AN: HEY GUYS, ENJOY THE LAST CHAPTER!? YOU THOUGHT MY ONE SHOT WAS HORRIBLE AND SPAZZY AND I SHOULD NEVER TOUCH A KEYBOARD AGAIN? WELL FUCK YOU TOO.
To those who did like it, I give you my humblest of thanks. ENJOY~
PLEASE REMEMBER TO SEND IN RULES AND REQUESTS. I HAVE THE COMEDIC GENIUS OF A NON-HALLUCOGENIC MUSHROOM.
*insert standard disclaimer here*
46. Make sure I remember to take my medication EVERY morning.
(NOTHING WILL GET DONE, OKAY! NOTHING.)
(I WILL DO ANYTHING I CAN TO GET OUT OF DOING PAPERWORK.)
(So, whenever my trusty sidekick Ultra Magnus isn't here, I need all the help I can get.)
(I usually bribe Simmons before hand. I've got shit to do, all right?)
47. Do NOT let me mix Red Bull and Nyquil.(Courtesy of the wonderful serenabishop97. I thank you kindly for your contribution.)
(Okay, in my defense, I was half-delirious with the fucking plague or something.)
(This was traumatizing for involved, okay? Even me.)
(One day, a month or so ago, I woke up feeling like a peice of shit. Like... not even fresh shit, kay? Old, moldy cat shit that you should have picked up last week but forgot about until just now.)
(Wonderful image huh?)
(Anyway, I woke up this one particular day feeling and looking like a gerbil chewed me up and spit me out, and I was tired. So tired. And Cold. I did not want anything to do with the world beyond my nice, warm bed.)
(But of course, I just had to have a job where I'd actually be missed if I didn't come in. I was in utter DESPAIR. I had the "I don't wanna"s.)
(But then I remembered I had some Nyquil still hiding in one of my suitcases. But that would just put me to sleep right? Couldn't have that right? Too much shit to do.)
(Of course, for some reason I'm still not sure of, I found a redbull in that same suitcase. I don't why it was in there, seeing as I don't really like the stuff, but whatever.)
(So, in all the logic that is granted to someone on their deathbed such as I, which is NONE btw, I figured it'd be a good idea to mix the two.)
(I would later regret this desision. And so would everyone else.)
(I still don't remember what all I did but...I THINK I flirted with Magnus.)
(I'm pretty sure, because he was acting super awkward the next day. Enough for even me, in my illness induced haze, to notice. He was nice enough to do some of my paperwork during my extended stay in the Hatchet's tender care.)
(Primus bless him.)
48. If I see you touching any of my books without my express permission, consider yourself on paperwork duty and be ready to move into the brig.
(I'm VERY protective of my books. I've had too many people borrow a book from me before and either not give it back or return it utterly destroyed.)
(Don't even bother asking about the books in the one with glass doors. Most, if not all, of those are fifty years old at least.)
(I have a display case for my copy of the Secret Garden. It's over one hundred years old.)
(I'm very proud.)
49. DO quote your favorite movies!~ (Anyone who can name the movie Kathy's quotes are from gets a free oneshot on any rule of their choice, present or future.)
("Boy, you so skinny that if you turned sideways and stuck your tounge out, you'd look like a zipper!" I say this to Sam all the time.)
("You got something sporty? You know, like a tuna? " I said this when I met Optimus Prime and Ironhide. Will burst out laughing and Ironhide began growling. Optimus didn't get it. I was then introduced to Ultra Magnus.)
(Leo asked for some suggestions for avoiding Ironhide, this is after the Popcorn incident, and I very cheerfully stated, "Yeah. Don't get shot!")
("You are a bureaucrat, are you not? Judging from your diminished physique, greasy fingers, and large forehead, you are suited for nothing else!" I said this to Galloway last week. I changed it to fit, but the soul is still there.)
50. No taking the kids for joy rides without permission!
(SERIOUSLY. It was bad enough when it was just the grounders doing it, but now the seekers are too!)
(Guys, regular pilots wear masks up there for a reason!)
51. No falling asleep during meetings. (A little thing about Kathy/Magnus that was requested by the amazing Shadow Night Prime. Thank you!)
(I fell asleep during last week's meeting with Galloway and General Morshower. I don't get enough sleep, so they just left me there. Galloway was about to blow a gasket apparently.)
(Magnus carried me back to my room/office using his holoform, which btw, is smoking. I mean... DAMN. ANYWAY. He carried back to my office and left me on the overstuffed couch I have in there to make it look more 'welcoming.' I couldn't afford to store any of the shit from my old apartment so I took it all with me. Most of it's a storage room here on base now.)
(... If I ever find out who drew on my face with a sharpie, you're fucking dead.)
52. "What Does the Fox Say" and flash mobs are forever banned at parties. (Shadow Night Prime. )
(I will admit... this was not my idea. It was Will's. But oh my GOD was it brilliant.)
(It was the Halloween party right? And us humans decided it'd be funny to play a prank on the bots. You know, a 'trick'? Well. It worked. And it was GLORIOUS.)
(Sarah and I came dressed as foxes right at the start. Same costume and everything. We pretended to get into a "OH MY GOD SHE'S WEARING THE SAME OUTFIT THAT BITCH" fight. The 'bots, in holoform of course, were just STARING at us in utter horror, because Sarah and I are pretty much best friends. Except Magnus, because he already knew. He was just shaking his head at us.)
(That's when the music started. And oh primus was it amazing. I started dancing, than Sarah, Will, and Epps. Miles shouted "FLASH MOB!" Everyone else joined in after putting on their fox ears.)
(We got Optimus to laugh! YUS! He was laughing so hard by the time it was over, so overcame by the ridiculousness and insanity that we were.)
(We were so proud of ourselves.)
53. Don't interrupt me during my Holiday movie marathon!
(It's my way of getting into the spirit of christmas.)
(I watch such classics as Home Alone, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer, and... Barbie & The Nutcracker. Shut up.)
54. Don't eat the decorations.
(Sam, Leo, Epps, Will, and any other being able to consume popcorn and gingerbread cookies.)
(Miles and I spent HOURS making those cookies and hanging them on the tree! Don't even bring up stringing the popcorn!)
55. No gag gifts or 'ticking' boxes.
(If Red Alert glitches one more time, human or not, Ratchet's gonna send you to the scrap heap.)
AN2: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! To people who don't celebrate Christmas, Happy *insert holiday here*
Now let me sing you the song of my people, AKA Let me Write you an Essay. I just want to explain somethings about this story, just in case people are confused.
PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW WHO ULTRA MAGNUS IS: You guys are most likely ones who have only ever seen the movies, which he is not in. If there is one trait I could use to describe him, it's Loyalty. Ultra Magnus is extremely loyal to the Autobots. In G1, he thought himself nothing but a soldier ready to defend his cause. He's very powerful and respected, even among the Decepticons. In TF:A, he was the Supreme Leader of all Autobots. He did not sugar coat. If he didn't like you, he told you. If you were doing something wrong, he told you. If you did something right, he told you. He knew when it was a good time to administer praise AND criticisms. And in Prime, the most recent show, he is one of Optimus Prime's closest lieutenants. Practically second-in-command, really. He got a little hung up on protocol though. In my story, Ultra Magnus is a mix of all three of these things. These are the only shows I've seen. I like him a lot and I'll you why in the next paragraph.
ON THE KATHY/ULTRA MAGNUS THING: I'm not sure where I'm going with this yet, though I'm pretty sure it's gonna end up in a relationship as some 'Imprints' do. If you don't know what Imprinting is, go read LunarLacrimosa's story by the same name. I have permission to use the concept.
Anyway, why I think Ultra Kathy is a good couple. Kathy is Me. I am Kathy. She is my self-insert into the world of Transformers. The only thing different between us her age, weight, and height. I have a filter, she doesn't give a fuck. She's what I wish I could be, really. Does that mean I'm trying to make her perfect and everyone likes her? No. That's not realistic, there's going to be some people who don't like her, whether it's readers or people in the actual story. Galloway doesn't like her, but of course he doesn't like anybody. She's loud, sarcastic, obnoxious, tries too hard, crude, and isn't very good at interacting with people. But she's also caring, intuitive, intelligent, and hardworking. She knows when it's time to play and when it's time to sit down, shut up, and do shit. She doesn't mind breaking a few rules if it gets shit done.
Which is why Ultra Magnus is good for her. They balance each other out. He's a workaholic, and she makes him take breaks. Sometimes, she forgets to eat and he brings her food. Just continue reading this and I'm hoping you'll see what I mean eventually.
AN3: WELL, I HOPE THAT CLEARED THINGS UP A LITTLE TO ALL WHO MIGHT HAVE BEEN CONFUSED.