casseticons from the christmas tree.
(It annoys Soundwave.)
(Laserbeak makes a great star though.)
39. Christmas Carols are the bane of my existense.
(If I hear 'Ruldolph the red-nosed reindeer' or 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town' one more time, I'm gonna have an aneurysm.)
(Every person I see even HUMMING a christmas carol is going on paperworl duty for a week.)
(Am I abusing the authority granted by my position?... Yeah, probably.)
(Too bad I don't give a fuck.)
40. STOP DECORATING THE BASE WITH OTHER CYBERTRONIANS.
(PRIMUS. HOW HARD OF A CONCEPT IS THAT TO COMPREHEND?!)
(And don't decorate with humans either.)
(The glue you guys use makes us itch.)
AN2: Well, what'd you guys think? I'm a very slow updater, sorry.